My mind is my haven
Yet I have no where to hide
Crazy thoughts
Constantly running in my mind
Wired feelings
I’ve never felt
Makes me wanna shout .
Feeling of something
Deep within me
Trying it’s best to reach out
With all my might
I struggle to keep it locked in
I’m fuckin petrified
If I declined
What would this thing do to my insides
It creeps in my throat
I promise you not
I feel it real tight
Makes me want to choke .
To keep it down
Is a strength I hold
Coz this fucker really wants to take hold
But I’m scared how my future will unfold .
@trueemotions91
Love is a powerful word
Yet slightly absurd
To give someone your all
Yet not got the strength
To put what you have
Into yourself
Its extraordinary
How we work like that
Is that human error
Or just a self flaw.
@trueemotions91
14 months & counting ,
Crammed into 4 tiny walls,
No fresh air ,
For me to breathe ,
No one else to reach,
Covid they said,
Don’t catch a cold,
Keep your self to your self ,
14 months you know ,
Not even a glimpse of sun,
Or 2 minutes of fun,
My brains starting to go into over drive ,
With no end to the wave,
I’m losing my sanity & all hope,
That my soul will ever feel the same .
@trueemotions91
All I need is air
The sun
The moon
The sea
All things that are beyond the beauty of the earth
When all falls silence , all at last will be
How the world was ment to be
I see you , your struggles and all the things behide
But nature is calling you
To heal you
In the silence , of the night
We need that, to reinstate
Reinstate with the earth , the very place we was made
To feel the air against your naked skin
The noise of the trees
The sound of the leaves and rain
This is what your body is craving
A break from hell
And back to heaven on nature’s ground
Bare footed
To recharge from the ground
Not from the television , we weren’t made a plug in
Pick up the leaves
let the creatures of earth wiggle on your feet
Put down the phone
And dig your hands into earths rich soil
Roll around like you never have
Smell the flowers and enjoy the earth.
@trueemotions91
A soul is my beauty
Looks are deceiving
They try and trick the mind
To make us believe
In something that isn’t there
As a soul can’t lie
It speaks the truth beyond the mask
That’s put in as a disguise
To look beyond is hard
It’s a battle with mind and temptation
But which do you choose
When the pretty tunes in to the soul
And Creates the devil
Do you realise the danger your soul has intwined to,
A pretty soul will always have a pretty face ,
You just have to look deeper in the beholders eyes,
The eyes are the beauty ,
As dark as chocolate , as blue as the skies , as green as the mountains on a dewy morning sun rise ,
Not the cold hunger , with a smile upon the face ,
That’s clearly the devil in disguise .
@trueemotions91
Come see what I see
Twisted deformed faces in front of me
Crazy they call me
But these fuckers clearly can’t see
Like sheep in a line, all gawping when I open my mind
Don’t believe me when I say
It’s the most powerful thing about me
Trust me when I say it
Ain’t no delusion
I have to fight the beast everyday
You , you are nothing
Compared to this fucker
I cant escape it , not even run from it
Stuck with it till I die
Can you see ?
You , you are nothing to me.
Human like me
But I don’t use my fist to win this fight
My brain is always right
So no escaping me
Because once I get in
They ain’t no getting out
I cant escape me
Even the devil don’t want in this game .
A monster in disguise ,
A gift from god
Who knows what it’s called
Electric powers me
The Voltage erupts
Causing me a rage
With a mind full of volts
That turn into words
Them words turn into ideas
And the whole world spins .
Still makes no sense
Still can’t understand
Nor can I , so join the clan .
@trueemotions91
Lost in a world of emotions
Covid on my mind
Not a worry for the blind.
It’s not the strain of my eyes
from watching the tv
Or holding my phone all day
It’s the battle going on in my brain .
A pain I feel through shut eyes
The light don’t bother me no more
Used to the dark and the man made lights
With a flip of the switch .
