Hq Angst - Blog Posts

so osamu x reader angst au where osamu is deeply in love with the reader and decided to dye his hair blonde so reader can cope with tsumu's death but didn't like this idea anymore, he wanted her to love him for who he truly is,,, 👉👈

Lapse in Judgement (Osamu x Reader)

*GIF not mine*

Summary: A car crash has taken Osamu’s brother away, the boy you liked so dearly. Osamu was dull to the pain, his crush on you blinding him from reality. But when he dyes his hair in hopes that he could make you feel the same, he realizes he may have gone too far. 

A/N: Sorry it took me a while. As per request, we got some major angst, but I gotta be honest, I don’t think Osamu’s evil enough to focus on a girl rather than his brother, so I focused more on his desperation to replace what he had lost than anything else. Hope you enjoy!

Word count: 1412

        Maybe it was a mistake. A screw up of the royal kind. 

        But at most, it was a lapse in judgement. 

        High school boy found dead in a car accident. That’s what the newspapers said, but it didn’t account for the total grief of it all. 

        Boy, dead. Drunk driver, critical condition. The navy blue truck totalled the small SUV at eight o’ clock at night after running a red light. Witnesses called for help, and that was it. 

        Except it wasn’t. 

        The journalists didn’t talk about the empty bedroom across from Osamu’s. They didn’t talk about the abandoned desk in Class 4b, the bare seat at the lunch table, the still-full locker in the hallway. 

        Atsumu was gone, with only an indifferent news article to his name. 

        Practice was never quite the same. Each time Osamu went, he couldn’t help but stare at the floor where his brother once stood. Deep down, he knew he should have cried by now. Bawled tears at the funeral, or maybe let one slip when he saw the first layer of dust settle onto his brother’s dresser. 

        But the truth was that he hadn’t. Yeah, it hurt, but he couldn’t… feel it. Every sense in his body was numb as he got through each passing day like turning the pages of a book without reading them. Things were happening, he just didn’t care enough to listen. 

        Osamu guessed the one who was visibly taking it the hardest was you, who won by a landslide. 

        The night he died, you had texted the quieter twin with wide-eyed innocence, revealing that the next day at school, you were going to give Atsumu a letter telling him how you feel. 

        I can do it! Just watch me, Samu!

        The chance never came, and when Osamu informed you of what had happened, you had broken down in his arms. 

        And he felt sick for the first time. 

        Disgust at himself for actually being happy that he was the one to hold you now, it was horrifying. The bile that had risen up his throat lost out to the joy. 

        Him, Osamu, he was the one you talked to now, each day asking him if he was okay, hugging him and confiding in him with your deepest thoughts. 

        You and Atsumu had been close in a way Osamu had always been envious of. Teasing and flirting, all of it turned him into a green-eyed monster.

        So maybe that was what forced away his ache of loss. Around him, you were almost as happy, almost as teasing and playful, but you had lost that glint in your eyes. You didn’t have that with Osamu.

        He knew that was what had sent him over the edge. 

        Two weeks after his brother’s death, still not a tear spilt. Instead, he spent all his time thinking about you. Your smile, less forced than before. The shine in your hair had returned, and your cheeks finally began to flush again. 

        Osamu entered the school and made a beeline for the classroom, praying that you had attended school today so he could see you. So you could validate what he had done. 

        And there you were, slipping into the classroom with the same dark circles under your eyes. They were no longer only from long nights of doing schoolwork. 

        “YN.” 

        Your head snapped up and your eyes met his in a split second. Then your gaze rose to his hair. Your lips separated to let out a single, quick breath of air while your brow twitched. 

        “At- Osamu?” 

        He nodded, the newly-blond hair shifting to hang in front of his eyes.

        “Your… you changed your hair.” 

        “Yeah, I did.”

        And that was that.

                                ~~~

        Having you by his side, Osamu could ignore all the stares he received. He never cared for attention, especially not now. Throughout the halls of school, people’s brows rose to their hairlines as they watched you both walk around, hand in hand and smile together. 

        It never seemed weird, and Osamu had never felt happier. 

        He wasn’t… he wasn’t alone anymore. 

        The bedroom across from his never bothered him when you stayed over at night. He hadn’t even travelled into it since the last time. 

        “Do you want to come over tonight?” Osamu didn’t really say it as a question, mostly because you were guaranteed to say yes anyways. 

        “Again? I think someone likes having me around.” 

        He did. God, he loved that adoring look on your face whenever he said he wanted you. Those puppy dog eyes of yours that you never seemed to notice you were giving him made his heart thump in a frantic pattern. 

        Volleyball wasn’t really a concern anymore. The new setter pissed him off, so he didn’t bother attending practice. His jerseys hung in his closet, unworn for what might’ve been a month now. 

        It was maybe… two months? Three? Osamu wasn’t sure, but Atsumu had left a while ago. 

        So he never bothered with the sport, meaning you could come over right after school, or he could even walk with you there. 

        You both had a tradition now. Homework, then a movie or show, then a nap together. Then Osamu either walked you home or, if it was too late, let you sleep in his bed for the night. 

        He found that your warmth fended off the nightmares that leered in on him at all hours in a day. 

        Today was a day that you stayed the night. The moon was already falling from the sky by the time you two finished eating a dinner of box mac and cheese, and thus it was decided that you shouldn’t bother going home. 

        Osamu’s blond head rested on your chest, and one leg was intertwined with both of your own. His arm was strewn across your stomach, heavy enough to keep you in place for the night. 

        You had two hands in his hair, head propped up on a pillow so you could make out the shape of the tufts in the black room. It was three am, and Osamu’s breathing had finally slowed and leveled.

        “Atsumu,” you whispered, your own voice not even loud enough to hit your own ears. “Fuck, I miss you so much.” 

        Osamu shifted and your hands stilled, breath held in anticipation. Then he stopped and nuzzled his face back into your chest. 

        After waiting a couple more minutes just in case, you let out a sigh and combed through the long tufts again. “I’ll never stop loving you, Atsumu. I wish I could’ve told you that three months ago.” 

        Your eyelids grew heavy with sleep and you let out a yawn. 

        “I love you, Atsumu.” 

        And then you slipped into unconsciousness. 

        Atsumu was gone forever. 

        His bedroom was still empty, and a few spiders had probably claimed the corners of the room by now. Dust must have caked over every single picture and piece of furniture the boy had ever owned. 

        His bed was probably unmade, and would never be made again. 

        He was dead, and nobody could fill the holes his absence had left. 

        You couldn’t fix Osamu’s loneliness, no matter how much you latched onto him. 

        Osamu couldn’t replace his brother for you. He wasn’t really the boy you would love, no matter how hard he tried to be. Your words had confirmed that.

        Dying his hair was a lapse of judgement. A last ditch effort for both of you to keep his memory alive. 

        But that effort was futile. 

        And so, for the first time since he had lost his setter in volleyball, his friend in school, his rival in love, and his twin for life, Osamu let reality sink in. 

        Against your chest, in the hold of the woman he loved unrequitedly, Osamu cried.

Sorry for always camping on your requests 🙈🙈 but uhh dhhshd can i request a kuroo x reader (or if u do konoha pls do konoha) angst au with the song i cant make you love me by bon iver?

One-Sided Future (Konoha x Reader) 

*GIF not mine*

Summary: It’s hard to see a person fall in love with another who never intends on sharing a future with that person. It’s even harder when that person is you. (Based on “I Can’t Make You Love Me” by Bon Iver)

A/N: I’m really sorry this is so late, but I sincerely hope you like it. It might not be what you were expecting, but I saw a comment on the video of the song that just inspired me and also broke my heart, so I just hope you feel the same with this angsty fic. Again, I really hope you like it!

Word count: 900

        He was warm. 

        The bed shook as he slipped under the covers, arms wrapping around you while you feigned sleep. 

        Why did it hurt so much? 

        His grip on you never tightened. It was as simple as that. 

        His chest was hot near your back. You couldn’t feel it’s solidity anymore though. 

        There was a wall between you and Konoha now. Every inch of space between you two created a wall. You didn’t like it. 

        You couldn't stop it. 

        Sitting in silence, you waited until his breathing slowed. Then you shifted in his grip, moving closer to feel him while also turning to face him. This was the closest you had gotten in weeks. 

        He was so peaceful in his sleep, dirty blond hair splayed against his pillow. You couldn’t see his dark eyes behind his closed lids, and for that you were thankful. 

        In moments like these, you could pretend they still held love. You could pretend they would still squint in delight at the sight of you. You could pretend their pupils would still widen when you embraced him in a hug.

        But the fact was that they didn’t. Your hopes, your requited love, your shared future, it was all just a dream. A fruitless dream. 

        In your own eyes, Konoha was the one. One day, you wished you two would get married and spend the rest of your lives together. You wanted to walk down the aisle under his adoring gaze. You wanted to dip your toes in the hot sand of a gorgeous beach beside his grinning form. You wanted to watch him spill a single tear at the sight of a newborn in his arms. 

        A whole future was visible before your eyes. Every detail was beautiful. Not perfect, but beautiful. 

        Konoha couldn’t see it. He didn’t want to see it. God, how you wanted him to see it, wanted him to want it. But he didn’t. 

        Nothing was more hopeless than that wish. The idea of being together forever, loving each other for the rest of your lives was nothing but a pipe dream. Not even a pipe dream. It was just a damn dream. One you needed to let go. 

        Tonight would be your last night in his arms. You should have ended it before he joined you in the bed, but you just wanted to feel him one last time. It was a lapse in judgement, but a final farewell all the same.

        Tomorrow you will move on. Tomorrow you’ll let him go and carry on with your life. You’ll let him find someone else, someone who wanted the same things he wanted.

        And maybe one day you could find someone for yourself. 

        Still, it hurt to think that there was nothing you could do. There was nothing left to salvage in your relationship. 

        How…

        How can someone possibly describe the pain?

        It wasn’t physical, but it was damn near close. Your heart was… aching, yearning for reciprocity. 

        Konoha wanted a girlfriend. He wanted movie dates and posters at volleyball games. Study nights and silly little pranks. Posts and pictures online of the two of you everywhere and anywhere. 

        You wanted the love of your life. A man to marry and have children with. Someone to hug in joy as you watched first steps, listened to first words. Someone to go to for comfort when work was stressful or when college days began. 

        Konoha wanted good times.

        You wanted commitment. But you couldn’t force that on him. So yes, tonight was the last night with him. 

        So you wiped away your tears and pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek. You wrapped your arms around his waist and pulled him close, intertwining your legs with his. 

        He was warm. He always was. 

        Then you closed your damp eyes and laid your head against his chest, letting out a broken sob when his hands squeezed just a bit tighter. 

        You promised yourself this was it. This was the last night you would be in his arms. Then you would let him go. You promised.

        Then you fell asleep.

                                ***

        Within the span of a month, Konoha’s arm had already fallen over another girl’s shoulder. 

        Within the span of a month, you still felt just as much love for him as you did when you let him go. But the truth was clear before your eyes. 

