Recovery - Blog Posts
First big hike in Point Pleasant Park since top surgery three months ago. It feels really good to be in the woods again and see the ocean. I used to spend all day in the woods but I don't think my stamina is quite there yet.
Something interesting I just realized, because I‘m experiencing it pretty badly at the moment:
It‘s hardly talked about, but once you are making noticable progress in your recovery from depression the damage it has done on your life really starts to kick in.
Suddenly you‘re more aware than ever how much work/social events/life in general you missed, because the question „Why did you achieve so little over the past couple of years?“ is absolutely inevitable and people will think that you were lazy during that time.
I think this is the most dangerous point of recovery for relapses, because whenever someone asks you what you did or didn‘t do while you were sick the realisation hits like a train.
Me saying this could definitely be regarded as pretentious, since I myself haven‘t exactly found a way to cope with this feeling, but I feel like it‘s very important to drown out those voices of „you didn‘t do anything“ „you were just lazy“ and „you‘re a complete failure, look at you“ with thoughts of „I survived.“ „I made it through“ „I managed not to let myself starve, I showered“ „I fed my pets/watered my plants regardless of how terrible I felt“
I‘m mainly saying this to myself in this post, but figured maybe this makes it onto the feed of someone who needs to hear this as well. Stay strong guys, we can get through this!
This!
I felt the same way when I finally watched Merlin a couple of months ago. I‘d been going through the worst four years of my life at the time but somehow this show woke something up inside of me that I thought I had lost many years ago. For the first time in possibly a decade I felt alive again, felt like myself! I really hold it dear to my heart and I‘m so very glad that the fandom is still this active and thriving because whenever I‘m relapsing to my old bad habits and mindsets I can pick up some fanfic or look at the amazing fanarts and feel a little better almost instantly.
Merlin is the first show I've cried over in a while. I'll see deeply profound posts abt it and just tear up like a mfer and it's exhilarating. I hate how much it makes me feel (lie) and I haven't felt so alive in at least a year. Merthur saved my life probably. :)
literally this............
look okay i am gonna get REAL cheesy
but when i first found merlin, i was 17, 18 years old. i was in a really pivotal time in my life and i was... so confident. so ready to take on the world. and these characters, they helped me. they were ready to take on the world, too, and i was ready to fight alongside them.
we drifted away, as we do. and i had... a really traumatic early 20s. one that made me lose myself. i no longer wanted to fight, to believe, to hope. survival was hard enough.
finding merlin again?
i feel like i am waking her up again. the person i was when i was ready to fight for what i believed in. i now want to pursue my lifelong dreams for the first time in years. i am passionate again. i am waking up.
merlin is an essential part of my life, and I am so glad to have him, and arthur, and gwen, and the knights, and Morgana, and all of you along with me.
in case you forgot
︶︶✩︶︶
you are gorgeous
you are smart
you are valuable
you are loved
you are strong
you got this ! ♡
Hang in there guys
I decided to create a masterpost that would help you with what you are struggling with. Hopefully any of the links below will help you! Reminder; You’re going to be okay. What you are going through will pass, just remember to breathe.
————————————————————————————-
Distractions;
Here are some distractions to help keep your mind occupied so you aren’t too focused on your thoughts.
-Draw something
-This website translates the time into colours.
-Create your own galaxy.
-Play flowing.
-Make a 3D line travel where ever you like.
-Listen to music.
-Calm.
-Ocean mood, do nothing for two minutes.
Sleep issues;
- 8 hour sleep music.
-Rainy mood.
-Meditation.
-Coping with nightmares.
-How to cope with nightmares, 11 steps.
-Calm
-Foods that can affect your sleeping, both positive and negatively.
Uncomfortable with silence;
-Rainy mood.
-10 hours of rain and thunder.
-3 hours of rain and thunder.
-Human heartbeat.
-Rainforest.
-Sound of rain on a tin roof.
-Autumn wind.
-Rain on a tent
-Traffic in the rain.
-Soft traffic.
-Fan.
-Train.
-Simply noise.
-My noise.
-Rainy cafe.
Anxiety;
-How to stop worrying.
-Tips to manage anxiety and stress.
-The 10 best ever anxiety management techniques.
-Self-help strategies for anxiety.
