Jacob Seed - Blog Posts
WHO SAID JACOB IN A CAGE?
Oh, no one said that... (or did they?????!!!!)
NEVERMIND, I SAID JACOB IN A CAGE
Look at him he is so pethetiiiiic
I was too lazy to finalize these, but now I have a reason to post them ohoho.
Please tell me you guys see the vision??? Jacob and the deputy???
How The Turn Tables
Fuck around, and find out. Everyone has their limits
Oh no, the tables have turned. Again.
Meet Cartel Boss Staci's twin brother:
Mob King Stacy.
Yes, their parents named them Staci and Stacy. They also refused to elaborate further.
You (Are What You) Eat
This is my humble contribution to the Far Cry 5's anniversary, as well as your daily reminder to watch The Color of Pomegranates.
Taking Jacop to Dunas de Bilbao was a mistake.
Junior(?) Deputy Seed
Based on this post.
don’t mind me, just checking a hypothesis.
SIR, I HAVE BEEN LOOKING AT THIS RESPECTFULLY (lies) FOR 3 HOURS STRAIGHT AND 8 HOURS GAY.
THANK YOU SO MUUUUCH.
LOOK. AT. THEM.
Dos gardenias para ti Que tendrán todo el calor de un beso De esos besos que te di Y que jamás te encontrarán En el calor de otro querer
I managed to successfully infiltrate @pande-monty-um's mind with this Narcos scene, and I think everyone should watch it.
Thank you @somepersonyan for this inspiration!
Based off this
About to drop a sick album
Stay tuned for more Jacop and Bosstaci content.
Bonus Album cover:
Side Quest From Cartel
Boss Staci: "Alright, Seed, ready to take the order?" Cop Jacob: "Sure. What am I getting?"
Boss Staci: "Eighteen pounds of cocaine." Cop Jacob: "Solid start."
Boss Staci: "Twelve pounds of crack." Cop Jacob: "Love the consistency. Next?"
Boss Staci: "Two large-" Cop Jacob: "Hold on, is this another drug-" Boss Staci: "Two LARGE tubs of vanilla ice cream." Cop Jacob: "…Do I even want to know why?"
Boss Staci: "Seven male strippers in cop uniforms." Cop Jacob: "Let me get this straight-"
Boss Staci: "No, not straight. They should be gay." Cop Jacob: "Are you shitting me?"
Boss Staci: "Also, make sure none of them are white. I can't see the coke on them if they are." Cop Jacob: "For fuck's sake… You done?"
The Cartel's Worst Investment
Boss Staci: "Any updates on the Juarez case?" Cop Jacob: "Hold on a sec, I just gotta… Oh, damn, this is good. Sorry, you were saying?"
Boss Staci: "Keep fucking around, and you'll find out." Cop Jacob: "Find out what?"
Boss Staci: "Window or aisle?" Cop Jacob: "Window or you'll what?"
Boss Staci: "That's on me. I set the bar way too low."
Für Pfirsiche
Needless to say, Peaches was not impressed.
Pathetic
Guys, I think dirty cop Deputy Seed is scared of his boss. No, not Whitehorse. The other boss. His nemesis. The one he hates.
The one he holds hands with.
Kudos to @pande-monty-um for the idea!
Monkey in a Cage
Did you think you were free?
Now, what is the worst thing you could ever be? Hm?
No no, it's not...it's not weak... It's traitorous.
Treasonous.
Ungrateful for the mercy that w̵̡̨͚̖̲̰̰͎̙̩̩̳̩̳̐͒e̸̢̧̨̹̠͔͓̱̦̙͗̎͐̎͊̈̓́̿̎͒͜͜͝ͅͅ have shown you.
Get Outta Here, Peaches.
Peaches, riiiiiight. Jacob is very sus for this one in particular.
So we all have noticed that weird peaches thing (that seemingly has no explanation). And I thought to myself “what a wonderful…”. No, wait, I thought, “what does Jacob call Pratt in other languages? Does it sound peachy? Is it fruity?”
I have gone over the subtitle files and, lo and behold, will now present to you all the variations that I managed to find. I will split them into three categories as follows:
“Why are you gae?”
“Who said I am gae?”
