PEAK CINEMA - Blog Posts
Guys is this trend still a thing? Guys? GUYS- COME BACK-
I’ve been watching MHA recently can u tell
liiiight watari said its MY turn to give L a heart attack
hi I made more
there's two versions of the aoba meme because I couldn't decide which was funnier
Happy 10 years to Mystery Skulls Animated!
Close ups under the cut
Thank you for changing my life, MSA Team <3
Think I might start a collection
peanuthead
Beau is Afraid personal analysis:
From someone that can't put thoughts in order, is neurodivergen, and expects both nothing and everything from a film.
Just started watching Beau is Afraid and here's me just throwing interpretations and a shitty analysis into the void of Tumblr as I'm watching it!
It should be noted that the subtitles aren't working for me so a lot of the audio is hard to understand for me if I'm not absolutely invested. You should also expect some comparisons to Beau's life and mine since mommy issues don't wait for anyone besides the mother who throws them onto you!
In all honesty, I wanted to watch this movie when I first saw the poster but I have the habit of adding movies to my watchlist and then forgetting them if it isn't in my face 24/7 so it got benched. I finally picked it up because of Joaquin Phoenix and the fact that I wasn't mentally prepared for the Joker sequel. During the movie it did an amazing job of stopping my gawking at Joaquin to actually seeing Joaquin as Beau and being in the same room as Beau as if it were my own movie. Props to Ari Aster for making a mirror more than a movie.
Hour 1:
I obviously had to pause the movie while Beau was walking down the hall to the elevator. I really enjoy when people put small little details into media and even though a lot of it was hard to read I wasn't disappointed. It seemed that right off the bat dicks were going to be very important in the movie.
Beau's character was really relatable in the beginning in the sense that his anxiety is so persistent. There were a lot of people that commented on the pacing and scenes being confusing but from my POV it was a good representation of what living with anxiety is like. COMING BACK TO SAY THAT I WAS NOT READY! IT IS NOT JUST ANXIETY! IT IS LEARNED HELPLESSNESS AND SO MUCH MORE!
When Beau imagined a guy running into his apartment I felt the jump and shock just as much as him. It seemed strange that somehow all them people didn't walk inside of the store since it wasn't locked. The best I can take away from it right now although I might add things later is that the outside is just chaos really. I think it might have some to do with the feeling of the outside being so dangerous and the invasive thoughts of what could possibly happen to you when you even leave your apartment. You have one place in the world where everything while not particularly quiet and entirely peaceful is just enough to get away from the hustle and bustle and whatever terror comes with it. And having it invaded would turn anyone's day not just upside down but tossed over a cliff into a massive hole of "My fucking God what next?" and whatever curse words you can toss in with that sentiment.
When Beau missed the flight and had to break the news to his mom it really did feel like a call with my own mother. That silence where Beau is just seemingly waiting for a spur of disappointment to pass on from the other side of the phone. And not even at the situation but at Beau. Like for some reason Beau is the cause of it all and this isn't the first time he's been blamed or at the end of disappointment. And you can even hear it in his mom's voice so shout out to her actor for delivering those lines so wonderfully! Beau borderline pleasing with his mom for help and not getting any actual answer is beyond relatable. People are expected to somehow know where to go from somewhere in their own POV but when your POV doesn't seem to be anywhere in sight there's not a lot of help.
I tried to think about what the key missing could even mean if it possibly were supposed to be about how Beau feels internally and I'm coming face to face with the idea that while Beau wants to see his mom it might be that he struggles so much with reaching the middle of the bridge with the people he cares about along with an overwhelming fear of meeting with his mom in general. We can assume that something happened between them that makes the air so stiff. So maybe the key going missing and him missing his flight is himself trying to avoid whatever might come with going to see his mom in some way. It felt like self isolation. Like Beau wanted to be there but at the same time couldn't bring himself to do it and now he has to face his mom and apologize while also being too scared to apologize for not being able to open himself up enough to see her and let her see him.