-Helping a friend with anxiety.
-All about worrying.
-8 myths about anxiety.
Sad, angry and depressed/depression;
-“I’m always sad”
-Feeling sad.
-Going through trauma.
-“I’m always angry”.
-Anger management.
-All about anger.
-National helplines and websites.
-Self-help strategies for depression.
-Dealing with depression at work.
-Dealing with depression at school.
Isolation and loneliness;
-Pets and mental health.
-All about loneliness.
-“I feel so alone”
-10 more ideas to help with loneliness.
-How to deal with loneliness.
Self-harm;
-Alternatives to self-harm and distraction techniques.
-146 things to do besides self-harm.
-More alternatives to self-harm.
-Self-harm alternatives.
-How to take care of self-harm wounds/injuries.
-Getting rid of scars.
Addiction;
-How to help a friend with a drug addiction.
-What is addiction?
-All about alcohol and addiction.
-The facts about drug addiction.
Eating disorders;
-Helping a friend with an eating disorder.
-Eating disorder treatments.
-Support services for eating disorders.
-Self-help tips with eating disorders.
-Eating disorder recovery.
-Recovering from an eating disorder.
-100+ reasons to recover.
-Understanding and managing eating disorders.
Dealing with self-hatred;
-3 ways to ease self-loathing.
-How to turn self-hatred into self-compassion.
-Self-hatred resources.
-10 step plan to deal with self-hate.
Suicidal;
-International suicide hotlines (1) (2)
-Preventing suicide.
-Reasons to stay alive.
-Dealing with suicidal thoughts and feelings.
-Coping with suicidal ideation.
Schizophrenia;
-All about schizophrenia.
-Helping a person with schizophrenia.
-Understanding and dealing with schizophrenia.
-Delusions and hallucinations.
OCD;
-Managing your OCD at home.
-Overcoming OCD.
-How to cope with OCD.
-Strategies for dealing with the anxious moments.
Borderline personality disorder;
-Helping someone with BPD.
-All about personality disorders.
-Treatment for BPD.
Abuse;
-Healthy relationships VS abusive relationships.
-Emotional abuse
-Overcoming sexual abuse.
-Hotlines services.
-5 ways to escape an abusive relationship.
-Domestic violence support.
-Signs of an abusive relationship.
-What do to if you’re in an abusive relationship.
-Surviving abuse.
-What you can do if you’re sexual harassed.
-Sexual assault support.
-What to do if you’ve been sexually assaulted or abused.
Bullying;
-How to stand up against bullying.
-How to protect yourself when it comes to cyber bullying.
-How to help stop people bullying you.
Loss and grief;
-How to cope with a suicide of a loved one.
-Grieving for a stranger.
-Common reactions to death.
-Working through grief.
(Other loss and grief)
-Moving away from friends and family.
-Coping with a breakup.
Getting help;
-Seeking help early.
-All about psychological treatments.
-Types of help.
-All about age and confidentiality.
Things you need to remember;
- Don’t stress about being fixed because you’re not broken.
-Remember to remind yourself of your accomplishments. Tell yourself that you’re proud of yourself, even if you’re not.
- This is temporary. You won’t always feel like this.
-You are not alone.
-You are enough.
-You are important.
-You are worth it.
-You are strong.
-You are not a failure,
-Good people exist.
-Reaching out shows strength.
-Breathe.
-Don’t listen to the thoughts that are not helping you.
-Give yourself credit.
-Don’t be ashamed of your emotions, for the good or bad ones.
-Treat yourself the same way as you would treat a good friend.
-Focus on the things you can change.
-Let go of toxic people.
-You don’t need to hide, you’re allowed to feel the way you do.
-Try not to beat yourself up.
-Something is always happening, you don’t want to miss out on what’s going to happen next.
-You are not a bother.
-Your existence is more than your appearance.
-You are smart.
-You are loved.
-You are wanted.
-You are needed.
-Better days are coming.
-Just because your past is dark, doesn’t mean your future isn’t bright.
-You have more potential than you think.
- Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.
