suppressed longing makes me feel crazy because it alway Seeps Out. like how you need to let the steam off of a pressure cooker to make sure it doesn’t explode, there’s always some evidence of it somewhere. a hug that’s a little too tight. a hand that lingers too long. eye contact that lasts a few seconds more than it’s supposed to. holding hands for safety becoming a convenient excuse. getting close enough to bump knees to watch something on a phone screen and not ever pulling away. fixing a loose thread and having fingers subconsciously feel the fabric underneath.
like it’s always There. no matter the effort that goes in to hiding and suppressing it all the lines blur eventually. and the longer it lingers, the more the touch becomes familiar—the harder it is to let off the same steam. it’s not enough to feel it a few seconds at a time. eventually there needs to be some other way to let the pressure off but what would that even be? other than crossing the line you’ve been trying to avoid this entire time?