hiii!!
i’m living for angst recently…. give us anything at all that’s gonna make me sob please!!! perhaps something tremzy centric because i love making him suffer!!!!
thank you!! 💕 (sorry i’m heartless)
Damn, y'all are really making poor Tremzy go THROUGH IT lately, give my guy a breeeeeaaaaaaak!!!!!!!!
Have some angsty recently married Cubs bringing Lolo to NYC for the hockey season. :(
I LOVE seeing all your messages and asks, I smile so big when I see the notifs!
Credits to @lumosinlove
“Okay. Okay, you got everything? Nothing left in the car from yesterday?”
“Ouais, soleil.”
“And you’ve got your tea in the cupboard. I bought you your tea, right?”
Logan smiled from his place at the kitchen counter, leaning back into Finn’s chest. “Ouais, mon amour.”
“Good.” Leo spent another moment fussing through the kitchen cabinets before he turned towards them, nodding satisfactorily. “Good, alright, you’re all set. You call us if you forgot anything, okay?”
“Mhm.” Logan reached out a hand. “Ici, Le.”
Leo walked around to stand beside them, leaning down to cup Logan’s jaw. His eyes flitted over Logan’s face, a bit sad at the edges, even though he was smiling. Logan could feel the cool metal of his rings against his jaw, and he reached up to rub his thumb along them. Leo let out a breathy laugh. “You’re so gorgeous.”
“Mm,” Logan hummed. He tilted his head up for a soft kiss. “You have to go,” he whispered against Leo’s mouth.
Finn squeezed him tighter with a shaky breath. “No.”
“Ouais, yes. Leo has his first practice tomorrow. You have to go get your classroom ready.”
“No.”
Logan bit his lip against the oncoming tears. “Finn-”
“We just got married.” Logan could feel Finn’s tears falling against the fabric of his shirt- Leo’s shirt. “It’s not fair, we just got married.”
“Sweetheart,” Leo said gently, reaching out to run a hand through Finn’s hair. “Lo’s right. We don’t want to drive home in the dark.”
“But home is right here.”
“Mon rouge.” Logan boosted himself out of the chair and turned to face Finn. He cupped his cheeks, red from his crying, and wiped away the tears sticking to his skin. “Sh, mon rouge, c’est bien. It’s okay, baby.”
“I don’t want to leave you.”
Logan drew him into a tight hug. “I know, sh, I know. Mon mari.”
Leo pressed against Logan’s back and they stood there for a few minutes, just breathing. This part was always difficult; Logan had had half a mind to move back to New York all by himself this year, but Leo and Finn had shot that down quickly enough, and so the day before they had accompanied him to move all his stuff. Logan couldn’t say he wasn’t grateful for them coming, and was certainly grateful for today, when they’d spent the whole day inside, wrapped in each others’ bodies. Newlywed bliss was as heady and lovely as Logan had imagined, but he felt he had spent the whole summer with a clock floating above his head, waiting for the hand to strike midnight when they would have to separate and navigate being husbands- husbands- across distance. And now, with Finn shaking and falling apart in his arms, and Leo’s chest heaving as he not-so-subtly began to cry as well, Logan momentarily cursed the love he had for the sport that he played.
“D’accord.” Logan kissed the side of Finn’s head firmly. “D’accord, it has to happen sometime.”
Leo nodded against his neck. “We’re gonna miss you. Call us every morning.”
“Mon soleil,” Logan said, reaching back to scratch a hand through Leo’s curls. “I’ll call you every hour.”
That made Leo laugh wetly. “Okay. Okay, that sounds good.” He bent his neck slightly and Logan craned his to meet him, brushing their lips together. “I love you so much.”
Logan smiled against his mouth. “I love you, too, Le.”
Finn made a wounded sound against his neck. “Lo.”
“Sh, sh, Finn.” Logan laced his fingers through Finn’s hair to pull his head up and look at him. His cheeks were wet again and Logan kissed the purple under his eyes. “Je t’aime. Je t’aime, toujours, je t’aime.”
“I love you,” Finn gasped. “I love you, I love you both so much. This is-” He let out a groan and let his head fall back into Logan’s touch. “This is so hard, I don’t want to do this.”