        You couldn’t force him to be with you for your own dreams. 

        You couldn’t force him to love you.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

jus' a silly guy who enjoys writing ! I do take requests sometimes but i mostly write what's on my mind. here's a breakdown of my blog! (things you might see and can request٩(•̤̀ᵕ•̤́๑)

╭──╯ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ╰──╮

୨⎯ "trope wise" ⎯୧

fake relationship

(best) friends to lovers

rivals to lovers

forbidden relationship

strangers to lovers (to strangers)

opposites attract

love at first sight

stalkerS to lovers

unreliable narrator

୨⎯ "genre wise" ⎯୧

ANGST.

(sometimes) fluff

horror/thriller

(dark) romance

fantasy

୨⎯ "fandoms" ⎯୧

jujutsu kaisen

haikyu!!

my hero academia

promised neverland

୨⎯ "readers (?)" ⎯୧

oc x oc

oc x character

all gender readers

all body type readers

character x character

୨⎯ "POV" ⎯୧

2nd person POV

1st person POV

୨⎯ "other" ⎯୧

book rants!

random updates

twitch promotion! (staargaazing_)

╭──╯ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ╰──╮

Everyone has their limits and boundaries, so do I! You've seen things you may request and stuff I will post about! Here's stuff I do NOT want to see in my comments/request...(ᗒᗣᗕ)՞

╭──╯ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ╰──╮

୨⎯ "trope wise" ⎯୧

Age gap..(ex. 18 & 42)

INCEST/STEPCEST

kidnapper/kidnapped to lovers

love triangles...(¬､¬)

second chance (cheating wise)

୨⎯ "genre" ⎯୧

SMUT. (minor lol)

୨⎯ "fandoms" ⎯୧

literally anything bookwise b/c i feel like i would make everything OOC. i can't characterize anything that does not have a direct picture in my face

IRL/ live action shows. I don't watch any of those and i have a sever fear of mischaracterization

i guess we'll know when we get there!

୨⎯ "readers (?)" ⎯୧

child reader. (ex. -16)

oc x reader

୨⎯ "POV" ⎯୧

none. i can do third reader, it's just not typical

୨⎯ "other" ⎯୧

racism

homophobia

non feminist agendas

ableism

religious themes

╭──╯ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ╰──╮

this obviously isn't everything b/c I'm human and can't remember everything i will/won't do. but i will change and add as i go through everything.

i just ask for respect when coming here and for some constructive criticism!

ヾ(*´ ∇ `)ﾉ

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Unrequited Love: Kenma

Kenma Kozume had never been good with change.

He liked things predictable. Safe. Video games had taught him that if he kept his strategy consistent, if he memorized the patterns and played smart, he could survive anything. Life was just another game to him—one where he preferred to stay in the background, keep things stable, and avoid unnecessary risks.

But nothing about this felt stable. Nothing about this felt safe.

Because you were leaving.

Kenma sat on the floor of your apartment, legs crossed, a cardboard box in his lap. Around him, the room looked smaller than it used to, packed with boxes stacked high, shelves stripped of their usual clutter. The air smelled like old books, packing tape, and a faint trace of your perfume, and for the first time since he had known you, your space didn’t feel like home anymore.

Maybe because it wasn’t. Not for much longer.

You had been a part of his life for so long that he barely remembered what it was like before you. Since childhood, you had been there—first as a quiet presence at his side in elementary school, then as the only person who could sit with him for hours, gaming in comfortable silence. You never questioned the way he was, never pushed him to be anything other than himself. And as the years passed, you became his constant, his safe place, his person.

And now, you were leaving.

“So, you’re really going, huh?” His voice was quiet, neutral, but even he could hear the strain in it.

You looked up from where you were sorting through a pile of miscellaneous things—old letters, tangled earbuds, random trinkets you had shoved into drawers over the years. You smiled, but it was the kind that didn’t quite reach your eyes. “Yeah. It’s happening.”

Kenma’s fingers curled around the edges of the box. He had known about this for weeks now, ever since you told him about the job opportunity in another city. It wasn’t supposed to feel like this. He had told himself it wouldn’t change anything. That you would still text him, call him, visit when you could.

But now, with everything packed up and your walls bare, the reality of it all settled like a weight in his chest.

He had never thought about a life where you weren’t here. Where he couldn’t just send a message and have you show up at his door an hour later with takeout, where you weren’t sitting beside him on his couch, watching him play through whatever new game he was obsessed with that week. Where you weren’t just…

Here.

You sighed and flopped onto your back, staring at the ceiling. “I’m kind of freaking out,” you admitted, voice light, almost playful. “New place, new people, new job. It’s exciting, but also terrifying.”

Kenma swallowed. He should say something. Something encouraging, something that made it sound like he was happy for you, like he wasn’t falling apart inside.

“You’ll be fine.”

You turned your head to look at him, and for a second, he thought you could see right through him. That you could tell he was barely keeping it together. But then you smiled—soft, familiar, warm.

“Thanks, Ken.”

He nodded, looking away. He focused on the box in his lap, on the way his hands clenched the cardboard just a little too tightly.

This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. He had never needed to say anything before. He thought you just knew—that you had always known. That there was no rush, no deadline, no moment where he would run out of time. Because you were always here.

But now, you weren’t going to be.

And Kenma realized, too late, that he had never even given himself a chance.

The packing took hours, and Kenma stayed through all of it. It wasn’t like he had anywhere else to be, and he didn’t want to be anywhere else, anyway. He helped you sort through things, separate what you were keeping from what you were leaving behind. Every item had a story, a memory attached to it. The hoodie he had lent you once and never got back. The game controller he had bought for you so you could play co-op with him. The tiny cat figurine you had won at a festival and insisted looked just like him.

All these little things that made up you.

All these little things that reminded him of what he was losing.

He wasn’t good with words. He never had been. He wasn’t like Kuroo, who could charm his way through anything, or Bokuto, who could wear his heart on his sleeve without fear. Kenma had always been quiet, reserved, hesitant. But when it came to you, his feelings were loud, screaming inside him, demanding to be acknowledged.

But he had never said anything.

Because what if he did, and you left anyway? What if it changed everything? What if losing you as a friend hurt worse than losing you to distance?

“You should take this,” you said at one point, holding out an old, well-loved game case. “We never finished it together.”

Kenma stared at it, then at you. “Then take it with you.”

“I don’t have my console anymore. Sold it.” You grinned sheepishly. “New city, new start.”

His grip tightened on the game. He didn’t like that answer. He didn’t like any of this. He had never been an emotional person, but right now, something bitter sat at the back of his throat, something wrong.

You were leaving. You were letting go of all these things, of this life, of him—and you were acting like it was just something that had to happen.

Kenma had spent years convinced he had all the time in the world. But time was up. And for the first time, he didn’t know what to do about it.

It was late by the time everything was packed. The apartment looked empty now, stripped of everything that made it yours. You stretched, yawning, then turned to him with an expression that was far too casual for what this moment felt like.

“This is it, huh?” You nudged his arm lightly. “One last night before I go.”

Kenma’s stomach twisted. He forced himself to nod. “Yeah.”

“Hey.” You tilted your head, watching him. “Are you okay?”

No. No, he wasn’t. Because this wasn’t fair. Because he should have said something sooner. Because he didn’t know how to deal with the fact that tomorrow, you wouldn’t be here anymore.

“Yeah.”

You frowned, unconvinced, but you let it go. Instead, you stepped closer, wrapping your arms around him in a tight hug. Kenma stiffened for a moment, caught off guard, before his body reacted on instinct, arms lifting to hold you back just as tightly.

“I’m gonna miss you, Ken.”

The words hit him harder than he expected. He closed his eyes, trying to steady his breathing, trying to memorize this—the feel of your arms around him, the warmth of you against his chest, the way your head fit perfectly against his shoulder. Trying to ignore the aching thought that this might be the last time.

He wanted to say don’t go. Wanted to tell you to stay, that you didn’t have to leave, that he—

But he didn’t.

Instead, he whispered, “Me too.”

And he held on for as long as he could.

Photographs (Tsukishima x Reader Pt. 1)

You had been accepted to do a foreign exchange student program in Japan. For the rest of your high school career, you would be living in a completely different country and culture, filled with people with different mannerisms from you.

And you couldn’t be more thrilled.

From a young age you had been studying the country, its culture, and their language. Reading, writing, and speaking for hours on end ever since you were nine. It simply enthralled you, for no particular reason. While it’ll never be the most useful language, you didn’t care. You found beauty in it, and it made you happy.

So, when you found an opportunity at your local high school to travel to the country you always wanted to, you jumped at the chance. Your parents were a little hesitant at first, not exactly keen to the thought of their child leaving for a huge majority of the year, but, to your honest surprise, you had managed to convince them after few weeks of begging. The easy part was getting accepted; Since you spoke the language at a high level, they couldn’t have found a better candidate. All that was left was the paperwork and the preparations necessary.

Which only took a whole year.

To say you were impatient was a bit of an understatement, but once you had completed your first year at your local high school, they had given you the exciting news that next year you would be attending Karasuno High school in Miyagi. You were so ecstatic that the next couple of weeks flew by and soon you were on the plane heading to your greatest dream true.

When you got off the plane, you were greeted by your host family that you would be staying with for the rest of the program. It was quite a small family, with a single mother and two brothers. Not that you had minded. The mother and the oldest son, Akiteru, his name was, seemed quite nice actually, both exhibiting a friendly and pleasant aura. They were comforting to talk to and had settled any kind of nerves you had mustered on the plane.

You wish you could same about the other one.

The other boy, Kei, who was your age and was going to be going to the same school as you, seemed extremely cold and distant. He hadn’t even said hello, but just looked at you funny. As if you were already somehow an inconvenience to him. He also was extremely intimidating, with not only his lackluster enthusiasm, but his almost 6’3 stature. He seemed to loom over you, eyes screaming distaste and annoyance. When egged on by his brother to ‘loosen up’, he had uttered the most exhausted greeting, not bothering to listen to yours before turning to leave to the baggage area. Flipping his headphones to his ears and leaving any sort of social opportunity to get to know you.

If it weren’t for the physical similarities, you wouldn’t even think he was related to the other two. Definitely a black sheep if you’ve ever seen one.

But nevertheless, you wouldn’t let him ruin your experience. He was a speed bump at most, and it sure as hell wouldn’t stop you.

That was your initial mindset. And while he certainly didn’t stop you, he did manage to make it all kinds of shitty.

During the first month of you living with his family, Kei hadn’t said a single word to you. He was always in his room and acted like he didn’t even know you existed. The only time you’d ever see him, was during dinner. And even then, he acted like he didn’t know you, not saying a single word as he quickly ate everything and marched right back up to his room.

Now, you didn’t mind if someone didn’t like you. You weren’t a child; You knew that not everyone gets along. But it seemed liked he hated you for simply existing; without even giving you a chance. And it frustrated you. Yet, you couldn’t figure out why it bothered you as much as it did.

You didn’t even know him, and still, it was one of the most infuriating things you’ve ever experienced.

