This started out as a silly cute JereJean idea I had at work and now I fear it needs a trigger warning 😀 (also I had to rewrite it like 12 times because I kept forgetting to save the draft and closing tumblr)
//TGR SPOLIERS//
//TW: hints of sexual abuse//
ITS WHOLESOME I PROMISE ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Its the middle of night, Jeremy hasn't been able to sleep, at peace simply staring at the ceiling listening to Jeans breathing. Until eventually his breathing gets faster, more aggravatied and quiet shuffles occasionally fill the air. Jean's having another nightmare. Jeremy debates waking him up, but doesn't get the chance before he startles himself awake. Jean sits up, looking over at him for a brief moment then waves him off as he makes his way to the kitchen. Jeremys not sure if its dismissial for him to go back to sleep or for him not to ask about his dream, not that he ever does. Jeremy debates if he wants to follow and before he makes a conscious decision, hes kicking the blankets off. Jean says nothing as he fills a glass with water, watching in a half asleep daze as jeremy leans against the counter.
"Why are you up?" Its not anger or concern, simple curiosity as to why Jeremy followed him. He shrugs in response.
"Cant sleep." He mumbles. Jean only hums in return. Maybe its how deliriously tired he is or maybe its the way he can feel Jeans body heat despite the foot and a half of distance between them, Jeremy can't help, but smile. When Jean quirks an eyebrow at him, its impossible to suppress the giggle. Attempting to force it away, he clears his throat, waving a hand aimlessly.
"Sorry sorry. I'm tired. I don't know." Hes giggling again before he even finishs his sentence.
"Then sleep." Jeans voice isn't demanding, its light and calm, a suggestion. Jeremy shrugs again, watching Jean sip his water.
"I"m content here." He gives a calm smile, closing his eyes for a moment while drawing in a deep breath, he goes into a giggling fit upon the exhale and had to look down to calm himself. "Sorry, sorry, you're just...amusing." he gives a content hum, trying to straighten himself and not explaining his train of thought.
"I didn't do anything." Jean rolls his eyes, but has to shove away the warm fondness that laugh is bringing him. He sips his water for a distraction.
"You don't have to, being here is enough." Jeremy settles himself, if only just and Jean now feels like he's the one unabke to catch his breath. The kitchen is dark, the street light from the curtainless windows being their only light as the world sleeps. The girls blissfully in a slumber in the room over and the house quiet, it seems like they are the only two to exisit in this moment.
Maybe Jean is just as tired as Jeremy because he doesn't recall making the decision to move, maybe its the alluring gravity of Jeremys laugh, or the way he can see the cold prickling at his arms, but he steps closer, reaching around him to set the glass down on the counter. Jeremy reaches back behind him, holding the counter on either side as Jean all but closes their distance. His smile is still there, soft and sleepy. Jean knows he should look away, ignore the bedhead and the way the street lamp glows softly on his skin, but he can't. In a moment of untter out of control impulse, he leans forward, stopping at the last second. His lips a breath away from Jeremys. He can feel him go still, the tension in his muscles, but he doesn't move, doesn't tell him to stop, but he can't take that last irreversible step. The panic rises in him and as he contemplates walking away, "Jean..." Jeremy's breath on his lips nearly makes his knees give out and the gentle tone he speaks in is so clearly a question.
"Can I?" he says without thinking. Jeremys 'yeah' was felt more than heard. Jean barely brushes their lips together in a single, soft kiss. He hesitates to pull away, wanting more. Jeremys fingers wraping into the front of Jeans shirt almost causes him to lean in instead. With his eyes still closed, Jeremy gives the slighest tug of Jean shirt, making him lose every ounce of composure he had. Jean knows he should stop, to not give into the burning hunger in his chest, yet all he can think of is Jeremy's lips on his, his hands in his shirt and his taste in his mouth. The last idea of stopping leaves his mind entirely when Jeremys tongue touches his bottom lip, Jean has him in the counter in seconds, a startling yelp and muffled giggles break the kiss for only a moment, with Jean now inbetween his legs with his hands on his hips, he feels like he could be lost in this forever. That is until Jeremy puts both hands on his chest, slightly pushing him away. His confusion is only answered by Jeremy looking down at Jeans hands, his smile fading into a concerned look, its only then that he realizes he's trembling.
"We can stop." Jeremys voice is still kept a whisper, quieter now that they are so close. The anger in Jeans stomach is almost enough to over take the want, almost. Jeremy must have seen it because he pulls his hands away, opening his mouth, but before he can apologize Jean cuts him off.
"Its not you. I'm not mad at you. I want..this." he hesitates, the hoensty not forthcoming. "but I don't know how to have it." Jeans words are inconsistent and unsure. Jeremy waits, patiently staring at him, almost at his height now that he's on the counter. Jean fights to find the words, tensing and untensing his jaw. When he is slient for several mintues, only then does Jeremy speak.
"If this is too much, that's okay. We will never do anything you don't want to." Jeremy slowly leans forward, pressing their foreheads together.
"This isn't enough." Jean's voice is strained as he pushes against Jeremy, letting a little of his frustrations out via the affection. He doesn't miss the way Jeremys face flushes red, but he also takes note of how he tries to ignore it, to keep Jeans attention here. "But I can't. Not when-" his voice fails at the thought of calloused hands gripping his hair. He can still feel Jeremys kiss on his lips, but its a harsher one that he remembers, more forceful and unrepentant. His scalp tearing, fingernails digging into his wrists, and yelling and teeth- Jean squeezes his eyes closed, gripping tighter at Jeremys waist. He doesn't want to think of any of that when Jeremy is in his arms, when his kiss tasts like coffee and chocolate, the smell of a fresh shower and clean sheets. He is not them.
"It is okay to need time, Jean. I'm not going anywhere. And if you want to do those things, okay. But I won't do them if you're not okay." Jeremys hands are soft on his cheeks, a ghost of a touch as he craddles his face. "I don't want to hurt you." If Jean were any further, he wouldn't have heard him, the words barely a breath in his face. Those words, he's saying them to himself. Jean can feel the fire in his chest churning and it feels like hes burning alive with hunger, but for once, he isn't afraid. Jean pulls his head away, only for a moment as he lowers to Jeremys shoulder, trailing his hands up his waist to his torso in a gentle squeeze. Jeremy doesn't hesitate to hug him back, fingers curling into his hair and ankles tucking around his knees. Jean jumps a bit when Jeremy buries his face into Jeans neck, but he settles in quickly, all of the tension leaving his body as Jeremy tuns soft fingers along his shoulder blades.
Hugs. Jean thinks. A cool evening breeze. Rainbows. Open roads. Friends. Fireworks. Fathers. Hugs.