“Hey,” Logan said. He tugged on Finn’s waves gently, even as tears began to roll down his own cheeks. “I’ll call you every morning and every night. I’ll send you a picture on every run I take, of every new bistro I go to, of every new drink I try and don’t like because you didn’t make it for me. D’accord?”
Finn’s eyes blinked slowly and he nodded, studying Logan’s face. “Promise?”
“Promise.”
“Okay.” Finn leaned down and kissed him hard. “I love you,” he whispered, voice shaky.
Logan ran his hands down Finn’s arms until they could lace their fingers together. “Je t’aime.”
Leo’s arms squeezed once around his waist. “It’s time.”
Logan nodded, kissing Finn’s hands before turning and stepping on Leo’s feet gently. He wrapped his arms around his neck and brought him down into a hug. “Drive home, please,” he whispered in French into Leo’s ear. “He’s going to fall asleep in the car.”
Leo laughed. “Ouais, he is.”
Emotionally exhausting days made Finn tired, whether they were happy or sad. The day of their wedding, in the middle of the reception, Leo and Logan had had to take him into the dressing room at their venue and coax him into taking a nap on the too-small couch.
Tonight, however, he would be the feverish kind of tired and would no doubt fall asleep as soon as they hit the highway. It would be safer for Leo to drive, even if that didn’t provide Logan comfort, either- when Leo was emotionally exhausted, he couldn’t sleep. During away games, Logan knew he often didn’t. Until Finn retired, Leo hadn’t slept in a hotel room without one of them since making it to the NHL. At least Finn, when Leo was on the road, got to come home to a familiar apartment, or he went to visit Logan for the weekend. And Logan was used to it; he’d slept in the same room with different teammates since Harvard, and now he roomed with Alex on roadies. But Leo… Logan hugged him harder at the thought of him alone in an unfamiliar bed.
“Mon soleil,” Logan said urgently. “You have to call me, d’accord? When you- when you can’t sleep, when you’re alone on roadies. I don’t want you to be alone.”
“I promise.” Leo squeezed him just as tightly, his cold nose seeking out the warmth of the skin of Logan’s neck. He pressed a smile there, too. “Oh, I love you so much. Mon mari.”
Logan smiled, too, and pulled back to look at him, blue eyes crystal clear and bright, even in the hard moments. Logan never thought he’d be so grateful for that. “Oui. Mon mari.”
When Leo kissed him, Logan shuddered at the warmth that washed over his body. Leo had one hand in his hair, one wrapped around his waist to draw their bodies together, needing to be closer. Logan let his arms drape over Leo’s shoulders and arched into his touch. It was the kind of kiss he had definitely seen in a movie- a desperate goodbye, happy and sad and in love in equal measure. Logan moved to hold Leo’s face firmly in his hands. He brushed his thumb over his sharp jaw, under his eyes where the skin would turn purple and puffy later tonight, along the slightly textured skin of his cheeks that Leo hated but Logan loved, because everything about Leo was absolutely beautiful.
Logan kept Leo close to him for one more lingering press of their lips. He didn’t let them pull away very far from each other, just enough to touch their foreheads together. “Je t’aime.”
Leo kissed him once more, quick but sure. “I love you. I’ll see you in a few weeks, right? Preseason game?”
“Ouais.”
“And you’ll see Finn in two weeks, when he comes to visit?”
Logan smiled at Leo’s rambling. He was a bit tense under Logan’s hands. “Ouais.”
“I left you some leftovers in the fridge. Please remember to eat, Lo, and you call me if you need help, ‘kay? I’ll help you cook, I’ll send you recipes, I’ll-”
Logan interrupted him with one more kiss, feeling as Leo finally relaxed into him. “I will. I love you.”
“Okay.” Leo pressed his lips to Logan’s forehead softly. “I love you. See you in a few weeks.”
Logan hummed, running his hand through Leo’s hair. A noise from their sides made them both look over. Finn was standing there, his fist pressed to his mouth, as more tears rolled down his cheeks. The fact that he was still beautiful broke Logan’s heart. “Rouge.”