Over the course of the days, (That felt more like months) you had reasoned that why it angered you so much was that it almost always was you and him alone together in the house. You had learned later on that Akiteru was a college student, so he rented a small apartment and only visited for the holidays, and that their mother’s job required her to often have full time shifts to support you all securely.

You figured that you were just insulted that you were the only option in this empty, silent house, and Kei still chose to not speak to you; opting to be left in virtual loneliness.

But you wouldn’t dare admit that it hurt you more than it should’ve.

To add on to the list of problems, since school wouldn’t start for another two weeks, you were basically stuck with yourself. Which got boring really quickly, but manageable, nonetheless.

You moved on and acted as though you weren’t bothered; Simply figuring that if Kei was that much of a prick that didn’t want to speak with you it was his loss and your gain. School started, and the first term flew by. Not being cooped up in a house with someone that seemed to hate your guts proved useful to you, making some decent friends by the end of it, and soon the second term had started.

To your surprise, during those months he did start talking to you, but in classic asshole fashion, it was only to annoy you.

(Maybe it was the fact that he saw you thriving, but it’s not like he’ll ever admit it).

Apparently, the man had the frustrating abilities to make fun of anything he put his mind to. To your dismay, this meant your clothes, the way you talked (Heaven forbid you mess something up in Japanese), your looks, your friends, and countless other little things.

It seemed that misery really did enjoy company, since Kei clearly couldn’t stand the thought of you being happy, for some inexplicable reason.

Each and every comment had started to pile up inside you, and with each new one, your patience grew thinner and thinner for the tall blonde boy.

You had tried to let the little things go, since you could clearly tell that Kei was one of those people who loved getting a reaction out of others. Countless adults from speeches, presentations and logic said that if you showed you didn’t care, he would stop.

But he didn’t. In fact, it made him all the more relentless.

He’d constantly torment you, no matter what you did. You found that whether or not you ignored him was irrelevant. So, if it didn’t matter, you realized that at least you didn’t have to take his shit sitting down.

If he wanted to play mean, you could play mean.

You slowly started fighting back, and that only caused him to fight back harder. He seemed to like a challenge and boy did you hate to lose. It went on like this for some time, your ‘relationship’ only growing more and more tense all the while filling with more annoyance and hatred for the other person. You enjoyed watching him reel back for a second, seeing him process if what you said was correct at first, but it had started to get exhausting extremely quickly.

It got to the point where all you wanted now was for him to stop. Not have anything else to say. Not have the last word in an argument. To say something and have him be silent. To see with your own eyes, him flustered and struggle to form words in anger and embarrassment. Just one time would make you satisfied. To give him a taste of his own medicine, and you would die happy with your life choices.

You were snapped out of your daydreaming when your history teacher stated he had just assigned a partnered task. To create a presentation about an influential moment in Japanese history. You have to stop a groan of pain from escaping your throat. It was just your luck. Although you’ve never loved the concept of group work, with too many bad experiences in group projects, to add on to the shitlist, this was the one class that you had no friends in. So, in torment, you had to watch the excited students go to their chosen partners desk and wait until the teacher had to pick a partner for you from the scraps of the useless souls left behind.

At least until Kei had walked up to your desk.

You blink. You had forgotten he was in this class; you never paid him any mind in school, with him only talking to you to try and annoy you and all. You whistle lowly.

“What a surprise. I don’t remember summoning a minion of the Antichrist.” Your tone is dry, not even having to look to know that Kei is rolling his eyes.

“And I don’t remember asking to have you in my house. Things happen.” You scoff.

“What do you want, Tsukki?” You coo, using a mocking tone. After you found out that Kei had a friend, and accepted the reality that someone out there genuinely wanted to be his friend, used that nickname, you refused to let it go. You were quite happy with the way he reacted to it. He glares at you hard, and you only smile. He lets it go after a moment, and you watch is distaste as his face returns to the calm and indifferent expression that you’ve come to despise.

“Let’s work together.” He said simply. There’s a beat of silence as you process the words.

You.

And Kei.

Working together… On a project that would require a lot of time… Hours, even days…

…

Yeah, that isn’t happening.

You didn’t have to say anything, just with the quirk of a brow, you showed your hesitation. Or more like ‘Even if Hell freezes over, or if pigs fly, I still wouldn’t say yes’. He just tsked, as if you were a toddler not getting a simple concept. You felt your nails dig into your palms.

How did he always manage to get on your nerves so easily?

“We already live in the same house. It would be easier than trying to meet up with others.” Kei spelled it out for you, and you look away. Unfortunately, he did have a point. And even more so, Kei wasn’t an idiot. Sure, he acted like a complete jackass, but he did have good grades. Better than yours at least. And you needed to do well on this assignment too. You sigh, not seeing any real reason to say no.

But you weren’t going down without a fight.

“Guess you really favour convenience over your asshole ways.” You click your tongue as the bell’s rings, signalling that the period is over. His reaction is cut off by that sound. You sigh heavily, before giving in.

“Alright.” He nods and goes back to his seat to collect his stuff. He walks away you feel a pit start to form in your stomach.

Suddenly you don’t want to go home.

~~

The rest of the day had gone by smoothly enough, with you and Kei having different classes, the project had flown out of your mind. It was a Friday, so you had planned to walk home with your friends, and maybe get some food on the way. It would be a nice way to unwind and relax from a stressful week.

Key word *planned. *

Just as school was over you received a text from yours truly.

Are you going straight home?

You raise a brow at your phone. What did it matter to him?

No. I’m hanging out with some friends.

Which ones?

Does it matter?

**Not anymore. Stay until I’m done practice. **

You stop to stare. He’s never asked you to stay before. He’s actually quite quick to push you anyway when it came to his practice. Not that you minded.

Why?

**It’s important. **

Care to explain?

**Just wait until after practice. **

Kei, I have plans.

Kei?

You let out a frustrated grunt, trying to decide what to do. About ninety percent of you wanted to forget that Kei ever existed and go out anyway, but the other ten percent is nagging you with the fact that he said it was important. It could be anything, and it could be serious. Ultimately, you gave into that ten percent, with a curse to your conscience and a grit of your teeth you cancelled your plans with your friends and went to sit in the library.

For the next five hours.

You were pretty sure that your soul had left your body when Kei finally texted you.

Where are you?

Library

You saw outside the doors, so you finally got up and went to him, your mind going insane over what could be so important that you wasted your precious Friday. But he doesn’t say anything, only looking to you and walking to the entrance of the school to begin to walk home. You recoil with an extremely confused expression, having to jog to reach him. He doesn’t say anything as you catch up to him. You clear your throat. He turns to look at you, raising a brow.

“What?” You give him a look of disbelief.

“What do you mean ‘what?’ You made me miss my plans for something ‘important’. I’d like to know what it is.” You finish, hands on your hips. Kei simply looks you up and down, like he’s measuring you. You can feel your blood pressure start to raise.

“We need to work on our project. Let’s work on it after dinner.” If this was a cartoon, your jaw would’ve hit the floor, then maybe there would be steam coming out of your ears.

This bastard just kept surprising you. It’s like he wanted to find new levels of low. You couldn’t even believe he just did that. How could someone be so petty?

“Are you fucking serious?! I had to stay afterschool for five hours so you could tell me something that fucking stupid?!” You could barely think straight, not even having the mental capacity to come up with something witty. Kei rolls his shoulders, causally stretching while you’re about to combust, lazy smirk adorning his face. You’ve never wanted to slap a smile off more…

“You didn’t have to stay.” You almost choke.

“You said-”

“Exactly. ‘Said’. I never forced you to do anything. You could’ve left at anytime.” You let out a lot of strained sounds. What kind of argument was that? Couldn’t he just for once, let go of his pride and accept he was an all-around asshole? You saw red.

“You know what? I’ve seen a lot of shit in my day, but you are the most immature, petty-” Kei cuts you off.

“Anything new to say? I’ve heard it all before, trust me.” You practically growl. You see him smile even wider out of the corner of you eye. This was what he wanted. Remember, all he wants is a reaction. That thought calms you down considerably. You take a huge, tired sigh, all of your previous energy gone. He was like a parasite, you realized. He completely drained your being. Not to mention annoying as fuck.

“What Yamaguchi sees in you; I’ll never know.” Kei shrugs. “Heard that one too.” Kei slips on his headphones, clearly seeing that you’re not going to be entertaining him anytime soon.

One of these days, you’ll get him back. Just be patient.

The rest of your walk was spent daydreaming about that day.

~~

Kei had told you to meet up in his room to start working on the project, so after a silent fuming dinner, you had reasonably calmed down enough and gotten the necessary supplies and knocked on his door. You seriously considered barging in to tell him to fuck himself and the project, but your grade average was at stake, and your schoolwork was something you could never risk over some stupid boy. You decided to bite the bullet, taking a deep breath, and attempt to let all of your previous irritation wash over you as he calls through the door.

“Come in.” You open the door to his room and take a look around. To no one’s shock, you had never actually been in Kei’s room before, not really needing or wanting a reason to do so. It was fairly neat, with huge white desk and matching white walls with his volleyball jersey set cleanly on top. A couple of shelfs with some plushies of dinosaurs that you decided not to comment on but kept stored for future mockery. Boringly enough though, it just looked like a boy’s room, which did give your ‘Kei is the source of all evil on earth’ theory a few heavy hits. You didn’t realise you were staring until Kei pulled you out of it.

“Are we going to do some work? Or are you just going to stand there gawking?” You glared at him slightly.

“Well how often do you get to see the Devil’s lair? This might be the last thing I ever see if I don’t get out here alive…” You mumble the last bit, ignoring his eye roll, before sitting down on his bed, spreading out all your work material on the mattress. Once finished you both just looked at each other.

Now what?

“Uh… So… What do you think we should do our project on?” You ask awkwardly. Kei looks at you like you’re suddenly the biggest inconvenience known to man. You resist the urge to throw your notebook at his very hittable face.

“How should I know?” You snort in annoyance. Someone’s cranky. Is it his time of the month?

“Well sorry I was asking my partner a question about the project we’re both assigned to work on. We must alert the church elders at my audacity.” You can hear him ‘tsk’ loudly, his swivelling chair moving to face away from you, slightly. You can’t help but roll your eyes at his pettiness.

This wasn’t going to lead anywhere, and you really wanted to get this over with. You take another deep breath, attempting to be the bigger person.

“Okay, how about we both start by researching some important events, then choose from there?” Kei takes you suggestion into consideration, before turning away from you.

“Fine.”

And with that he opened his computer and when down to it. You as well opened up your laptop and started your research. Things start to move better than you would’ve thought, because after about twenty minutes of searching, discussing, arguing you both finally decided to go with the Atomic Bomb dropping, with it piquing both Kei’s and your interest.

Well, with it piquing your interest and Kei being indifferent rather than disgusted at the ‘shitty’ choice.

You soon started researching, both going into your own little worlds, writing notes, and finding new sources. In the middle of the session, Kei had randomly got up and left the room. You assumed it was to get a drink or use the washroom.