Please remember to look after yourself and know that you are more than worth it and you deserve to be happy. Keep smiling butterflies x
Today, I found myself heading to a Buddhist temple for an addiction recovery meeting and meditation session. Initially, I was overwhelmed with anxiety, my mind racing with all the ways things could go wrong. Why? Because the mind, though a powerful tool, is just that—a tool. It should be used only when needed; otherwise, it will create problems simply to justify its own activity, becoming an addiction in itself. As I made my way there, I became aware of the vibrations of the music resonating in my ears, the wind brushing against my face, the comfort of my seat—each moment was rich with joy. Yet, we so rarely tap into the immediate joy available to us in the present.
-Griff
Today, I found myself heading to a Buddhist temple for an addiction recovery meeting and meditation session. Initially, I was overwhelmed with anxiety, my mind racing with all the ways things could go wrong. Why? Because the mind, though a powerful tool, is just that—a tool. It should be used only when needed; otherwise, it will create problems simply to justify its own activity, becoming an addiction in itself.
As I made my way there, I became aware of the vibrations of the music resonating in my ears, the wind brushing against my face, the comfort of my seat—each moment was rich with joy. Yet, we so rarely tap into the immediate joy available to us in the present.
Thigh gap check !
I'm in recovery and I want to share with you my evolution in the recovery process !
I have to take back 12 kg. It'll be difficult but I know I can do it !
XoXo everyone ! <3
Thigh gap check ! part. 2
TW : 4norex1a. ( I'm in recovery ! )
I found another pictures of me when I was not underweight ! I think I was healthier in those and I wanted to compares those pictures to show you that you don't need to loose weight if you don't need to ! Remember that, because of the 3d, you don't see yourself like everyone else see you. I don't see myself like everyone else too. You'll probably in pain or you probably are in pain already.. You are beautiful ! You are strong ! You're not a weight, you are a person ! 3d doesn't define yourself !
Recovery worth it. Your life worth it. Yourself worth it.
Xoxo. <3
Before and after, in May 2025.
Thigh gap check !
TW : 4n0rex1a ( I'm in recovery ! I just wanted to share the fact that you don't need to loose weight to be pretty AND you have to getting weight again to be healthy and alive. )
After loosing 12 kg in 5 months ! ( I REALLY DON'T RECOMMEND YOU TO DO THAT ! IT'S DANGEROUS FOR YOUR HEALTH ! )
Please, take care of yourself. You worth it.
Xoxo. <3
Hi loveliez !
I hope everyone is fine. I wanted to give you some news about my recovery, hehe. For the moment, I don't taking weight, even if eat mucher than before. I feel happier, I can move, I can go outside with friends without fear ( a little bit lol but yea, I can ), I can live ! My constipation is almost cured too. Everything is good except the guilt and the desire to excercise myself because of it.. I'm proud of me and of you all for trying to save you ! <3
Take care of yourself first.
XoXo. <3
puppeteer.
That kind man, forged from a generational habit of skillful deceit, found his way into the unguarded chambers of my mind; with his soft words, he carved and morphed the memories that his Hyde had inflicted on me; what resulted was near insanity, as what I knew to be truth, what I knew to be reality, crumbled. I had --- and still have --- moments where the very fabric of reality seems to be wearing thin, and I can see no difference between reality and these captivating, yet nonetheless dreadful, memories. As years passed, and Jekyll continued to wear thin the cognizant layer of my mind, I had more and more moments where I seemed to slip from my body; not in a paranormal way, but in the way of one who knows not who she is --- what she is. What she means.
Confusion. Hysteria.
An evolutionary and well-developed terror at the thought of my captor and those calloused hands that molded my torture. Delirium because the vividities of last night were mere dreams, mania because yesterday's twisted events never happened.
Half-assed apologies over text, disorienting "I love you"s slipped under doorways post-episode; a huge sheet of unlined, white paper, with crude sharpie scribblings and an effortless, three-featured smiley face. "Sorry if you think..." "Sorry that you feel...but..."
A doctor could say someone's guilty. A prosecutor would say you're guilty. Yet here I am, doing nothing.
Ah, trauma bonds.
