Stress - Blog Posts
I only got a little half way through corruptober. And although it’s not October anymore, I’m not giving up. Life came at me with family issues, school becoming even more overbearing, and bureaucracy issues within my school. Piling on Halloween, decorating, planning, and preparing for my birthday, I left a lot undone. But hey! I’m 21 now, I got an art tablet I hope to have time to try out soon, and my family all met my boyfriend! I’m hoping that things will smooth out and continue to look up. Here’s to hoping!
Витилиго является заболеванием с появлением белых пятен на коже.
Как правило, первые признаки депигментации (с быстрыми темпами обесцвечивания) наблюдаются у людей младше 20 лет, за тем следует латентный период с минимальными изменениями (до несколько лет).
Эволюция заболевания различается от пациента к пациенту: у некоторых людей кожа может обесцвечиваться даже за 180 дней, в то время как у других болезнь может находиться очень долго в латентной форме.
Стресс в любой форме (физический и психический) может способствовать появлению витилиго.
Нередко витилиго наблюдается вместе с алопецией, пернициозной анемией, расстройствами щитовидной железы и болезнью Аддисона.
По всему миру численность больных витилиго достигает около 70 миллионов.
Важными симптомами витилиго считаются:
пятна в видимых частях тела (но могут возникнуть и в других местах);
пятна могут возникнуть в любой момент;
белые симметрические пятна на коже на обеих частях тела;
цвет склеры может меняться;
поседение волос.
Даже если точную причину болезни врачи не сумели выявить, существует несколько способствующих факторов.
Главным таким способствующим фактором является генетическая предрасположенность. У каждого третьего пациента в семье наблюдается хотя бы один родственник с этим диагнозом.
Контакт с некоторыми химическими веществами также может повысить риск витилиго. Прекращение производства меланина может связано с аутоиммунными нарушениями в организме.
Для лечения витилиго могут использоваться различные способы:
назначение кортикстероидов (при депигментации около 20 % поверхности тела);
ПУВА-терапия (используется эффективно у половины пациентов с витилиго, но есть серьёзные побочные эффекты);
келлин (используется как альтернатива ПУВА-терапии, но тоже есть побочные эффекты);
полная депигментация кожи;
назначение монобензона и гидрохинона;
гомеопатия (более безопасный метод);
психосоматическое расслабление.
Пребывание на солнце (ультрафиолетовые лучи) помогает восстановить кожу, а также предотвратить депигментацию.
Психический стресс - это "нежеланный" и частый спутник современного человека.
Конечно же, в "малых количествах" стресс является стимулом для решения различных задач. Например, почти все изобретения были выдуманы под давлением стресса: сделать что-то быстрее или качественнее.
Другое дело обстоит с постоянным психологическим стрессом, который сильно вредит здоровью.
Для того чтобы устранить стресс можно использовать различные способы.
Способ 1. Чай ромашки аптечной
Чай ромашки аптечной обладает противострессовыми свойствами. Больше одного миллиона чашек этого чая потребляются ежедневно.
Способ 2. Лаванда и валериана лекарственная
Теплая ванна с добавлением этих растений благоприятно действует на психическое состояние.
Способ 3. Женьшень обыкновенный
Женьшень обыкновенный стабилизирует уровень гормонов стресса и улучшает работу эпифиза, гипофиза и гипоталамуса.
Способ 4. Витамин С (Аскорбиновая кислота)
Было замечено, что при стрессе приём аскорбиновой кислоты замедляет повышение кровяного давления.
Способ 5. Медитация
Подходящая позиция для отдыха (закрывая глаза и концентрируясь на что-нибудь приятном) благодаря медитации может стабилизировать состояние души.
Способ 6. Путешествие во времени
В случае безвыходной ситуации на первый взгляд, психологи рекомендуют "вернуться" в воображении на год раньше и вспомнить похожую проблему. Как вы с ней разобрались? Кажется ли вам сейчас она актуальной?
Способ 7. Музыка
Приятная музыка может снизить артельное давление, и даже уровень гормонов стресса.
Способ 8. Прогрессивное расслабление
Находясь в очень напряженной ситуации, рекомендуется постепенно расслабляться.
Начинайте с определенной части тела (например: с левой руки) и постепенно расслабляйте каждую часть тела.
Способ 9. Физические упражнения
20 минут физической активности по 3 раза в неделю улучшают выделение эндорфинов, что улучшает настроение.
Способ 10. Избавляйтесь от вредных привычек
Отказ от курения, спиртного, сладкого и потребления кофе может улучшить состояние здоровья у некоторых людей.
Способ 11. Хобби
Заполнение свободного времени каким-нибудь приятным занятием (хобби) может благоприятно сказаться на психическом здоровье.
Внимание! Существуют и другие методы устранения стресса, но если возникают и более серьёзные симптомы (например: бессонница), тогда рекомендуется проконсультироваться с врачом!
Головная боль - частый спутник современного человека, который "любит" сидеть в машинных пробках, есть стоя, что попало, куда-то спешить...
Хотелось бы, чтобы тот современный человек был только вымышленным персонажем, но многие из вас узнают себя.
У античного человека не было интернета и головной боли, а у современного есть и то и другое :)
Конечно же, первая идея в случае головной болью может быть принять какой-нибудь анальгетик. Ибупрофен, парацетамол или аспирин давно используются в таких целях.
Внимание! Аспирин - противопоказан детям и подросткам моложе 16 лет из-за опасности развития синдрома Рея!
