Raphael Hamato - Blog Posts

OKAY SO I cannot make a comic to save a life, BUT I really needed to get this idea out so here we go!

kid me hated 2012 raph with all her passion and yet now I just want to hug the shell out of him, cause I'm sorry but this poor kid- is just a kid ffs

late at night i was listening to this one song and it made me think,

what if raphael lost his brothers at a maybe somewhat young age and it turns him insane, like in Man Vs. Sewer he was scared to be alone and starts like, cooking the sandos twins or…something,

like he goes full on insane because he thought he was all alone. so up the stakes, he loses his brothers in some kind of accident and its like jinx from arcane, makes plushies of them and pretends like they’re actually there and slowly drives himself insane, especially when he considers himself their leader/protecter.

my mind runs

rottmnt family photo :Oc

2012 Raph is so skrunkly I wanna eat him /pos

Normal CSP test hehe :^)

hope and sacrifice.

I need to expand on this more on here because I'm going insane thinking about this.

the main themes in the rise movie center around hope and sacrifice. hope, being a ninjas greatest weapon and what leo ultimately uses to get the team motivated, and sacrifice which leo actively uses. these two concepts are interchangeable and are used to develop this unhealthy view of being a hero.

leo being the prime example of this.

leo is notorious for being a martyr in the movie not because he wants to be self sacrificial and thinks he deserves it (although a small part of him might think that) but because thats what he's been taught and grown up to think. of taking responsibility. of allowing to take hold of the "burden" of caring for his team, for his brothers. he must sacrifice a part of himself in order to be a worthy leader. no more immature pizza stacking competitions, no, leo must sacrifice that part in order to mold into being a leader. he must sacrifice his childhood.

its no surprise leo wants nothing to do with this idea, its no surprise he's constantly rebelling against this notion and not taking it seriously because as much as we have seen leo act dumb and immature, we know that he is smarter than he acts. he knows that being a leader is sacrificing the part of freedom he loves so much. the part that can joke around with his brothers and can allow himself to easily fight off bad guys without worrying because thats not his job. he's just leo.

thats raphs job.

raph has sacrificed this part of himself. his identity is surrounded by being the oldest, being the responsible one, having the "raph chasm", being the leader. raph was born as the eldest son to take the responsibility and with little to no help from splinter (because lets be honest raphs relationship with his brothers is also very parental), raph has had to create this idea of what being a leader is not only to himself but for his brothers. he has created the mold of being a leader from shows, from experiences, from being the oldest. he must sacrifice a part of himself, a part of his freedom, a part of his childhood, in order for his brothers to be safe.

and now his younger brother is being pushed into this with little to no warning.

(now I could go on and on about how the season 2 finale was the catalyst for raph and leos bond and brotherhood to slowly unravel BUT thats another thread.)

the rejection of the leader position from leos perspective makes so much sense. leo is still a kid. this responsibility isn't for him, he's not equipped to make these decisions. thats for raph. thats for the oldest.

which makes why raph is so upset with leo in the beginning of the movie so much more real. all he's known is this great weight of carrying the burden and guilt of his brothers and the actions that could cause them to get hurt, he has taken the fall, taken the blame, and has done so without faltering (kind of). although leo is the "faceman", all of the brothers show some sort of mask to hide behind in an unhealthy way. donnie hides behind his science and his title of being the "smart one", mikey hides behind the fact that he is the youngest and his many dr. personas. leo and raph both hide behind some form of bravado that masks the fear they have for their brothers and their safety. raph uses his anger while leo uses his laid back attitude. both are hiding their fear. their both scared.

this is where hope and sacrifice begin to blur.

casey jr. introduces us to the idea of hope because he essentially is the human personified version of hope. he is future leos last hope. he is what is left of an entire civilization that has now been destroyed. but what is hope without sacrifice. casey jr. has witnessed both future mikey and future leo sacrifice themselves for the greater good. for hope. since this is all casey jr. has ever known, especially with how he grew up (another major theme but ill talk about that another time) the idea of sacrifice is hand in hand with hope. with winning. with being a hero.

so when leo comes back after raph sacrifices himself so leo can escape, casey jr. is more thrilled than anything that they have the key. because they "won", because raph sacrificed himself, because hope is nothing without sacrifice.

and this is again another reason why leo begins to put the two together and create his own warped idea of being a leader.

being a hero.

learning about his future self, of how much casey jr. idolizes him and calls him "the greatest ninja the worlds ever seen", of how he was a leader and led the entire revolution. of how he saved the world by sacrificing himself. its only until raph does the same does the gears begin to turn.

being a leader is about sacrifice.

and so getting thrown into the prison dimension is the responsible thing to do. its the right thing. its the sacrifice that someone like leo believes is what a leader would do because yeah leos the leader now and leaders do whatever they can to make sure their team is safe.

that their brothers are safe.

the words "its not about me" play into this mindset and although by the end it helps leo learn that he needs to put more trust in his brothers and allow the burden of being a leader to fall on more than his shoulders, "its not about you" is exactly the mindset that raph had in the beginning of the movie. and because of this, raph and leo both are stuck in this cycle of responsibility and freedom. of having to navigate between wanting to sacrifice their future of being heroes in order to just live like normal people for a few minutes or sacrifice their own individuality to bare the weight of the world on their shoulders. and with their situation of being literal mutated turtles created only to become super soldiers, they automatically are deemed special and were brought into this world in hopes of fighting against humanity.

A ninjas greatest weapon is hope after all.

Raph!! From rottmnt :D

My design of Raphael from ROTTMNT + human designs

I hc him as; Aroflux panromantic asexual and a trans man who uses he/him and Raph/Raphself pronouns >:)

(they just headcannons it's ok if u disagree)

Dynamics: Part 1, <Next!>

(Warning for word vomit ahead!)

