So I don’t really post personal stuff on here (ie never do) but I just need to get something off my chest and I don’t know where else to put it. Bear with me for a bit or skip it entirely.
At the start of last week I began my engineering graduate scheme (won’t mention the company for obvious reasons). This has been the culmination of working towards an engineering career for 10 years now - since I was a teenager. GCSEs, A - Levels, a Year in Industry, Summer Internship and a 4 year Masters degree later is all it took. But suddenly it just feels numb. And I think I know why.
I am the only woman in the room.
I always knew in some regard that I would be in the minority. I went to an all girls engineering specialist secondary school, and though up until I was 16 I didn’t have a single guy in my lessons, I knew. From searching for role models of my gender and finding none, to all my engineering teachers being male and being surrounded by male only teams with my all-female electric racecar team at tracks, I was aware that I was in a sweet spot and that going to uni would be a different matter.
However, I got to uni and it wasn’t that bad. My course was big, and though women were still in the minority, there were about 20% girls, more than I was expecting. I made some great friends of every gender, and though I did have a few run ins with sexist prats, mostly everyone was pretty supportive.
And then this. I came into a grad scheme full of hope. To enter a room of only 10 people - and I was the only girl. Guess the 10% rule holds.
I don’t know why it’s hit me so hard now. Maybe it’s because I did an internship there last summer and there were about 30% women on it. Maybe it’s just stress from starting a new job. Or maybe the lockdown loneliness is getting to me. But I can’t quite explain the feeling of being worn down and demoralised after having 8 days of introductory talks and having only 1 being led by a woman - who was from the commercial department. Not a single female engineer.
Even being introduced to my team and the office - there was not a single female engineer on my team, let alone on my floor. I know there are a few in the company, but it’s just really isolating to start a new job with a sinking feeling of how it’s going to be an uphill battle.
I guess I don’t have anything insightful to say at the end of this. I know I have to keep going - I’ve wanted this and I will get it no matter what. I can only hope that I can kick down a few doors in my career, and at least make an easier path for those who follow, so that they may go further that I will.