Going back to the invasion of his apartment. If we imagine That this world in the beginning and his apartment is just what being in his head is like, that could also be a "Something's gotta give." moment where his fears and anxiety are racking up so high that his mind just lets the lock loose and all that noise starts flooding his head. Almost like when you get overstimulated and try to stop the outside world from coming inside but everything is just too much. I'm not good at explaining this so my bad.
Now moving on to finding out his mom has died. When you have anxiety and not only anxiety but OCD too it's like the smallest fear of something happening or you not doing something makes your fears come true. The idea that if you don't pick up a pencil you drop in the next five seconds a train will hit you at exactly five thirty-one in the evening on your way home even though there's no train tracks within a ten mile distance of you. I don't really know what to say about this part of the movie but his instant shut down and taking a bath with the figure that I'm guessing is some sort of comforting link he has to his mother is definitely what I'd do if I'd remembered that my tap was going and my mom is dead.
There's a point in the movie where Beau walks outside and there's some words behind him from at what point in the movie I don't know that say things like, 'pussy write letter' and 'pussy something whistle' and all that and I was confused by it but really did want to know if that meant someone's vag was writing a letter or if it was some sort of prosthetic you could buy I'm not sure but it was a hoot.
I can already see this being long and I'm not even halfway through the movie. Waking up in the gal's room was definitely something that made my head turn round I thought that maybe they'd bedazzled a hospital room or something. Beau looked pretty rough there so good healing to him throughout this movie. I took their behavior being weird and the dreamy feel as if Beau was craving some comfort and this is what he thought up to get it, which is so relatable. We can basically immediately interpret that Beau is a fill in for something the couple is missing AKA their son Nathan I believe was his name? For me this is so far the scariest part of the movie. And that's Beau being trapped. The actors do an amazing job of making you feel off in general. This feels like some pseudo family and the puzzle scene felt exactly like sitting down with my grandparents and having no idea what to do or what's even happening.
The way they treat what I think is their daughter compared to Beau is definitely a stark contrast. Reminded me of being a kid and wanting my mom to treat me the same as everyone else. Which was simply nice. The fact that they keep pushing him leaving back while he's begging for any way out is really the best representation of needing something NOW, not in the evening, not after a nice dinner and some good hosting, NOW. He's been guilted into believing that his mom's being insulted and humiliated and when he's doing what he can to stop it by leaving he's trapped and no one is giving him a way out of it. He can't even properly give himself a way out because he's been knocked into Saturn by a car and is currently healing from it. Anyways, an hour in and that's all I got.
Hour 2:
Okay that took an insane turn. The peer pressure carpool made me extremely uncomfortable and I honestly just wanted it to end since he kept saying no. The girls saying that they'd accuse him of that stuff put another edge into the situation when it already had plenty of sharp edges. In some way I see it as Beau somewhat needing a good puff but also not needing it. Does he need it or is he convincing himself that he does? Does he not need it or is it because his anxiety and suspicions are so implemented into him that he can't or won't? This scene was definitely good to watch if you need to tip of your blood pressure if it's low.
I knew it was going to cut to the boat when I heard the seagulls but what I expected to be a calm in this chaotic fucking movie turned out to be the exact opposite. This post isn't even interpretations anymore it's going to be me spiraling. Everyone did an amazing job atmosphere wise because what the fuck? Every interaction between young Beau and his mom just made me want to screw my face up so hard you could hammer it to a wall. I'm wondering if Beau recognized the woman that he cut back to in the video on his mom's death and I'm also wondering if this young gal is a positive, negative, or neutral. The scene where she counts down and what I'm guessing lead to a kiss got skipped because it just made me too uncomfortable.
I was immediately hit with what was the worst wham bam in the world. I saw those creepy people's daughter without a shirt and didn't want to go back but was hoping they'd explain and was let down completely with my brain in a twister. Most of it was me thinking "Dear God tell me nothing happened with this teen fucking girl." Don't know if anything did and will probably never know because I honestly wouldn't be able to take it.
