I shall brake into a hospital in a different country just to pull this nonsense.
I will toy with their emotions, mock their abilities, and remind them of my superiority
(idc that they are 0-7 days old. LET ME HAVE THIS)
Baby: *frantically grabbing at my shoe with little grabby baby paws*
Me: see, baby, I have outsmarted you. in my decision to wear shoes without laces, you will find that you are completely unable to untie shoelaces that aren't there! Your efforts are for naught! This shoe remains on my foot!
Baby: *keeps grabbing at my shoes and sucking on his pacifier because he only understands mandarin and this means nothing to him*