You didn’t take any notice to him leaving, too focused on the task at hand. You had been taking notes on the event and had gone to set down your pencil to remove a rebellious strand of hair that had been getting in the way of your vision. Truthfully, Kei’s bed wasn’t the sturdiest material to study on, so when you set your pencil to the side, it had obeyed the laws of physics and rolled off, making a sound as it clattered on the wooded floor.

Sighing tiredly, you lean over the edge of the bed to look for the astray pencil, only to find it underneath his nightstand. Reaching your hand into the darkness to grab the pencil, you felt a small piece of folded paper near it. Curious, you picked it up and brushed it slightly. It had been covered in dust, lost, and forgotten.

You unfold the small piece of paper, like any person would, to find a picture. It looked to be an older picture; Maybe couple years at the least, with the colours fading and the edges being tattered, you guess.

Though the colours were fading, you could see the photo just fine. In the photo was a small boy, outside with trees surrounding what looked to be a park. He had a volleyball in his hands, the hugeness of the ball showing just how tiny his hands were. He wore a huge smile, the ones that were contagious, but with light hints of a smug and cheeky attitude; The kind of attitude that only looks cute with kids. With warm blonde hair, rosy cheeks, and huge black glasses sliding down the bridge of his small nose. You couldn’t put off the fact that he looked extremely familiar…

A light switch flicked in your head, putting two and two together.

Oh my God.

That’s Kei!

…

That’s Kei?!

You let out a small laugh of shock as you inspected the picture closer.

He looks so different. Well, not really. Physically speaking, they were basically a shot for shot remake, but just the energy of Kei in and photo and Kei now was astoundingly different. Just looking at the photo made you smile. He seemed like such a happy kid. Not to mention completely and totally adorable.

I wonder what happened…

Well, he grew up, that’s what happened. You thought cynically. But he had to have kept some of that childlike wonder and happiness. The debate continued on in your head. He was only fifteen after all, but it seemed like it had been stripped from him, and pretty early on. Thinking about that made your heart feel heavy, but you had managed to brush it off just as Kei had came back into the room. While you hadn’t noticed his return, he sees you on the bed, not working, holding a small photo, and looking at it with the stupidest smile he had ever seen on you. To say he was a little confused was an understatement.

“What are you doing?” His voice makes you jump, looking up at him. You don’t respond as you look back the old photo, then back at him. Now that you actually think about it, he’s still pretty cute.

You pause at your own thoughts.

Woah okay, that came out of nowhere.

You shake it off as you finally go to respond, the smile still plastered on your face, not able to stop. “Look at what I found.” You sing with small giggles, getting up as you show Kei his photo. His face is priceless. It’s a mix of confusion, realization, then complete and total mortification. You can’t hide your laugh as he tries to snatch the photo, but you pull it to you before he had the chance.

“Where did you find that?!” He shouts, and you laugh harder.

“Your worst nightmares, apparently. Look at how cute you were!” You say between wheezes, laughing so hard your stomach started to hurt. You hold the picture to your chest when he tries again to grab it from you. He covers his face in his hands before giving you the hardest glare you’ve ever seen. And if it were any other situation, you would’ve been scared shitless, but the glare loses all intimidation when you see his cheeks and ears are flushed pink.

He’s blushing. He’s cute when he blushes. You take a mental picture of this moment as your laughter dies back down to small giggles.

“Give. It. Back.” He holds his hand out, expecting you to be completely compliant. You weren’t going to give in that easily. It was thrilling to see him embarrassed. Seeing him so flustered that he couldn’t form words.

The satisfaction was almost addicting.

You had always thought Kei needed a taste of his own medicine, to see just how bitter it was. Also, you wanted to keep the photo. It was just so precious, you bet that you could look at it after having the worst day and instantly feel better.

So, dawning his trademark smirk, you boldly utter the words.

“Make me.”

You two hold each others’ eyes for a couple seconds, fighting a power struggle, and you clearly winning. But without any kind of warning, he charges at you, using his long arms to try and reach the photo. You laugh at his attempt and quickly step back from him, going into the centre of the room, and extend your arm behind your back.

“Why do you even want the stupid picture?” He spits, extremely irritated, not to mention embarrassed, and you smirk. Oh, how the roles have reversed. You could see why he enjoyed it so much. It was an absolute riot.

“Are you kidding? This picture can make the usual unbothered Tsukishima Kei act like an embarrassed schoolgirl. This thing is gold. Plus, you’re adorable.” You add, and Kei blushes harder. Your eyes widen at an idea popping in your head.

“I wonder how your volleyball team would react to this picture…” You say excited, and Kei widens his eyes in, dare you say it, fear.

“You wouldn’t dare.” You scoff. He clearly doesn’t know how serious you are. You were fully prepared to give him Hell. You hum.

“To be honest, normally I wouldn’t, but those five hours I spent in the library today have really changed me. You know, as a person.” As soon as you finished that sentence, Kei had had started trying even harder to get that photo away from you. Each time trying to reach your arm with newfound vigor, with you stepping back each time he got close. Eventually, after playing for a little while, he was actually managing to overpower you, which isn’t a surprise. With those arms and legs there was only a matter of seconds until you would be backed into a corner.

So you decided to broaden the playing field.

“C’mon Kei~ Try a little harder, won’t you?” You teased, waving the picture in front of you, like a matador with a very, very angry bull. Once again, he reached for you, long arms trying to reach the photo you held behind your back, not expecting you to also pull his door open and dash out of his room, not even trying to contain your laughs as he stumbled through his doorway, letting out an angry groan.

His misstep gave you enough time to run down the stairs, and all the way down to the dining area. He was right on your tail though, sprinting to you, ending up on the other side of the table. Staring you down with heavy, infuriated eyes.

Neither of you move, the room being filled with only gasps for breath and your small giggles.

“You’re acting like a child.” Kei spits at you, perhaps hoping for a response that wasn’t a simple shrug, with you accepting the insult all the while dawning a lazy grin slapped on your face.

“Probably. But this is most fun I’ve had in this house. And you’re playing along. So, aren’t we both the children here?” He doesn’t respond, taking your moment of contemplation as his chance, running around the table, and attempting to reach the photograph in your hand.

Your reaction wasn’t fast enough, running away from the table but not far enough to keep a safe distance. You were so concerned with where he was that you didn’t see the couch behind you, legs hitting the front of the cushions. The movement way too strong for you to stay balanced.

Out of pure instinct, and with Kei being the closest upright object to you, you grabbed at him.

Apparently, he hadn’t been expecting you to grab him, and with such force too, because when you fell you had taken him down with you, both landing on the couch. Hard. You both make sounds of surprise before falling on top of each other.

You could feel his weight on you, and you struggled to move as he used his arms to push himself up, looking directly at you. His face was still flushed pink, you bet yours was too. You could feel the mood instantly change, from hatefully playful to…

Not.

You two were so close you could feel his breath on your skin, but you didn’t care. Both of you hadn’t said anything, staring at each other still, until ultimately you realized what kind of position you both were in.

Kei was between your legs, his pushing your thighs apart. You had unconsciously hooked your legs around his thin hips. When did that happen? You were so close that your chests were bumping into each other with every breath; His arms had caging your face in, causing you to only be able to look at him.

Your face and heart exploded.

“Uh-uhm… Kei?” You whispered, not being able to say anything louder. He continued staring, not saying a single word. You could tell from his eyes that he was lost in thought, weirdly. You try to snap him out of it.

“Kei, you’re crushing me- “

“Shut up.”

Kei out of nowhere, slams his mouth on yours. You freeze, and so does your mind. Your body stiffens, but Kei doesn’t stop. The kiss is aggressive, on his part at least, pouring out all of his frustrations into that single kiss. Your teeth clack together but you still don’t respond, and Kei starts getting impatient, and bites your lip. Not hard to draw blood, but hard enough to make you gasp. With your mouth open, he pushes his tongue in and that’s when you finally start to react. Feeling the bottom of stomach start to heat up, your mind buzzing, and your body giving you weird sensations, you slowly kiss him back, forgetting all common sense.

You could feel his smugness coming off in waves about that fact that you had started to respond, so put him in his place, you ran your hand up his arm to the back of his head. You comb your fingers through his amazingly soft fluffy hair and tug a little harder than necessary. He groans in slight pain. The sound sends shivers down your spine.

Things begin to get more heated, the kisses becoming longer and sloppier when Kei decides to run his hand up your thigh, leaving you to let out a soft mewl. His hand goes to rest on your hip, when he goes to kiss your cheek, down your jaw all the way to your neck. He gets into a rhythm there, with kissing, licking, sucking, and even biting lightly all down your neck. After some experimenting, he had found out where the most sensitive parts were, and absolutely ravished them. By then you were an absolute mess, hair sticking in all directions, lips swollen, a light sheen of sweat covering your body, and a completely destroyed neck much to Kei’s pleasure. His hands had gone from your hips to your back, pulling you up so he wouldn’t have to crane his neck as much. His mouth reaches where your neck meets your shoulder, and starts leave light butterfly kisses, clearly teasing you. You whine in protest, but he just chuckles.

You tug his hair to indicate that you want him to face you again, once he removes his face from your neck you lock your lips with his. He returns it immediately, taking his hand to go under your shirt and rub your warm and slightly sweaty skin. You let out a light sigh.

Then it all stops.

The warmth, the kisses, his hands, his body, everything. You hadn’t realized that you closed your eyes until you open them, to see Kei looking down on you, smirking as if he just won the lottery. In his hand, was the photo.

“I win.” He declares, as he rips up the photo and throws it in the trash. He goes to sit down in his desk, wiping his lips and sitting on the couch causally, as if nothing even happened. You can’t say anything, your brain too stunned.

You inhale all the air you had lost in those moments, feeling the cogs in your mind turn as you abruptly stand, confused with all the new sensations and feelings that just happened.

And with Kei of all people.

Kei…

“Y-yeah, I guess you did.” You mutter, averting your eyes and refusing to look at him, knowing that his eyes were burning holes in your back.

“Let’s work the project some other time.” You say quickly as you practically run to your room, slamming the door, and sliding down it. Running your fingers on your lips before burying your hand in your arms. Face burning with red hot embarrassment and shame.

What in the fuck just happened?

till we meet again | iwaoi

iwaoi hanahaki disease au!!

oikawa caught the hanahaki disease as he slowly discovers his love for iwaizumi. while in the middle of a late night call with one another, oikawa started coughing up petals and blood. iwaizumi, who thought that oikawa was just sick brushed it off as him just having a bad cough. later on, iwaizumi had figured out while visiting oikawa one day, that it was not just a bad cough that night that they were having a late night call. it was the hanahaki disease, that he did not believe in had happened to his very best friend. the friend that he grew up with.

will oikawa be getting the surgery and live a sad, unlovable life, or will he suffer his last weeks seeing his best friend fall in love with the manager of seijoh?

