Well Im Off To Cry I Guess - Blog Posts

one thing i find absolutely fascinating about the griddlehark dynamic and specifically gideon's relationship to her sacrifice/harrow's ascension

bc recall that at the end of gtn, the very last thing she says to harrow before fence time is

at this point, gideon seemingly understands that harrow doesn't actually want to become a lyctor *at the cost of gideon's life.* gideon fully understands that to harrow, losing gideon is the worst thing that could happen. the CRUELLEST thing in harrows life, when gideon is intimately familiar with the lifetime of cruelty that harrow has already endured. she's sacrificing herself so that harrow (and secondarily cam lol) can live, fully aware that this is something that she's doing TO harrow, not FOR her.

and yet we get to htn and gideon seemingly can't comprehend that harrow would try to reverse the lyctorhood process in service of saving her life. she thinks that harrow doesn't want to accept her sacrifice because she hates owing gideon anything. which is the opposite of what "the cruellest thing that anyone has ever done to you" implies.

i think the simplest answer is that gideon severely lacks emotional permanence. gideon and harrow got along for like a week at canaan house. it's been months and months since then, months where harrow isn't affirming her devotion to gideon because she literally doesn't remember that gideon exists. and i think that's another crucial piece - gideon wanted to go out in a blaze of glory, she wanted to matter to harrow for the rest of eternity, she wanted to be missed, because she has no conception of what a healthy interpersonal relationship looks like. can't wait to see whether gideon is ever going to understand harrows lobotomy the way that harrow experienced it - as the ultimate expression of love and devotion and grief.

the griddlehark reunion is going to make me ugly cry for days.