Thoughts - Blog Posts
No sé ni dónde comenzar a explicar el sentimiento que tengo por dentro. Empieza en la cabeza, dónde mis pensamientos en vorágine sólo se golpean unos con otros, compiten para ver cuál es más real que el otro; y si tan sólo los condenados fueran positivos o aportaran algo, me traen más sufrimiento que realidad a mi existencia.
Continúa por mi cara, mis ojos no dejan de llenarse de lágrimas cada vez que pueden, de manera instintiva quedan aguados cada vez que mi problemática cabeza le da vueltas a las mismas frases que me enloquecen y no me dejan dormir, mi garganta está agotada de apretarse por culpa de los gritos y llantos ahogados.
Mis hombros rígidos, mi espalda adolorida, mis brazos cansados de tanto luchar, de nadar en contra de la marea. Mi pecho, moviéndose al ritmo de mis respiraciones irregulares y latidos acelerados, pidiendo perdón como si fuese su culpa estar así cuando me paralizo. Mi estómago se retuerce, tengo días sin comer bien y quisiera poder saborear algo diferente al desagrado que siento.
El sentimiento se esparce con rapidez, se adueña de las pocas partes funcionales de mi vida y me deja desanimada, sin ganas de nada, porque lidiar con lo que ocurre a mi alrededor al mismo tiempo que lo que pasa en mi interior es agotador. Lidiar con esta sensación de querer correr pero no saber a dónde, de quedarme pero sentir que no encajo, de estar justo al borde del abismo con ganas de saltar pero preguntándome si tal vez no sería mejor sentarme y observar antes de que todo acabe.
No sé qué hacer para que todos mis días dejen de ser así. Me duele sentirme así.
Estoy cansada de que mis manos tiemblen y llenarme de angustia porque si se dan cuenta es probable que me rompa, que explote en pequeños pedazos y quedé vulnerable ante todo, que mis piezas queden en lugares donde no pueda alcanzarlos.
Espero poder dormir bien.
-EK
question i would ask you but i can't
you said you were sorry, but did you say it cause you meant it or cause I was leaving?
Hear me out
So Tiresias said “I see you draw your final breath, I see a man who gets to make it home alive, but it’s no longer you”
Odysseus has already drawn his final breath
Whoever is going to kill the suiters is not Odysseus, or at least not the same one.
Whoever will return to Penelope and Telemachus isn’t the same Odysseus who hesitated to kill a cyclops, they aren’t the same Odysseus who escaped Circe’s wrath by talking about his wife.
A monster will return to Ithaca
But Odysseus has already died on the journey to there
Idk if he died at the end of monster, due to different beast, or in those seven years with Calypso, but the Odysseus who heard that prophecy isn’t here anymore.
He has already drawn his final breath.
(Idk if anyone alr tought of this but i started thinking of this at dinner and was like holy shit so i had to share)
They're Jealous Scenarios!
Han Solo: Maybe he was mistaken. He could've sworn he could see you speaking to one of the Resistance Pilots, a little smile cropped onto your gorgeous face. The same smile that you give him when he retorts with a snarky comment or a sardonic (playful) insult. And if that was correct, and he is 99.9% sure it is, why is it projected toward this bum?
With an adrenaline rush, he strides over to the pair of you, cutting your stupid conversation in two. Han's arm finds it's way to your upper back as he inserts himself into the interaction. He glares at the guy, his gaze too intense to match with that goofy grin on his face, which seems so out of place "I'm sure this is a lovely conversation, but we gotta go, bigger fish to fry. Don't we, sweetheart?" Then, he's tugging you away before you can reply. He wraps his arm around your shoulder, keeping you close to him.
The feeling that shot through him at the sight of you, so close to someone else, when you really did not need to be, it made his blood boil. "What kinda business do ya got with a guy like that, anyway?" Han's tone was firm, he really wanted to hear your answer. "None! I know that, it was just a conversation, Han." He scoffed and threw up his arms, almost defensively. "You just said it, none! You got no business talking to a bum like that! Come on, you're so much more than what you make yourself out to be, love." You frown but hug him anyways, sighing heavily.
Anakin Skywalker: He knew the feeling of jealousy well, too well. One might even call them friends and lovers. You, were his light, his angel, his sweetness. But he knew what was not what other guys saw in you, of course not, they saw you as something too low, a mere object. You were so much more, you had value, you had brightness, you shine, like the sun.
So when he could clearly see you being flirted with, flattered and random men in your vicinity, too close, and the clearly uncomfortable body language of yours, his mind went into husband mode, protectiveness, instinct to make you smile again, he moved over to the men. His gaze was like daggers, and threatening, those blue eyes that were the symbols of love, adoration, devotion and unspeakable, unwavering commitment to you, replaced by threats, searing jealousy and protection. He asked the men a simple question, "What do you think you're doing? Can't you see they are uncomfortable? Huh?" The men scrambled and spoke overlapping about their reasonings but Anakin couldn't hear more than, "We just wanted to show them a good time."