It Seems day and night no longer disgunish
The hurt no longer exists
But neither does my happiness .
Lost in my own mind
But just a empty space .
Dying to breathe in the fresh air
To revitalise my brain .
Lost words that make no sense
Emotions I can’t figure out .
The world has gone crazy
And my brain is on the fall out .
How can my brain survive this pandemic with nothing to do , no air to breathe , no sun to see,
Just me .
@trueemotions91
I see the sun, I see the sand , I see the sea, but I can't see the air .
I can see all that's beautiful around me.
But you no what I can't see .
The thing that keeps me alive
And that's the distraction in life.
We are surrounding by beauty, ugliness , and everything far and between .
But do those things really bother me ?
Where's my twisted feelings ,
my emotions when they run high,
the 1000 words that race through my head every night !!!
But why ? Cant I see these in front of me!!
If these were on show they wouldn't be a distraction it's my lifelong goals !!
These are the main
Yet they kept locked away
Tightly secure inside my brain
The things we can see , touch, feel , smell are distractions in my way!!
Why can't the things that matter be so easy to reach and grab!!
To put all that matters out on a table would be a lifelong puzzle but that puzzle is my goal in life .
You see it's the only thing on this earth that's been made just for me!!!
So when you see that beautiful flower blossoming don't make it a distraction , alter it to the reality and perception , your own path in life is taking you through.
@trueemotions91
hi...how are you all doing?
honestly, it has been a few pretty shit months for me, i had a lot of personal problems that are now finally being handled properly. im sorry for disappearing and for not posting. i will try to start soon to post something, even if its an headcanon or something like that ahahah.
still, thank you so much for the support you guys keep giving me by liking and followings me, even if i didnt post for like 5 months, it means a lot <3.
also, please remember to take a step back from what youre doing if you're dealing with things and feel like its too much. take some time for yourself and use it to get better <3
also check up on your friends sometimes, make sure they are all ok, especially if they seems a bit off.
love you all <3
I kinda need to rant here.
I just watched the new Dear Evan Hansen movie and I personally thought it was amazing. So imagine my surprise when I see that so many people hated the movie. Now I don’t expect people to live the movie just because I love it, but I feel like people are giving this movie WAY too much hate. I think one of main reasons people don’t like it is because it’s an adaptation. They go in expecting it to be exactly like the musical, and then throw a hissy fit when it’s not. Both are different experiences. It’s supposed to be different. That doesn’t mean that the movie is bad! There seems to be a common pattern of pointing out a flaw of the movie, but failing to mention that the musical actually had similar problems!
One of the other complaints heard is that the movie makes them uncomfortable. ITS KINDA SUPPOSED TO BE! When talking about serious issues like mental health, it’s going to make people uncomfortable. Also did they not watch the musical. Both have multiple uncomfortable moments. For Pete’s sake I’m pretty sure the Muscial has more moments that make you wish that that person kept that thought in their head.
I also feel like people don’t understand that the musical, in my opinion, never actually addressed the mental health issues directly. It was mainly shown through the mental health stigma surrounding Conner, but most of that stigma wasn’t called out. Any time that it was was really minor and only in a few sentences. When I watched the musical I was the only one out of my siblings to point out all of the issues. The musical represents mental stigma by having all of the characters stigmatize people, without actually addressing that their actions are wrong. Kind of a this is what the world is type of situation. The movie is a lot more direct when addressing that stigma based behaviors of people, calling them out, and showing the different types of ways that people handle their own issues. I LOVED that the movie decided to use Alana’s character to show that even the most seemingly put together people can struggle with the same issues, not just the social outcasts.
Now I have fondness for both the musical and the movie. Both bring different things to the table, and I appreciate that. The Muscial does some things better and I think the movie does other things better. I’m not saying that no one has the right to hate the movie. But I am saying that people need to start looking at things from different angles. You might still not like the movie, but can still appreciate that it’s something that others can find joy out of it.