!! cw, read before continuing !! : major character death, heavy angst, mentions of blood, potential character death, cursing, hallucinations, mix of lower case and upper case, incorrect punctuations

word count : 4.6k

oikawa huffed, fishing out his phone from his pockets as he impatiently waited for his friend to answer his messages. he was waiting at the front of the school gates, he remembered he promised to iwaizumi that he would wait for him in front of the school gates so they could walk to class together, but it seems that he was running a bit late.

he was waiting for roughly 15 minutes, his legs starting to give up on him for standing so long. he groaned, moving to get his phone from his pockets again to call iwaizumi, but stopped when he saw a figure walking in the distance.

his eyes lit up, head snapping in iwaizumi's direction to wave and greet him. iwaizumi rolled his eyes, but raised a hand and waved back. oikawa was about to call out to iwaizumi, but the words fell short on his tongue as he watched seijoh's volleyball team manager approach iwaizumi. his huge grin had calmed down to a tight lipped smile, a smile that won't reach his eyes no matter how he tries as he watched them interact.

they chat for a few minutes, slowly making their way to oikawa.

by the time they're reach him, his smile had fully went and gone. his eyes didn't shine as they did earlier as he turned away from them and faced the school, the cracks of the walls seemingly much more interesting than whatever they were talking about.

oikawa started staring off to space, not being able to hear anything around him as he got lost in his own mind.

"oh, oikawa-san! i didn't see you there!" oikawa snapped out of his trance. where was he again? he let his eyes wander for a short while as they landed on the girl in front of him. oh. right. school.

"yeah haha hi" he awkwardly muttered, subconsciously letting his hand rest on the back of his neck.

iwaizumi and the manager chatted for a few more minutes, before they finally said their goodbyes and walked away from each other.

'finally, i was getting bored' oikawa thought monotonously, looking back to iwaizumi who had hearts in his eyes.

oikawa furrowed his eyebrows. what's so special about a girl? i mean, he gets it if it's his mom, or sister, or cousin but? he doesnt get it if they're just a schoolmate.

oikawa heaved a small cough, covering his mouth with his hand as he did so. when he lifted his hand back up there was a pink petal. it looked like a hydrangea petal. he remembered a small conversation that he and iwaizumi had a few years back.

"hey iwa-chan, what's your favorite flower?"

"ha? what, are you gonna get me flowers for my grave or something? i'm not dead yet loserkawa"

"what- no i'm not! i'm just asking because i'm curious! jeez mean iwa-chan." oikawa frowned, rubbing the spot where iwaizumi had hit him

iwaizumi thought for a bit, looking up at the ceiling as he does so.

"well, i suppose i like hydrangea flowers"

"the pink one?" oikawa tilted his head to the side, i curious glint in his eyes.

iwaizumi confirmed that by nodding. 

he wondered where the petal came from. did it fall from a tree? he shrugged it off, nudging iwaizumi's arm as he started walking towards the school. iwaizumi blinked, shaking off his trance, his head snapped towards oikawa, a pink tint to his cheeks. 

"oi! what was that for, shittykawa?!"

oikawa laughed, starting to jog towards the school doors.

"i can see the hearts in your eyes whenever you talk to manager-chan. you like her, don't you, iwa-chan??" oikawa teased as he saw the irk mark on iwaizumi's head grow. he didn't like admitting it, or even acknowledging it, but he knew that iwaizumi, did in fact like their volleyball teams manager. he has talked about her a few times, mentioned her name that even oikawa didn't have the time or care to even remember of.

his smile faltered once more. but when he saw iwaizumi coming at him full charge his grin went back, starting to run away from the devil like iwaizumi.

"damn you shittykawa i told you not to say that outloud!!" oikawa laughed, a little squeak coming out of the end as he tries to escape iwaizumi.

ah, what a peaceful life it is. 

a few weeks later, exams was just right around the corner, pulling at every students heads and giving them a headache. oikawa was no different.

although he did seem smart, which he was, he just wasn't keen in a few subjects.

luckily, iwaizumi liked the subjects oikawa loathed, so he asked if iwaizumi could help him in those subjects, exchanging agedashi tofu or grilled mackerel pike for the help.

iwaizumi agreed, acting all grumpy as oikawa called him through discord.

"yahoo iwa-chan!" iwaizumi grumbled a small greeting, oikawa hearing a bit of shuffling and pages turning.

oikawa chuckled.

"oi, what are you laughing at?"

"it's just the way you act all grumpy about teaching me, but i know you love teaching me cause i'm just so irresistible, arent i iwa-chan?"

"yeah, so irresistibly annoying"

"hey! mean iwa-chan!" oikawa huffed, taking out his notebooks from his bag.

he heard iwaizumi chuckle through his headset, and he smiled.

"so what do you not understand in ap history?"

"uhm, everything?"

"tch, expected from a dumbass like you"

"hey! rude! i'm not a dumbass!" oikawa coughed. petals flowing through his mouth. what was happening?

"oh come on, just admit it loserkawa" iwaizumi chuckled. iwaizumi continued to look through his notebook, not minding how oikawa was coughing so much.

"oi, 'kawa, drink some water dumbass!" iwaizumi half muttered, trying to focus on reading the contents of his notebook.

when the coughing continued, iwaizumi frowned, furrowing his eyebrows and looking up from his notebook to stare at his computer.

"hey, shittykawa, are you okay?" iwaizumi's voice was laced with concern for his friend, as he closed his notebook and placed it on his study table.

there were a few more coughs, before oikawa weakly answered;

"i'll be alright iwa-chan, don't worry."

"are you sure? you're coughing pretty bad."

"yeah, i think i just caught a cold."

"well, alright then... if something happens to you tell me immediately, if you don't i'll beat you up."

oikawa let out a small chuckle.

"i'll make sure of that iwa-chan."

now, in any other situation, that would have made oikawa's heart flutter, and his stomach burst with butterflies, but in this situation, he didn't think he could feel that at the moment. his head was aching, not because of studying, hell, he hasn't even started studying yet, but because of coughing so much in a short amount of time.

his throat felt dry, sticky with blood and itchy from small thorns. his study desk was littered with small petals of hydrangea flowers, a few thorns sticking out. his eyes felt droopy and tired all of a sudden, as if he was ready to pass out.

he shook his head.

'i can study tomorrow early in the morning' he thought to himself as he grabbed a bottle of water from his study desk. he drank a few gulps, his face scrunching up in pain as he felt the thorns scratch at his throat.

"hey, iwa-chan, is it fine if we just study tomorrow early in the morning? i'm feeling kinda tired now"

"wha- i dont think you haven't even studie-"

"yes? okay, thank you iwa-chan. i'll see you tomorrow" oikawa hurriedly left the call, as to avoid any questions or remarks from iwaizumi.

a few seconds later, a faint, calm ding ringed through his room. he peeled his eyes open to look at his computer.

iwa-chan! ʕ￫ᴥ￩ʔ (sent at 12:52 AM, February 25th)

[oi, get some rest. you don't need to study early in the morning, just try to remember what you can and write it down. drink water before you go to bed lazykawa. goodnight.]

the message read. oikawa smiled faintly, glancing at his dirty study desk.

"i'll sleep in a bit. for now, i have to clean this mess.." oikawa muttered, standing up and scooping the petals in his arms. this is going to be a pain.

by the time the exam days have ended, oikawa was exhausted. there were bags under his eyes, and his coughing was getting worse. iwaizumi didn't show it, but he worried for his friend.

"oi, oikawa! have you eaten yet?" oikawa stopped in his tracks, his head slowly turning to iwaizumi.

"uhm, no? why? is it lunch yet?"

"dumbass, what do you mean 'is it lunch yet'?! didnt you hear the bell ring?" oikawa blinked. the bell rung?

oikawa squinted his eyes and slowly shook his head.

iwaizumi sighed. 'how much sleep has this dumbass been getting? 2 hours?' he thought, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"sorry iwaizumi. i just have not been feeling well these past few days." oikawa smiled up at him tiredly.

iwaizumi was stunned. 'iwaizumi?' he thought, surprised. the name almost felt foreign to hear, even though it was the name he was born with, the name that almost everyone has called him with.

it felt weird to hear, because oikawa had only called him that when they first met. iwaizumi furrowed his eyebrows.

"iwaizumi?" he parroted his thoughts, looking oikawa in the eyes as if he could see right through him.

"what, isn't that your name?"

"well, it is, but....you never call me iwaizumi. it's always iwa-chan or something" iwaizumi had muttered, tapping his knuckles on oikawa's shared table. oikawa smiled.

"aweeee, is iwa-chan sad that i don't call him iwa-chan anymore?" oikawa chuckled, lazily hooking his head on his hand to rest for as he gazed up at iwaizumi.

"wha- are you dumb?! i was just worried about you, you asshole!" iwaizumi raged, snapping at oikawa.

oikawa let out a weak, hearty laugh. 

“yeah, i know."

it had been 2 long weeks. the petals have grown to be half of the hydrangea, the thorns bigger than before, and there started to be much more blood then the first few times he'd cough up petals. iwaizumi had been checking on oikawa almost everyday, sending him messages, calls, and voice mails. all that iwaizumi knew of oikawa's situation was that oikawa was getting sicker as the days went.

he felt like his brain was rotting, slowly turning to nothing but dust.

oikawa had have this happen happen to him before, the feeling of waves of tiredness constantly crashing down his body, his brain felt like it was melting, his legs felt like jelly, his head spinning, making his head hurt like hell.

he scratched at his throat, and hissed when he itched it for a moment too long. his room was a mess. petals scattered around with the occasional blood, and a few thorns stuck to some of the petals.

oikawa sighed. he hasn't had the energy to clean his room for a couple weeks, always feeling so nauseous and heavy whenever he got home from school. oikawa groaned, moving to lay down on his side to try and get some sleep before he started coughing up again. maybe he could get some rest before he-

the doorbell rang.

oikawa froze.

and his blood ran cold.

fuck.

he slowly sat up, gripping the futon in between his hands until his knuckles turned white. he looked around his room, seeing the mess of everything.

he let out a small groan, praying, begging to whoever was up there that it was just a delivery guy that his mom had sent to give him food.

when he got up from his futon, muttering barely even a whisper; "coming" as the doorbell impatiently rang a second time, dragging his feet to his front door, and peeking through the peep hole.

he wanted the ground to swallow him up whole.

standing there, in all of his glory, outside in casual wear was iwaizumi, holding on to a steaming plastic bag of his favorite milk bread that was bought in the small corner store in the neighborhood oikawa lived in.

"ugh, what is taking that lazykawa so long to answer the door" he heard iwaizumi mutter, before he moved to ring the doorbell once more, the sound ringing throughout his house.

oikawa froze in his place, a small blush climbing to his cheeks. he shook off the feelings and lightly patted his cheeks, calming his racing heart down before he made a move to turn the knob of the door.

when the door opened, he peeked outside, looking up at iwaizumi, then down to what he was holding, then back up at iwaizumi. this continued on for a few seconds, iwaizumi slowly growing on an irk mark as it pressed on.