I did say I have more storyish/lore stuff planned XD

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So in this Au, F!Raph died when Cj was 5. So there’s not much to say future wise. Cuz Cj rmbs zilch

Present wise: there was inital awkwardness for Cj meeting someone he’s only ever heard stories off plus that awkwardness of meeting someone new. But it was a breath of fresh air for Case, cuz surrounded by these reminders and unfamiliarity, Raph hurts the least. In the first few days post invasion, Cj hung out a lot with Raph cuz everyone was kinda down for the count. April couldn’t be around 24/7 cuz she had to check in with her human family, Mikey was spending the first 3-5 days sleeping alot cuz mystic exhaustion plus his hands. Donnie was in his lab a lot trying to process all the events, plus fix everything the Krang broke and Leo was in his week long coma. And Splints who decided to get off the couch for once was stretched thin trying to look out for everyone and so as a result the two were kinda just smushed tgt allowing them to bond.

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Overall I picture their dynamic as the most laidback (drama free). Largely in part cuz; A)Cj has less emotional hang ups cuz he doesn’t have to expand mental energy to manage his expectations or manage * cough push down cough * any crushing grief/feelings of abandonment/anger cuz said feelings of abandonment cuz he doesn’t rmb F!Raph to have an attachment, tho he does occasionally feel a bit guilty sometimes for hanging out with Raph but that’s a comic for another time.

B) while Cj is a menace. He’s also a sensible and kind (everyone say thank you F!Mikey) menace who sees how stressed Raph gets trying to wrangle all 3 brothers and feels bad about adding more to his plate. And plus is also very much aware of his mortality and others mortality cuz apocalypse. So the menace only comes out during chill time. Not on missions. Misson wise he’s just like he is in the movie trying to get everyone to stay on track. Which Raph rlly appreciates. But even during chill time Cj is arguably the “calmer” one cuz that’s just how he is as a person. Tho that calmer is debatable cuz it’s by Raph’s skewed standards of his other siblings not normal ppl standards to normal ppl Case still looks unhinged lmao.

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but generally if they’re hanging out 1 on 1 (in a group setting it’s a whole diff story) Cj tries his best to not stress Raph too much. Unless the menace/cain instinct is hitting hard that day. Cuz he’s a sweet boy liek that. 😂. so they’re usually doing typical chill friend things, watching movies, sparring, sharing bout their day, . causally wandering around topside/Hidden city. With the undercurrent of Raph trade mark mother-henning and Cj depending on the circumstances either goes along with it or tries to get Raph to back off cuz it worries/irritates Cj. All in all they’re just your typical very wholesome older- younger brother dynamic

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Side note: Raph and Cj are honestly lowkey relieved their hangouts/dynamic are so chill. They love their family but man do they both need a break sometimes XD. For Junior it’s cuz seeing the dead not dead version of family plus struggle of grief/ juggling his expectations for said family is exhausting and having someone whose removed from that whole situation is like phew thank god. For Raph he’s just so glad he has a little brother/sibling/friend who doesn’t have a 95% chance of turning anything (even fricking ice) into a grease fire when left unsupervised unintentionally or not. Tho tbh causal theft, looser morals and gratuitous use of blackmail and occasional pranks may not be much better. Cj is truly his fathers son 😂

Gift for @biconic-disaster25 ! Based off her amazing fic: “Who says nostalgia can’t solve anything?”Her fics are amazing and I highly recommend ppl read it

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Sophie if you’re see this, I just want to say thank you. Your fics been such a huge source of comfort to me during trying times and inspiration to me ( heck your fic, “Where the Cherry Blossoms bloom (that’s where I’ll be)” is what literally inspired me to make Healer!Cj’s Ninpo teal). I don’t know what I did for you to regularly comment on my Healer!Cj posts but I just want you to know that such acknowledgment is so very encouraging and it means so much to me. Esp when it comes from someone whose stories I love/admire so much. Your ability to write such nuanced, realistic and wholesome dynamics and emotions in such a raw but organic way is incredible to me. But that’s enough mushiness for now. Hope you like this gift heheh and I hope my silly little au was able to bring you just a fraction of the joy I felt reading your stories and I hope you have an awesome day! Now see ya~😜

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Also ngl low lighting pieces are rlly not common for so hope it turned out ok 😅

This is generally set over the course of a few days to maybe a few months post-invasion. Generally speaking, Casey has always struck me as a doer not a thinker. He can never sit still, And coupled with a new environment, unsettled by lack of familiarity, insecurity over not having anywhere else to go, not wanting to be a burden/wanting to help his family (even if they’re different) and fueled by a need to manage (*cough ignore *cough) his crushing grief and general anxiety. Casey does what he does best and moves… to an unhealthy degree.

Was I the only one who saw Clash of the Mutanimals, yk the episode where Raph got mind controlled, and went: “Yeah. We need more of that. And make it angsty”

I would hope not because there is some serious potential there, but anyway I took that and the Whumpay prompt “Used as a weapon” to create this.. lovely, beautiful abomination.

TW: Swearing, scenes of violence, blood and injuries, mind control

He felt everything.

From the moment he woke up in Baxtors lab, to fighting his brothers. He felt it all. He saw it all.

He couldn’t control himself.

And now he stood at Shredder's side, wanting nothing more than to sink these god awful claws into his neck. Claws, stained with his own brothers blood. He wanted to tear that man apart, the man who forced him to hurt his own brother. To wound him with weapons that weren’t his. But he couldn’t. His arms hung by his side, fists balled, unable to move an inch without being told he could.