Но с такими таблетками не решить саму проблему, а только можно устранить симптомы. В следующий раз приступ мигрени может быть сильнее или случится быстрее.
Мигрень является видом головной боли, но пока что врачи не знают каковы её причины, а только догадываются.
Самое вероятное предположение по поводу причины возникновения мигрени считается анормальное расширение и сужение артерий, через которых кровь поступает к мозгу.
Даже если точная причина остаётся неразгаданной, были замечены определенные корреляции между возникновением мигрени с такими факторами:
потребление некоторых пищевых добавок;
стресс;
изменение погоды;
гормональные колебания;
переизбыток кофеина;
потребление некоторых продуктов питания;
яркий свет;
некоторые запахи.
Кроме мигрени, существуют, и другие виды головной боли: кластерные головные боли и головные боли напряжения.
Кластерные головные боли возникают часто у курильщиков и при частом злоупотреблении спиртными напитками.
Головные боли напряжения связанны больше всего с мышечными сокращениями шеи и головы.
Даже если головные боли часто не скрывают серьёзных нарушений, в некоторых ситуациях рекомендуется обращаться к врачу:
при сильной и резкой головной боли;
при наличии температуры;
если пациент не может двигать определенными частями тела.
Для лечения головных болей можно использовать массу подручных лекарств.
Лекарство 1. Акупрессура
Простой массаж в области между большим и указательным пальцами может снизить болевые ощущения головы.
Лекарство 2. Теплые ванны
Теплые ванны для ног могут увеличить прилив крови к нижней части тела, снижая нагрузку для кровеносных сосудов мозга.
Лекарство 3. Теплые или холодные компрессы
Теплые компрессы расслабляют мышцы, таким образом, снижая нагрузку на кровеносные сосуды.
Холодные компрессы сужают кровеносные сосуды мозга, из-за чего снижается нагрузка на нервы.
Лекарство 4. Холодная вода
Простое упражнение в холодной воде для рук может устранить мигрень. Для этого следует держать руки в холодной воде, открывая и закрывая кулаки. Боль должна уйти.
Лекарство 5. Головной убор
Ношение головного убора создает определенное давление на всю голову. Для того чтобы снизить отток крови к голове, можно использовать шарф, оголовье или платок вокруг головы.
Внимание! Не рекомендуется слишком тесно носить такие предметы одежды, чтобы не нарушить кровообращение мозга.
Лекарство 6. Кофе (кофеин)
Известно масса интересных фактов о кофе, самое интересное это то, что он может устранить мигрень.
Внимание! Потребителям кофе не рекомендуется дополнительная доза кофеина!
Лекарство 7. Эфирные масла
Такие растения как лаванда и мята, особенно их эфирные масла, могут быть полезными при мигрени.
Можно сделать легкий массаж висков и лба этими эфирными маслами, а можно использовать их в комнатном ароматическом испарителе.
Лекарство 8. Пакетики мятного чая
Держите влажные пакетики мятного чая на закрытых глазах 5 минут.
Лекарство 9. Чай из розмарина
Это средство может предотвратить головные боли. Использовать 1 ст. л. сушеного розмарина на 1 чашку кипятка для приготовления этого средства.
Лекарство 10. Имбирь
Имбирь можно назвать "звездой" этой темы. Дело в том, что учёные взялись серьёзно за изучением этого растения.
Было замечено, что половина ст. л. измельченного корня имбиря на 1 чашку кипятка может творить чудеса, если у вас болит голова.
Активные вещества из имбиря блокируют производство простагландинов, которые ответственны за воспаление кровеносных сосудов.
Внимание! Перед тем как использовать любые средства и методы в практику, посоветуйтесь с вашим врачом!
Головная боль - это неприятное ощущение, которое создает определенный дискомфорт.
Во многих случаях для того чтобы ее устранить помогают многие простые средства, но если приступы головной боли повторяются очень часто и трудно переносятся, тогда без помощи врача не обойтись.
Для более детальной картины следует знать классификацию головных болей:
головные боли напряжения;
кластерные головные боли;
мигрени;
синусовые головные боли.
Мигрени считаются одними из самых частых и самых знакомых расстройств такого типа.
У каждого типа расстройства свои симптомы:
Головная боль напряжения:
постоянная боль, которая похожа на давление вокруг головы.
Мигрень:
пульсирующая, которая охватывает часть головы и характеризуется тошнотой;
временные нарушения зрения с белыми точками, которые предшествуют боль.
Кластерная головная боль:
заложенность носа;
слезливые и красные глаза;
пульсирующая боль вокруг глаза.
Синусовая головная боль:
постоянная боль, которая обостряется при наклонении вперед.
Существуют ситуации, когда головная боль сопровождается и очень странными признаками (неясная речь, раздражительность при контакте со светом или головокружение), которые могут указывать на такие серьёзные заболевания:
аневризм;
кровоизлияние в мозг;
гипертония;
менингит;
сотрясение мозга.
Внимательно изучите все подобные симптомы! Возможно, пациент нуждается в помощи врача!
Основными причинами головной боли считаются:
Для синусовой головной боли:
аллергический ринит;
грипп;
простуда;
сезонные аллергии.
Для головных болей напряжения:
стресс;
избыток кофеина;
неправильное положение;
перегрузка глаз.
Для мигрени:
непроветренные комнаты;
игнорирование одного приёма пищи;
приём противозачаточных средств;
гормональный дисбаланс;
изменения высоты;
сухой ветер;
пух;
некоторые продукты питания;
духи;
избыток кофеина;
сексуальная активность;
слишком холодные продукты питания;
физические упражнения.