"oi! aren't you gonna let me inside?!" iwaizumi questioned, his patience growing thin. he noticed oikawa froze to stare up at him, then slowly look back at his house, then quickly looking back up at iwaizumi.

"what, you got a fuck buddy hiding in there? tell them that i don't care and that to leave, you're sick"

"pfft-" he heard oikawa chuckle, before he looked back up at iwaizumi with an amused glint in his eyes, his cheeks tinted a rosy pink from the joke that iwaizumi made.

they stared at each other for a few minutes, a small smile playing at their lips.

"so are they gone now? can i come in? come on i don't want my ass to freeze here"

"pfft, iwa-chan, come on, you of all people should know that i don't have a fuck buddy cause i'm not that type of person."

"yea, yea, i know, but what's taking you so long to let me in anyway? your food is getting cold." oikawa stared at the plastic bag in his friend's hands, the steam slowly clearing. oikawa frowned, then lead his eyes away from the bag to stare up back at his friends eyes.

"my house is a mess."

"and? so is mine. we've both seen each others house and we know it's similar to a pigsty." even when iwaizumi made a joke, oikawa didn't laugh, or even crack a smile. a frown still tugged on the setter's lips, which made iwaizumi sport on a frown too.

"it can't be that bad, i'm sure my place is dirtier than yours anyway. just let me in, i don't want your food to be cold when you eat it." with a hesitant glance to his house and back at iwaizumi, oikawa slowly opened the door, stepping aside to let his visitor in.

iwaizumi took off his shoes, placing them neatly to the side while he placed the plastic bag beside him on the floor so he could work on his shoes. once he stood up to his full height, he picked up the plastic bag and took a quick look around the house.

"it isn't that bad, what do you mean it's a mess?"

"i meant my room. i haven't cleaned it ever since i got sick" iwaizumi nodded, going to the kitchen to place the bag of food on the kitchen counter. oikawa happily hopped to the bag, muttering a small "thank you" and "itadakimasu" before biting into the bread. a satisfied hum left him buzzing, already grabbing a second one to munch on.

iwaizumi lingered his stare on oikawa for a second too long, a small smile gracing his lips before he turned away and gazed at the hallway leading to the bathroom and oikawa's room.

the door to oikawa's room was opened wide, and while oikawa was busy chomping down the food that iwaizumi had bought him, iwaizumi made his way to oikawa's room, intending to close the door, but when he got there, a small, pink, almost white petal greeted him just outside of oikawa's room, a few, maybe 6, was scattered outside of oikawa's room.

iwaizumi raised an eyebrow. flower petals? outside oikawa's room? he wondered. when he crouched to pick them up and throw them away, blood was next to the petals. iwaizumi's eyes widened.

blood? who's blood?

his eyes trailed, following the blood which lead straight to oikawa's room. the room was lit up, which made it easier to see. in oikawa's room, scattered petals, thick thorns, some dangerously thin you can barely see them, and blood. some blood on his sheets, on the floor, his study desk.

oikawa peeked a head out of the kitchen to check where iwaizumi had gone to, and when he saw him just outside his room, staring straight at him with wide eyes and a pale face, that he knew right then and there, that iwaizumi hajime had known. 

they sat in thick silence in oikawa's living room, sipping on the warm tea that iwaizumi had made for the both of them. oikawa wondered when was the last time he had drank tea. it soothed his throat, and calmed his nerves. but not calm enough.

he heaved a cough deep in his chest and covered his mouth with his hand, catching the petals, thorns, and blood on his hand.

oikawa winced as he opened his hand, staring down at his hand that was full of thorny, bloodied, petals.

iwaizumi watched his expression with a frown, and turned his gaze to look at his friend's hand. he furrowed his eyebrows. iwaizumi knew that oikawa was a total love sick person, dreaming about having a girlfriend, possibly a boyfriend before high school ended. he stood from his seat and went to the bathroom to throw away the petals and wash his hands. when he came back, they sat in silence once again.

oikawa traced the rim of the cup with his finger, staring into the contents of the cup with an emotion that iwaizumi could not pin down. iwaizumi stared into his own cup, looking at his reflection as he blinked back the tears that was daring him to spill.

iwaizumi sighed.

"so how long"

"....which one?"

"how long since you've known."

"maybe a month or two ago."

".....how long?"

"......2 weeks tops"

iwaizumi grimaced. thats so little time.

"get surgery"

"no"

"why?"

"i'd rather die loving the person i fell in love with rather than dying a pitiful, long, unlovable death, iwa-chan."

he was right there.

"who is it?"

"you'll get mad if i tell you who."

"i wont"

"next time"

iwaizumi grimaced once more. when is 'next time'? when he's 6 feet under?

iwaizumi gazed up at his friend with glassy eyes, while oikawa just stared bitterly at his cup. iwaizumi looked back down, clasping his hands together.

"alright. next time it is."

iwaizumi stared longingly at the smiling picture of oikawa atop his coffin, tears brimming his eyes as he stared longer.

he averted his gaze to the ground, tears rolling down his cheeks and dropping down to the floor.

he promised oikawa that he wouldn't cry in his funeral, and instead make embarrassing jokes about him, and when oikawa laughed, saying it would piss his family off, iwaizumi couldn't care less. he wanted to make oikawa's funeral light hearted, the way he wants it to be. but he himself can't even mutter up a single word, trying to choke up his sobs as he covered his mouth with his hand.

he could imagine oikawa laughing at him in wherever he ended up in, saying that he sounded so cocky and sure of himself when he uttered bullshit to his face about his funeral as they planned it in their heads, but now he's just a crying mess, the funeral that he and oikawa planned the night before he died long forgotten as his chest tightened up, and his eyes blurred the colors and details of the world.

iwaizumi was tapped on his shoulder by his team mate, catching his attention as he looked up with fat tears rolling down his cheeks like waterfalls.

"i-iwaizumi-san... it's your turn to speak." kindaichi mumbled, holding back tears of his own. iwaizumi let his eyes wander to the front as he nodded numbly to kindaichi's words. he didn't want to speak. his throat closed up, and his hands became clammy, his heart beating out of his chest, head spinning as a headache rolled in.

he looked back down to the ground, and clenched his fist. he made his way to the front, dragging his feet behind him as he tried to collect his thoughts and words to make a speech.

once he was there, he stared. with a troubled, and lost expression, iwaizumi started speaking.

"hey, iwa-chan?"

"hm?" iwaizumi hummed, playing with the strands of oikawa's hair.

"remember when you asked me who it was?"

"yeah. are you going to tell me now?" iwaizumi questioned, grabbing oikawa's hand and playing with his fingers.

"well, you might get mad."

"i get mad at everything you do, tooru."

"so you're going to get mad when i say that i got the hanahaki disease because of you?" oikawa questioned his friend, grasping at iwaizumi's hand and holding it in his.

iwaizumi froze.

he tightened his grip on oikawa's hand.

"well,"

iwaizumi started off, hesitant in picking his words

"i cant....get mad at you for having feelings." oikawa brought their interlocked hands to his lips. iwaizumi could feel oikawa smile against his hand as he placed a chaste kiss on the exposed skin.

"why not?"

iwaizumi stayed silent, carefully watching oikawa's movements.

when oikawa turned his head to look at iwaizumi, his cheeks flared pink.

"w-what the hell are you staring at, iwa-chan?" oikawa fumbled, squeezing iwaizumi's hand. iwaizumi squeezed back as a response.

"ugh, i hate you so much" iwaizumi grumbled, holding oikawa's head in place as he planted a barely there kiss on top of his forehead.

iwaizumi didn't know why, but a memory of him and oikawa laying down on the couch, limbs tangled together in a mess had played while he was speaking.

if oikawa was here to see iwaizumi's little speech he'd laugh his stupid laugh that iwaizumi had grown accustomed to, finding comfort in his little wheezes and squeaks whenever he laughed. he would laugh at iwaizumi's sappy speech, telling him to cheer up because they're going to get his favorite food later after this is finished.

iwaizumi just bitterly chuckled at that thought.

'if'

'if is such a dumb word.' iwaizumi thought, folding his hands in front of himself as he went back to his spot before.

he thought, he could feel oikawa's presence by his side. he thought he could see oikawa's smile as he side hugged iwaizumi. he thought he could hear his low chuckle as he made a small joke about how ugly iwaizumi looked while he was crying. he thought he got a glimpse of oikawa's dumb brown hair that always looked to be in great condition no matter what. he thought he could feel him.

he thought.

.....

iwaizumi hated it here. it felt suffocating. felt like everyone was hogging up all the oxygen and leaving none for him.

so he left early.

he walked down the street, lifelessness showing clearly in his eyes. the people walking around him bumped into him, some not bothering to say sorry, some even yelling at him but he could care less.

he pulled his scarf closer to his nose, burying his head deeper into the folds of the soft cotton. he weakly huffed, eyes searching the busy street of cars for something. was it oikawa he was searching? he didn't know either.

his eyes lingered on a street lamp before wandering again, slowly blinking. eyes stopping dead on a figure in the middle of the street.

"iwa-chan!" oikawa waved, smiling brightly at iwaizumi.

iwaizumi's eyes lit up, his feet moving on its own.

he choked down a sob as he walked towards oikawa.

walking turned to jogging.

and jogging turned to running.

"shittykawa, what are you doing there! you'll get hit!" iwaizumi let out a cracked chuckle, finally a few inches away from him. he reached out to him, but oikawa dodged, laughing as he ran away from iwaizumi.

"come catch me if you can, iwa-chan!" oikawa challenged, running towards the other end of the street.

iwaizumi's eyes dilated. no, he couldn't lose oikawa again.

"t-tooru wait, no, please, don't leave me again!" iwaizumi desperately called, running after oikawa. the said person laughed giddily, turning to iwaizumi and opening his arms.

"come home iwa-chan! i miss you" oikawa managed a smile, his eyes shining brightly as iwaizumi stared into them.

"home...haha...sure, tooru." iwaizumi panted, hanging his arms around oikawa's waist.

oikawa placed his chin atop iwaizumi's head and wrapped his arms around iwaizumi's shoulders, shielding his sight from the incoming truck.

"yeah. you're home now, hajime."

ah, how cruel life is.

Oh wow. You never expected to see the familiar rooster haired person, especially bending down at a forty five degree angle to get a better view of the cakes displayed in your shop.

You just came back from picking up some new tea leaves delivered by your mom to try the flavours, while your co-woker was left to handle the shop when you were away.

Now, here you stood in front of your own shop, debating if you should enter or not after noticing a past companion

You gulped a little, touching the knob of the door to twist it open but you immediately retreated your hand away when the metal touched your skin, causing a shiver to run down your spine. Your palm felt sweaty and cold indicating you were getting nervous. Thank God, iwaizumi chose to put glass as the exterior or you can't even imagine how you would have reacted without preparing yourself to meet a certain someone.

You grabbed the knob again twisting it this time as you took a deep breath opening the door. You were mature now, way past your university years. You had to face him some day but you were hoping the some day wasn't any time soon. Maybe after you died or sumn should have been okay.