He wasn’t sure how long he stood here. It could’ve been ten minutes, it could've been an hour. Shredder sat, perched on his stupid throne while he spoke. Raph didn’t register what he said, too wrapped up in his own head.

To say he was livid would be an understatement.

He still remembered the feeling of Leo’s skin tearing- the sound, god, the way it tore through his muscle with such ease it left him reeling. It was bleeding so much, and the look on his face was nothing short of devastated. He wanted to reach out, to hold him, fuck, apologize for once- but he couldn’t. He didn’t even spare Leo a second glance before he turned his sights on his younger brothers. They managed to escape before he could do any more damage. Leo.. he’d been loosing too much blood. They had to retreat and leave them all. They had to leave him.

He couldn’t blame them, he would’ve done the same thing. God- he’d been so close to getting control, but Shredder gave him one command and he had to follow through.

“Enough of these games, Raphael. End it.”

Those words bounced around his head, closely followed by Leonardo’s screams. The shouts and shrieks from his younger brothers. The horror in Mikey’s voice, lunging for their leader. Donatello’s voice, accusing, full of disbelief and fear.

”Raph! What the hell did you do?”

He couldn’t get it out of his head.

Leo’s blood was still sticky on his face, coating the gauntlets with a dark red. There was a puddle on the floor below them.

Raph wanted nothing more than to sink these claws into Shredder and he couldn’t move. He was sure he’d be stuck here for hours, plotting murderous revenge with a face blanker than paper- until he was called by the very man who caused all this.

“Raphael.” Shredder's voice was firm, but he could hear the underlying threat. It’s not like I could resist, he thought bitterly. “Why don’t you go to the lab and make yourself useful.”

He couldn’t stop the words from coming out of his mouth. “Yes, master”

As it turns out, he was there to be a test subject. To make sure the brain serum was still working, still doing it’s job. Raph wanted to let out a bitter laugh. If it wasn’t working, they’d have known by now.

Nonetheless, Baxter had him strapped down. He was in no position to escape, but clearly these people had nothing better to do than take precautions. The metal was cold on his skin, the straps roughly digging into his flesh. He sat, his skin crawling with disgust and anger. The fly buzzed around the room, picking up strange tools, examining them closely before putting them down again in a seemingly unending cycle. Finally, the fly turned his attention to Raph, his beady eyes staring him down.

“Zz-stay zz-still, thizz izz going to hurt.”

When Baxter stuck a needle longer than his finger into his brain, he couldn’t scream.

——————————

He was strapped to the table. The same table as the day before. He growled, tugging harshly at the bonds but they didn’t budge, and he let out a frustrated yell.

“Now now zzz you won’t want to zzz do that.” The fly hovered a few feet away, swaying gently. In his hands he was holding a pair of tongs, within its grasp, the brain-worm wiggled around. Raphael’s eyes widened, once again thrashing in the restraints.

“Don’t you dare put that thing anywhere near me!” He screamed, his eyes were wide and he was heaving. He had gotten his control back (or had he?), and he felt nothing but anger. Of course, his internal plight did nothing to disway the bug, flying closer to him with a twitch of his head. “I’m warning you! You do that shit again and I’ll make sure to come after you first!”

“No you zzz won’t”, he held the tongs up to his head, “just zzsit zzstill.”

Raphael felt the slimey, rubber texture of the worm on his face and he almost threw up. “I’m serious- when my brothers show up you’re gonna regret this, fly-face!”

The worm held a steady course, wriggling slowly towards his ear. He could barely see it, wrinkled and gray, two black beady eyes with a sharp cone for a mouth. Raph’s body tensed up, his hands opening and closing around nothing. His eyes were wide and panicked, his breaths came out in harsh gasps, he couldn’t do this again, he couldn’t-

The worm's head dug into his ear canal, and he screamed. Its body was thick, pulsating and too hot. He was on fire. Like he’d just poured molten lava inside of his head, letting it seep in slowly. It wormed its way deeper and deeper into his skull, every passing second felt just like torture. Every inch was agonizing, every twitch sending bolts of pain into his brain. The sharp head pushed past his eardrum, bursting it without mercy, sending painful fireworks throughout his body. It was hot and sharp, pulsing and too tight, sliding deeper and deeper into the parts of his brain he’d never felt before. The tail end finally entered his head, and he almost threw up at the sensation. It felt like a rod was being shoved through his skull, into his brain, sliding, biting, crawling- and then it was gone.

The pain.

The pressure.

…

His control.

——————————

Raphael awoke in his bed. He’d been given a room by the dungeons. Plain. Nothing more than a bed and a dresser. (He knew it was because they didn’t trust him. They had him trapped under their control, and they still didn’t trust him. God, they were more paranoid than Donnie)

His eyes were blank, as always. He stretched his arms above his head, pops and cracks filling the air. It felt good, but his face was cold and blank. Finally he stood, shaking out his arms to loosen the joints. Every tendon ached, his muscles hurt, and his skin was smattered with purples and blues but Raph didn’t care. If anything it was nice, familiar.

Slash and Rockwell had escaped about five days ago- somehow, he wasn’t sure about the specifics- they’d broken through the mind control. Of course, Raph was sent to stop them with strict orders not to hold back. Slash was lucky enough to send him to the floor, giving the two just enough time to get away. Raphael had been a demon during the attack, taking every available opportunity, hitting every weak point, and he would’ve won. He was thankful he didn’t.

He had hoped they would go get his brothers. He remembered that night, locked in his room, left to deal with his wounds on his own, but he was hopeful. He thought they’d come back for him, that this never ending torture could finally be over. He waited all night. Then all day. And the next. And the next. And the next. Over and over, he went to bed hoping tonight would be the night. He told himself he just had to be patient. So he waited. And waited. And waited.