Для кластерной головной боли:
некоторые продукты питания;
потребление спиртных напитков.
Причины кластерной головной боли считаются самыми загадочными.
Диагностика головной боли состоит в таких медицинских процедурах:
электроэнцефалография (ЭЭГ);
поясничная пункция;
компьютерная томография;
радиография;
тестирование зрения.
Лечение головных болей, главным образом, состоит в расслаблении и отдыхе.
Самыми использованными лекарственными препаратами при таких нарушениях являются:
Для головной боли напряжения:
ибупрофен;
парацетамол;
аспирин;
антидепрессанты (при хронических формах).
Для синусовой головной боли:
противозастойные средства;
антибиотики.
Для мигрени:
пропранолол;
антидепрессанты;
верапамил;
эрготамин или изометептен;
таблетки или инъекции, содержащие суматриптан;
назальный спрей на базе дигидроэрготамина;
аспирин.
Для кластерной головной боли:
кортикостероиды;
карбонат лития;
малеат метисергида;
блокаторы каналов кальция;
вазоконстрикторы.
Лечение кластерных головных болей делается труднее всего. Простые анальгетические препараты просто не помогают!
Из народных средств очень эффективными считаются:
растительные масла;
пижма девичья;
чай из лекарственных растений;
сухой имбирь;
желтокорень;
чай валерианы лекарственной;
мазь на базе стручкового перца кустарникового.
Пижма девичья - очень интересное растение, которое очень эффективно помогает при мигренях.
Существуют и другие способы борьбы с головной болью:
массаж;
медитация;
психосоматическая медицина;
остеопатия;
воображение.
Большое значение в контролировании приступов головной боли имеет образ жизни пациента.
Потребление некоторых продуктов питания может повлиять на частоту и длительность приступов мигрени. Даже простой шоколад может стать виновником этого расстройства!
Магний и витамин В3 оказывают положительное влияние на устранение приступов головной боли.
Раньше запах тела играл большую роль в жизни человека. В основном с его помощью, привлекался противоположный пол. В наши дни данный способ не только потерял актуальность, а и стал проблемой.
Как правило, неприятный запах тела появляется при повышенной потливости. Особо неприятный вид пота выделяется в подмышечной и паховой зонах. В этом поту содержится специальное вещество, которое нравится микробам.
Причинами повышенной потливости могут быть:
гнев;
сексуальное возбуждение;
овуляция;
стресс;
низкий уровень глюкозы в крови;
некоторые заболевания:
гипертиреоз;
расстройства нервной системы.
приём определенных лекарств.
Некоторые лекарственные препараты, такие как антидепрессанты, могут стать причиной повышенной потливости.
Лечение гипергидроза начинается с устранения источника пота, то есть причины.
Самыми хорошими средствами для борьбы с неприятным запахом тела и пота считаются:
хорошее мыло (особенно хирургическое);
уксус;
гамамелис;
сода;
кукурузная мука;
эпиляция;
ношение чистой одежды;
масло чайного дерева;
эфирные масла сосны, мяты и лаванды;
шалфей;
лимон;
хлорофилл;
цветки липы;
петрушка.
Такие средства как лимон и уксус являются очень эффективными из-за их кислотности. Известно, что в кислой среде бактерии не могут существовать комфортно.
Внимание! Масло зеленого чая и другие эфирные масла не рекомендуется использовать в интимных местах.
Если устранить причину пота не получается вышеперечисленными методами, тогда рекомендуется обратиться к врачу! Возможно, причиной неопрятного пота является болезнь!
Reduce stress which leads to unhealthy life, dark spots, wrinkles. https://goo.gl/x5voKM
I was too stressed and mindlessly scribbled "I can't do this anymore!" in the back of my notebook.
And look, what my little 9 year old sister wrote back!!!
I'm not joking when I say she's one of the reasons why I still keep going on...😭🩷
Late Night Chat
Late night. The roads were deserted. Isaac could feel the gentle breeze over his face. The sound of the little waves on the sea was also satisfying. For a moment, Isaac thought, “the world is very peaceful.” In the next moment a different thought hit him. "No! The world is peaceful without any people on it.”
Isaac stood by the bridge over the sea momentarily. Then he stood up above the railing. He had thought about it over a thousand times. He would do this at last. No more second thoughts.
Suddenly Isaac heard footsteps. He froze. “Can anyone be here in this time of night?” he thought. The possibility seemed very negligible. But the footsteps drew closer. Isaac started to stress. Had they seen Isaac standing on the railing? More importantly, had they guessed his intention?
Someone spoke from behind, “the wind is so pleasant here, isn’t it?” The voice sounded like a little girl. Isaac climbed down and looked back.
There stood a girl in a blue hoodie. She was wearing round spectacles. Dark brown hair reached upto her shoulder. Isaac thought that she might be about twelve years old.
“Yes.” Isaac shivered a little as he said so. The girl came closer and Isaac could see her face more clearly in the street light. She looked calm. Her face looked more mature than a twelve years old. “Not a little girl, after all.” Isaac thought.
“Is that your car?” the girl pointed at a range rover parked nearby. “Yes.” replied Isaac shortly.
“Do you live nearby?”
“Not really. I’m from the city.”
“Which is very unlikely in this time of night.” the girl said with a dreamy expression.