By this point we see the mom's obvious want to tell Beau what the fuck is going down especially when we see Beau is being recorded and not only is he being recorded, as far as he knows this little remote could tell him his whole life. Both Beau and the daughter's crashout are completely understandable. The gal wasn't any bit kind to Beau but she was the break in reality. The screw that wouldn't nail in the hole right. And in some sense I feel like Beau definitely needed her interaction to realize something was very deeply wrong. The way he's holding an obvious doll is hilarious but I wonder if it's supposed to be the kink that the audience needs to realize that this isn't real. It's real in the sense that it's happening but everything Beau is going through isn't real. These interactions aren't spontaneous they're planned. And Beau is slowly realizing it bless his heart.
30 minutes later and I'm even more dumbstruck. I really love how when you're watching the play featuring Beau you almost get lost in the story too, seeing yourself walking in his shoes. And it supports the anxiety of it all. You could have a good life, you can have a wife and children and all things in between. All the happiness you want. But it's going to end. Something beyond your control is going to tear it away from you and you have so much life left to live. So much that you'll wonder if that happy beginning is worth the sad ending. I could have this, but I can't keep this. The part where Beau reunites with the children only to find out that his wife is still lost didn't ease it. Congratulations you've found three halves of your soul, where's the fourth? The idea that Beau wants to find family and some place that feels like home for him in a world where he doesn't belong comes up again. Beau wants that but has he opened his can up enough to let it in? To let it want him? There's a lot of him both being the one guilty and innocent. He's guilty of doing all of it in the first place, of having a family and knowing that they'll be ripped away. Of walking into that broken up town and having the audacity to get too involved by just standing there. And at the same time, he's innocent. Because why shouldn't he want a home? Why shouldn't he be standing in that town? The idea of him giving his last bit of change for one empty stomach moment of happiness is worth more to him than a stomach full of food. Personally I can't disagree, happiness can keep you full plenty. But it shows a lack of self preservation trying to just grasp the concept with what fingernails he hasn't chewed off out of paranoia. This explanation isn't good and I'm sure these aren't ideas worth quoting in the next Sherlock Holmes book but I just really loved how this simple robotic voice pulls you into a trance. It felt almost as if they were trying to get him to join their cult up until he snapped out of it and the play looked completely different!
Hour 3:
My jaw dropped and never stopped dropping. It felt like I was watching the tape from The Ring and it only closed when Beau's counselor came out of the what I assume was a bathroom smiling. That's really when the dread filled every nook and cranny of my mind.
When he found his childhood gal I couldn't stop staring and I wondered the same as Beau if it was even real at all. I kept pausing and reminding the part where she turns over in bed to turn a song on Spotify on to see what songs were displayed but it was too blurry for me to see and I eventually gave up after enough tit flashes. Throughout the rest of that sequence I was saying "Wow! Congrats buddy you're alive and you're okay!" only to be completely dumbfounded with my jaw open like a guppy when I realized everything was in fact not okay. The having hanky panky time in my dead mom's bed would throw me off but it makes sense when you realize he knew she wasn't actually dead.
When she revealed herself and started mentioning the times she felt that Beau didn't care enough it really did remind me of my relationship with my mother. I thought that maybe he might've given her the tape because he liked it so much or thought she did but after she said he just couldn't decide on things for himself I realized it was most likely because he really just didn't know what to get her and I definitely resonated with that. My mom expected me to understand what she wanted from the get go but I never knew what to get her for gifts or what to do when she was slowly judging towards an idea. I knew my mom but I didn't know what she wanted and it personally left me stuck in a ditch of guilt every time. Christmas was the worst simply because I didn't know what to come up with without her saying it to my face. I did end up finding something I think surprised her though, it was one of those zen sand gardens since her old one was busted. I think the relationship between Beau and his mom really hut you the worst when you realize she's right in some aspect. All of the people that were hurt because he was lost and even worse, afraid. But how can you trust that? From the woman that manipulated him into believing that she died? From the woman who's been watching him as close as when he picks his nose and from what nostril? And was it really Beau? Considering the fact that most of the interactions haven't been genuine and the pure trauma of it all, was it him or was it the dog that ran him into the fence? Really I don't even know what I'm saying anymore it's just pure rambling.
