This Sucks Im Sorry Lemme Kno If I Need To Add To It - Blog Posts

renfarber​:

Something in the way he was looking at her was making her head spin. No matter how much she tried to stay in the present here, and no matter how many times both of them mentioned how much time had passed, he was still looking at her the same way he used to. And her heart was still skipping a beat the same way it used to. And she hated that she couldn’t stop it - even if she didn’t hate the feeling, at all. 

Just as she was beginning to fall into her all-too-familiar pit of guilt over cheating on him, he winked and grinned, and she rolled her eyes and laughed, and whatever year it was, they were there together. He was way too fucking charming for his own fucking good, and he knew it. She’d never put up with that shit from anyone else, but… it was Leo. So. She stole some of his popcorn, arm brushing against his, and stopped fighting it - at least for now. 

Reality would hit them eventually, but it could wait until the lights came back on. 

“I doubt you’d want to hear an actual explanation… even if I had a good one,” she said, watching as the monochrome movie light flickered on his face. She wondered whether to tell him that cheating on him had been the only real regret she’s ever had in her otherwise free-spirited life. But she was sure he knew. And anyway, what he said next confused her into momentary silence. 

It’s silly to expect that kind of commitment, he said, and she raised an eyebrow at him. “This, from the man in the legally binding committed relationship,” she said. She hadn’t really wanted to bring it up again, preferring to live in the past, in the dark… but part of her knew that if she didn’t say it out loud, they could easily slip a little too far backwards. 

He said that she didn’t need anyone, and even if it wasn’t entirely true, she loved that he still saw her that way. She’d always prided herself on her independence, choosing who got to be around her because she wanted them there, not because she needed anything from them. It had turned out not to be quite that simple, in the end, but she still liked it, as a concept. 

“It’s good to have constants, though, isn’t it? I’ve got a good support system, like my mom and my best friend. …A new best friend though, I got rid of Tori. She turned out to be a total asshole, just like you always said she was,” she smirked. “It’s probably kind of nice, though, to have a person who’s always there for you, and who you’re always there for. Is it?”

-

Leo had purposefully adjusted himself in his seat to face towards her rather than the film. He had done the same with the popcorn, offering it to her as well as offering all of his attention. “You don’t have to explain. It happened and we were so young.” He said, trying to avoid finding that wound and licking it. It had hurt. It him so bad losing that ounce of integrity when it came to trust. He hardly had it to begin with. But above it  all, it hurt losing her. Looking at her now, it panged a bit to see how much he had missed in her life and how much he missed her in his own life. Serenity had been the only one to reach him to his core, and he kept it that way since. Even though he was now married. 

Leo laughed at her mentioning the severity of commitment marriage was then he glanced down at that shiny ring around his finger. How long had he worn it till it stopped meaning anything to him? Would admitting he was an unfaithful husband give him a chance to turn back time for a night? Should he take that risk? “It is nice when I do get to see her.” He confessed, showing his current point of view of his marriage without being too detailed. “Constantly missing each other is probably not the constant you’re describing.” His loneliness finding its’ way out with his words. Being lonely and insatiable were the fundamentals to his catastrophic nature. No statement had ever been more true for the orphan. They were his demons then, and they were still his now. Still he managed to his head around what she mentioned about her best friend situation. He grinned because he loved hearing that he was right, of course. “Told you she was. How’d you figure that? And anything else in the span of the ten years we’ve been apart that I’ve been right about?” He gloated so openly, a smile on his face as he sunk into himself more comfortably in her presence.