“Do you come here often?” Isaac asked to change the topic.
“Mostly at night.” the girl replied with a smile. Isaac thought that he had come here many a night but never had seen a single person except for the buses and cars passing by the street occasionally.
The girl seemed to read his mind, “I saw you the other day.” By ‘the other day’, what she had meant, Isaac didn’t know.
He turned away from the girl and started walking towards his car. Maybe the girl hadn’t guessed his intention of coming here so often.
The girl shouted from behind, “You didn’t tell me your name yet.”
Isaac turned, considered for a second and said, “Isaac, it is.”
“Nice to meet you, Isaac.” the girl said widening her smile. She looked very pretty when she smiled or at least that’s what Isaac thought.
“My name’s Alicia. Call me Rabbit.” the girl said, still smiling. Isaac asked, “why Rabbit?” He never heard anyone called Rabbit before.
“My friends call me that. They say, it’s my spirit animal, that I’m always on the move. Besides, I like to hop.” She hopped towards Isaac twice and Isaac began to laugh. Her smile too reached her sparkling eyes.
“Alright, Rabbit.” said Isaac after he was finished with laughing. “How old are you?” asked Isaac thinking if she really was a twelve years old kid.
Rabbit raised her eyebrows but said coolly, “seventeen, and you?” Isaac replied, “I’m eighteen.”
Rabbit said with a surprising tone, “God! You look like fifteen.”
“Is that because of my height?”
“Not only that, but your face and doings.”
Isaac’s eyes widened, “what does she mean by ‘doings’?” he thought.
“I should be going home now.” Isaac said as he hurried towards the car again.
“No, wait!” Rabbit ran towards Isaac. Isaac stopped and turned to face her.
A moment of silence passed between them. A car passed by speedily, breaking the silence.
“Did you ever go down to stand by the sea?” Rabbit tried to raise her voice in vain. She cleared her throat and said, “I mean, it would be very nice to have a company.”
Isaac heard himself saying, “I always wanted to. But couldn’t.”
“I’ll take you then.” Rabbit smiled beautifully again and Isaac couldn’t resist.
They walked down through a slope by the end of the bridge and stood by the sea.
Isaac asked, “How many friends do you have?”
“Three, including my mom.”
“What about your father? Isn’t he counted as a friend?”
“Not really.” Rabbit looked at Isaac; who was still staring at the sea and began “What about...”
Isaac cut her through and said, “I don’t have friends, unless you count yourself.”
“Okay. Congratulation on making your first ever friend.” Saying so, Rabbit shook his hand. And then, the two new friends started making conversation.
Isaac found his spirit raising more and more as he talked with her through the night. There was something very exciting about her. No wonder why she was called Rabbit.
“Do you go to college?” at one point, Rabbit asked, wondering why he didn’t have any friend.
Isaac only smiled. He can’t help thinking about college. His days in college were so hard that he decided to stop going. But his parents always kept on pushing about this subject which hurt him an awful lot. Isaac’s smile faded thinking about it all over again.
Rabbit seemed to be understanding everything. She simply nodded and said, “I don’t go either.”
Isaac was a bit surprised at the reply, “Why?” he asked, “Only if you want to share.”
“It’s okay.” said Rabbit, “Actually my family can’t really afford it. I have to work so that my little sister can go to school at least.”
“But your parents...” began Isaac.
“My father’s an alcoholic. He doesn’t live with us.”
Isaac couldn’t think of any suitable reply. He nodded to avoide saying anything stupid in this delicate subject.
“Mom’s too sick to work.” said Rabbit, “so, now I’m the only one to take care of my little family.” Rabbit smiled at Isaac once again.
Isaac couldn’t process it. He couldn’t imagine how this pretty smile was formed.
“How can you?” Isaac asked finally.
Rabbit looked a bit confused, “What do you mean?”
“How can you look so happy when you’re going through all these?”
“Because” Rabbit said, “I AM happy.” She said it in a way as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
Isaac looked away. “She is pretending. Just like I always do.” thought Isaac.
“My life doesn’t suck as much as it should have. Do you know why?” asked Rabbit in a calm way. Isaac didn’t answer.
Finally Rabbit said, “Because at good times, I live it to the fullest.”
A moment of silence. Then a question raised in Isaac. He turned to her and asked, “What about the bad times?”
“That’s simple, I remember the good ones.” Rabbit said with a smile. Then she added, “I should be going home. See you some other time, I guess?”
Saying this Rabbit started walking towards her home while Isaac stood motionless.
The dawn was breaking. Isaac stood up on the railing of the bridge again. But this time he closed his eyes. A very happy moment of his life peeped inside his mind. That one lead to another happy memory; which lead to another. Thus, Isaac kept on thinking, his eyes closed, hands spreading on both sides and his lips curving at the sides to form a smile.
Really damn close. #stress #2007britney #scaleofonetobritney
My go-to music when i’m sick, stressed, alone or need to relax to get my head out of dumb things...like now :o
I like when it starts at 1min 30secs with those pattern of sounds.
Guzheng’s Unforgettable Melodies - Relaxing Music
Don’t Decorate Your Dream by Duan Yinying
No Worries, I Can Handle it! :-/
Stress Management
Have you ever said the words, “This job/my life is so stressful!” Or something else along those lines? Most people believe that stress is something that happens in their lives. They believe it is the result of outside circumstances beyond their control. We are stressed if our work is too difficult. We get stressed when people in our lives aren’t doing what we want them to do. We are stressed when…
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A Lesson In Façades
AO3 | Nesta Week 2025 Masterpost |
@nestaarcheronweek
Prompt: Day Two - Mask (Nesta wielded the mask in ACOSF, but she's also an expert in hiding her true thoughts and feelings. What does Nesta wearing a mask mean to you?)