The final straw was the audio recording of his session. Of him speaking to a man he believed he could trust and saying how isolating it all felt. To be stuck with a mom that was pulling on both of your arms left when you wanted to take just one step right your own way. Of being guilted by your parent and or parents into believing that you didn't love them enough or that you were ungrateful because you simply didn't want to do exactly what they wanted you to. I definitely related to that, my mom would revoke my invitation to join my family when they went out to eat simply because my hair wasn't done how she wanted it to be done and would shame me for my own lack of decision making and control over my life. Beau does lack decision making but it didn't seem like his mom actually tried to help, she just waterlogged off to the side and expected him to when he was wrong no matter what if it wasn't what she expected. I really don't know what to say, his mom deserved a happy childhood and she's valid in wanting her son's love but he didn't have to give it to her how she wanted him to and he also deserved a good childhood. I'm waiting for the cherry on top in the attic so we'll see what happens next.
It's over. This T fuck face of a rex movie is over. Beau's dad literally being a massive dick is what I assume some representation of Beau not being able to see his dad as a person. His father wasn't around, he only knew him as the cock that impregnated his mom and made his pops croak in the same breath because of how God damn cursed it was. In the somewhat accurate words of Tyler the Creator, he was considered a sperm donor. The small man up against a dude with a fucking mic on a large platform was obviously Beau supposed to be Beau's grievances being ignored and quieted because of how wrong his mom made him feel for every inconvenience she experienced. And killing him was what to me meant silencing Beau once and for all. To kill the thing that allowed him the smallest but of self comfort. And all that's left was to kill Beau. I'd like for a happier ending but I feel like Beau's death did make a lot of sense. You listen to prolonged mental abuse like that and in the end again, "Something's gotta give." Beau died feeling guilted and betrayed, begging his mom for help and assistance the same as he did throughout his life only to be ignored by not only her but everyone that was convinced along with her that he was the bad guy one last time. You die that way. Feeling guilty for something no matter what.
I don't really know what to say, this was a wonderful movie and it was the most immersive movie I've seen besides the fact I wasn't in the studio to actually walk the set. I loved the practical giant dick and the slow decent into terror instead of dick jokes. Patti LuPone really took Beau's mom as a character to another level and Joaquin Phoenix is a hard man not to hug at the end of most of his movies. Thanks for reading this if you actually for some reason took the time out of your day to do it. I hope I never forget this movie and if I do I'll buy a bird to squawk it to me every few days.
See y'all sometime if anytime!
Fun fact, this is the best video on the internet
That's PIMP Gideon.
Don't get it twisted.
I'll do my crying in the rain.
Peak fiction ✍️🔥
More Maria Lives AU content! It's essentially the prequel to this and where the story properly starts.
It had been a perfect evening.
Grandpa had surprised them by actually sitting down to dinner with them, usually he didn’t have the time in the evenings. He took his work long into the night. But tonight they sat down as a family for a dinner of brisket, mashed potatoes, and green beans. They had apple pie for dessert. She and Shadow even got an extra slice each.
Afterwards, they tucked themselves into the blanket fort. Maria brought her guitar. She tuned it, plucking on each of the strings until they sounded correct. She demonstrated a few chords for Shadow, explaining to him how the different combinations of notes made them sound more ‘happy’ or ‘sad.’ They both fell into a small laughing fit when she tried to get Shadow to mimic her hand position on the guitar’s neck, but his gloves got in the way. She was just about to start a rendition of Hey Jude when the doors burst open. Grandpa stood there, shaken and wide eyed.
“Kids, we have to go. Now.”
It had been a perfect evening.
It was difficult to run across the smooth floors in just her socks, but Shadow’s firm grip on her hand kept her steady. There was a disconcerting cacophony of sounds all around. The blaring alarms. Distantly (and frighteningly) there was gunfire. They rattled together inside her head. Poor Shadow couldn’t be faring much better, since his hearing is significantly more sensitive than hers, but he didn’t show it.