Calming your nerves, you told yourself that forgetting the hours of crying and snorting on your poor pillow would be best, for now atleast.

The ringing sound once someone opens the door echoed through the cute cafe as you stepped your foot inside, causing kuroo's head to rise up.

He didn't look back though, he just stood up fixing his suit a little because if he stayed in that position in his tight pants, he was quite sure those pants were putting his ass on a show. He smiled at the young college lad behind the counter saying he would like to order a large red velvet cake which should be packed nicely. He liked the smell of the store and the calming feeling it radiates, it reminds him of someone. “oh and please make it fast- my girlfriend is kind of impatient" he chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.

Once you hear his gruffy voice and his signature cologne engulfing your nose, the same one he used to put on too much that you had to scold him about it. You stopped on your track, hands clentching your bags tightly. Memories swaying through your head. You remember the blushes, the jokes, the flirty remarks, days spent sitting on his roof while he told you every interesting facts about stars he knew.

You closed your eyes putting a small smile on your face, get a grip y/n. You chanted the slogan in your mind before opening your mouth to call out his name that you screamed so many times in so many different ways, but to your luck of course your obedient staff interupted, the guy was more than happy to let the only customer at this late in the hour know of your existent. "ah- Mrs. Oikawa you are back"

The engines of kuroo's head twisted and turned at the mention of the surname, he didn't know oikawa tooru from the Argentina team had a wife. Was this guy talking about the same oikawa he knew?

The one he met during some tournaments and parties a few times, he remembers making small talks once or twice with him, though— he wouldn't call themselves friends but but one thing he knew about oikawa was that he had tons and tons of fangirls, he knew just by seeing the bunch of girls waiting for him to get out of the five star restraurents that they both attended for some formal parties so they can take a picture with him.

He has still the habit of not minding his own business back from his highschool days. So, curious to know who was the wife of infamous oikawa tooru and why he didn't hear a gossip about it before. Kuroo snaped his head back to met a glossy, familiar pair of e/c eyes.

The say curiosity kills the cat, but in this case his world falls apart when he sees you. He choked, feeling all the air get suck out of him. Locking eyes with the same e/c orbs he adored so much, the same ones that used to sparkle when you looked at him.

"y/n" a really small mumble, more like a whisper which can be barely heard. But that small mumble takes you back to the days where he would call your name over and over again from across the library, for letting you know about something new he found out about the two married teachers hooking up with each other. Though the actions mostly ended up for the both of you to getting kicked out of there and then him rumbling about how the old librarian lady was so insensitive and rude when it was obviously his fault you both were banned from there.

"tet-" you stopped yourself immediately, shaking your head to convince yourself that you shouldn't call him that. "kuroo" you mumbled a little louder than him, a soft smile forming on your lips as your eyes wrinkled.

Oh fuck. That's what he thinks. Geez after all those years how could you still smile at him like that. The contagious smiles that drives him crazy so so much. At this point he even forgets you were married or he was about to propose his girlfriend tonight. All in his mind at that moment was you.

You have gotten more beautiful, hair longer and face a lot more matured. You still had those soft lips he remembered and he can say you have gained a little weight which just makes you more beautiful in his eyes. He wants to ask you a lot of questions. He wants to say a lot of things. He missed you like a mad man.

He opens his mouth to say he missed you, he missed your hands cupping his face, he missed your touch, your soft snores against his neck. The way both of you would plan about the future.

“how have you been?”

You fiddled your fingers in your pocket, swallowing the lump in your throat. “I have been doing good” you closed your eyes smiling brightly at him just like you used to. Placing the bags on the table beside you, you shifted your gaze from kuroo. He is a lot more muscular now than he was in college, but with the same messy hair styled with lots of jel.

“haru take this bag and keep it in the kitchen please” you asked to him, looking back at kuroo who was still busy taking in your appearance. “it's rude to stare at someone” you chuckled, patting his arms as you moved past him. “is it my fault you grew more gorgeous now?" he spat back, feeling the angsty feeling in his heart decrease a little. Not so sure where this confidence to speak with you is coming from.

“aah-you still flirt with taken women?” you replied, tying your hair into a bun, walking behind the counter. The way you moved was more elegant than he remembers.

You hit a spot in his heart reminding you were taken but so was he. He reminds himself that you both weren't anymore teenagers and adults with real life responsibility.

Huffing you wrapped the pastel blue coloured apron around your waist, eyes avoiding his face “is it kizumi?” you arched a brow, eyes on your working hands. Taking the piece of cardboard and a red ribbon which matched the cake. He turned around, tightening his lips wondering how is gonna tell you 'it is her'.

The one girl who always made you feel inferior and insecure. Nights he spent reminding you she was just a friend, now he is fidgeting how to tell your guess was right. Back then he truly meant she was just a friend.

As long as you could remember you always disliked her, she was always kind and cheerful and a little too bright for you. Though she never directly tried hitting on tetsu but you knew by the subtle touches and the lingering gaze she was into him.

But you were past that stage, even though you felt a little defeated by her but you have your own special person now, the person who makes the world seem like a bearable place everyday little by little. You chuckled to cut the thick tension in the air

“you should go and sit upstairs till' the cake is prepared” changing the subject, your hands motioned to the cute stair inside the cafe leading up to a new set of area with private chairs and tables for people who liked privacy. You didn't want kuroo to stand infront of you when you were trying to ignore his presence.

“ah-” he paused looking at the direction of your hands. The wooden stair case with black tinted glass at the end to cover the upstairs view. Several small flowers wrapped around the railing and small lamps decorated along the way. He hesitantly opened his mouth, he wanted to talk with you and know every thing that he wanted to ask you after the day you left. This night could end like this, he could just sit idly and let the burning curiosity being ignored and move on with his life, propose the girl like he planned and try to keep you off mind. Try to not find you in the girl he is with like he did for years.

But he was determined today, he was going to get answers why you left and how sorry he was for not meeting you for the last time you asked for. No matter what or who—

“Mommyy” a voice ringed through the cafe followed by soft giggles and a chuckling of a adult. A small pair of legs dashed past kuroo towards you. Two hands wrapping around your legs with a beaming smile stretched acrossed a chubby face, giving you a long hug. You looked a little exasperated and shocked by the sudden attack but a small smile formed on your lips looking at the tiny boy.

“sorry to disturb your working hours honey” a breathy, hoarse voice behind kuroo spoke in a teasing tone followed with few snickers "but our dear son was nagging why is his mommy so late” by the tone of the argentina's player, it was evident that it was his idea to sneak up in your working hours.

Walking playfully to the back of the counter, he pecked your lips lovingly, parting before giving you a eye closed smile. He didn't notice who the other male was standing in the cafe, honestly he could care any less and especially since oikawa was a man for showing some public display affection. But when he noticed the flickering worry over your eyes when you looked past him he snapped his back to meet a pair of gawking cat-like eyes.

It wasn't oikawa's affection which drained all kuroo's blood off his body neither was it because you have a loving family now, no— it was rather because of the small kid who was smiling at the desserts in display with sparkling eyes.

Anybody could tell with two eyes that the small guy had the exact same messy long hair similar to the ex nekoma's captain. Anyone could tell that the golden brown cat like eyes were the exact copy paste of someone else's flickering fierce eyes. Because anybody could tell that the small guy looked nothing like oikawa and more like the stranger standing in the store.

“mommy can I have another late night dessert again? Please! please! please! I swear I will wash my teeth as many time you want today”

Ah— how could kuroo forget about the same way he used to nag for a late night dessert made by especially you. The one which he ate too much that he had to visit dentist every two to three months for. Seems like you have a lot of explaining to do.

Part 2 : wouldn't you?

Away from Home ft. Wakatoshi Ushijima

an angst scenario in which ushijima notices his partner is homesick.

920 words, angst scenario, gn! reader

Warnings: homesick reader

Wakatoshi knew.

He always knows. 

Sometimes it’s easy for you to forget how observant Ushijima truly is because he’s always silent about it. Most of his observations go unsaid. Like how he noticed the way you always hum to yourself when you’re in a good mood or the way your hair feels the softest the day after it’s been washed. He sees and makes note of almost everything going on around him. 

And most of the time he’s content with keeping his observations to himself. But not this time.

Ushijima began to worry about your wellbeing when he noticed small changes in your daily habitual actions. 

It was the slightest quiver in your bottom lip and the way you leaned into him, subconsciously looking for support, as your parents spoke to you over the phone detailing upcoming house renovations and updates on the state of your favorite lilac bushes that were currently blossoming.

It was the small sigh you let out after hanging up the phone and the way your shoulders were tense as you lay your head on his shoulder and sit in comfortable silence after the interaction on the phone.

It was the way your gaze lingered on the photos your mom sent showing the hummingbird feeders, and the way you passed the phone to him to give him a chance to see.

He had taken note of all of these things, but it was today that he finally knew what was the cause of your behaviors. 

It was the forced smile that didn’t quite meet your eyes when your parents asked you how you were doing during your call with them today that gave it away.

You were homesick.

But "homesick" don't seem to describe the extent of your feelings, he thought to himself. 

It was when you rose from your spot next to him after the call to go sit on the balcony that he became aware of the depth of your hidden feelings.

Earlier that month, you dragged your favorite chair out onto the balcony and would spend hours on end sitting out there. It was so that you could "feel the sky" you had told him when he'd asked why you had been spending so much time out there. Sometimes, you'd be out on the balcony, sketching the cityscape, and you'd show him the work when you'd completed them. But what he didn’t know was that in addition to the drawings he'd see, you’d also spend hours sketching your homeland from memory in attempt to regain connection to your home.

But he still knew you were longing for the fresh open air and the endless sky that you had grown up with even in your attempts to hide it from him. You couldn't escape the longing you felt for the place and people you loved so much.

Ushijima knew that you weren’t truly happy with him in the city, even though you loved him and would give anything for him. He thought about everything you’d done to ensure that he was able to follow his passion, from making him special lunches that worked within his diet, to spending endless nights sleeping alone when he was away. 

And, when reflecting on all he'd observed throughout the years of what you had done for him, Ushijima was overcome with an intense feeling of gratefulness. But at the same time, he felt a pull at his heart. He recognized the feeling as deep sadness. What if you had given up the life you truly wanted. For him. 

He feared that the most: that he couldn’t give you the life that you truly deserved and longed for. 

With him you could never be completely happy.

He knew he had to talk to you about it, so he waited for you to come back inside. It was not too long when you returned from the balcony.

“Darling,” he called out to you softly.

As he laid eyes on you, he noted that your face hid the sadness it once held. Your normal resting expression had returned. Not a trace of longing remained, he noted.

“What is it, Toshi?”

All of a sudden, all words left him, and he felt at a complete loss for expression of speech. He didn’t know how to raise the subject to you.

Should he begin to extend the immense gratitude he felt towards you? No. Surely you would suspect that he knew something was wrong. Should he just be honest and tell you that he knew you weren’t happy?

Seeing you standing there in front of him, he thought he couldn’t possibly.

And with that, he made his decision to let it go, like he had done many times before with other things. 