A/N: This submission deals quite heavily with negative self-talk, mentions of mental health and recovery, and Nesta’s not-so-great relationship with the Inner Circle. Please read with caution.
Word Count: 4155
Nesta heaved, expelling the contents of last night’s dinner into the toilet. Sounds of her retching filled the chambers, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. Not as she shivered, trembling, and gripped onto the porcelain for dear life, knuckles white and gasping for breath.
She was sure she looked like a stray; a heathen hauled in from the ragged streets and the dirtier, rougher areas of Velaris. Matted hair, dark circles under her eyes, and an increasingly narrow frame had become common for her as she lived in perpetual numbness. She’s not even trying. Her sister’s cold words as Nesta overheard them, and it was then she felt a flicker of rage. A small ember, but it was snuffed out just as quickly as it had come alight.
She hadn’t found the energy to be able to care these days. Not for the city she lived in, not for her sisters, and certainly not for herself. She wouldn’t even know where to begin should she wish it. Maybe Feyre was right.
Nesta somehow managed to get to her feet, make it to the sink, and rinse her mouth out. The foul taste of her own regurgitation sat in her mouth like an iron claw that refused to loosen its hold on her. Swallowing a healthy amount of water she would no doubt end up retching later anyway, she took a seat beside the floor-to-ceiling windows that made up nearly an entire wall.
Curling her knees to her chest, she looked out at the laughter and joy and life teeming from the city below. She could see eager patrons encouraging potential customers to enter their ridiculously priced restaurants or vendors attempting to haggle prices and selling useless knickknacks much the same as the ones her father had made.
Velaris, Feyre had mentioned to her briefly, and had refused to elaborate. Nesta hadn’t bothered to ask. What would it matter anyway, if her bastard of a brother-in-law was bound to throw her out on her ass whenever he felt like it? It certainly wasn’t worth getting attached to, and it wasn’t like she planned to go outside and explore the city anytime soon.
You dragged me into this mess, this horrible place.
I am not a thing to be controlled by you.
I won’t go.
None of it had mattered, in the end. She’d still been forced, kicking and screaming and crying and pleading to be left alone, but she’d still ended up in the House of Wind like a petulant child that refused to listen.
The House of Wind. Where she’d been contained and watched Elain destroy herself, her sister ready to jump out of the red-stoned mountain as she deteriorated further. Nesta’s bones chilled at the memory, and she fought to suppress them before she another bout of panic settled so deep into her she wouldn’t be able to get it out. Her breaths turned shallow, and her eyes refocused on the wall beside her. What she’d thought would have been a sanctuary, a place for her and Elain to heal, had now become her prison.
No way to leave, save for the ten-thousand steps leading down to the city itself that would likely kill her if she tried. Or flying with Cassian, then winnowing, said a small voice in the back of her head that she promptly shut down. The point was, she was trapped, and it was useless to come up with elaborate escape plans that would encourage Rhysand’s already bloodthirsty attitude towards her. She wouldn’t be surprised if he requested for her head on a pike, simply because he could.
Despite having…whatever powers she had, despite being High Fae, there was something in Nesta that cowered upon the sight of Rhysand. Violet eyes that seemed to contain the stars themselves were unnatural on a number of levels, and the ethereal, unnatural grace that he possessed terrified her. It took efforts to clamp down on that fear lest it show, lest he scent it like some sort of rabid animal.
It was the same feeling that had overtaken her at that disastrous High Lords’ meeting. Fear, so thick and cloying that it choked the very life out of her, until she was breathless and dizzy with anxiety as she fought to keep her cool. No one had noticed that day, how she’d felt. No one ever did.
Feyre might have known about her splurges in the darker areas of the city; seedy taverns and pubs that she went to solely because of the music, but what she didn’t know was what Nesta was feeling. I understand how you’re feeling. Hollow words making up hollow promises that made even hollower relationships. Nesta was surprised theirs hadn’t crumbled yet, though she supposed it wasn’t long before that happened. Perhaps it was better if she burnt that bridge, too. What would it matter in the end, if they were all the blame her?
How was she to explain to anyone what was wrong? Did she even know what was wrong? Everything, that voice crooned again, latching onto the vulnerable, wounded parts of her mind like a parasite determined to suck all the life out of her. Nesta tried not to dwell on the fact that it was succeeding, burrowing itself deeper into her mind with every passing day.
Everything. Your personality, your failures, your inability to form relationships. You barbed, thorn-tongued witch. You failed your father. He might not have cared for you when you were younger, but he did come to save you. You hated him, but he came, and you failed him, just like you failed Elain when you couldn’t protect her or Feyre from having to hunt. You’re a failure.
Nesta shut her eyes, attempting to keep the familiar tears at bay. All it took was one crack for the entire dam to come crashing forward, and who knew how many tears Nesta had shed these past few months?
You could have been one less mouth for your family to feed had you married that Tomas Mandray. You knew he was bad, but at least Elain or Feyre wouldn’t have ended up with him. You wouldn’t have been a burden.
She dug her nails into her palms, relishing in the sharp sting as she fought to keep her breathing even. Breathe, she’d instructed Elain every time she was on the verge of a panic attack. In, out, in, out. Do it with me. Her commands were laced with nothing but concern then; concern for her sister and worry that she might find her mangled corpse thousands of feet below if she finally decided to jump.