Within those few seconds, rage. All he could see was red. He used the force to send them flying back with ferocity. Once they hit a wall, he bent his fingers ever so slightly, force-choking them. But once you protested, he stopped. The men scurried off like mice. He turned back to you, seeing your face, no longer tainted by uncomfortability and now happiness, happiness because the guys were gone. "Thank you, Ani." He smiles, those pearly blue eyes melting into soft orbs of adorability. Oh, how, he loved you and it showed.
Kylo Ren: Supreme Leader Kylo Ren had faults. Flaws. Everyone knew that. To name a few: Anger issues, possessiveness and protection-issues and jealousy. He trained himself, he had such discipline and a higher goal to be like Vader that he always found himself being told off by you to slow down. Not work too hard.
You resemble to him, his mother. You carried such qualities of determination, hope, gentleness but a tendency to become firm if need be, and you always remained honest to him. Always.
However, that did not mean that everyone saw this in you. Frequently a group of women or men would hit on you, and it always ended in a fight. Because someone said something biting to him or you, and Kylo lost it. He always promised to you that he couldn't help it, and you knew this. The situation now with one of your higher ranking officials was getting out of hand and you were solving it, your own way. And you knew if Kylo had seen, it would become worse and violent.
The officer of yours seemed to not be getting the hint from your calm and collected words and you felt the anger boil in your blood and the officer said something insensitive and in a blinding flash, something black soared past you and knocked down the officer to the floor like a bowling ball hitting pins. It happened so fast, the officer couldn't even let out a scream, or a yelp. And when the moment past and your mind caught up to the situation, it was Kylo. You were frozen, and did not react immediately but when you did, Kylo was heaving, the officer's face was like something a scene from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but you scrambled to take Kylo away before the officer was dead. You called a medic and ran away. You did not even have to ask him what the hell that was, he was already talking.
"I can't believe the disrespect and vulgar language you get. They are tools, but they think that they are have potential to be more. My love, you're no object, you know? Not for anyone's pathetic usage, you're a person, and you're mine. My love, my beauty and my life. Always." He says before capturing your lips in a fierce kiss, with an underlying tenderness.
.
.
.
i love you. i know i say it enough times that it annoys you but i really do. even when i am angry at the world i can never be angry at it for giving me you. i desperately wish i could take your pain away and engulf it in my bones. i am always here. and even if you think you won't, i think that you'll be better off without me. that doesn't mean i'm leaving tho, i have always been kind of selfish. i look at you and something swells in my chest. i love you. i hope you're okay. i hope you like me. i hope you love me. i hope that i'm in your mind even for a fraction of a second. i hope i bring you as much happiness as you bring me. i hope you get to come to my funeral.
Kabhi kabhi mai bhi mast lagta hu....😌😅
Human beings...Kindly stay away from me...🚨
I am not a good human being.....
Yes...i love to talk if someone shows interest kn it..😌
I have no problem texting first as long as you make me feel you wanna talk.
Yaar kabhi kabhi mai excitement me kuchh bhi kar deta hu phir baad me dimag me aata hai yaar ye maine kya kiya phir regret hota hai....
Kisi se baat karne ke baad sach me dil halka ho jaata hai....😌
Govt. should provide me three year course on " Detachment "
pta nhi kyu mujhe aajkal real life logo se irritations si hoti hai....
we don't need a lot of people in life to feel loved and happy. only one person is enough if that person is completely with you.
But vo ek insaan kab aayega mere zindagi me...😒
padh le bhai padh le why are you killing your time.....😴
now i've stopped expecting, stopped texting first kisi ko aana hoga aayenge jaana hoga jayenge...
I love a flower 👸 who loves flower.....😍🌸☘️
Khud hi sabse door ho rha hu phir kyu mujhe kisi ki jarurat mahsus ho rhi....😴
It always remained a dream......to be with her in a same t-shirt....😴
मैं ही भगवान और मैं ही शैतान बस रूप इंसान !!
tera chehra nhi tera vyavhar dekha ... tere liye apna pyaar dekha....phir baad me apna haar dekha ...hote khud se kai sawal dekha..
I loved your soul without seeing you physically.
aisi taisi kar diya hai zindagi ka bc sabke life upar jaate hai mere neeche jaa rhe...😴
Really....Kaha ho yaar ab to garmi bhi aa gyi tum kab aaogi...aane wale sab aa gye tum kab aaoge....tum kab aaoge..😒
Dear soulmate where the hell are you?
Don't be afraid to lose them. Because if they truly care about you, they're not going anywhere.
सबके प्यार में दिल टूट रहे तो खुश है कौन....🤔
Fuck attachment , Bhad me jao ab sab ....
Ye hariyali, ye surya ki roshni, ye pakshiyo ki chahchahahat ye halki halki thandi hawaye....Ghar par aakar ek alag hi feeling aati yaar....😌