I’m not sure if I explained my thought process well, but hopefully some people see where I am coming from.
I hoped to never go on to social media to call out someone for abusing me in some way... but here I fucking am.
TW// grooming, toxic relationship
At the age of 10, I met someone online who I shared a common interest with. They introduced me to their friends, and one of them would become my abuser. After our little group fell apart, her and I stayed friends. Eventually, we figured out we liked each other, and we started dating by the time I was 12.
Things were fine for awhile, but during an arguement one time, I remember her calling me toxic. I didn't even know what that word meant, yet it stuck to me for years. I didn't get over that until I finally stepped into the light, left her behind, and finally started to get better.
We'd keep arguing, we'd take "breaks", but with each break we'd end up still be like "ily" and realize that we weren't truly having a break, ever.
Once we broke up, it only took me a day to decide that we couldn't even stay friends. It didn't feel right. I ghosted her, and I don't even remotely regret it. I was only 13. Things were quiet, and with my therapist, I had come to realize how much she really abused me.
6 months later, my abuser reached out to me. She snuck into my discord server, once she revealed herself, I was willing to make small talk. I was willing to forgive. I was naive.
I mentioned that I told my friends in my server about what she did. So she snooped and got upset when I called her a groomer. So, I deleted that message... but I really shouldn't have.
I'm 16 now, and I only just now realized that she abused me so much worse than I think. Everytime I realize that she did something wrong, I think "it can't get worse than this.", but it has. Most of my memories of the time I had with her is blotted out, but one thing I do remember is a BDSM list.
I was 13, maybe even 12, when she sent me the blank list, and one filled out. She told me, "You should do this and send it to me. Here's mine." I don't remember looking at hers, but I remember genuinely trying to fill it out, because I was young. I was naive. I didn't know any better.
I didn't know most of the things listed on it. I had to look half of it up, and I was so uncomfortable doing it the whole time. Not like anything could have had any truth to it because I was fucking 12/13. I had absolutely 0 experience in anything sexual. I was so uncomfortable doing it, it wasn't fair to me to do something like this and not understand any of it.
I didn't realize how damn weird it was back then. I only just realized it and it's been nearly half a decade. There are certain people out there that have used that list to groom their victims, I found it out just now, and it hit me like a fucking train to realize that I was victim to it.
Tabby, I don't fucking give a shit if I ruin your chances of college, or a job. You don't deserve a good life because you ruined mine. And even though I've learned to grow around my trauma, I cannot move on from the fact that you are the reason I struggle so much today. I don't fucking trust people, because of you and the way you treated me. But I have learned to realize that I will not tolerate people stepping all over me and I will not be treated unfairly because I have fucking worth and you don't get to act all innocent anymore.
My abuser is Tabbybat6. Bluebat, Tabbitha, whatever the fuck she goes by now. I first met her on Steam, we moved to hangouts, then Discord. She has Wattpad, Instagram, Tumblr, and on everything I could think of, I have her blocked and restricted.
Tabbitha, if somehow, you're reading this, I hope you understand the way you made me feel, someday. I hope you feel all the pain you made me feel from your abuse. And I'm praying to the god I don't believe in that justice gets fucked served.
Did I just realise that winter depression hit me like a truck? Hell yes.
Am I going to do anything about it? Hell yes!😎
I'm aware of my mental health status and I'm going to make many little steps to achieve my goals anyway!💖 Life isn't easy sometimes and that's okay! Just don't give up and try your best in every situation✨
Hey guys! ✨
Just wanted to pop in and say that I’m currently taking a mental health break from social media! Yes, I’m still available and will be answering questions and comments every few days.
The past week was really tough for me; I had to postpone my exam because of that and currently try to get back to the roots, trying to rediscover my passion for studying...
Not everything is as perfect as it seems to be in the pictures and videos I post.
Sometimes life is just rough to you and you have to give yourself some time to recover💖
Stay safe and see you all soon!