Now, Nesta’s words to herself were cold, commanding as she chided herself. Stop crying. You have no reason to cry. Stop this.
Nesta couldn’t tell if it was her voice or her mother’s, telling her to keep her emotions at bay.
A lot of that seemed to be happening these days. The lines between reality and her nightmares seemed to blur, even more so when she drowned herself in alcohol. Her head spun the more she drank, but she knew that she’d never felt more free, more uninhibited than when the faerie wine was in her bloodstream. It was stronger than human wine, but it was one of the reasons she favoured it.
Oh, how Nesta longed for a drink now. It would help whatever she was feeling, subdue it to a dull ache that allowed her to revel in the wild debauchery and raucous music playing in the bars she frequented. Seeing the familiar patrons and bartenders, having her usual game of cards, gambling…her hands itched to do it again, if only to stop herself from collapsing entirely.
The alcohol would make her more palatable, easier to digest. Maybe some of her sharp edges would be dulled, maybe she wouldn’t feel her wounds. She’d do that until they stopped festering and lying there infected, unwilling to heal as she simply stared at the blood pooling down her body. The blood would clot eventually, until she’d have another outburst that would lead to more wounds. Nesta wouldn’t be surprised if her arms and legs were all covered in scars by the time she made it to her grave. Maybe they’d be a reminder that whatever she’d endured had been real, and not just a fantasy she’d made up inside her head.
Maybe that would finally be enough to get that writhing creature inside of her, whatever it was, out. She only hoped that it would stay out once she got rid of it and wouldn’t ever find a way back in.
Nesta wasn’t sure she’d be able to survive something like that again.
✦ ✦ ✦
Sunlight streamed in through the window, bright and piercing, and Nesta blinked her eyes open. She’d forgotten to close the windows last night, and she turned over to the other side in a futile attempt to get a few more minutes of extra sleep.
The House, however, seemed to have other plans. Tugging at the blanket she’d curled over her head, it managed to win the battle between it and an extremely disgruntled and sleepy Nesta.
“Seriously?” She huffed to it as she lay on her bed in shorts and a tank top, the blanket thrown haphazardly over the enormous bed as it trailed onto the floor.
In answer, it only flicked the lights of the bathroom on, signalling to Nesta that it was time to get ready. “Fine,” she grumbled, but began her morning routine for the day anyway.
Forty-five minutes later, she was showered, dressed, and had done her makeup as best she could to cover her dark circles. Her hair was braided in the usual coronet fashion that Nesta favoured as she sat at the breakfast table, facing an equally exhausted-looking Cassian.
“Morning Nes,” he crooned with an upward tilt of his mouth. She wouldn’t go so far as to call it a smile, but it seemed that he was at least attempting to be civil. She gave no acknowledgement, only picking up a bowl and beginning to pile cereal onto her plate. They might have hauled her here against her will, but she’d be damned if she didn’t enjoy good food while she was at it, never mind that she threw up most of it anyway. They didn’t need to know that.
“Still don’t want to talk to me, huh?” His question hung in the air for a brief second before Nesta sliced through it, snapping it clean in two. “What makes you think I want to talk to you?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” he started, placing a hand on his chin in mock contemplation. “Maybe because we live in the same house and because I’m training you?”
“I’m not obligated to talk to you outside our training sessions. Why don’t you bring Morrigan over here? It’s not like she has a job anyway. And if she does, it’s not like she does it. One would think her job is drinking wine and going to that unholy place she calls a club.”
Nesta knew the blow had landed the minute Cassian’s face contorted into a snarl. “Shut up. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Don’t I?” she countered coolly, unphased by his sudden change in demeanor. “I’ve never seen her do much else.” If he attacked her, it would give her all the more reason to leave this damned mountain. She only hoped she was smart enough to provoke him, and that he was sutpid enough to take the bait.
Cassian merely pursed his lips in response as he glared daggers at her. Any decent person with an ounce of common sense and a slight bit of self-preservation would have the good sense to look at least a bit worried, but not Nesta. Maybe she’d never cared enough for her own good.
What he didn’t know, however, was why Nesta had insulted Morrigan. That self-righteous, haughty superiority complex had waltzed into last night’s dinner over an hour late, the one that Nesta had been forced to attend as a sign that she was getting better. The blonde had then proceeded to joke around with everyone, given and received the appropriate pleasantries, and turned her serpent’s gaze on Nesta.
“Well, you certainly look like you’ve been eating,” she’d remarked so condescendingly it had made Nesta want to rip the skin right off her flesh. Her brown eyes, void of any warmth or consideration, had roved over every curve and plane of her body, though there hadn’t been many curves there to begin with. A brief murmur had landed on Nesta’s ears, but she hadn’t bothered to properly listen in. Knowing them, they were likely encouraging Morrigan to continue insulting Nesta publicly.
“Yes. Nutritional requirements tend to increase when one trains,” she’d responded, voice bored and carefully neutral. It wouldn’t do to start a brawl in the middle of the High Lord’s dining room. She’d be pulverised to dust before she even had the chance to say I’m sorry. It wasn’t worth it. Besides, there were far better and far easier ways to get under their skin.
