Oprah - Blog Posts
The Gift of Fear
Not all books can be comforting, not all books are make-believe, not all books are heart-racing suspenseful; Gavin De Becker’s The Gift of Fear is all three. Gavin De Becker, the author, shares with us the stories of his clients who were raped by strangers, celebrities stalked by ‘regular people’, obsessed coworkers and more. He dissects them to show them, and us, where and when we should trust our gut and how it really isn’t our gut, but our logical mind setting off warning flags that society has told us to ignore.
I’m reminded of an SVU episode wherein thinking she’s just being racist, a young white girl allows a big black guy into her apartment to help her unload her groceries—she didn’t need the help, and she wasn’t being racist, there was something about him that she knew was off but told herself she should ignore it and then got raped. There are people who are racist, this book nor I ignore that, but just as women have been taught to smile, we have all been taught to be kind and understanding—even when we shouldn’t be. Sometimes it doesn’t matter much, but sometimes it means the end of our lives. He reminds us, me, of the phrase “look at someone’s actions, not at someone’s words”—he reminds us that people choose to be nice, charming—it doesn’t mean they are. He gives a list and more descriptions about Pre-Incident Indicators: methods used by those trying to get something from you that they are used to people ignoring:
Trying to make you two a team
Making you feel sympathy
Locking you down and trying to force a connection
Making a situation where you feel it’d be rude to not speak to THIS COMPLETE STRANGER
Trying to get you into your debt
Trying to make a deal with you, when really they could just leave
Refusing to hear the word no
People say this book could save your life, no. It reminds you that you already have the power to save and fight for your life, you just have to recondition yourself to listen to yourself and trust what someone is showing you. The aspects of this book being real and harrowing are obvious, the issues of comforting is how it allows us to trust ourselves again. This book isn’t just for young women, mothers, or the elderly. I’ve shared this book with managers, coworkers, friends and more. Share this book, read it’s tales and learn how you can survive. It’s awful, but as we know have work-place shootings as part of our fire safety, and the access the internet provides others with our personal details, this book is only becoming more important