“Sorry.” Finn sniffed and wiped his eyes. “God, I’m sorry, it’s just- the sight of you two together, I just can’t.”
Leo held his arm open. “Come here, sweetheart.”
Finn just about fell into them, one arm gripping Leo’s waist and the other up around Logan’s back, coming to clutch at his hair and press their temples together. “I love you so much.”
Logan kissed his cheeks. “Je t’aime. I’ll see you in two weeks.”
“Two weeks.”
“Mhm.” Logan brought their mouths together. Finn always kissed differently when they said goodbye: a little desperate, a little frantic. It was the only time when Logan and Leo had to direct him into what he wanted, too upset to do so himself. Logan rested his thumb firmly against Finn’s chin and dipped his head down. Finn responded beautifully, his mouth going softer, more heated. With one last sigh and deep press of their mouths, Logan pulled away and kissed his forehead. “Take care of each other.”
Leo nodded. “Always, Lo.” He let them go to grab the duffle bag he and Finn were sharing, hefting it onto his shoulder. His eyes were wet as he looked at the two of them, but he still smiled. “Okay. Time to go.”
Logan took Finn by the hand and walked him over, then took Leo’s and brought them to his mouth, kissing their rings. “I love you. Call when you get back to Gryff.”
“Ouais.” Leo opened the door and turned to face them, holding his hand out to Finn. “Let’s go, sweetheart.”
Finn nodded, his lips still in that little pout that meant he was really upset. Logan stood on his toes and kissed it. “Je t’aime.”
“I love you.” Finn drew him in for one more hug, laced their fingers, then reached his other hand out to take Leo’s. “See you soon.”
Logan squeezed his fingers. “See you soon.” He looked up to Leo. “Have a good start to the season.”
“You, too, honey.” Leo leaned down and kissed him softly once more. “I love you.”
“I love you.”
Finn held onto Logan’s fingers until he physically couldn’t. “Love you.”
Logan smiled and leaned his head against the doorframe. He felt like his chest was starting to become cold. “Je t’aime.”
He watched them until they disappeared into the elevator, Leo waving goodbye once more. Finn was leaning heavily into his side, obviously trying to hold back any more tears until they got to the car. Leo kissed the top of his head lovingly. That was the last image Logan had of them until the elevator doors closed.
With a heavy sigh, Logan closed the door and leaned against it, running his hands through his hair. His fingers twitched. He needed something to do to stop the ache in his chest.
Eating dinner was simply just going through the motions. It was early still, around five in the evening, but Logan didn’t really know what else to do to occupy himself. He didn’t want to play videogames. He didn’t want to watch a movie. Instead, he sat in silence at his counter, letting the warmth of Leo’s bolognese sauce settle over his tongue. Every now and then, his phone lit up with a notification, and he got to look at the lock screen. It was of Leo, Finn, and himself at their wedding. Logan was in between them, his favorite place, one hand laced with Finn’s behind him and one hand on Leo’s chest, looking up and smiling at something Leo had said to make him laugh. He could feel the phantom warmth of Finn on his back, the sure grip of Leo’s palms on his hips. The photo hadn’t even been staged- Noelle had simply caught them at the right time with her phone camera. It had been just before dinner, when the sun was still out, and they hadn’t worn themselves out talking and dancing and eating and laughing. Logan wanted to go back to that moment and exist in it forever, just a little bubble of their own making.
He yawned. It was definitely not even six o’clock, but he felt like he needed a nap. An hour would do the trick- then he would be awake for Leo and Finn’s phone call. He put his dishes in the sink to be washed the following morning and went to change into a pair of Finn’s boxers and Leo’s Saints sweatshirt that he’d left him. Leo would encourage him to get ready for bed now, even if he was planning on waking up again. He knew Logan hated waking up with a bad taste in his mouth.
Brushing his teeth alone was still a feeling that made the hairs of his neck stand on edge. Logan was waiting for Finn’s hand to run through his hair, for Leo to bump their hips together from beside him. He missed the way Leo would break them each a string of floss, something that Logan and Finn had, admittedly, not started doing until they started dating him. What Logan would do to have Leo’s bright white smile flashing at him in the reflection of the mirror. To have Finn make fun of the water he dumped on the sink counter when he washed his face, or the way he laughed when Logan inevitably got soap in his eyes and pleaded for a towel. The way Leo would take moisturizer on his knuckle and dot it over Logan’s cheeks, sealing the cream with a kiss on his nose.