For all their supposed diplomatic skills that they showed to the world, the Night Court’s Inner Circle wore their emotions on their sleeves, with the exception of Azriel. It had led Nesta to notice many things about them, things that her sister had missed because she’d never been the observant one of the lot. Simply sitting and observing, Nesta’s mother had drilled into her, let you know more about the people than you might ever need to. Tuck this information away into the crevices of your mind, she’d whispered into the ears of a barely twelve-year-old Nesta as she stood poised about to enter that year’s summer gala. You never know when it might come in handy. Use it then.
Nesta was using it now, throwing their pathetic hearts on their sleeves right back at them every time they said or did something particularly heinous. For instance, when Morrigan’s conceited attitude came head-to-head with her favourite pastime of picking on Nesta for no particular reason.
“Oh, so you are training now?” She asked again with a quizzical tilt of her head. “Did your decision to do actually contribute to the well-being of this Court instead of its ruin take place before, after, or during you were fucking Cassian?”
Nesta would consider herself a heroine if she didn’t murder the pompous blonde by the end of tonight. Honestly, Rhysand should keep his lackeys in check. Then again, the bastard was likely enjoying the free entertainment he was receiving at her expense. The day he stepped in to help Nesta was the day Hel would freeze over.
“Did your decision to target me like some sort of game animal take place before, after, or during you saw me fucking him?” She retorted. Her tone was the same as Mor’s; light, breezy, and completely contradicting the vitriol they were spewing at each other.
Unluckily for the Night Court’s Third-in-command, she didn’t know who she was up against. Nesta had always prided herself on her viper’s tongue, had honed the weapon to such precision it hardly took her half a thought before she was poised and ready to strike at the slightest provocation.
It was what kept the hordes of people away, those with false promises and honeyed hopes that all would be right in the world and she would be okay. All was not right in the world, and she was not okay. She was far from it, but they didn’t need to know that. Besides, it wasn’t like they cared, despite what they attempted to show her and the world.
“Nesta,” came Feyre’s exasperated voice as she clutched her swollen belly. “Can we not? It’s…you’ve been doing so well, and this…can we have a nice, quiet night? Please?”
She nearly gagged at Feyre’s imploring tone that would no doubt turn into a hardened command if she declined. They loved giving people the illusion of choice, she realised. They wanted everyone, but mostly her, to think that she had some say in whatever twisted politics they relished in playing. It was what their court thrived on.
But Nesta was done. She was tired of playing games like these. She’d been trained to play them with such expertise it would shock her opponent, instructed and coached to be a deadly weapon that she was sure it would never come out of her, not if they tried it a hundred different ways. She was the weapon, and short of killing her, they’d have to deal with her.
“Thank you for dinner,” she said to no one in particular, her voice firm, leaving no room for argument. She might have lashed out then, might have screamed at whoever tried to stop her.
Thankfully, they appeared to retain at least that amount of sound judgment. No one stopped her, but they watched as she tugged on her boots and coat, and then stepped out into the biting cold.
✦ ✦ ✦
Nesta didn’t know how long she wandered the desolate streets of Velaris for. It had begun to get colder now, the warm rays of the sun giving way to the watery gloom that was autumn.
Nesta remembered how she’d hated autumn as a child. Colds, sniffles, and fevers had frequented the Archeron manor every year. She remembered having to stay cooped up in bed while cold-blooded and dispassionate servants had ensured she swallowed enough doses of whatever vile medicine the doctors had prescribed.
As an older girl living in a cottage, she had somehow managed to hate the frigid season even more. The moment the leaves had started yellowing was the moment she knew that winter would soon be upon them. It would mean scarce game, less food, and hungry bellies. It would mean raised tempers, aching bones, and the risk that they might not all make it through the season.
No, Nesta had never been particularly fond of autumn. Certainly not now that it had started to rain, the drops falling in thick clumps and filling her ears with a pitter-patter that was almost soothing.
For all of Nesta’s hatred towards the autumn, she loved the rain. Something in the quiet, steady rhythm of the drops and the silence that seemed to envelope the world stilled the restlessness and unease in her.
Wiping a drop off her eye, she continued walking towards the general direction of the House of Wind. She’d make it there eventually if she followed the river. There was a bridge somewhere along there, she knew, and all she needed to do was cross it and keeping walking straight.
While she’d never been into the city itself, she’d gleaned enough from the aerial views and flights she’d been on to make her way around Feyre’s four (or was it five?) mansions, estates, and properties all over the city.
Another ridiculous notion of her youngest sister’s; to insist on having literal palaces around the city when there was still rampant poverty throughout Velaris, she thought to herself as the familiar taste of bitterness began to seep into her bones once more, as sharp and resentful as it had always had been.
Nesta had drank, dined, and gambled with a few of the less…financially stable patrons. She hadn’t thought less of them, only given them the grim understanding a stranger could give as both parties’ priorities were the same: drowning out their worries for the night as they laughed and joked and toasted to the small moments like those instead of wallowing in their own self-pity.
It was what had kept many of them from giving up entirely. Nesta often thought that the power of indulgence was exceptionally undersold. It was a luxury that the rich were looked up to for, while anyone not in the same elite status was demonized. The double standard was sickening.
Nevertheless, it was Rhysand’s governing that had led to the financial divide, and his unwillingness to even acknowledge, let alone bridge the enormous wealth gap, was mortifying.
She came to a sudden halt as the crimson stone of the House loomed in front of her, now slick and wet with the pouring rain. She hadn’t realised she’d made it all the way here; she’d been so consumed by her own thoughts.