I must not waste my own love on a love that shouldn't have been. And yet here I am, crying more for my father, who still lives, than for any dead being. There are not tears enough in the ocean with which to express my cries; not enough fire on all the earth to succumb my rage; not enough beauty in this world to make up for the illusory treasure I have forever lost. I must hold my head high and acknowledge gone. I must hold my head high and acknowledge forever. It was not meant to be. I am not dissonant enough to believe there is some higher, divine purpose to this injustice. But I am no longer foolish enough to give him all of my love. I am no longer foolish enough to sell myself to a soul so loveless that it cannot survive without a vessel. It is over. He is gone.
i like the fics where reader is a member of the BAU's siblings/child
could you maybe write one like that
i'm giving you the choice of who/what relationship
Something angsty though reader gets injured or kidnapped or something
Happy ending obviously
Hurt comfort types stuff please 🙏
Agent Y/N Hotchner
Summary: Y/N Hotchner (Aaron Hotchner’s younger sibling) joined the team six months ago, after Aaron's retirement, Y/N found interest in the team when they got their hands on an old case file. Signing up for training, Y/N underestimated the responsibility of being on the BAU team.
Work on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/64296616
The warehouse smelled of oil and rust, the air thick with dust that settled on their skin like a second layer. JJ, Tara, and Y/N Hotchner had been searching for an escape route when the unsub, an unhinged, paranoid survivalist, had slammed a metal door shut behind them, locking them inside.
"Shit," JJ hissed, immediately reaching for her radio, but all they got was static. The unsub must’ve jammed the signal.
"We need to find another way out," Tara said, scanning the room. The only exit was the locked door and a boarded-up window near the ceiling. "If we stay put, he might come back, but if we make noise, he might just—" Before she could finish, Y/N spotted movement from the shadows. The unsub lunged.
Instinct took over. Y/N moved fast, trying to dodge his attack, but he was bigger, stronger, and caught them by the arm, yanking them off balance. She twisted in his grip, but the force sent them crashing to the ground, their left shoulder slamming against the concrete at a terrible angle.
A sharp, white-hot pain shot through their body. Y/N let out a rough, broken scream, their breath catching as agony swallowed them whole.
"Y/N!" JJ and Tara’s voices overlapped, their footsteps rushing toward them.
The unsub took a step back, breathing heavily, but instead of running, he sneered down at Y/N. "Should've stayed down, girl." JJ didn’t hesitate.
One shot.
The crack of the gunshot echoed in the warehouse as the bullet tore into the unsub’s chest. He staggered, eyes widening in shock before crumpling to the ground. JJ kept her gun raised, breathing heavy, her jaw tight. "You okay?" she asked Tara without looking away from the unmoving body.
Tara was already at Y/N’s side, pressing a steadying hand against their uninjured shoulder. "Y/N, talk to me," she urged, voice calm but firm. Y/N panted through the pain, their body curling in on itself. "Shoulder—" she rasped. "It’s—"
"Dislocated," Tara finished for them, carefully running a hand over the injury. Y/N flinched violently, a strangled noise escaping their throat.
JJ slowly approached the unsub, toeing his gun away before kneeling down to check his pulse. Two fingers pressed against his neck, waiting, nothing. She exhaled sharply, eyes dark. "He's dead." Without another glance, she turned back to Y/N. Y/N groaned, their body shifting slightly, sending a fresh wave of pain searing through their shoulder. "Fuck—"
"I know," JJ murmured, immediately kneeling beside them. She reached out, brushing damp strands of hair from Y/N’s forehead. "I know, sweetheart. Just breathe for me, okay?"
Tara stood, scanning the dimly lit warehouse. "We can’t just leave them like this. I need to find something to splint their shoulder, keep it stabilized." JJ nodded, her focus on Y/N as Tara moved through the space, rummaging through rusted shelves and discarded crates.
"J… hurts," Y/N whimpered, their breath coming in quick, shallow gasps. JJ’s fingers curled around Y/N’s good hand. "I know, honey. I know. But I’m right here. We’re gonna get you through this." JJ shifted slightly, allowing Y/N to lean against her chest.
She could feel the unsteady rise and fall of Y/N’s breathing, the tremors wracking their body. "Just focus on me, okay? What’s the first thing you’re gonna do when we get out of here?" Y/N exhaled shakily, their forehead pressing into JJ’s shoulder. "Shower… maybe s-sleep forever," she mumbled weakly.
JJ huffed a soft laugh. "Yeah? Sounds like a plan. I’ll even make you coffee in the morning."