Their rescue never came.

He’s since resigned himself to this fate, but a small part of him was glad Slash and Rockwell weren’t trapped anymore. Even if a bigger part of him was jealous of their freedom.

His brain was on autopilot while he got ready, using a familiar wrapping technique with unfamiliar cloth. The last two weeks had been slow. He fought the Shredder too many times to count, and he always lost. Every fight with Rahzar, he lost. Every fight with Fish-Face, he lost. He always lost.

(The irony wasn’t lost on him. All he could do was wait, hope for a rescue, and lose to his enemies. He hated it.)

Sometimes he was sent on missions- recon, nothing more. Sometimes he got to kick some robot butt, taking all his anger out on the kraang droids. Sometimes he’d go on these missions and he knew his brothers had been there. Maybe it was a lingering smell, a wrapper from Mikey’s favourite gum, or a footprint in the dirt. The most obvious signs were destroyed kraang bots, show casing familiar cuts in the metal, courtesy of Leo’s katana’s. Or, less obvious, were the blunt marks from Mikey’s nunchucks and Donnie’s Bo staff. Every time he’d stand for a second, haunted with the knowledge that he had missed them by minutes. He was so close to seeing them again. No matter how much it hurt, he prayed that he never would- not when he was like this.

At the end of the day, id didn’t matter what he did, his night was always the same. He had to go to stupid Stockmans lab to get a stupid needle jammed into his skull, pumping a stupid purple solution into his brain until he felt woozy and numb.

It was a shitty schedule if you asked him.

He looked at the clock (the only non essential thing he had in the room), his eyebrows furrowing. He was due to start training in ten minutes, with whom, he wouldn’t know until he got there.

He looked down, unsurprised to see that he was almost ready. All he had left was the final touches. A black mask designed like his own, and the stupid pair of gauntlets that were still bloody. He tied the mask around his head with such hatred he almost ripped the fabric in half. Finally, he slid the awful yet familiar tools onto his hands, gripping the metal tightly in his palm.

He walked out of the room, slowly making his way to the training room. He pushed open the door, unsurprisingly, Fish-Face stood in the centre. The mutant had his hands together, raising one mechanical leg in the air. Was he doing.. yoga? Raph would’ve doubled over laughing, making fun of him and mocking the position if he could’ve, but whatever. He didn’t dare say anything (as if he could), and the fish enjoyed taunting him a little too much. Raph didn’t need to add anymore fuel to the fire.

“Here comes the turtle,” he mocked, grinning ear to ear. Raphael internally rolled his eyes, right on cue. “Bad sleep? Or are those just bruises from our last session?”

Raphael narrowed his eyes, but part of the action wasn’t his. He could feel his blood boiling under his skin, the anger screaming at him to let it out. He cracked his neck, holding the claws up in front of him. “Are we doing this or what?” He snapped, his face startlingly blank. Across from him Fish-Face smirked, the fight was on.

Raph would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy these sessions. He couldn’t land any life threatening hits, nor could he go for the face- but they never said anything about legs. He could kick them as much or as hard as he wanted, and a part of him knew that Leo would’ve been proud of his form. It was the small things like that which made this terrible experience bearable. Besides, he could use this to stay fit. So what if he got beat up in the process? It was nothing new.

As per usual, Fish-Face won, but not without some painful roundhouse kicks, flying back kicks, and a wicked axe kick on Raph’s part. It was during one of his jump kicks where both feet were off the ground when the stupid fish managed to throw him off balance, pinning him to the floor in seconds. He struggled, thrashing under his grip for a minute before he stopped, growling angrily. Fish-Face got off and gloated for what must've been the fifth time this week.

“Too easy. Are you even trying to fight back, turtle?” He laughed, watching the shorter man pull himself off the floor silently. “How the mighty have fallen..” he grinned, his eyes hiding something dark and malicious.

Raphael once again stayed silent, he didn’t talk back. He couldn’t. He didn’t roll his eyes. He just stared at him, blankly, waiting for his next order. He was mad, god knows he wanted to scream and attack the mutant, but he couldn’t even ball his fists. The fish sighed wistfully, enjoying this mental defeat of his personal nemesis. With a small chuckle, he began turning away.

“Master Shredder has a mission for you,” he started, walking off. Raphael, of course, followed him. “I’m sure you’ll enjoy it, after all, you’ll get to see your brothers again.” He said it sadistically, a dark gleam in his eye that made Raph uneasy. What were they going to make him do? Lead them to the lair? Kill his father? Fight his brothers, again? Fat fucking chance. He’d rather kill himself before he let any of that happen.

“What does he need me to do?” He asked, monotone. He gave no reaction to the mention of his brothers. He wanted to scream. It had been two weeks since he saw them- since he hurt Leo. Two weeks of no contact, no autonomy, just guilt and anger. He was losing his mind. But the prospect of going back.. he was terrified, what if he couldn’t break out of this control? What if he hurt them? What if he killed them?

What would he do then?

“What do you think? Find and kill your family, of course.”

Raphael’s mind seemed to go blank. He should’ve expected that answer. Of course, they’d want him to eliminate his family. They were the Shredder's greatest enemies- and without family, Raph wouldn’t have anything to fight for. He’d be stuck as a mindless slave for eternity and his brothers would be gone. Raph would’ve paled, would’ve stopped walking and punched the daylights out of that stupid, pathetic excuse of a fish, but he couldn’t. He was drowning, trapped within his own body.

“When do I leave?”