Panting lightly, she decided it was best to at least attempt to climb the steps. If she didn’t make it back up to the House by midnight, she’d camp out on the stairs. She’d be dry if nothing else. It wasn’t like they would care much for her absence anyhow.
Sighing, Nesta began the unholy ten-thousand step climb, and prayed to the Mother that she’d have enough energy to deal with the aftermath of her behaviour tomorrow.
✦ ✦ ✦
Nesta didn’t know how long it took her to climb those steps, only that she had eventually made it to the House, and that she was now soaked with sweat. The city glowed golden beneath her, alight with joy and love and and life and a hundred other things that now seemed foreign to her, but she didn’t notice it, nor did she care.
It took Nesta more energy than she cared to admit to make it back to her room. As she passed the common corridor, (because Cassian had insisted they stay on the same floor), she heard the male’s snores faintly echoing around the space.
She relaxed slightly, relieved that she wouldn’t have to interact with anyone else lest she act so malicious they would consider throwing her into the Hewn City.
As much as she told herself it was an empty threat, there was a part of her that wasn’t so ready to accept the lies the self-proclaimed Inner Circle fed her. She had no doubt they’d dispose of her as little more than trash and be altogether too happy to be rid of her the minute she ceased being of any true value to the court.
The only question was when.
✦ ✦ ✦
Turning onto her side, Nesta glanced at the clock and sighed. 3:02, it read. Three in the fucking morning, and she hadn’t managed to catch even a wink of sleep.
Some nights, the sleeplessness was due to her nightmares. Other times, it was worry and anxiety roiling so deep in her gut she ended up expelling most of it anyway. This time, she wasn’t sure what it was, only that she couldn’t stay in bed like this any longer. She’d lose her mind with boredom.
She was sure the House was sleeping now, too, and wouldn’t play any music if she asked it to. In fact, she was sure it would be grumpier the next day, acting more stubborn and cocky than usual.
Nesta tossed the covers off and got up, making her way to the bathroom to wash her face. Maybe some fresh water would help.
Once that was done, she put on her slippers and padded to the common library. It was by no means the library, but it was a smaller collection of books that happened to be there on each floor to avoid traipsing up and down the steps every time in search of a particular novel.
A touch so fatal, read the first title, piquing Nesta’s interest immediately. She’d always been a romantic at heart, and she simply loved the House’s extensive erotica collection. It seemed that it, too, had been starved of good smut to read, and a companion to share its niche love for literature with.
Picking it up off the shelf, she situated herself in an armchair, curling her legs to her chest, and began to read.
✦ ✦ ✦
Nesta didn’t know how long she was sat there for, only that the words flew over the page and her mind was filled with images of knights and dragons and castles. Stolen kisses, lingering promises and fleeting touches had her melting, and she couldn’t help it as her heart soared.
She was nothing and no one, simply enjoying the literature that was in front of her, indulging herself and her desires in something so frivolous and silly her past self would have chided her for it.
But the Cauldron had Made something in Nesta. No, she thought. Not Made. Uncovered. For the part that had adored books and music and dance had been with her, in her since she was a child. The only difference now was that she had the opportunity to fulfill that aching want of knowing a character in a book deeper than she knew herself. To explore worlds that might otherwise have been out of her reach, to think and grieve and laugh and sing with each individual.
Starry night bled into blossoming dawn, the sun creeping steadily over the horizon, and still Nesta did not stop.
A/N: I used an unofficial map of Velaris and this is another one that I thought was cool (but didn't use)
one of the things that makes autism a disability (and why some of us choose to label it as such rather than an “alternate neurotype”) is the stress.
part of autism is just being incredibly stressed. overstimulation? stress. holding a conversation? stress. something happening to our schedule? stress. people talk about how often autism is recognized and diagnosed via our stress responses (like meltdowns) because it is just so common to see autistic people stressed because of lack of accommodations to how our brains work.
and this matters because stress kills. stress causes a lot of health issues, or it can trigger pre-existing ones by making certain chronic conditions flare up. i once had a psychiatrist very unhelpfully tell me i “just need to manage my stress” when the stress i was describing was things i could not avoid in neurotypical society and can’t “just get over”. i can do “self care” all i like but i cannot at the very base level change the way my brain inputs information and reacts accordingly.
Does anyone else just like not know how to think of/about/for yourself? Like your so used to being told what to do, ridiculed for doing something wrong, given so many responsibilities and things to take care of. That you just don't know how to think of just yourself, take care, of yourself, or even know who you are? You stress about time whether you have enough to get everything done as well as have free time. You aren't independent. You forget things for your self constantly like breakfast, what you want to do, drinking water, ect. And you just become so lazy and put out because of all the stress and work. Even when the work is done, and you have so little work for a long time, the illusion that there is so much is still there weighing you down. Is it just me or? Sorry for the weird depressing rambling.
hulks out
ACKCKFKKFKEWJAHAVDUW holidays can be so stressful especially thanksgiving glares
cant wait for christmas tho!!! i suck at gift giving at astronomical levels but im gonna do it anyway
super small and mostly empty stores love me
gift receivers fear me
Hey, guys! So today’s RedBubble batch of uploads are all pen-themed. These are actually drawings I did back in high school, but I still love them now, so I figured I’d share them with you!
If you want to check out this new group of drawings, along with other ones I’ve released, you can follow the link here to my RedBubble page: https://www.redbubble.com/portfolio/manage_works?ref=account-nav-dropdown
Going to my sister's today to finish watching AoT. Pre-AoT stress. I may not survive it xD