"C-coffee…" Y/N breathed, the thought almost too far away to care about, but it still brought a small, appreciative smile to their lips. Tara returned a minute later, a wooden plank and some torn fabric in her hands. "This'll have to do until we can get them out of here."
JJ helped shift Y/N slightly, but even the smallest movement sent a sharp jolt of pain through their body. Y/N moaned low in their throat, eyes squeezing shut as their head fell back against JJ’s shoulder.
"You’re doing so good," JJ whispered, pressing her lips to Y/N’s temple. "Just a little longer, okay?" Tara worked quickly, binding Y/N’s arm as gently as she could. "It’s not perfect, but it’ll keep it stable." She met Y/N’s pain-glazed eyes. "You hanging in there?"
Y/N gave a small, tired nod. "Barely." JJ adjusted her hold on Y/N, wrapping an arm around their back to support them. "I’ve got you," she murmured. The minutes stretched into an eternity. JJ and Tara kept talking to them, keeping them awake.
JJ rubbed slow, comforting circles into their back, whispering soft reassurances. Tara kept checking their pulse, making sure she wasn’t slipping too far into the pain. "You’re a tough one, Hotchner," Tara mused, her tone light despite the tension. Y/N huffed a weak chuckle. "Runs in the family."
"Yeah, I know." Tara kept a careful eye on Y/N as her voice softened. "You’re gonna be okay. We just gotta keep you talking, all right? Let’s take your mind off the pain." Y/N nodded, their throat tight. "I don’t know if I can."
"Yes, you can," JJ insisted, brushing her hand over Y/N’s damp forehead. "You’ve got this, just talk to us. Tara, make them talk. Anything." Tara raised her brows, a playful glint in her eyes. "Okay, okay. Fine, let’s see… You ever think about going skydiving, Hotchner?" Y/N let out a weak breath. "Skydiving? Are you crazy?"
Tara grinned. "Well, you’ve gotta die somehow, right? Might as well be in a way that makes people say, ‘Man, they were brave.’" Y/N laughed weakly, but it was enough to draw out another strained but genuine smile. "I’m more of a stay-on-the-ground kind of person."
JJ smiled, continuing her gentle ministrations. "You and me both." The sound of approaching sirens finally broke the silence. JJ exhaled in relief, her grip tightening around Y/N.
"They’re here," she whispered. Y/N let out a shaky breath, their body trembling against JJ. "You did good, kid," JJ murmured, pressing a soft kiss to their hair. "You did real good."
The warehouse door was kicked open, a burst of voices flooding inside. "FBI! Hands where we can see them!" Emily’s voice. Tara stood immediately, signaling to the team. "We’re clear! Unsub’s down... Y/N’s hurt!"
Boots pounded against the concrete floor as their team rushed in, led by Emily, Luke, and Rossi. Emily’s eyes swept the room, landing on JJ and Y/N, her expression shifting from hardened focus to sharp concern.
JJ barely looked up. "She needs a medic... now." Emily knelt beside them, her hand grazing Y/N’s uninjured arm. "Hey, kid," she said gently. Y/N groaned in response, their head rolling weakly against JJ’s shoulder.
"She needs help Em," JJ murmured. "She’s exhausted." The paramedics arrived next, their med bags already unzipped. "What are we looking at?"
"Left shoulder dislocation," Tara answered, stepping back to give them space. "She took a hard fall." One of the medics knelt, assessing Y/N’s arm with careful hands. "We’ll get them on a stretcher, stabilize the joint, and give them something for the pain."
Y/N whimpered when they moved them. JJ ran a soothing hand over their hair. "I got you," she whispered. "Just breathe, sweetheart." Emily’s gaze flicked to JJ, catching the rare softness in her eyes. She knew JJ cared about Y/N, hell, they all did, but this? This was different.
JJ had spent an hour holding Y/N together, keeping them from breaking under the pain. That kind of care wasn’t just professional. It was personal. The medics got Y/N secured, an oxygen mask over their nose, an IV slipping into their arm to deliver pain relief. The tension in their body finally started to ease.
JJ stood, hesitating for only a second before squeezing Y/N’s fingers once more. "I’ll be right behind you, okay?" Y/N’s eyelids fluttered, a ghost of a nod. As the stretcher rolled out, Emily turned to JJ. "You okay?" JJ let out a breath, her eyes trailing after Y/N. "I will be."