The words were strange, foreign on his tongue. He wanted to throw up. He wanted to rip out the worm, choke it out. He wanted to smash his head against a wall until it was dead, dig his fingers into his skull and pull out the carcass. Fish-Face stopped and looked back at the turtle, almost like he knew exactly what he had been thinking. “Dusk.” He said, happily. He sounded like a kid showing his parents the ’A’ he got on his English paper. But no, he was cheerfully explaining when they expected Raph to kill his brothers.

The fish turned to look at him, his magenta arms crossing over his white chest. “Don’t worry, we know exactly where they’ll be. And you’ll know exactly what you have to do.”

——————————

Raphael hated this plan.

He wanted to scratch off the foot insignia, burn his mask, scrub his face clean of any paint and blast the stupid claws with fire until they were nothing but a red hot pile of metal.

He was crouched in the corner of a rooftop- one he and his brothers frequented during their patrols. He didn’t know the details, but somehow Shredder knew they’d be here. He’d sent Raph, an army of foot bots, Fish-Face and Rahzar to confront the turtles. They were all waiting, the foot bots blending easily into the shadows, Fish-Face and Rahzar waiting for their cue somewhere else. Raphael might have been tucked in a corner, but he wasn’t hiding. (He wished he was).

He didn’t know how long he stood there with his hands sweating, his feet aching from crouching in one spot for so long, and his heart- beating so fast he could feel it in his fingertips. Then he heard it, their laughter. Raphael’s eyes narrowed but his mind was screaming turn around! Don’t come any closer! Pick a different roof- please, don’t make me hurt you!

He should’ve known it was futile. When has the universe ever been on his side?

His eyes scanned the bodies as they flipped onto the roof, noting every detail. Leonardo’s arm, bandaged from the wound he had given him. Raph noticed that he looked stressed- tired, like every step was one step closer to pulling him into the ground for good. Raphael didn’t like seeing him like this- it wasn’t the fearless he knew. Donatello was looking down at some sort of tracking device, his eyes narrowed in concentration. He held a hand up to his chin, stroking it thoughtfully. Raph knew he was tired, he was just better at hiding it. Finally, his eyes slid over to the youngest turtle. Mikey. Michelangelo. He looked the happiest out of all of them but there was still something so- wrong. He had a smile but it looked fake, he laughed, but it sounded forced. He was bouncing around the rooftop but it was too… Animated. Everything about this picture was wrong. They all looked wrong. And- god, he had to kill them.

”You got anything?” Leo asked, Raph's eyes snapped back to the eldest. Leo, who was pinching the bridge of his nose, speaking to Donnie with a tone just short of helpless.

“Nothing,” Donnie muttered, closing his eyes before putting both hands over them, digging the appendages into the sockets. He pulled them off before turning back to Leo. “We’ve been searching for weeks, and I can’t find anything! This thing is useless!”

Mikey jumped over, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t say that, D.” He said softly, patting him. “We’re close, I know it.” Raph could feel his heart breaking, his fingers twitching in anticipation.

Oh, Mikey, you don’t know how close you are.

“We’ll find him.” He smiled, but Donnie looked less than comforted. Mikey pulled away, shrugging nonchalantly. “Besides, Raph can’t get away from us that easily.”

Donnie looked at the floor and Leo sighed. Evidently, the joke didn’t land. Mikey’s tone was too forced- too happy, his laugh made Raph’s heart drop to his stomach, and he let out a sharp breath.

“Yeah, hopefully,” Donnie said.

Leo spoke up from where he’d been standing a few feet away, his eyes narrowing. “Maybe it’s just the wind, but.. did you guys hear anything?”

Raph’s heart stopped beating for a second. Had he heard him? No, there was no way, he should’ve been to far away- but then why ask that question? Could he hear the breathing, the shifting? Could he feel their presence? Their eyes, locked onto the three turtles?

“Nope,” Mikey said, popping the p. He pulled out his nunchucks, spinning one of them lazily. “But if there is anyone, we’re gonna kick their butt!”

Donnie frowned from next to him, tucking the device into his pocket. “Why do you ask, Leo?”

He watched his older brother scan the rooftop, every nook and cranny until Leo was staring right at him. Raphael’s breathing hitched, even if he knew it was dark and you could barely make out his features, you could still see his milky white eyes. A stark contrast to the black shadows. He didn’t know if Leo knew it was him, but whatever he thought was enough for him to pull out his katanas, much to the others confusion. Raph watched as a small wince pulled across Leo’s face, he was clearly favouring his right side. Raph wanted to kill Shredder. He wanted to apologize. He wanted to scream that this was a trap- that they needed to leave- but he stayed silent, perfectly still, barely breathing.

“Because we’re being watched.”

Within a second Donnie had pulled out his bo staff, his brothers switching into defensive positions within the next. All of them were looking directly at him. He watched their eyes go white, narrowing in suspicion. Leonardo stepped forward, pointing one of his Katana’s in Raph's direction. Fuck- fuck, he didn’t want to do this, he couldn’t hurt them, no, no, no no NO-

He couldn’t do anything but sit back and watch.

“Reveal yourself, before we make you.” Leo snarled. If Raph wasn’t worried for their safety, he’d make fun of the corny line, unfortunately, he was worried. Also unfortunately, he couldn’t say it even if he wanted too.

Raph felt his body standing up, coming out of his crouched, contorted position. The claws reached his knees, the steel shimmering in the moonlight. His head was tilted towards the ground, his mouth pulling into a familiar smirk. He rolled his shoulders, cracking his neck before he looked up.

His eyes were green.

“Looking for me?” He said snarkily, just enough that it sounded normal. He watched his brothers relax, before they stopped, noticing exactly what Raph was wearing.