Logan’s head throbbed. He let out a soft groan and reached into his medicine cabinet, flapping around for his bottle of ibuprofen. He popped two pills into his mouth and drank from the sink faucet, forcing them down his throat. He winced- he hated the feeling of pills going down his throat. Finn had been making fun of him for it since they’d met.
Logan sighed, then turned off the light and dragged himself to his bedroom. Leo had left his childhood stuffed duck, Charlie, on the pillows. Logan had been embarrassed the first time Leo had brought Charlie over, but he had become essential during the lonely nights when Logan needed something to hug. Charlie was tiny, and wasn’t as warm as either of his husbands, but he was the same color as Leo’s hair, and Leo had stitched an ‘F’ and an ‘L’ over his heart as a surprise for Logan last Valentine’s Day, when it had corresponded with the All Star break. Logan smiled and pulled back the covers, squeezing Charlie to his chest and pressing a kiss over the letters. His eyes started to shut against his will, his body heavy and warm underneath the blankets.
Between one moment and the next, without even realizing it, he was asleep.
***
Some time later, Logan awoke to a pitch black bedroom. He grunted, wincing when his back popped as he stretched, Charlie still firmly held in his hands. Logan let him fall to his chest and looked at him with a soft smile. He was sat and slumped over, obviously worn a little with love. Logan went to reach for his phone to send a picture to- Leo. He was waiting for Leo, and Finn, to call. He sat up straight and picked up his phone from his bedside table. 11:30.
Logan cursed. His boys were definitely home, and Finn, at the very least, was probably asleep. He sat up a little bit, pulling Charlie to sit in the crook of his elbow, and opened his messages with Leo. You awake?
The response was almost immediate. Yeah.
Logan hit the video call button less than a second later, tapping his toe anxiously. When Leo answered, he was in their living room, dark circles under his eyes. He smiled softly. “Hi, sweetheart.”
“Salut.” Logan shifted to slouch further against the pillows. He tilted the phone down. “Regarde, look who I have.”
Leo smiled wider. “Aw, look at you two. You fall asleep?”
“Ouais, I’m so sorry,” Logan said quickly. He shook his head. “I was exhausted.”
“I’m sure,” Leo laughed gently. “You and Finn both fall asleep when you have tough days.”
Logan made a noise of dissent. “It wasn’t all tough. Not the morning.”
Leo softened. “No. No, it wasn’t.” His eyes flitted over Logan’s face. “Did you eat?”
“Ouais.”
“Did you get ready for bed?”
Logan narrowed his eyes. “Ouais. I know what you’re doing.”
“I will force you to take care of yourself, even if we are three hours away, sweetheart, you know this.” He winked. “You married me.”
Logan felt the hard sensation in his chest melt a little. “Ouais. I did.” He looked at Leo for a moment before licking his lips. “Fish?”
“Asleep, honey. We barely finished dinner and he was nodding off.”
As if on cue, a slightly panicked voice sounded from off the screen. “Le?”
Leo winced. “Yikes, shouldn’t have left him alone in bed.” He stood from the couch, his eyes looking over the phone as he entered their bedroom. Logan admired the sharp angle of his jaw and chin as he smiled reassuringly at Finn. “Hi, sweetheart. I’m right here.”
“Is that Lo?”
“Yeah, hold on.” There was some shuffling, the click of a lamp turning on, and then Logan was watching as Leo settled down onto the bed, pulling Finn’s head to rest against his chest. Finn also had purple under his eyes and his hair was mussed in the way it got after he’d slept heavily. He blinked slowly and yawned. Leo kissed his head. “Say hi, honey.”
Finn let out a heavy sigh, his cheek squishing against Leo’s chest as he tried for a small smile. “Hi.”
“Oh, mon rouge,” Logan cooed. “You’re so sleepy.”
“Mm. Miss you.” He shifted to look up at Leo. “Did you sleep, baby?”