“Borderline homophobic (towards the original version)”
Let's start!
"Why are you gae?"
Russian
Отойди, красавчик. Step aside, handsome.
Possible variations: Pretty boy Usage: Often used playfully or sarcastically.
Italian
Datti una mossa, bellezza. Get moving, beauty.
Possible variations: Beautiful Usage: An affectionate term, though it can also be sarcastic.
Arabic
عليك الخروج من هنا يا جميل You need to get out of here, handsome.
Possible variations: Beautiful, lovely, fine Usage: An affectionate term, though it can also be sarcastic.
Dutch
Wegwezen, mop. Get lost, honey.
Possible variations: Dear Usage: An affectionate term between friends, though it can also be sarcastic.
French
Dégage de là, mon grand. Get out of here, big guy.
Possible variations: big bro, champ Usage: Literally, "my big one," used as a friendly or affectionate term, especially for a strong or tall person.
Polish
Wynoś się stąd, dziecinko. Get out of here, baby.
Possible variations: Little one, child, kid Usage: Can be affectionate but also condescending, depending on tone.
Note: We went from mon grand to dziecinko really fast there.
"Who said I am gae?"
German
Verschwinde hier, Schwätzer. Get out of here, you chatterbox.
Nothing to add here, really. Germans are on point, as always.
Korean
비켜라, 인마. Get out of the way, dude.
Possible variations: Hey you, buddy Usage: An impolite or blunt way to get someone's attention, often implying annoyance or frustration.
Traditional/Simplified Chinese
給我離開這裡，朋友。 给我离开这里，朋友。 Get out of here, friend.
Possible variations: Partner, pal, fellow Usage: Can be used warmly but might be neutral rather than a direct term of endearment.
"Borderline homophobic"
Spanish
Largo de aquí. Get out of here.
I am sorry, Spanish, are you perhaps missing something?
Portuguese (Brazil)
Sai daqui, anda. Get out of here, come on.
Welp, at least we have the “come on” part.
Czech
Padej odsud. Get out of here.
Possible variations: Scram Usage: An informal and somewhat harsh way of telling someone to leave.
Japanese
お前は下がっていろ Stay back.
He did, in fact, stay (in the) back. And then he STABBED in the back. MUHAHAHAHA
This concludes my peachy list! If you find any mistakes or have additional comments on potential variations and usage, I would greatly appreciate your input!
And here are some Armenian variations from me:
Գնա / Կորի / Կորի գնա / Գնա կորի / Մի կողմ գնա/ Գնա ստեղից /Շարժվի՛
Transcription: Gna / Kori / Kori gna / Gna kori / Mi koghme gna / Gna steghits / Sharzhvi!
Meanings: Go away / Disappear / Move aside / Get out of here / Move!
Անուշիկ(ս) / Սիրուն(ս) / Բալիկ (ջան) / Ախպեր (ջան) / Տղա (ջան) /Բլբուլ (ջան) / Ջան
Anushik(s): "Sweetie" / "My sweet" (-ս/s makes it possessive ("my sweet")) Sirun(s):"Beautiful" / "My beautiful" Balik jan: "Little one" / "Dear child" ("ջան/jan" adds warmth and affection) Akhper jan: "Brother" / "Bro" (affectionate and common between close male friends) Tgha jan: "Boy" / "Lad" Blbul jan: "Nightingale" (used for someone talkative or charming) Jan: A general term of endearment, meaning "dear" or "soul" (used after names or words to show affection)
Let me know how it sounds in your language as well!
Edit I
Slovak variation (suggested by @pande-monty-um)
Some fun ways of saying "Get out of here/scram"
Zmizni: Dissappear Choď preč: Go away Vypadni: Literal meaning "fall out of here" like a window (lol just a very fast exit) Choď do riti: Literal meaning "go into an ass" Zmizni mi z očé: Dissappear from my sight/eyes
Most common term of endearment:
Zlatko: Gold/Goldie. Similar to sweetie, sweetheart, honey Zlatíčko: An exaggerated "baby talk/sweetheart" addition to zlatko Miláčik: My love/lover Chrobáčik: Little beetle/bug Srdiečko: Heart/my heart The čik suffix is used to obtain the diminutive form.
