Jar Jar Binks - Blog Posts
i thought my friend made this up but apparently there are actual rumors. what
obi wan: it’s over anakin, I have the high ground
anakin: I HATE YOU
padme, whispering to jar jar: they take playing the floor is lava very seriously
j j abrams: we're going to do some rewrites to episode vii in response to fan reactions about certain minor characters
fandom: stORMPILOT stto r mpilo t finnpOE mmmmstorm p i l o t poes fuckjn gay ohmygod
j j, whispering to his co-writers behind his hand: operation lazarus is go. we're bringing jar jar back i repeat we are bringing jar jar back
Recently showed Pinocchio (1940) to my partner and it was delightful to see how much they hated Jiminy Cricket. They said that he was the "Jar-Jar Binks of the movie" and would have "overturned democracy if given the chance."
Chapter 10 of burc’ya kadale ~ Friendly Fire
Has been posted on ao3!
Somewhere out there, there is a mock-Jar Jar Binks puppet sitting in a Lucasfilm warehouse.
It must be set free.
Thank you everyone who suggested a character! I really enjoyed making these! :)
15. Ewan McGregor Movie Review: Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999)
Hey y'all, I'm back! I took a break that lasted longer than expected and it's finally time for me get back to it. This is Ewan's first movie of 1999.
Genre: Family/Sci-fi
Rating: PG
Director: George Lucas
Starring: Liam Neeson, Ewan McGregor, Ahmed Best, Natalie Portman, Jake Lloyd
Movie Synopsis: "The Phantom Menace" is about two Jedi, Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi, who are sent on a simple diplomatic mission to help a planet in crisis. What they discover is a much larger conspiracy and that their enemy, The Sith, have finally resurfaced after 1,000 years. Aid for the Jedi comes from an unlikely ally, Anakin Skywalker, who is an enslaved child and believed by Qui-Gon to be the Chosen One who will bring balance to the Force.
Ewan Review: Ewan McGregor plays the character Obi-Wan Kenobi who is an Apprentice aka Padawan to his Master, Qui-Gon Jinn. Obi-Wan is near the end of his Apprenticeship and is a very calm, focused, and prepared Jedi learner. While his Master believes little Anakin is the Chosen One and will do anything, even go against their Council's orders, to train the boy, Obi-Wan is not convinced. During their mission, Obi-Wan must use all of his training to confront the Sith and help bring peace to the planet. Ewan speaks in what sounds like a British accent for this role. He doesn't have any love interests, kissing, or nude scenes. His role isn't very prominent so he doesn't do much. He goes swimming with his clothes on if that is important to you and he has a fight scene at the end of the movie which is spectacular. His acting is fine for the little he's given to do.
Screentime Percentage: Ewan is on screen for a grand total of 23/136 minutes making his SP 17%.
To Ewan or not to Ewan: Is the movie worth watching for Ewan content alone? Sigh...no. Wait! Before you crucify me, just please take off your nostalgia glasses for a second! This movie and version of Obi-Wan is as dear to my heart as it is to many fans. However, my absolute love for this character doesn't change the fact that the man is barely in the movie. When he is, it's very brief scenes where he tends to be standing quietly in the background. He also has minimal lines. Even Ewan himself has joked about how he was basically hired to just stand behind Liam Neeson. The bulk of his screentime happens in the last TEN minutes of the movie. Ewan being in this film is a plus, not the reason you should watch. So, I'm obliged to say that this isn't the Ewan content you're looking for (pun intended). Now, is the movie worth watching in general? Absolutely! It's such a fun time, the world building is incredible and don't get me started on the film score! Plus, the lightsaber duel at the end is one of the best fight sequences in the entire Star Wars series.
Where to Watch: You can watch The Phantom Menace if you are subscribed to Disney+. The movie is available for rent on Amazon Prime Video, Google Play Movies & TV, or Fandango at Home. You can also pirate it on soap2day.
I bet Jar Jar is fucking hung like a whale. God he can raw me anyday.
I spent like two? Three? Entire weeks with this sitting in my askbox and I just. I got nothing. What could I possibly answer? I tried all the “nope” gifs in this god forsaken website, I tried to draw what my face looks like every time I read this, I tried to find fanart of jar jar with his wang out and the universe was kind enough to me so that I couldn’t find any. I got nothing. Nada. Abso-fucking-lutely nothing. What am I gonna say? What in god’s name am I gonna say to that?!
You see, I wanna fuck general grievous. I do. I want him use all his four arms to simultaneously pull both my arms back and touch my tits as he fucks me with his mecha-schlong. I do. I wanna fuck darth Maul, pre-legs cut off or post metal legs+metal dick enhancement. I wanna lick those horns. Okay? I wanna fuck darth vader. Boy, oh, boy, I do. I wanna hear that hard breathing and wrap my legs over that dramatic cape while he force-chokes me and we do the do. Am I a weird robot-fucker? You bet your ass I am! Am I a tad too much on the horny side? Probably. Did I extrapolate my right to be horny on main? Fucking sue me. But this. THIS.
How do you want me to face my family and all the three (3) friends I have irl? How do you want me to walk into an elevator with a bunch of strangers and when an old lady says “the weather has been a little hot lately, isn’t it weird?” just to do small talk like every fucking old people I don’t know do, how do you expect me not to answer her with “y’know what’s weirder, someone at this very moment is thinking about Jar Jar Binks going balls-deep in them and I cannot talk about this to anyone and the knowledge of this? it’s eating me alive. ALIVE, ma’am, and I don’t mean this as some sick vore reference. Someone’s dreaming of those popped-up eyes, of that weird high-pitched voice screaming MEESA COMING while they’re filled up by Jar Jar Bink’s thick seed, and I’m just standing here while this very notion rots me to the core, taking all life away from me. It’s a nightmare. My entire life, a nightmare, because of an anon message from a horny jar jar fucker on tumblr. This is my floor now, ma’am, have a good day”
I leave the elevator. I probably have an appointment, but I can’t remember where, or what for. I sit down on the floor by the elevator doors. I sob for a full minute. I take the elevator back downstairs, I walk home, I collapse in bed and rub one out thinking of darth vader. I feel better.
Five minutes later, I think about this ask again, and my whole world collapses again. It’s only Tuesday. I sigh heavily and sit down to write this reply.-
Edit: a lot of this is exaggeration. Some of it is true. You get to pick what exactly.
This is me if I was in the Star Wars universe, along side with Jar Jar Binks.
Jar Jar is the kind of character I relate to in a way, as we are both clumsy and do stupid shit. I think people hate him too much. I mean, he could be much worse.
Also my character is a smuggler/thief, but she’s not so good at her job. That’s why she’s got a fake arm. But she doesn’t give up easily! (Though she really should before she loses another body part)
Star Wars: The Cone Wars Concept Art