What Is My Biology - Blog Posts
Ok, I’m immortal. I’ve fallen off so many cliffs that my adrenaline doesn’t even kick in anymore, I’ve accidentally ingested 5X the lethal dose of caffeine, I’ve accidentally drank bleach and wasn’t even nauseous (I said ‘2/10, wouldn’t try again’), Ive lost so much blood that I should’ve been at the ER but was just fine and cleaned it up, I’ve been hit by a semi truck (only like 25MPH tho, I still got knocked pretty far) and got up and was just really dizzy, etc.
I thought it was luck, but the lethal doses scratched that out. I thought it was plot armor, that was obviously out the window pretty quick. I thought it was one of the Eldritch deities I have the favor of (don’t ask, I’m not really sure how it happened either.) they didn’t do it. I was so confused… until I remembered
I always say ‘I LIVE OUT OF PURE SPITE FOR REALITY’
I CAN LITERALLY INFLUENCE REALITY IF I PUT IN ENOUGH EFFORT BUT I DIDNT REALIZE I COULD JUST FORCE SOME RULES OF REALITY TO NOT APPLY TO ME
IVE BEEN LITERALLY IMMORTAL OUT OF SPITE SINCE I WAS NINE- HOW DID THIS HAPPEN????
You ever look at your genetics and go “how the ever living FUCK did this happen” because I am directly descended from the strongest Old Ireland clan and the second strongest Scottish clan… ON OPPOSITE SIDES??? I’m double Celtic royalty-
I’m so stupidly tall, and then I’m also pretty sure I’m developing gigantism… I’m 5’11” STILL GROWING AND THEN THERES GIGANTISM?? I don’t wanna be like 8 feet tall bro- a normal house is already a lot and a custom built house would cost my kidney-
The only reason I look like I’m not starving is that extra mass isn’t body fat, no no no, that’s pure MUSCLE-
Ya know how most little kids are chihuahuas, because they don’t have strength for their rage? WELL I WAS A DAMNED TASMANIAN DEVIL BECAUSE I SOMEHOW KNEW A BUNCH OF WEAK POINTS AND FIGHTING TACTICS WITHOUT LEARNING???? Was I James Bond in a past life or some shit???
My molars are sharp…molars as in THE HERBIVORE TEETH. I’ve tried looking it up and didn’t get an answer, I EVEN ASKED MY DENTIST AND THEY COULDNT COME UP WITH A SURE FIRE ANSWER EITHER??
I have that weird mutation that makes it so I can consume other peoples blood without worry. How do I know this? One time my bestie scraped her elbow and when I was looking at it my autism brain made me automatically lick it- I was like “did- did I just eat your blood-??” And she was like “yeah- I think so-“ and we both proceeded to burst out laughing.
My favorite part of my fucked genetics: MY JOINTS! I simultaneously have joint pain and am hyper flexible- (my jaw can also unhinge without damage but ignoring that-) so sometimes I bend 2 degrees and my spine dissipates, other times I can CONTORT TO FIT INTO A FUCKING CLOTHING DRYER???? my bestie knows that and the fact that it’s my favorite hide and seek spot and we always cackle at people’s faces when they FINALLY find me- 😭