Grandpa tugged them along through the hallways, away from the noise. She recognized the route they were taking. It led to the elevator that would take them to the hilltop.
“What’s happening?” she managed to ask between ragged breaths. At first, she wasn’t sure Grandpa had even heard her over the alarms.
“They want to take Shadow away from us Maria!” he hastily explained, also out of breath.
‘They? Who is ‘they?’ Has the base been invaded?’ she wanted to ask. But there was no time. There was shouting behind them. They were being followed.
The next few seconds were as if time slowed down.
There was a shout.
A flash of light.
Glass cracked.
She gasped.
Grandpa’s white lab coat.
White everywhere.
Then it was dark.
Ringing.
Her ears were ringing. She coughed, dizzy and disoriented. Her arms hurt as she pushed herself back up to her knees. She had been blown back several feet. She was scraped and bruised. The air was hotter than it had been a moment ago. As she got her bearings back she realized now that parts of the room were on fire.
“Gran-! Sh-sha-!” She tried to call out, but ended up choking on the smoke that clogged the air.
“Maria!” Shadow called out to her. His quills were ruffled and out of place, covered in soot from the explosion. He stood over….
Maria ran to her grandfather’s side, falling to her knees. His eyes stared up at nothing. A trail of blood leaked from his nose.
“Grandpa?” she asked in a small voice. She shook his shoulder slightly. He didn’t react. “Grandpa… get up. Get up, please.”
“Maria.” Shadow’s quiet call startled her. His eyes flashed to the side, she followed his gaze to see a squadron of men in army fatigues approaching. She recognized the uniforms, their sleeves emblazoned with the American flag.
“Help!” she called out to them. “Please help! He’s not breathing, call a medic, please!”
To her shock, instead of any one of them reaching for their radio and making the call, they all raised their weapons.
“Down on the ground, now!” a soldier shouted.
Not comprehending, Maria cried again, “He needs a medic, please!”
Shadow inched closer to Maria. He watched the soldiers apprehensively. She continued to beg for assistance, but went ignored as Shadow’s movements only put them more on edge. The apparent leader trained his weapon on Shadow.
“Back away from the girl!”
Shadow didn’t back away, but he did stop his movements. He glanced down at the Professor’s body, then back at the squadron surrounding them. The energy in his quills started to quietly crackle.
From the back of the line another figure pushed his way forward, lieutenant Walters.
“Maria!” he called out. “Maria, just… just walk over here to me, no one is going to hurt you.” He held his hand out, beckoning. Maria just shook her head minutely. Her hand reached out to take Shadow’s.
“Walters, I don’t….” She didn’t even know how to finish that sentence. She couldn’t wrap her head around what was going on.
“I understand you’re scared, Maria. You’re a civilian, you shouldn’t have gotten wrapped up in this. But these men have their orders. So please come away from there and come over to me.” he beckons her again.
Maria pulls Shadow closer. She wasn’t sure if the hairs on her arm were standing on end from the crackling energy he was emitting or because of the dread washing over her.
“What about Shadow?” she asked. Walters looked apologetic.
“He has to go with them, Maria,” he gestured to the squadron. “It’s going to be alright, please just… just walk away from Shadow and come over here.”
Maria stared at Walters, at the pleading look on his face. The men around him were stone-cold. Eyes hard, they looked through Maria and Shadow. She looked back at her grandpa. At his slack face, his eyes fixed at a distant point. With horrible clarity finally dawning on her she knew that they saw nothing.
“No…” it came out quietly at first, then she screamed, “No! You killed him! You killed him!” She pulled Shadow fully to her chest, curling around him protectively. He wrapped his arms around her in turn, the energy building up around him made her hair stand up and fizzled in her ears.
The squadron took aim in spite of Walters’ protests. Maria screwed her eyes shut, preparing-
She heard something like a fzzzzzzzz-pop!
And then she was falling.
Or more accurately, she was tumbling.
