There are so many things I wish I could tell you that I'm lost.
I know for sure that next at least year will be a hell. Please, consider the possibility of psychotherapeutic/medical support if thoughts of death become obsessive.
I'm not really obsessed with death. Truthfully speaking, I'm not even suicidal.
I'm not sad, in fact I feel somewhat apathetic. I think my reaction is manifesting itself in an unwillingness to do much after his death-there are so many things I should be doing (reading more books, writing more, reading about writing, going out for walks and exercise) but I just stay on the computer all day.
Also, I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to discuss with a therapist. I'm not really sure what I'd say to them.
Anyway, thanks for the message. It's nice to see messages like these.