His brown belt had been replaced with black leather, small pouches along the side containing the foots throwing stars. His wraps were all black. He wore spiked shoulder pads and arm bands on both biceps. There was black war paint on his face, two stripes on each cheek. It outlined the black mask perfectly, nothing like his signature red. He still wore his gauntlets, shiny, clean and gleaming. Perhaps worst of all was the black foot insignia on his upper left plastron. It was the best paint they had, water resistant, it shouldn't chip, it was damn near indestructible. The closest thing they could get to a brand without hurting him. To carry that mark in front of his brothers made his skin crawl in shame.

Raphael watched their reactions, horror, confusion, fear, worry, suspicion and disgust. They were disgusted in him. He chuckled. He was disgusted in himself too.

“Raph-!?” Leo gasped, his sword dropping. His blue eyes were wide with shock and horror, sputtering in pure disbelief. The older turtle took a step back, scanning the outfit once, twice, and a third time for good measure, like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

Yeah, you and me both, fearless.

Mikey let out a horrified gasp, his mouth hanging open. He watched his younger brother's eyes scan the outfit, his mouth slowly closing before he gulped, shifting uncomfortably. Raph saw the fear swimming in those baby blues, and it hurt. It felt like he was stabbed right through the chest, but he kept smirking.

Worst of all, perhaps, was Donnie, because his reaction was nothing short of disgusted. His mouth pulled up into a sneer, his eyes narrowing in suspicion. He looked so disappointed in him, disappointed in what happened. He knew he was worried, he knew Donnie, but god if his face didn’t twist the knife.

He found himself laughing, a dark, sadistic laugh that sounded nothing like him.

“Take a picture,” he drawled, holding the gauntlets up in front of him as he kept speaking. “It’ll last longer.”

Leonardo’s eyes narrowed. His sword held higher, his feet shifting in place.

“Raph- come on man, this isn’t you!” Mikey yelled from next to him, a desperate look in his eyes. Raph wanted nothing more than to hug him but he couldn’t. His breath stuttered in his chest, the cue swirling around in his mind. His eyes went white, now was the time.

“The old Raph is dead, he can’t stop this. If you know what’s good for you, you’ll put down the weapons to make this easier for all of us.”

Right on cue the hidden ninjas emerged from their hiding spots, quickly surrounding the three turtles. He nearly gagged, screaming and clawing at his mind in vain. He was trying desperately to move his hands, shut himself up, drop the gauntlets- anything, but nothing happened. Nothing was working. He was still here and he couldn’t fucking do anything.

The three were instantly back in ninja mode, their stance tighter, their weapons clenched in their hands.

“We’d rather die than do that.” Leo said coldly.

“Then die.”

Just like that, everyone attacked. He saw Rahzar and Fish-Face attack Mikey and Donnie. Raphael rushed forward to meet Leonardo, their weapons clanging together, sending sparks through the air. He grit his teeth, hooking the katana Leo held with his bad arm into the claws, twisting the sword out of his hand. He didn’t waste any time before kicking him square in the plastron, sending him back. He watched the foot bots rush in, keeping him distracted while Raph scanned the chaotic rooftop. Shredder had told him which turtle to kill first; the smartest. Donnie was the only one who could come up with a potential cure for the brainworm. If he was dead, well, that solved that problem. He could easily take him down, it was no hidden fact that he was the weakest fighter, even if he was probably the strongest player on the board.

Raph knew once Donnie was dead, they’d fall like flies.

He wanted to stab himself when he locked eyes with his immediate younger brother, currently fighting off Fish-Face. He dodged attack after attack, managing to land a few hits of his own. Raph would’ve been proud, if he wasn’t terrified.

Logically, he knew this wasn’t their first fight, that his brothers were great ninjas, but there was something different. This time, there was no hesitation, no worry over the serum failing, no qualms about taking a life. Instead, it was replaced with bloodlust and the solid belief that Raph was under their control.

“Oi, Xever!” Raph barked out, holding the gauntlets out to his side. Fish-Face looked back and smirked, he grabbed Donatello’s Bo staff mid swing, using the momentum to throw him in Raph’s direction.

Donnie landed with a solid thud, but was immediately back on his feet. He swayed, clutching his staff with both hands. He could see the slight tremble in them, the hesitation in his form. Donnie didn’t want to fight him, he could tell, but he didn’t have a choice.

Raph grinned like a shark, wide, nothing but teeth and malicious intent.

He chuckled lowly, “Come on Donnie.. drop the staff. Fighting back is going to make this so much worse.”

He wanted to punch himself in the face.

Donnie was scared, but his gaze hardened. “No thanks, I quite like my odds actually.”

Raphael shrugged, smirking. “Suit yourself.”

The next thing he knew, he was lunging at him, swinging his blades at his face. Donnie ducked, and it was back and forth from there on.

Raph would swing, Donnie would duck. Donnie would retaliate, trying to sweep his feet out from under him or knock him off balance, Raph would avoid it. Their dance was familiar, but this was nothing like training in the dojo.

He could see the sweat on Donnie’s face the longer they fought, he could hear the grunts and screams from the battle around them, but he never relented.

At some point, Donnie managed to knock off his right gauntlet, sending it flying somewhere behind them. Raph cheered in his head, but he knew his luck would only last for so long. All it would take is one mistake, and Donnie would be done.

Across the rooftop, Mikey screamed. Donnie had been in the middle of attempting a hit to his side. The white eyes immediately snapped back to Donnie’s reddish brown, scanning the roof to find their little brother. He was distracted, and Raph ripped the staff out of his hands, sweeping it under his feet before he could even blink.