She grunted as she rolled over grass and flowers and dandelions. While Shadow was able to curl into a ball and had his quills to protect him, Maria rolled gracelessly down the hill. Her night dress became littered with grass stains and new scrapes and bruises were added to her arms and legs. When she finally came to a stop at the bottom she sprawled out like a starfish. The stars in the sky above her spun in a way that told her she wasn’t just watching the rotation of the Earth. She pushed herself to her feet in spite of the dizziness.
“Shadow?” she whipped around, looking for him. He unfurled himself not too far away. He clasped her hand in his, and once again they were running.
-*-*-*-
Shadow’s ears were upright and alert, listening for any signs of the military.
They had run until it became apparent that they couldn’t stay out in the open anymore. Soldiers had started combing the woods for them, both on foot and in search helicopters. So when they found a hole in the ground that seemed to go back a few feet and was just wide enough for two kids to climb into, that’s exactly what they did.
They’d practically held their breath for hours. They listened to the whir of helicopter blades as they flew past their little foxhole. They passed by each time. He supposed they were just lucky that they didn’t think to bring out search dogs, or else he suspected that they’d find their exit blocked by the barrel of a gun.
As night slowly bled into dawn, Shadow stayed alert, not satisfied that the search parties had truly passed until hours went by in silence. He didn’t need to sleep, but Maria was ragged.
She had nodded off a few times, only for a few minutes each. Every time she woke herself back up, probably from the anxiety of the situation, and the general discomfort of sitting in a dirt hole in the ground. But now there were circles under her eyes.
She sat with her knees drawn up to her chest. A small sniffle drew Shadow’s attention away from listening for soldiers. When he looked at her, her tired eyes were red rimmed. She swiped fruitlessly at the tears running down her cheeks.
“Maria,” he said, murmured, really.
He crawled over to her, sitting himself down in front of her bent knees. She sniffled again. Her eyes shined with tears. She put her hands on top of his head to pet the soft fur on his ears. It was something she did for him a lot, but she misunderstood, he wasn’t seeking comfort from her right now. He wasn’t the one who needed it. He took her hands in his and intertwined their fingers. She let him. He wasn't really sure what to do with them at that point so they just sat for a bit, holding each other’s hands between them.
After a little while though, he felt compelled to break the silence.
“I think they’ve moved on by now,” he started, still soft spoken.
“Okay.” Maria replied, equally quiet.
Shadow frowned, his ear flicked.
“I’m sorry,” he confessed. Maria shook her head.
“What do you have to be sorry for?”
“I’m sorry,” he said more insistently. She wasn’t getting it. “None of this would’ve happened if it weren’t for me.” If he wasn’t so powerful, if he wasn’t so strange, if he didn’t make them so afraid.
“No,” the word came out sharp. He doesn’t think he’s ever heard her sound like that. “No, Shadow. Don’t say that.” Her eyes, still shining with tears and with something else now too- something he couldn’t name- bore into his. He looked away, his ears flattened on his head. He knew his next words would just upset her more.
He’d had all night to think about what happened at the base. When he’d teleported them out, it was more of an impulse than a rational decision. But seeing the professor on the ground like that, and with those men pointing their weapons at Maria, he couldn’t stand the thought that she would look like that too.
“... I think we should go back.”
She pulled her hands away from his. Cold seeped into his palms even through his gloves.
“What?” she asked incredulously.
“We should go back to the base. Even if they cleared it out by now I’m sure they left a few officers patrolling in case we came back. Walters was right, they only wanted to take me, so I’ll let them. You’re a civilian, they’ll protect you.”
“Protect me from who? Them? They’re the ones who-” she choked on the words, “who… killed grandpa.”
“And if they killed him just to get to me what do you think they’d be willing to do to you if I don’t give myself up? Maria, I told you I don’t know what I would do without you.”
“And I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Her declaration hung heavy in the air. It stunned him into silence for a moment. Then;
“... You saw their weapons. And the explosion? It was all me. My chaos energy. It’s dangerous, I’m dangerous. I’m only going to get you hurt.”