Alternative "peaches" explanations:
Dig at Staci’s peach fuzz, considering EG is beard country or something related to Peaches the cougar. (@doritofalls)
Peaches the cougar was giving cultists a hard time, and Jacob is implying that Staci is being equally difficult to tame (@leviastan).
As a matter of fact, there might be some connection to Peaches the cougar as “Peaches is the only animal companion that Staci is positive about”. You can see his voice lines and attitude towards animals here.
Our poor boi is scared of dogs and bears T.T
He likes pussies tho it seems ≽^•⩊•^≼
I mean, that's
Staci “You know why I became a cop? To get laid” Pratt
for you, ladies and gentlemen.
A Hungry Dog is an Obedient Dog
A man who kneels for money will kneel for anything.
A man can't serve two masters; he'll always betray one.
A house dog doesn't bark at the owner; he waits for scraps.
Don't Bite the Hand That Feeds You
Once you're in, you're in. There's no getting out.
At first, you take their money. Then, one day, you realize it's their leash.
The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.
Everybody's got a price. The trick is figuring out what yours is.
Every Dog Has His Price
Loyalty isn't about who you serve, it's about who you betray last.
You stare into the abyss long enough, and the abyss stares back.
The first time you take a bribe, it feels like a choice.
The second time, it feels like your job.
You didn't sell your soul. You just rented it out, one piece at a time.
Satoshi Purada
Death did not grant him peace. Instead, he returned as a yōkai, a restless spirit cursed to wander the earth under the cover of night. Each evening, as the sun sets, he emerges from the shadows, endlessly searching for the one he loved...
Yet, as dawn approaches, his form begins to fade. The first rays of sunlight force him back into the unseen world, trapping him in the cycle of longing and despair. He cannot rest, nor can he cross into the afterlife until he finds him. Only Him.
Estacio Prado & His Dog
Just a humble cartel boss with a dirty bastard on the payroll.
"We have come here to kick ass and chew mountain oysters... and we're all out of oysters"
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!
I love all y'all on here fr!
Although this is for Jaci, this is also me saying Happy Valentine's Day to everyone in the fc5 Fandom that is still hanging around, creating and interacting. God bless all of y'all, I was going to make a Sharky Boshaw card, but I didn't have time. Again, I hope everyone had a good Valentine's Day. 💐❤️💝💗
Special shout out to my pals that talk jaci and fc5 literally every day: @pande-monty-um @peggiepratt @blindedlamb @trashboyo3891 @somepersonyan
Deputy J. SEED
Finally got the correct nametag for our deputy Seed!!
Next Batman?
Here is some Staci Pattinson for your timeline:
"What did I do to deserve this bastard as a partner?"
POV: you just got stepped on, dirty sinner
What is that bug under his feet?
What you lookin' at?
It seems he is allergic to horny sinners.
He who looks upon the sun becomes blind
Hello there, Deputies
Ok, now change!
Bonus:
They are so tired of each other's bullshit, look at them
It just occurred to me that these three are the same person:
Turns your weakness into strength
Makes you suffer
Will hunt you and your family for sport (sorry, Chloe)
P.S. Each time I want to skip my workout or duo lesson, I remember this post and end up sticking to the schedule.
Jacob goes to hell and is brought back (Anastasized) by an Angel called Stas.
Deputy Seed in Action!
Turns out, it was not Deputy Rook who saved Staci; it was his fellow partner, Deputy Seed.
According to the report, Seed saved Staci from captivity, and they spent days hiding from the enemy in the forest. It is unknown what happened during that time.
It is also unknown why Deputy Seed didn't help his fellow officer remove the duct tape all this time.
We asked Deputy Pratt to share his side of the story. His comments follow below:
"Nnngh, mmm mmmph mmph mm-mm!"
We have yet to find out what exactly the deputy meant by that.
Why is he seed-eyeing us?
Wait, why do we hear Only You by The Platters playing?
"Each day, you must choose the pain of discipline or the pain of regret" - Jacob Pratt
You are what you eat
Jacob really said
Staci:
Important Question
Ok, guys, let's settle this down. Which Seed brother's beard looks best on Staci?
John's
Jacob's
Joseph's
Jacob's in original color (CUZ WHY NOT?)
