guys i love those vampire stan aus as much as the next person but let’s all be honest if he was actually a vampire he would be soo lame
he got bit by one of his exes who he didn’t realize was a vampire. he thought it was just kinky stuff at first but then he woke up the next morning with blood cravings and went “fuuuuuuccckkkk”
he tried to hunt a person once but people really underestimate how much energy it takes to chase down someone and keep them still long enough to feed. the minute he got done, he was still hungry because he spent all of his energy on getting them to where it made zero difference. so he steals from hospitals, not because he feels guilty, but because it’s just too damn tiring to feed off people. blood bags don’t struggle.
and god damnit, for the life of him he can’t figure out the bat thing!! how do they do that? he just can’t get it. he’s such a loser. i mean. i guess he’s immortal too but he wasn’t ever going to die anyway. he’s just somehow even more reckless than he already was.