Emily studied her for a beat before nodding. "Let’s get them to the hospital."
- - -
The hospital room was bright, too bright, the overhead lights casting a sterile glow over the pale blue walls. Y/N lay on the exam table, their body finally beginning to relax as the drugs coursed through their system.
JJ stood beside them, one hand wrapped around Y/N’s as the doctors and nurses moved efficiently around them, preparing to reset their shoulder. "You’re doing great, kid," JJ murmured, her thumb tracing small circles against Y/N’s skin. "Just a little longer."
Y/N blinked slowly, their pupils dilated, their lips parting as if she wanted to say something but couldn’t quite find the words. "Alright," the doctor announced, positioning himself at Y/N’s side. "We’re gonna get that shoulder back in place. You might feel some pressure."
Y/N let out a breath, their gaze flicking up to JJ, "Stay?" JJ’s heart clenched. "I’m not going anywhere," she promised. The doctor nodded at the nurse, who adjusted the IV drip, pumping more painkillers into Y/N’s system.
JJ could see the drugs taking hold, the tension in Y/N’s muscles easing, their expression softening, their blinks growing slower. The doctor gave JJ a small look of warning before he took hold of Y/N’s arm, rotating it gently. Y/N whimpered, a small, pained sound escaping their lips, their fingers weakly squeezing JJ’s hand.
JJ leaned closer. "I know, sweetheart. Almost done."
A swift movement, a deep pop...
And then it was over.
Y/N let out a slow exhale, blinking up at JJ with glassy eyes. "Did you see that?" she mumbled, voice slurring. "My arm just—boom—" she wiggled their fingers lazily, "back in place." JJ bit back a smile, brushing her thumb across Y/N’s knuckles. "Yeah, I saw."
Y/N grinned, slow and sleepy, "I feel great. I love drugs. I should dislocate stuff more often." JJ snorted, "Let’s not make a habit of that, okay?" Y/N just giggled, their head lolling slightly to the side. "You're so pretty."
JJ huffed a quiet laugh. "You’re definitely high."
"Maybe," Y/N mumbled, their voice barely above a whisper. "But you’re still pretty." JJ shook her head, smiling as she brushed a damp strand of hair from Y/N’s forehead.
The door burst open seconds later, and the rest of the team rushed in. Rossi, Tara, Luke, and Emily all crowded around the bed, their faces a mix of concern and relief. "How’s she doing?" Emily asked, her sharp eyes immediately scanning Y/N’s face.
JJ smirked. "She’s high as hell." Y/N blinked sluggishly at the new arrivals, their face lighting up when she spotted Emily. "Boss lady!" she greeted with a bright, dopey grin. Emily arched an eyebrow. "That’s me." Y/N nodded sagely, squeezing JJ’s hand. "Did you know… that JJ is so pretty?"
JJ sighed. "Oh god, we’re back to this." Luke grinned. "I like high Y/N. She’s affectionate." Y/N’s head lolled toward him. "Luuuuke," she drawled. "You’re so... so... tall." He chuckled. "Can’t argue with that." Rossi stepped closer, his hands tucked into his pockets. "How’s the shoulder, kid?"
Y/N stared at him for a long moment before whispering, as if revealing a great secret, "Attached." The whole team laughed. Even Rossi let out an amused chuckle, shaking his head. "That’s good," Tara said, amused. "Let’s keep it that way."
Y/N nodded solemnly before their eyes drifted down to where JJ’s hand was still in theirs. She patted it clumsily. "This... is my emotional support JJ." JJ groaned, but the team lost it, laughter echoing through the small hospital room.
"You’re not wrong," Emily said, shooting JJ a teasing glance. Y/N sighed dramatically, leaning their head back against the pillows. "I love you guys." Tara chuckled. "You’re gonna regret saying that when you sober up." Y/N’s face scrunched up.
"Nope. I mean it. You’re all my bestest friends." She turned to Emily, their eyes shining with exaggerated sincerity. "Even you, boss lady. Even though you’re scary sometimes." Emily smirked. "That’s fair." Luke shook his head, grinning. "I should record this."
