Overwhelmed - Blog Posts
Does anyone else get overwhelmed at holiday dinners? Like just everybody talking and trying to pass food around and it just feels like I'm being torn in different directions and not being in my own body anymore.
When everyone gets to the talking, my ears just feel like that they are melting off my head and being sewn back on when things quiet down. I have tried earplugs and headphones, but I feel rude. I try to stay towards the back and don't direct attention at myself.
I really enjoy being with my family at these holidays and being a part of the festivities, but it is too much sometimes.
I’m absolutely overstimulated…I want to pull my eyes out and throw them and run into the woods.
I really can’t remember a time where a SO has loved me for me or not for their pleasure.
im so tired of everything
I have to get up early tomorrow and I have a bunch of projects due Thursday
I’m so exhausted
but I don’t wanna sleep cause that makes time feel faster so tomorrow will come faster
and I don’t want tomorrow to happen
Anxiety
Waiting for the call
Waiting for the call
How will I stall?
How will I stall?
Anxiety
Anxiety
Bolting through my veins
Hydrogen, Helium, Sodium, Boron
I must be made out of morons
I own scratched up pencils
They don't fit extra ordinary stencils
Books and essays
Overwhelmed I say
I own knocking knees
I know who I am, I just can't be
Do and don't
Know that I probably won't
I own a pounding heart
One of my arts
What is history?
It's part of my mystery
Anxiety
Anxiety
How will I stall?
How will I stall?
Waiting for the call
Waiting for the call
I have been struggling with depression lately, but it’s mostly related to my struggles with chronic illness and the lack of support I have from my medical providers. I need to start this aloud so I know that it’s situational and that it’s not my fault.
Also, I need a new therapist who can better acknowledge that it isn’t for my lack of trying. Having a neurotypical and abled therapist is draining and sometimes makes me feel like I’m being gaslit. And that’s not ok.
I’m looking for a new therapist but that takes time and more patience than I can sometimes muster with the US healthcare system and state insurance/Medicaid. Do not recommend the American healthcare experience, 0/10 rating, no stars.
I’m not okay right now and that has to be okay for now.
Just got off the phone with legal aid and rehashing the trauma again. That was a very long conversation. Attempting to keep my head high and not get overwhelmed by everything. I am lucky enough to finish this day out with a dental appointment and moving things out of my storage unit. Lawyers, and dentists, and moving, oh my!