Oo so active I love!! Can you do a Finnlo fight with old scars/trauma resurfacing? And Leo heals all, I love when he gets one on one with each and helps them understand each other better.
Oof, I do love a good FinnLo working through trauma sort of situation, it has to be said. And Leo hates seeing them hurt, poor sunshine baby. :(
HOWEVER, I do think it's kind of beautiful that, no matter how long you know someone, there is always more to learn about each other, something that I see FinnLo kind of struggling to recognize sometimes. So, have some (yikes) FinnLo ANGST with a perceptive and intelligent sunshine coming to help ease the pain.
Character credits to @lumosinlove !!
“Salut, maman.”
“How are you, sweetheart?” his mother asked in French.
“Bien.” Logan switched the phone to his other hand as he put the dried utensils away. “Le just made a nice dinner. Are you on your way to the airport?”
On the other side of the line, Iva let out a sigh. “Actually, Lobear, I have some bad news. Your father got caught up in a work thing- one of the administrators in the hospital committed fraud and now he’s having to deal with the fallout. It’s a mess, sweetheart, we’re not going to make it.”
“Quoi?” Logan sat down heavily at one of the counter stools. “What do you mean? Maman, can’t you come?”
“Logan, I can’t just leave your father and go to France right now. He’s stressed out and working long hours, and-”
“But I-” Logan took a breath and rested his forehead in his hand. “Sorry, I was just excited for a family vacation. The girls are all coming next week.”
“Logan.” His mother’s voice was stern, but still sad. “I know, sweetheart, I know. I’m so sorry. The girls are upset as well.” She let out a sigh. “We’ll try and visit you and the boys at some point this summer before you have to go back to New York, but it’s looking really bad. There’s a lot of frustrated doctors and patients.”
Logan nodded, even though she couldn’t see him. “Ouais. Ouais, I understand.” He hung his head back and tried to fight against the tears forming in his eyes. “I love you. Tell dad I say hi.”
“I love you, too, Logan. Sleep tight, my love.”
The line went dead, and Logan slouched forward to rest his head in his hands. He took a shaky breath and let out a soft sound. Time with his boys in Nice was invaluable, but it had been ages since the Tremblay family had been all together and not surrounded by hockey, just each other. And Leo and Finn had been so excited to come on a family vacation. Logan felt his chest ache for them.
“Hey, sweetheart.” Leo came through the doorway. “Finn’s making a fire out on the- whoa.” He stopped abruptly and came up to rest a hand on Logan’s back. “Lo, what’s wrong?”
Logan quickly wiped away the tears that had fallen on his cheeks. “Everything’s fine, soleil,” he whispered in French. He was too tired for English.
“No, it’s not.” Leo guided Logan into his chest and they wrapped their arms around each other. “Can you tell me what happened?”
“There’s an emergency at my dad’s work- one of the administrators committed fraud, and he’s having to deal with the legal stuff. It’s a complete mess. Maman just called to say they can’t make it.”
“Oh, mon coeur.” Leo squeezed him tightly. “Oh, Logan, I’m so sorry.”
“I know.” Logan felt his voice shaking. “It’s just, I was so excited to finally have a family-”
“Lovers, I’ve got the fire started!” Finn’s voice came from down the hallway. “What do you want to drink, we’ve got-” He stopped in the doorway. “What’s going on, what’s happening?” When Logan groaned and more tears slipped out, Finn’s face dropped and he rushed over. “Hey, baby, what-?”
“I just wanted them to be here with you-”
“Sh, I know, honey, it’s alright.”
“Non, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I just miss my parents, and-”
“Lo, English, I can’t understand.”
Logan looked up at him from his place in Leo’s chest. “I was.”
Finn shook his head, eyes pained. “No, Lo, you weren’t. I don’t like this, you need to tell me.”
Logan bit his lip and tilted his head back, slightly frustrated. It hurt, sometimes, having to translate the things he was feeling into words that Finn could understand. And Logan was tired, so tired, because they had gotten up early, and had gone for a long run, and then spent the whole day wandering around, and his head hurt. It hurt so badly, trying to switch between languages, and translating, and communicating. He let out a sigh that must have come across harsh, because Finn took a step back, cheeks red. “Hey, whoa. Lo, what the hell?”
Leo looked frantically between them. “Finn.”