Donnie hit the ground with a thud, looking back at Raph before he managed to push himself up. Raph looked over him, hitting the button he knew would release Donnie’s blade. Donnie was scrambling backwards, trying to get up. He could hear Leo shouting in the distance, Mikey’s pained cries, the sound of something snapping, but all he could see was the fear on Donnie’s face while he stalked towards him.

“Raph- Raph, come on man, don’t do this,” he begged, his voice shaking. Raph took another dangerous step forward, his face blank. He raised the weapon, slashing it down. He was going for the face, but Donnie’s left arm came up to block it. Raph watched the back of his forearm get cut open, he heard Donnie’s yell. He paused, and that was just enough time for Donnie’s legs to shoot out, kicking him back with a surprising amount of force. He dropped to a knee, watching his brother scramble back, getting to his feet quickly. He held the bleeding arm to his plastron, covering it with his other arm. His breaths came out in short puffs, god, there was so much blood-

Raphael growled, throwing the staff to the side before he tackled his brother to the ground. He managed to get on top of him, straddling his stomach before he started punching him. He landed blow after blow after blow. His face, his neck, his arms, his chest- wherever he could reach. Donnie cried out with every hit, trying to cover his body as best as he could.

“Raph- stop-“ he gasped, before another punch connected with his cheek. He was shaking under him, staring at him with terror filled eyes. He couldn’t hear the fighting anymore, all he could hear was the sickening smack of his fist connecting to Donnie’s flesh.

“Raphael-!”

Another punch.

“Please- stop-“

An elbow to the nose, a loud crunch filling the air.

“Raph-“

A punch to the arm.

“RAPH!”

A punch connecting with his temple.

“STOP IT! STOP-“

A hammer fist to the chest, slamming it down as hard as he could.

“Please..”

Raph ignored the broken sob, grabbing Donnie’s head with his right hand. He pulled it up, locking eyes with his younger brother before he smashed his skull into the ground.

Donnie stopped begging after that.

He didn’t know how much longer he spent beating the shit out of him, what happened to the rest of the fight, or what happened to his other brothers. He did know that after a while he paused, his chest heaving, his mind blank with horror. He stared down at his brother and almost threw up.

Donnie’s face was mangled, his nose was busted, and there was a pool of blood under his head. Both of his eyes were swollen, his lip split open, and he had a cut above the purple mask. His entire face was almost unrecognizable. Even worse than what happened with Slash. Bruises were already showing up on every inch of his skin from the face down. His arm was still bleeding, he was pretty sure he broke some of his ribs.

He sat there, breathing heavily while Donnie groaned under him. He raised his fist again and he watched Donnie flinch weakly, whimpering. The sound broke Raphael’s heart.

“R-..aph..” he stuttered out, trying to focus his eyes but they were spinning, everything was spinning. “S-top… you-you’re hurting m-me..” He inhaled sharply, coughing. He could’ve been crying. Raph couldn’t tell with all the blood.

“Raphie.. p-lease, please…”

Raph almost cried, the hatred he felt for himself was so strong he almost threw up. Except- he was actually going to throw up. He stumbled off his brother, dropping a few feet away. He was holding a blood covered hand over his mouth, it filled with saliva and a horrible red hot pain shot from his head to his toes. He gagged, his eyes watering at the sheer force of it before he was retching. Something was coming up, but it wasn’t his dinner. He gagged again, dry heaving for a few seconds before he felt something thick in his throat. Choking and coughing, it took a few seconds for it to come out. He shivered, gasping for air as he looked down.

There lied the worm. His eyes widened, his hands twitching- he was hyperventilating. He didn’t hesitate before he brought his gauntlets down onto the bug, slicing it up before smashing the remaining body with his fist. He didn’t stop until it was mush and tears blocked his vision. That’s when he heard his brothers voice, but it wasn’t Donnie.

“Raph..?”

He snapped his head up- Mikey, oh god-

He looked horrible. His nose was busted, and he was holding his left arm. It was bent the wrong way, probably broken. He limped towards him, fuck, he probably had a broken leg too-

“Mikey..” he choked out, stretching a hand out towards his younger brother. He got up, rushing over before he gave him a long hug, careful not to aggravate his wounds too much. He knew he was covered in blood, he could feel it, but he didn’t care. Mikey was alive- hurt, yes, but alive. They didn’t kill him. He pulled back, staring at Mikey with a heartbroken expression.

“Fuck- Mikey, I’m so sorry.”

Mikey’s eyes were wet, and he brushed the tears away with a small sniffle. He gave him a weak grin, less fake than the one he had on earlier. “It’s okay dude, you were totally being controlled by that worm thing.”

Raph choked, holding his brothers good shoulder. He brought his other hand up, realizing with horror that he still had the gauntlet on. He immediately took it off, tossing it to the side. With that out of the way, he brought the hand up to cup his brothers cheek, gently stroking it with his thumb.

”I’m so sorry little brother,” he said quietly. Mikey leaned into the touch, closing his eyes. Raph almost broke down into tears right then and there, but managed to restrain himself. He leaned forward, touching their foreheads together. Mikey reached his good hand up to grab the hand on his shoulder, hiccuping softly.

Eventually Raph pulled away, but before he could even think about what to say, Mikey was already talking. “You should probably check on Donnie, dude,” He sniffed, stepping back from Raph with a small wince. “You- um, got him pretty good.”

Raph stopped, his eyes widening. He mentally chided himself for forgetting about the brother he just beat up before he was turning around, rushing over to Donnie. He wasn’t sure if Mikey followed. He barely made out the figure of his older brother sitting next to the mangled body before he collapsed, his hands hovering over the bloodied chest.

“Donnie, oh god,” he choked, pulling his hands back like he got burnt. “What the fuck did I do?”