Y/N gasped. "Nooo." She clutched JJ’s hand dramatically. "JJ, protect me!" JJ rolled her eyes but gave Y/N’s hand a reassuring squeeze. "Alright, alright. No recordings." Y/N exhaled in relief before their gaze landed on Tara. "Taraaa," she drawled. "You were so cool back there. Like a doctor. You should be a doctor."
Tara laughed. "I’ll consider it." Y/N nodded. "Good. You’d be great." Rossi smirked. "I think the painkillers are wearing off." Y/N pouted. "Nooo. I like being floaty." Emily shook her head, amusement twinkling in her eyes. "You’re gonna hate yourself in the morning."
Y/N groaned, already feeling the first hints of exhaustion creeping in. "Ugh. Future me’s problem." JJ smiled softly, brushing her thumb over Y/N’s knuckles. "Alright, enough excitement. You need to rest."
Y/N sighed but nodded, their eyelids already drooping. "Okay. But only 'cause you said so, emotional support JJ."
The team chuckled again, the weight of the day finally beginning to ease as Y/N drifted off to sleep, still holding onto JJ’s hand.
When there is no more depression like a stone around my neck, rare and treasured happiness becomes commonplace, and the euphoria of joy now feels like nothing, nothing at all, and contentment is not a mountain peak overlooking a panoramic view, but a flat and featureless plain. With no depression hiding me in a little pit, away from the sun, there is no shade or shelter, Just the glare, an undefended and uncharted expanse with room for dread to creep in unhindered, for uncertainty to reign when all directions look the same, and when there is no more up, no more climbing out, how do you decide where to go?
Grasping ropes that were rotten and on fire
Grasping ropes as I tried to pull myself higher
Away from the water that rises at a speed I can't control
Away from the water that threatens to engulf me cold.
Maybe this is why I sought after ways
To find any sort of control
When I ate, slept and how much pain I felt
For all my bad decisions, my body went through hell.
I'm sick and tired and scared of myself at times
The world gets hazy and I can't breathe well
Someone please, save me from myself.
I'm sick and tired of looking at my arm and only seeing lines.
Filled with guilt and a terrible sense of shame
Filled with fear but I asked for help anyway.
No one's coming I've got to save myself
All I've got is me, in sickness and in health.
So I cradle my heavy heart in my arms
And tell someone I trust, that to myself I bring harm.
"I need help", these words I choked out finally
One big step towards a better rope at the end
I'm slowly making my way towards it,
Are you proud of me yet?
-scaredofmyvoice
quitting my ed 🔥🔥
joy will help you heal.
this applies to everything from “staying home sick from school is easier if you play a low-stress game you like between naps instead of wallowing in your snotty misery” all the way up to “grief and trauma is hard, i understand, but learning to live for yourself again means cherishing all the good moments on purpose”
it may not be everything you need to get better – but joy will help you heal, i promise.
Coming back to tumblr after the clusterfuck of social media that is shorts, Tiktoks, and instagram is like finally coming home to your Mom after a 8 week bender for her to nurse you back to life with homemade chicken soup, blanket, and quirky book to read while you recover.
defines you? no.
shapes you? moulds you? becomes you? yes.
our identity is malleable as fuck. our experiences warp it day in and out. the good and the bad.
and this is not to invalidate you: your traumas are real, stifling, and the consequences echo.
but never forget they’re not what’s written under “you” in the dictionary.
they’re just littered throughout your wiki.
“your trauma doesn’t define you” no actually it does. it dictates every aspect of my shitty life.
I am getting a lot of my emotions back from after 3 years of being on Korlym. I have Cushing's Disease and had the tumor removed in October. I have been crying nearly non-stop, when I have my private moments, about how much I love things and how badly I've been masked. I keep getting hit with personal understanding epiphanies that feel like the climax of a movie. It feels like such a big deal to me.
I don’t care at all💯
Admit the simulation has been hitting different lately
If you surround yourself with 9 ‘losers’ yoh will eventually become the 10th… if you surround yourself with 9 ‘winners’, you will eventually be the 10th.
Surround yourself with people who lift you up, not tear you down. People who are positive and offer solutions in tough times and in good times!
Sometimes not getting what you want is an incredible stroke of luck!
