I’m free! But at the same time, I feel like my purpose has been pulled out from under me. Knowing I don’t have anywhere to be today - or tomorrow, or the day after that...etc - is strange. At the end of Year 11 it was ok, because I knew that I would return to my school for sixth form after summer. Now I am only returning to my school to collect my results before I spread my wings and go to university.
I don’t have this pressure any more, but my subconscious is paranoid that I will get poor grades, even though I have worked consistently hard for two years, because I had disappointing exams. Indeed, my first night of freedom consisted of an unpleasant dream in which I only got a B in French (not bad at all but I consistently have been my teachers’ hopes for their first ever A* at A level) and C’s, D’s and E’s in my other subjects, so everyone was judging me. They were disappointed and so was I.
I do have some plans for the summer - I am going to London and Cambridge to do some work experience in July and I want to read as much as I can, get back into drawing and regain my love of chemistry ready for uni. I might find some cheap flights and go to... wherever for a weekend. A day trip to Dublin sounds fun. I might learn to drive.
If you too have survived the horrors of A levels 2019, I congratulate you and sincerely hope you get what you have worked so hard for. Now let’s go and find a social life 😂