Forgive Me This Is Late And SO DAMN LONG - Blog Posts
❛ ⅋ 🐇 𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆’𝘀 𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴𝗹𝗲𝗱 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝘁𝗵𝗲 slap , the sting lingering longer than she expected . but it was nothing — nothing — compared to the ache in her chest when she saw that flicker of something in cooper’s eyes . the way he just stood there , took it , like he thought he deserved it . like he was waiting for her to hit him with more than just her palm .
and maybe she wanted to . maybe she wanted to hit him with every moment she’d spent waiting by the mailbox , every half - written letter she never had the nerve to send , every fucking dream where he came back to her only to disappear before she could reach him. her breath was uneven , her fists still curled tight , but she didn't tell him to walk . not yet .
she followed his gaze down to her left hand , to the diamond on her finger. it felt heavier now , suffocating . she could almost hear his thoughts , the bitter realization settling in his throat like glass shards . mary could’ve told him the truth . she could’ve told him that the ring didn’t mean what he thought it did . that it wasn’t love that bound her to another man , but duty , expectation , survival .
but wasn’t it easier this way ? she should have told him to go . should have let that final thread between them snap clean . but instead , she let her tongue dart out over her bottom lip , let the silence stretch until it was almost unbearable , until she felt like she might actually break under the weight of it .
“ you don’t get to do this , cooper . ” her voice was softer than she meant it to be , but there was steel beneath it . “ you don’t get to stand here and act like you had no choice . like i was just supposed to wait forever . ” she swallowed hard , forcing down everything she wanted to say — everything that ached to come out . but his last words hung between them , charged with something dangerous . mary closed her eyes for just a second , as if that would stop her from feeling the way she did . like that girl in her books — the one who always picked the reckless choice , who always let herself fall even when she knew it would end in ruin . her fingers twitched at her sides . her mouth opened . and yet — silence . mary wanted to tell him to leave . she needed to tell him to leave . it was the most logical thing to do , the right thing to do . but her mouth wouldn't form the words . her throat tightened around them like her body understood the truth before her mind would accept it . because the truth was ; after all these years , all the heartbreak and unanswered questions . . . she still loved him .
mary could like to herself and pretend that time had dulled the ache . but her heart was a liar and it betrayed her now , hammering against her ribs . desperate , like it was trying to remind her of everything she had spent years trying to forget . her bear bear . she used to whisper that name into the collar of his jacket when they were tangled up in each other , limbs intertwined , safe in the quiet of their love . she had convinced herself that cooper was her forever , that no matter what , they'd always find their way back to each other . but forever had come and gone . . . and cooper hadn't come back . and when months turned into years ; she had forced herself to accept it . she had learned to breathe through the ache . to pretend . but now here he was , standing in front of her like a ghost from a story she swore she'd never read again . like a wound ripped open just when she thought she had healed .
cooper's words cracked something inside her , the rawness in his voice digging into the tender parts of her soul . i never forgot about you , mary . not for a second . and fuck — she wanted to believe him . she wanted to believe that maybe , just maybe , the pain hadn’t been one - sided . that she hadn’t been the only one left bleeding . but love had never been her problem . it was trust . so when cooper asked her to decide , when she told her to give him a reason to stay or or to walk away for good — she chose silence . because ‘ stay ’ meant risking everything . and ‘ go ’ meant breaking her own heart all over again . and mary wasn't sure which hurt more .
✱ 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝚂𝙻𝙰𝙿 𝙻𝙰𝙽𝙳𝚂 𝙷𝙰𝚁𝙳 , 𝚂𝙷𝙰𝚁𝙿. 𝙱𝚄𝚃 cooper doesn't move , doesn't even raise a hand to touch the sting blooming across his cheek. he just takes it , standing there as the diner falls silent around them , the weight of a dozen eyes pressing in. the sharp tang of coffee and fryer grease lingers in the air , but all he can focus on is mary — her shoulders are drawn tight , her breath coming uneven , her eyes shining with something dangerously close to heartbreak . his own heart gives a dull , heavy thud when he sees the tear slip down his cheek . " oh , don't waste those pretty tears on a bastard like me , " he grumbled while his fingers twitch , like he might reach out and wipe her tears away — but he doesn't.
the slap stings but it's nothing compared to the way cooper's chest tightened when he caught a glimpse of the diamond on her finger … a wedding band. his stomach twists , but he doesn't look away. he should. should step back , put that wall up again , pretend it doesn't hit as hard as it does — but he just stands there , staring at her clenched fist like if he looks long enough , the damn thing might disappear.
his jaw flexed , something bitter lodging itself in the back of his throat. mary's married. of course she is. years have passed , life went on. she went on. and he ? he got lost somewhere between warzones and whiskey bottles , never quite finding his way back. he shouldn't be surprised but fuck , it still hits him like a bullet to the ribs. he swallows hard , forcing down whatever's rising his chest , whatever reckless thing is clawing to get out. " alright , mary. " his voice is quieter now , the rough edge softened just enough to betray something deeper. something raw. it sounds more real than the nickname , like a warm blanket slung over your shoulders during the dead of night.
" you think it was easy for me ? " the words come rough and raw , scraping his throat like gravel. his voice is frayed at the edges , like something is unraveling. " leavin' you behind ? not writin' ? you think i didn't — " he stops short , exhales sharp through his nose like it'll force the words back down. because what's the point ? what good is saying it now she's got a whole other life , a whole other person waiting for her ?
but god , the way mary is looking at him like she's waiting. not for excuses — she doesn't want those. maybe not even for answers. but something. " i never forgot about you , mary. " his voice is scrape something raw on the way out. “ not for a second. ” he glances at her hand again , his throat working around something unspoken. " guess it don't matter much now , does it ? " there's a hollow kind of chuckle , but there's no humor in it . just something tired , something aching. still cooper doesn't move. doesn't leave. " you tell me to walk , i will. " his voice drops to a whisper , like it costs him to say it. " but if you got even the smallest part of you that wants to hear me out — " he swallows , his tongue pressing to the inside of his cheek. " i'll stay. "