Pessimism - Blog Posts
Random strangers keep wishing me birthday. I dont know how I feel about it.
I was thinking that it doesnt matter. There are people who are used and I was thinking nobody cares anyway. It is more about being seen by others in that way than it is about wishing something to the other, the later is more of mental illness when mentioned.
I feel tired. I don’t think I will play any more touhou any time soon. I call it Phase 1. Like mcu movies. I’ve finished playing the “phase 1” and I shall upload the videos.
But I feel so tired just now… that boss was hard… The idea that there is harder version of that boss fight depresses me further. I bet it is just one, no, its probably hard as hell. i remember playing Solgryn boss, the thing you don’t get people is that the longer the boss is the harder it is to master the patterns and memorize the latest one. I was very bad at simon says, memory wise I am lazy hikkimori so sorry.
That said, one guy reallt sent me a very long happy birthday letter. I don’t understand, you people.
I feel so much stress that I want to pack up my bag in middle of the night, run away from home, change my name and start a new life working for some restaurant as a waiter or something.......
The only way to go through the day is to find is a new TV show to obesses over, preferably one with at least 3 seasons.
Genetically Predisposed To Sadness
Isn’t that just depression? But for an entire species?
I'm usually somewhat negative when it comes to writing, unfortunately. Up until I have to give constructive criticism to someone else, then I'm just like,
"A masterpiece, it could never be more perfect than it is now."
And I'm just like. Why brain? Why can't you be this positive with MY stuff?
I try to reflect, but the days start to blend.
Am I better because I worked hard, or was it the weather in the end?
I'd like to think I'll stay better, even if my mood fluctuates now and then
I don't want to think otherwise, I can't go through this yet again.
Did I get the wrong impression, or is it winter depression? I wish I could answer my own question, is it just winter depression?
Please don't let it be seasonal, it's not a tradition I'd like to continue
I want to just be better, Not have more work I'll have to redo.
I've worked, let it be lasting improvement, let it grow
Let it be some solid change, not habits I'll let go
The world is on my shoulders, I can't stand the weight
It's shadow looms over me, a reminder of everything I hate
Oh, what I would give anything to leave it all and walk away
But I know how the guilt would eat at me everyday
I wish I could power through, give it my all
But no matter what I do, I just feel so small
Is there a way to remain persistent?
The longer I struggle, the more I grow indifferent.