”Oh, I was just wondering what we’re having for dinner.”

You blinked, and he held his breath. Then, to both his relief and dismay, you smiled at him in your usual manner and began to list off the options for your evening meal as you move to sit beside him.

Little did you know, your words were falling on unwilling ears as Ushijima was too distracted by the encounter to be paying attention to you.

Weighing his decision to keep quiet, he thought that maybe it was better for you if you didn’t know that he knew what you were feeling.

At least that’s what he told himself to justify keeping quiet about the fact that he was noticing the lightness leaving your eyes, slowly, slightly, one day at a time.

haha maybe college changed me because I never thought I would be capable of writing angst. Sorry, I'm a little out of practice with writing fics, but I hope you liked it, but if angst isn't your cup of tea, don't worry, more fluff will be coming soon :)

Feel free to reblog if you liked it! :)

p.s. I missed you all and writing so much! if you're reading this, thank you for sticking around, and being patient with me when I took my massive hiatus as I adjusted to college life. <3

ding!

. . . ushijima wakatoshi. not one for the romance books.

“you hold feelings for me?”

he’s a bit taken aback by the confession that wakatoshi just couldn’t help but blink for a few seconds, unsure of what to do with this information. dealing with an out-of-the-blue confession before volleyball practice was not on his agenda for today—so what should he do?

there you stood in front of him, fidgeting with your fingers as you couldn’t even meet his gaze, an apprehensive smile on your lips. you’re nervous and unsure of your timing, he assumes. your body language seemed a bit stiff as well and he could tell by this that you weren’t really planning on confessing your feelings to him now.

maybe it was just a sudden change of plans on your end.

but you finally said it; you finally confessed.

“you— you don’t have to reciprocate!” you quickly add, not wanting to force him into anything that makes him uncomfortable or something that he never even considered. “i just,” you took in a short breath, “i just wanted to say it.”

wakatoshi thinks over his words carefully. you’re his classmate and his friend; he doesn’t want to leave you heartbroken, but he’s conflicted about what to say.

it certainly isn’t just turning down someone who confessed to him—he’ll admit that it happened quite often, seeing as how he was well-known all across miyagi—it’s you. he’s going to reject your advances, and the thought made him frown ever so slightly.

“i’m sorry,” he replies, his tone smooth and laced with his familiar stoicism, though if you listen closely, you’ll hear that he really is apologetic. “i can’t say that i feel the same way.”

you waved your hands frantically to reassure him. “no, no! it’s alright, really.” you straighten your composure, a bit sheepish, even awkward, about the situation you conducted with your confession.

he nods, bidding you his goodbyes as he heads to the gym for his afternoon club activity.

you’re left to yourself in the back of your school building, absolutely defeated. you sigh, crouching down, your hands in your head. your thoughts are running a thousand miles per millisecond.

you made a fool of yourself.

you made your friendship with wakatoshi awkward.

you definitely want the ground to swallow you whole right now.

but on the bright side, you confessed. you got the feeling off your chest, and that counts for something, right?

though the scene that just happened was not one for the romance books. you slightly blame the romance shows and media you’ve been hooked on, but what else could you do?

wakatoshi does not feel the same way.

noomon © 2023. do not copy, modify, or translate my work.

[13:25] miya osamu sobbing bcs @ufo-ikawa made me listen to free love by honne & i automatically thought of samu

“tsum’s always third-wheeling us, but where is he when we need him?” you huff, using the collar of osamu’s worn t-shirt to wipe away the sweat on your forehead. “this would go a lot faster if he were here.”

it’s the middle of summer, it’s way too hot, and the air conditioning in osamu’s newly purchased storefront is still broken. yet here the both of you are anyway, painting walls in the muggy afternoon heat of downtown osaka.

osamu makes a sound of agreement just as his phone buzzes in his pocket, wiping his hand on his paint-streaked shirt before grabbing it and glancing down at the screen. “oh, this is the scrub now saying…he’s at some resort in tokyo with his girl.”

“wait, the one he met last month?” you ask, dropping the paint roller into its tray when he hands you the phone, a selfie of his brother lounging on a pool chair on the screen. “wow, a month into the relationship and he’s already whisking her off to a resort? lucky girl.”

osamu’s got an odd look on his face as you hand the phone back. “he, uh, said he’d be back on tuesday to help us move the furniture in, though.”

“that’s good,” you shrug, picking up your roller and resuming your neat strokes of light grey paint. “i already know he’s gonna be eating here all the time, so we need to make sure he pulls his weight before opening.”

he hums in acknowledgement, resuming his painting beside you. when you look over, he’s got a comtemplative look on his face, brows pulled down and mouth pressed into a tight line.

“let’s take a water break,” you propose when you can tell he’s pulled a little too far into his head by…by something. in the five years you’ve dated him, you know that osamu’s like this. sometimes his thoughts are a little too loud, and whatever they are right now are screaming at him, drowning out reason.

he hears you, though, dropping his roller into the tray before taking a seat in the middle of the tarp-covered floor (flooring the both of you had installed yourselves with the help of a youtube tutorial). you reach into the cooler, grabbing two bottles of water before lowering yourself to the ground next to him, handing him a bottle of water before uncapping your own.

“i’d understand, you know,” he murmurs quietly once you’re settled.

you watch him out of the corner of your eye, noting the way his restless hands pick at the label on the bottle. he’s nervous. “understand what?

he’s not looking at you, staring straight ahead. “if ya wanted to leave.”

you chuckle, taking a gulp before screwing the cap back on, pressing the cool bottle to your cheek. “i’m not gonna leave before we’re done painting the edges. i’ll stay all night if i have to.”

“not the walls,” he says a little stiffly, rubbing the back of his neck. “i meant— i meant me. if ya wanted to leave me, i would…i would understand.”

you blink a few times, wondering if the heat was making you hallucinate or something. “osamu, why would i do that?”

“it’s just, you deserve more than— than this,” he gestured around at his half-assembled store. “i don’t have much. you know i poured a good chunk of my savings into leasing this place. i can’t take you to nice dinners on our anniversary or buy you pretty things, and now i’ve got you doin’ manual labour on your day off. you deserve better.”

“better?” you repeat, wondering if he’s hallucinating.

osamu shrugs, then lets his steady shoulders slump. “you…you deserve someone who can take you to tokyo.”

“but i don’t want to go to tokyo. it’s too—”

“crowded, i know,” he finishes, hesitantly meeting your gaze. “but you know what i mean.”

“no, i don’t,” you say firmly. “because you’re not making any sense right now. should i call an ambulance? is this heat stroke?”

he says your name exasperatedly. “i’m serious. you’ve got no obligation—”

“do you love me?” you interrupt.

“of course i do,” he answers without hesitation, and you can hear it, the desperate edge in his voice, the little part of him that says he doesn’t want to let you go.

satisfied, you uncap your water and take another drink. “then that’s that.”

he frowns a little. “but—”

you raise your brows at him. “unless you want me to date your brother?”

“what? no.”

“exactly.” you shuffle over to cup his face in your palms, the tip of your nose brushing his as he leans into your touch and you murmur, “i don’t need anything or anyone else.”

no one but osamu, who can’t take you to nice dinners but spent hours in the kitchen cooking up your favourite dishes on your anniversary last month. who seasoned everything to your liking and somehow made it compliment the cheapest bottle of wine you could find.

osamu, who can’t buy you nice things, but shows you everyday, in his own way, just how much he appreciates and loves you. who packs you a lunch every night and walks you to the train station each morning. who always lets you have the last slice or bite of anything, and holds your opinion on new dishes in the highest regard.

osamu, who is willing to let you go because he thinks you deserve better. you don’t doubt he’ll give it all to you someday, when he can. but for now?

for now you’ll kiss his sweaty forehead in his half-built onigiri shop, the both of you streaked with paint and melting in the summer heat. but none of it matters because, well,

“all i need is you.”

When you mention breaking up in an argument (Iwaizumi, Sakusa)

genre: angst fluff

word count: 2.2K

an: y/n is dramatic in this one like they are in everyone of my works but so dramatic and idrk how I feel about this one it’s a bit dumb but let me know what you think I hope you enjoy it

Reblogs are very appreciated

Sakusa

“Why have I never met your parents?” was the question you asked Sakusa that he struggled to answer. You knew you were being abrupt, but you’ve been wondering about this for a while, thinking about how you probably knew everything about your boyfriend but you never even met or barely heard of the two people that created his mere existence.

He never knew how to answer and he wanted to, seeing the dejected look you had on your face whenever you asked as you could already guess the answer he was going to give you.

Your relationship was great, nobody could argue that, and Sakusa was an exceptional boyfriend and you were so happy with that. Even before you were dating, there was a tug of longing between you both and you desired to get to know all about the boy who plagued your thoughts constantly, and you did eventually become the person who Sakusa loved the most, letting you know the most intimate parts about him.

But when moments like these arrived, when you asked him a question and he danced around the answer acting as if it was something he didn’t know or didn’t want you to know, you felt like the person who not so long ago didn’t know anything about Sakusa making you feel as if you being together wasn’t what you thought it would be.

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pairing: ushijima wakatoshi x f!reader wc; 900+ genre; fluff a/n; prompt request for @luvnami <33 hope you like it!

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

The ‘U’ in Ushijima must stand for uncertainty, you’ve come to realize.

You suppose you could say the two of you were ‘dating’ — by a far stretch of the word. That is, if you could consider nightlong FaceTime calls and cheering him on at volleyball games dating.

You hadn’t even realized he was interested in you until Tendou pointed out that no, in fact, it was not normal for the Shiratorizawa ace to be following someone around campus like some love sick puppy,  and no, Tendou has never seen his partner smile, let alone smile at another person.

You had always thought Ushijima was always just… there. But now, he was making his presence known, and suddenly your vision was filled with nothing but him.

And maybe there was something charming about how he always seemed to find you. And you’ve discovered that Ushijima speaks exactly what was on his mind — it comforts you to know that he means what he says, and he says what he means.

And yet, it is exactly this bluntness that’s become the source of your confusion in the first place.

“So, are you guys going out?” Tendou had dared to ask one sunny afternoon during lunch time, picking at his food and staring at the two of you from above his chopsticks.

“Yes,” Ushijima answers instantly, wiping at the corner of his mouth with a napkin. Your heart beats faster at the certainty of his words, sharing a surprised glance with Tendou.

That is, until Ushijima says, “Y/N has P.E. after lunch, so I will have to walk her outside.”

You physically had to stop yourself from banging your head on the table.

Tendou was not one to give up so easily though, opting for a more direct approach.

“No, Wakatoshi-kun,” Tendou sighs out exasperatedly, “I mean, are you guys together?”

You held your breath, wanting to know the answer just as much as the middle blocker did.

“Yes, we are together,” Ushijima says with his usual monotonous voice, though you don’t let yourself get too excited.

“We are eating our lunch together, Satori. Can’t you see?”

The school bell had rung as Tendou began his third attempt, and promptly the conversation had been swept away amongst the crowds of students trying to get back to class.

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