Leo’s cheeks reddened. “No.”
“Hm,” Finn grunted, then pushed himself up and away to shift onto his side. “C’mere.”
Leo let out an oomph and a laugh as Finn dragged him back against his chest. They were sideways on the bed now, and Logan got to look at both of their tired, beautiful faces. He could feel the phantom sensation of their feet tangled with his own if he tried hard enough.
Finn pressed an exaggerated kiss on the back of Leo’s head and made a happy little sound. “Bone.”
“Mon chéri,” Logan sighed. “Non, ton français n'est pas très bon.”
“Nom nom nom.”
Leo giggled and snuggled further under their covers, blue eyes peeking out from under his curls. “You okay, sweetheart?”
“Ouais,” Logan nodded. “Just miss you.”
“You still got Charlie?”
Logan held up the toy and wiggled it in front of the camera. “Right here, soleil.”
“Good.” He shifted a bit. “I’m going to prop you up on a pillow, hold on.” He fiddled around for a minute, then had both of his hands free to hold Finn’s forearms, which were wrapped around his waist. “There. Now we can talk until we fall asleep.”
“Mm.” Logan shifted onto his own side and propped his phone on a couple of throw pillows, hugging Charlie close to his chest. He looked at Finn, who had his eyes closed and nose in Leo’s hair, then at Leo’s open eyes and their dark circles. “How do you feel, soleil?”
Leo sighed. “Tired. Awake. You know.”
“Ouais,” Logan whispered. “I know.” He smiled softly. “How about I tell you a story?”
Leo smiled back, sleepy and content. “Ouais. Sounds good. Fish?”
“Mm.”
Leo laughed, squeezing Finn’s hands and then looking at Logan. “That’s him saying yes, and that he loves you. We both do.”
Logan’s heart fluttered. Years and years of loving them and his heart still fluttered. “I love you, too. Close your eyes, mon soleil.” When Leo complied, Logan shifted to get comfortable, then took a deep breath. His husbands’ faces were peaceful on the other side of the screen.
“One day, Luke and I went running in Central Park. It was beautiful, sunny- the kind of day where you wanted to sit on the grass and tan. It was a month before I proposed to you. I had the rings and everything, buried in my sock drawer.”
Logan saw Leo smile and heard Finn let out a content sigh, his hands flexing around Leo’s waist. Leo’s eyes blinked open briefly, like he couldn’t help it, before they shut again with a flutter of his golden lashes. Logan reached out and thumbed the screen, as if to touch them.
“There was a woman selling flowers. She sold them individually and in bouquets, I think. Lots of people were there buying them; when Luke and I went to look, they were all gone. Except two.” He bit his lip- against a laugh, against a sob, he didn’t know which. “Just two. A bright yellow daffodil and a red rose.”
Leo made a sound in the back of his throat. “Lo.”
“Sh, mon soleil,” Logan hushed. Leo’s eyebrows were furrowed. “It’s all right.”
Leo nodded, then settled down again. Finn held him tighter. It made Logan’s heart ache.
“I bought them,” he whispered. “And I cut the stems like you showed me, Le, and put them in water in the tallest mug I had, because I don’t have a vase. And I sat and looked at them every day until they wilted. Or, they almost wilted.” He cleared his throat. “I left a gift for you. Under the bed, in a brown paper bag. Open it tomorrow, ouais?” At Leo’s affirmative sound, Logan laughed slightly. “It’s to remind you how much I love you.” He got closer to the camera and talked in a more hushed tone. “I love you, I love you, I love you…”
He whispered to them until he saw Leo’s chest even out in sleep, then closed his own eyes, Charlie the duck held close to his chest.
***
The next morning, Logan awoke to a text and a picture in their group chat from Leo. It was of his and Finn’s forearms next to one another, the bracelets Logan got them on their wrists. They were made of brown cord with a dry preserved petal bead each: sunshine yellow that perfectly matched Leo’s golden skin, and deep red the exact same color as Finn’s hair.
Thank you, sweetheart, Leo’s text read. We’re up, we love you, and call us when you’re awake.
Logan smiled and hit the video call icon once again.