“No, I don’t like not knowing what he’s saying! Logan, c’mon-”
“Finn, I don’t think you should push-”
“Allez,” Logan said softly, breathing in and out through his mouth, which just seemed to make Finn panic more. He rubbed his hands over his face and stood, heading towards the patio door. “Allez, I need some space.”
“Logan. English, please, I need to understand, I can’t understand you.”
“Finn.” Leo’s voice was soft. “Finn, he just needs a minute. Just give him a minute.”
The last thing Logan heard was Finn’s frustrated huff, and then he closed the patio door behind him.
***
French was tricky for Finn, Leo had figured out. He tried his best, spending time watching movies and TV shows with French audio and English captions, and did some grammar exercises when he could, but his lack of progress and fluency was clearly frustrating him. Most of the time, unless the two of them were alone just together, Leo and Logan spoke English in Finn’s presence. It didn’t really bother Leo much, to switch between the two languages, but it clearly sometimes bothered Logan- when he was overstimulated, when he was tired, when he was feeling things he needed to just let out, and he couldn’t do that as automatically in English. He’d gotten better, but there were times when Leo could physically see him flinching and wincing, the act of translating taking a toll on his body and mind. And Finn, Leo had come to realize, didn’t quite understand how difficult it was.
They watched Logan’s back disappear through the patio door and into the dying French sunlight, Leo still gripping Finn’s hand gently from when he’d stopped him from following Logan outside. Finn was breathing heavily, face and neck red from frustration and worry- and maybe a little anger, Leo thought. He drew those freckled fingers to his lips and kissed them gently. He gave Finn a tug. “C’mere, sweetheart. Let’s go for a walk.”
But Finn was still staring out the door. “No, Le, he’s just sitting out there, and I don’t understand-”
“Finn.” Leo tugged harder, forcing Finn to look at him. “I know you’re upset, but you need to let him be, okay? His dad had a legal emergency at work, so his parents can't come, and he's exhausted. Let’s go for a walk and talk.”
Finn looked a little taken aback at Leo’s firm tone of voice, but nodded. The fight had just evaporated from his body. “Okay. I’m sorry, Le, okay.”
“Hey.” Leo kissed him softly, then kissed the purple underneath his strained brown eyes. “I love you. And Logan does, too.” He laced their fingers together and squeezed. “Let’s go, I know just the place.”
They didn’t go far, just to the beach near Logan’s house, but it was far enough where they could both get some air. Leo pulled Finn back against his chest and laced their hands across Finn’s stomach. The sunset was just turning orange, casting a glow over the world and the water. Leo kissed the back of Finn’s head. “You look beautiful in the sunset.”
There was a hitching breath, a soft whimper, and then Finn started to cry, silent, shaking sobs wracking through his body. Leo leaned around and kissed each tear, waiting.
Finn pressed into his touch. “He just- in college he would just walk away from me. I would try to talk to him about- about us, and he would use French to- to get out of talking, and I can’t do it anymore, Le, I just can’t.”
“Sh, I know. I know, sweetheart, I’m so sorry.” Leo felt like his heart was breaking. “I’m so sorry, let it out, baby.”
“Leo, I don’t know what I did wrong.”
That made Leo suck in a breath. “Nothing. Finn, you did nothing wrong. You’re just- you’re having trouble communicating.”
Finn let out a sad sound and shook his head. His eyes were squeezed shut tightly, as if he was in pain. “No.”
“Oh, honey.” Leo wrapped him up tightly. “Honey, you are. It happens, even for you two.” He licked his lips nervously. “Can I- can I say something?”
“Yeah.”
“And when I say this, I need you to know that this is not to hurt you, and that I love you so much, okay?”
A brief pause. “Okay.”
Leo took a preparatory breath. “I think- I think you need to let Logan speak in French. Sometimes.” Finn flinched, but let Leo continue. “When he gets emotional, or frustrated, it’s sometimes hard for him to translate. And I know it doesn’t seem fair, but you need to let him feel for a minute for himself, then let him explain it to you.”
“Yeah.” Finn rested his head back against Leo’s shoulder. “But he can’t- he can’t use it as an excuse not to talk to me. I need him to, like, say he needs space, I can’t-” His breath hitched again. “I just feel so lost, and I hate not being able to help him.”