“Hey,” she took his hand again, “I told you, you can do or be anything you want. Okay? You decide who you are, nobody else. Just because they took your power and turned it into a weapon doesn’t mean they get to make you into something that you’re not.”
She said it with such conviction, that for a moment, Shadow wanted to believe her words as much as she did, but it was hard to swallow down his fear past the tangled knot in his chest.
“We’re not going back,” she said. She held up her other hand, pinky extended outwards. She looked at him expectantly. “We’re not going back,” she repeated.
Trepidatiously, he lifted his hand and wrapped his pinky around hers.
*-*-*-
Forest litter crunched underfoot as they walked along somewhat aimlessly. While Maria had decided that going back was not an option, they didn’t really have a plan other than forward and thus further and further away from the base. But the base was purposely isolated from civilization, and they had found their hideaway by pure chance, they weren’t exactly keeping track of where they were going when they had been fleeing through the darkness. So when they had finally clambered out of their foxhole into the daylight, Maria had simply glanced around, picked a direction and started walking. Shadow followed suit.
And so that’s how it had been for the past couple hours. The sun moved along its trail in the sky, and they walked in uncharacteristic silence. Maybe not uncharacteristic for Shadow, he had always been more quiet and the most he talked was around Maria. But that was because she usually led the conversation. But she’d been tight lipped since they set off. She could of course still be angry with him for his earlier suggestion. Yet every time he stole a glance at her face he couldn’t seem to find any sign of anger. At least, he thought he didn’t. Really, it would have been a first for making Maria mad at him, so he had no frame of reference for what that actually looked like. He never would have expected her to pull the same grimace or snarl or look of disgust he would get from the scientists when he made them upset. Yet the look on her face now, mouth quirked as she chewed the inside of her cheek, and her eyes downturned as her brows pinched just slightly, he couldn’t quite bring himself to ascribe that to anger.
But his last attempt at apologizing had gone so poorly, he was at a loss for how to even begin again this time. Luckily, he didn’t need to.
“I’ve been trying to wrap my head around it all,” Maria said, suddenly breaking the awkward silence.
“What do you mean?” Shadow prompted. So that was it. She’d been thinking this whole time.
“I mean,” she paused, both her words and her steps. She looked up as if the trees had the answers she was looking for. “I’m trying to make sense of it. Why go to all the trouble to raid your own base? Why bring armed men at all?” she asked no one in particular.
“The Professor said they wanted to take me.” Shadow offered up anyway, he crossed his arms over his chest as soon as he said it. He was starting to get frustrated with how often he was repeating that one fact. It’s the only solid piece of information they currently have and it’s utterly useless. But if Maria shared that frustration she didn’t show it, she continued to think out loud;
“Alright but then why put up a fight about it? They could just as easily have ordered Grandpa to turn you over, so then why did they come already armed? Unless….” She turned her eyes back to the ground, her face once again pensive.
“Unless?”
“Unless they did order Grandpa, and they knew he was going to disobey.”
“You think the Professor knew they were coming?”
Maria shrugged, crossing her own arms.
“Maybe.”
“And you think he was willing to disobey orders, for me?”
Maria was quiet for a long moment.
“I think he already did.”
It was Shadow’s turn to become pensive. The idea that the Professor would risk everything, and lose his life for it, for him? Around them, the forest was filled with the sounds of life, cricket chirps, animal calls, and birdsong. His sensitive hearing picked up on all of it, but in his head it started to sound less like the symphony of nature and instead more like a cacophonous ringing of why?
Meanwhile Maria sighed. She ran a hand through her hair.
“Hey,” she broke Shadow from his spiral. She offered her hand out to him, and he accepted it. “You and me, we have each other, right?” She smiled, it didn’t quite reach her eyes, but something in Shadow felt lighter seeing that she still had the strength to smile even after everything.
“Right,” he agreed. They did have each other. And as long as they had that, they could get through.
If 'It's Been So Long' doesn't play at any point during the Fnaf movie 2, I'm rioting