You can also find this on Ao3 :P

I’m drawing the turtles for the first time since…. 2015??? I tried one like other time…. These are my own version of the turtles… more to come if I ever get over this sickness..

My third TMNT rant of the day, but like it upsets me so much that Leonardo is told to be responsible for literally everything the others do

Like Splinter i love you but that’s kind of a jerk thing to do

In the 2k7 movie Leo’s getting reprimanded because the mission didn’t work out well and Leo’s like “i tried but Raph won’t listen to a thing i say” and Splinter’s like “that is your duty as the leader!”

LIKE WDYM ITS LEO’S RESPONSIBILITY? RAPH WAS THE ONE THAT GOT THEM INTO THAT FIGHT AFTER LEO TOLD HIM NOT TO?

And this causes tension between Leo and Raph because Leo’s been taught to manage his brothers and lead them to do it Splinter’s way, and Raph wants to control what he does so he rebels on missions, and then Leo gets in trouble for the mess, which makes him angry at Raph. You feel?

This mostly only happens on missions though, like otherwise Splinter’s being pretty fair with judgement.

TLDR; Splinter doesn’t parent right when he holds Leo accountable for his brother’s actions that were out of his control because they didn’t listen to him. And this causes issues between Raph and Leo.

i never thought i would say this but chomp chomp awoo the fuck away with me, brother

raophie…. ough.. *bursts into tears*

Tmnt : Krang

Raphael

One shots:

BayVerse!TMNT x mutant!f!Reader(Platonic)

Warnings: trauma,cussing, kidnapping,fluff,angst. Lmk if I missed anything

Summary: The boys always knew that they had to rely on each other but what happens when someone they never knew they had is found, and just like them?

“I don’t understand, why can’t we get into Sacks building at night?” Mikey asks looking around at his three brothers. “I mean I can try to hack into his security systems and block it and get in there and grab the Mutagen and leave” a smile is thrown from Mikey to Donnie.

“So we get in and get out.” Raphael shakes his head turning around and grabbing his Twin Sai’s and walks out of the lair towards the exit, with the boys following behind him.

-

“Stop talking so loudly Mikey, you idiot they’ll hear you” Mikey turns around looking at Leo with a Sheepish smile before dropping down into the lab. Looking around the huge lab they notice that there’s a lot more than just one Mutagen. One that would require a living being to create that much.

Donnie looks at them with a confused look before looking around for anything that can clear it up. Opening another door, he looks around freezing on a container. Meanwhile Raph trying to talk to Donnie but getting no response making him go over to him. “Can’t you hear m-“ he pauses looking at what Donnie sees. Without looking away Raph goes into the other room more not taking his eyes off Container. “Leo…Mikey get in here you need to see this.” Raph says before mumbling asking the unconscious mutant turtle in the container. He notices that it’s a woman and she looks older than them.

“Holy shit. We have to get her out of here.” Leo doesn’t waste a second before figuring out how to get her out of there. “Come on help me you idiots”

Snapping out of it the other three run over to help Leo figure out how to get the mutant out. Before their only focus was the mutagen but now they needed to know who this turtle is and where she came from. “Are you sure she’ll be okay?” Mikey grunts as he climbs back up to where they dropped down. Grabbing the woman he pulls her up first while Donnie runs around grabbing as much Mutagen as possible.

Getting to the Lair took a lot longer than usual considering Raphael is carrying the mutant. After setting her down on the couch, they all stand there looking at her confused. “Run some tests” Leo mumbles to Donnie before walking off trying to process it.

-

Waking up on something soft throws you off, quickly sitting up not being the best idea feeling a pounding sensation in your head. Looking around you notice a camera system but no one in the room. The mumbling of voices makes you stand up walking towards it slowly. Leaning against the door you hear muffled voices. “We don’t know who she is!” “We can’t just kick her out!” “She’s like us!” The voices say talking over each other. Opening the door I see four men. The voices stop,turning to look at me, eyes wide. I look at the one with the blue mask. “leonardo?..” I turn “Raphael?” Tearing up ii look at the last two. “donatello…? michelangelo? Oh my god” I go to take a step towards them but stop when they take a step back getting defensive.

“How do you know our names?” Leo steps forward glaring down at you. “I’m sorry you guys don’t remember me..um I was also an experiment when you boys were just little babies, When Dr. O’Neil burned down the building I was in a separate room from you boys and Splinter. They didn’t want us to have any type of connection. Little April she didn’t have time to save me, and Sacks got to me before she could. He’s been using me for years,but enough about me you boys are all grown up.” I smile slightly wanting to go over to them.

“That still doesn’t explain why he kept you from us, why would we have a connection?” Raph stays still not fully trusting you enough to let his guard down.

Sighing I step slightly closer to him before slowly raising my hand smaller hand that matches theirs to Raph’s face. “Because you boys are my sons..” I smile at them. “I’ve been hoping one day I would see you guys again.” I hear multiple sharp intakes of air around me. Glancing around I motion the other three to come closer. Holding their hands.

“But…we where told that you where dead” Mikey tears up laying his head on your shoulder. I tilt my head laying it on top of his before looking up slightly at the other three pulling them closer. Donnie on my other shoulder and the other two leaning their foreheads against mine.

“I’m here now…that’s all that matters. Not going anywhere.” Even in the tired, weak,and underweight state your body is in doesn’t stop you from holding your boys close.

“Now where’s Splinter? I need to thank him for raising wondering sons.”

At the end of the day you would go through all this again just to get to this point again no matter what. The boys have their mother and their mother has them.

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A/N: This was my first TMNT fic so it’s probably not great but I’m working on it. I don’t write much unless you send requests I love doing them. They are Open right now. Look at my Masterlist to see who I write for!♥️ thank you for reading Darlings!