“Sh, sh, honey, I know.” Leo kissed where his hair fanned out over his ears. “But sometimes you don’t need to help him, at least not right away. Sometimes you need to just listen, and let him come to you when he’s ready.” He brushed Finn’s hair back from his face. His eyes were still closed, but not as tightly anymore. “And he will. You know he will. He’ll always talk to you, he’ll always tell you how he feels. And I know it’s unfair that I can understand him first, I know, baby, and I know it makes you feel frustrated. But he loves you so much, Finn. And he’ll talk to you once he can express how he feels in a way you can understand.”
Finn was silent for a long time. After a few minutes of gazing at the sunset, he tilted his head and pressed a kiss to Leo’s jaw. “In college, when Logan brought me here, we swam one night right out there.” He pointed to a spot in the distance, and Leo braced for the story he knew so well. “And I told him I wanted him. And he just- he spoke French at me and…” A new wave of tears fell from his eyes and his voice broke. His heart was fast under Leo’s palm, breathing quick and uneven. “God, that hurt so badly. That hurt more than anything else I’ve ever felt in my life.”
“Finn.” Leo felt himself start to tear up, too, and pressed his nose into Finn’s cheek. It wasn’t like Finn to panic so harshly. “Finn, baby, breathe. I need you to breathe with me, baby, you’re scaring me.”
“Sorry,” Finn gasped. “Sorry, sorry, Leo-”
“I’ve got you,” Leo whispered, pressing their foreheads together. “I’ve always got you.”
They breathed together for a few minutes. Finn’s body was hot against Leo’s own, as if he was feverish, and Leo had half a mind to take him into that ocean and wash away the memories. Instead, when Finn’s pulse slowed, he pressed a soft kiss to his lips and pulled back to look at him. “Feel better?” At Finn’s nod, Leo kissed him again. “Good. Let’s go back to the house, sweetheart. I’ll talk to Lo.”
Finn’s eyes turned anxious. “Do you think he’s mad at me?”
“No.” Leo shook his head. “No, I think… I think he loves you more than he can say, and he doesn’t want to hurt you.”
Finn deflated. “I know. I know, I’m sorry.” He looked up at Leo through his lashes. “I love you. I love you both so much. I’m just- I don’t know why I get frustrated.”
Leo bit his lip. “Maybe it’s just one of those things you don’t quite understand about each other yet. That you’re still learning.” He brushed their noses together. “I think that’s kind of beautiful, that you’re still learning each other.”
Finn smiled slightly. “Yeah. Yeah, you’re right, it is.” He kissed Leo’s cheek. “Thank you, peanut.”
“Always, sweetheart.” Leo patted his hip. “C’mon, up you get. Go take a shower, and I’ll go talk to Lo.”
They both felt lighter, clearly, as they stood, but Leo didn’t miss the way Finn looked longingly at the water once more.
***
Fifteen minutes later, Leo let his head thump lightly against the wall beside the bathroom door. He could hear the shower running and Finn talking to himself, which was a good sign, but his heart was still pounding in his chest. They hadn’t seen Logan when they walked through the house- Leo assumed he was still on the patio. He pressed a hand over his chest, took a deep breath, and walked through the living room to the back door.
Through the glass, he could see Logan hunched over, adding another log to the dying fire. He looked serious, muscles tense, and when he heard Leo slide the door open he jerked a bit. His eyes were red when they met Leo’s. “Salut.”
“Salut.” Leo closed the door softly behind him and went to sit in the chair on the opposite side of the fire pit. “Ça va?” When Logan just shook his head, Leo let out a sigh. “I just took Finn to the beach,” he whispered in French. “We talked for a while, he’s in the shower now.”
Logan looked up at him. “D’accord, is he-” He stopped, squinting at Leo briefly across the flames, before he sucked in a breath. “Were you crying?”
Leo felt a nervous feeling work its way up his throat. “Ouais.”
Logan’s face looked like heartbreak. “And Finn, was he-?”
“Ouais.”
Logan groaned, falling forward to rest his face in his hands with a shaky breath. “I don’t want to make him cry. Oh God, I made him cry-”
“Sweetheart, look at me.” Leo stood and went to kneel between Logan’s legs, the warm fire at his back, and cupped his face in his hands. “Look at me, Lo.” When Logan did, Leo wiped away the wetness on his cheeks. “Finn was just scared, and frustrated. He doesn’t like not being able to understand you.”
