I had a realization, last night, that maybe nothing will actually change.
My biggest dream was to grow up and be happy, but turning a new age feels no different from the one before.
Nothing changes. I am a year older than last and my perspective on the world, my feelings, my family, none of it’s changed.
Everyone told me I’d understand things when I’m older, but I’m not worried about understanding, I’m worried that I will not become this older, better version they made me out to be.
I am worried that when I finally make it to that place in my life, I will not have done enough or I have not changed enough.
At this realization, I cried.
I do not want to grow up, because I’m afraid of what I won’t be when I do.