Real things customers have said to me:
“Well that’s not gonna work for me, I’m gonna need you to say yes”
“When I die my wife is gonna have me cremated and stored in a cookie jar”
See also:
<TW: gross innuendo>
Something someone said to my coworker who was using a can of pressurized air:
“You’re pretty good with that - you can b**w me any time”