“Je sais.” Logan’s voice was broken and sad. “Je sais, Leo, I’m so sorry-”
“Sh, sh, I’ve got you.” Leo pressed a firm kiss to his forehead, then rested their temples together. “I know you’re trying, I know it, Lo, but he sometimes doesn’t. He just wants to fix anything that’s hurting you right away. But he also has to let you feel, and I told him that. And once you figure it out, then you can translate and tell him, but he needs to let you do it yourself.” Leo pulled back to look him in the eye. “But you can’t just walk away, Lo. You have to tell him, in English, that you need a minute, and then take it.”
Logan closed his eyes like the words hurt him. “It- it’s a bad habit. With him.”
“He told me.” Leo thought for a moment, then lowered his voice. “He told me about the sea again. The story about you two in the water at night, while we were at the beach.”
“Merde.” Logan let out a pained sound. “Mon rouge…” He sniffed and held Leo’s wrists. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry you always have to deal with- with us, us not communicating.”
“Non,” Leo whispered firmly, thumbs rubbing Logan’s jaw. “Hey, no, don’t say that. I want to help you, Lo, because I love you, not because I feel like I have to.” He sighed. “But you have to talk to him about it, okay? He doesn’t want to hurt you, and you don’t want to hurt him. And you don’t hurt each other, really, you just- you need to take a pause for a moment, that’s all.”
But Logan’s expression was disbelieving. “I made him cry. I made you cry.”
“Non, Logan.” Leo pressed their bodies together harder. “You didn’t, your actions did. The situation did. How much we love you made us cry, but never you, sweetheart. You’re all we could ever want.”
“I love you,” Logan said softly, kissing Leo so gently it felt like bathing in sunlight. “I love you so much.”
“I love you.” Leo stood, holding out his hands to pull Logan into standing up. “D’accord, Finn’s probably out of the shower now. Let’s go see him.”
Leo could tell Logan was nervous by the way he gripped his hand tightly as they made their way through the house. It was getting dark now, their bodies casting long shadows on the walls. There wasn’t a sound of water running through the pipes, so Leo figured Finn was in their bedroom. He tugged Logan along slowly and stopped in front of the door, turning to face him and kiss him briefly. “Good?”
“Ouais.” Logan pressed his forehead into Leo’s chest, hugging him, before cautiously turning the knob.
The room was bathed in just the warm light of a lamp. The window was open, letting in a cool breeze coming off the ocean, ruffling the white curtains. Finn was sitting up against the pillows on the bed, now in boxers and a sweatshirt, glasses perched on his nose as he read from a paperback. He looked up as Logan entered, Leo standing in the doorway. His eyes, though warm, were red-rimmed, and his cheeks were flushed. “Hi,” he whispered, voice cracking through what sounded to Leo like tears.
Logan let out a soft sound. “Mon rouge.”
Then he was crossing the room in two strides to straddle Finn’s hips on the mattress, wrapping his strong arms tightly around Finn’s shoulders. A soft sob escaped Finn’s body as he held Logan just as tightly, fingers gripping the muscles of Logan’s back. “Lo, I’m so sorry, I-”
“Non, non, Finn.” Logan pulled back to cup Finn’s face and kiss the skin, catching the falling tears with his lips. “Non, mon rouge, désolé. Mon amour, ma vie, mon tout, je suis tellement désolé. Don’t cry, I don’t want you to cry.” He kissed Finn on the mouth and then looked him in the eye. “I should not have walked away.”
“I should have let you have space, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, baby, about your family, I-” Finn cut himself off, kissing Logan hard once more. “I love you.”
“Ouais.” Logan began kissing his cheeks again, then moved down to his neck. “Ouais, je t’aime, ma vie, mon cœur, ma lumière, je t’aime.”
Finn let his head fall back with a soft smile. “Now this French I find sexy.”
“Finn.” Logan lifted his face from Finn’s neck and ran his hands through Finn’s hair. His eyes were serious and yearning, but he was so gentle it made Leo’s heart ache. “I’m being serious, I don’t want you to feel like that. I’m so sorry I keep making you feel like that, I’m going to try. I’m going to communicate better, I’m going to try.”
“Then I’ll try, too.” Finn rested their foreheads together. “I don’t like not being able to fix things. But you need time, sometimes, and I know I won’t always understand right away.”
“But I’ll tell you.”
Finn smiled and kissed Logan’s cheek. “But you’ll tell me.” He sat up straighter, then looked to where Leo was standing. He smiled and held out an arm. “Now, where’s our sunshine?”
Leo tilted his head to rest against the doorframe and gazed at them softly. “Hi.”
“C’mere, baby, c’mere.” He pulled Leo against him when he walked over to the bed, scooching a bit so he didn’t fall off. Finn pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Thank you, baby. It’s not your job, and it’s not why we love you, but thank you for catching us.”
“Ouais.” Logan moved off of Finn’s lap to sit in Leo’s and draped his arms around his shoulders. His green eyes were wet, but Leo saw his smile right up until he closed his eyes and kissed him. “Merci, mon coeur.”
Leo nudged their noses together. “I told you. I do it because I love you, not because I have to.” He looked at Finn. “And you catch me, too. You caught me right in your arms when we met, even if you didn’t know it, and you’ve caught me every time I’ve fallen since.”
Finn’s smile widened. “I like catching you, baby. You look so pretty in my arms.” He kissed Leo’s blushing cheek. “Je t’aime, peanut.”
Leo laughed. “I love you.” He turned to Logan, who was watching them both with soft eyes. “Je t’aime aussi.”
“Oui. Toujours, mes amours.” He settled his hips further into Leo’s and nicked Finn’s cheek with his thumb. “That wasn’t that bad, Harz.”
Finn waggled his eyebrows. “Been learning. Though, I gotta say, most of my French is not very appropriate, so I will need some help with that.”
Logan laughed. “Ouais, we can help you.” He tilted forward and rested his cheek right where Leo and Finn’s shoulders were touching, his eyes turned to look at Leo. “I’m sleepy.”
“Mm.” Leo tilted his head to rest on top of Logan’s. “Shower? Then we can go to bed.”
“Can I be in the middle?”
Leo and Logan both straightened to look at Finn, who was biting his nail with slightly nervous brown eyes. Logan smiled widely. He took Finn’s hand and kissed it. “Ouais, mon amour.”
“Kay.” He ran a hand through Logan’s hair. “Can we snug?”
Leo scoffed. “Like that’s even a question.” He kissed Finn’s neck then took Logan by the hips to lift him off the bed to stand. “We’ll be ten minutes, honey, promise.”
“Hurry back.”
They left Finn to his book and went to the bathroom. Leo was grabbing some towels from the closet while Logan let the water heat up when a thought made him laugh. “You know,” he said. “I think it really would be funny to teach Finn French.”
“Huh?” Logan asked, stripping his clothes. “Quoi?”
Leo shrugged, hanging up the towels and reaching behind himself to pull his T-shirt off. “I’m just saying, his accent would be horrible.” He wrapped his hands around Logan’s waist as they stepped into the shower, guiding him beneath the hot spray. “And he would probably only use it to say dirty things to us, anyways, even if he knew more.”
Logan tilted his head back to face the water and laughed. “Ouais, he would.” He looked back at Leo over his shoulder. “But I wouldn’t complain.”
Leo smiled. “No. Neither would I.”
Suddenly, the bathroom door opened. Leo wiped his hand on the shower glass to clear it, then grinned even wider when he saw Finn staring at them, hips resting against the sink. “Sweetheart?”
Finn played with his own fingers. “Didn’t want to be far from you. Can I stay?”
“Of course, baby.”
“Cool.” Finn boosted himself up to sit on the side of the sink, letting his legs swing. “You know, I like this show. Might have to shower stalk you more often.”
Logan blew him a kiss. “Whatever you want, mon coeur.”
Finn nodded. He whistled lowly when Leo and Logan both turned away from him to grab their exfoliator and soap. “Damn, this is a nice show. And it’s free, even better.”
Leo rolled his eyes fondly and shared a look with Logan. “He’s back.”
Logan bit his lip. “Ouais. He’s back.”
“Can you, like, make out or something, please? As an experiment.”
Leo furrowed his eyebrows. “An experiment for what?”
“To see how long I can sit still here for.”
Leo and Logan shook their heads, but leaned in for a kiss that started out brief, but Logan’s tongue ran over Leo’s lips and then Leo was melting underneath the warm water.
“Yup, that’s what I’m talking about.” They looked over to see him resting back against his hands, a delighted smile on his face. He waved his fingers. “Don’t stop on my account.”
Leo just winked at him and drew Logan’s body closer again. “I guess we gotta give it to him.”
“Ouais,” Logan said, looking up through his dark eyelashes. “Whatever he wants. Forever.”
Leo nodded. “Forever. Now, c’mere, Tremblay, and give me a kiss.”
And with Logan’s smile against his own and Finn’s happy noises, Leo felt himself soften… or maybe it just felt like the beginning of sinking into forever.