Excerpt From A Story I'll Never Write - Blog Posts
I never really got a childhood. Sure, I had a beginning, but a troubled one. I became an escapist from day one, always flying to my imaginary world instead of the real one. I didn't like reality, and frankly, I still don't because of the people inside them. I had to grow up too fast. They pushed me into the blinding reality, and I got hurt. They laughed when I fell in my hole, and they never helped me get back out. I never forgave them for that. Now, as I look back, my beginning was stolen, my middle was me realizing it, and what will my end be? All I want is a happily ever after, something of fairy tales. I want to be the girl raised by wolves, or protected by the forest creatures. I want to find someone who makes me feel so loved I won't even have to doubt it anymore. I need something to prove me wrong that my end won't be as tragic as how it all was written in the start. It's time I pick up the pencil. It's time I start rewriting my life.
- Dreaming of Wolves// Short Stories
"It's a sad truth that I will write about everyone I love, but none of them will even try and put me into a sentence."
- Dreaming of Wolves
“i realize now, that loving him was neither beautiful nor poetic; it was knowingly walking through hell every day and losing myself there.”
- a.m. {trying to love someone who is too broken to be fixed}
i tore myself apart, trying to give you the whole world. and when i returned - bloodied, exhausted and proud - somehow, for you it still wasn't enough.
-a.m. {will i ever be?}
sometimes, i wonder if i'd pushed myself just a little harder in the past, i would have held onto something meaningful by now.
- a.m. {they never last}
“the thing about liking someone, is that anybody else can like them too.
and it kinda sucks when you know you’re only an option.”
A.M. {and even more when it's not you}
“it's happening again.
my eyes are searching the room for you, without even meaning to.
the twinge in my heart when a day passes and i didn't get to hear your voice.
i feel it creeping up my neck, when our eyes lock and neither of us dares to look away.
the ache i get at the end of the day when i regret not having the guts to talk to you.
it's happening again,
but how will it end this time?”
A.M. {it's just a crush, it's just a crush, it's just a crush}
“I have fallen in love too fast for this to be anything but fate.”
A.M. {as always}
“Oh, but you don’t know. You don’t know what your ocean eyes and innocent smile could do to a girl like me; A girl who overthinks every little thing.”
A.M. {hope}
“You aren't even mine, but I still love you like you are.”
A.M. {unrequitedly}
“I will never fall in love with him,” my mind vows.
And then my heart murmured, “My dear, when will you realize you already have?”
A.M. {you can’t fool your own heart}
“i'm growing real tired of pretending i'm not in love with you.”
A.M. {can you see me?}
“it wasn’t until you smiled that my stomach twitched with a feeling i knew all too well, and suddenly all i could think was, “oh crap.””
- A.M. {why did it have to be you?}
“how do you expect me to remember how to breathe when you’re looking at me like that?”
- A.M. {you}
“i have a tendency to fall in love with people i already know will end up breaking my heart,
yet i still hope one of them will prove me wrong.”
- A.M. {just one}
“…but i can always count on you to let me down.”
- abby
“Knowing that I found you after everything I went through, makes it hurt a lot less.”
- abby
“he only saw her light for a fraction of time, yet he would never forget her sunrise.”
- abby
In letting them go, you are showing them the most love. And in that love, if it’s meant to be, they’ll come back.
- abby
“if you ever wonder why your friends leave you, you already have your answer:
friends don’t leave you; users do.”
Yo I feel this way a lot
When There’s A Misunderstanding In The Fanfiction And They’re Ignoring Eachother But If They Would’ve Talked There Wouldn’t Be One
Nothing frustrates me more than misunderstandings tbh
Touching your hands make me feel at home and lost at the same time. I will never know which one I like more,which one takes me far away from myself and closer to you.
never not missing you
here i am again
the shrill winter wind creeping its way into my bones
a crimson sweater hugging my body
sitting on a wooden park bench
pumpkin coloured trees all around
my lush lips shivering against the warmth of the coffee in the mug
heart longing for her arms to envelope me in a hug
the memories were still too strong
vivid pictures flowing through my mind
a heap of emotions flooding my body
at any given time
all the running wild
soon enough turned volatile
the loud smiles
and hallway laughs
turned into broken promises
and broken hearts
i tried my best to repair the damage that was done
fighting through the pain
all the places they planned on visiting when we went to london
all of it gone in vain
a silent tear snuck out of my eye and rolled down my cheek
it had been a long, excruciating week
all i wanted was for my best friend to be next to me
by my side when things got tough
but i realised then that people never stay
not even the ones you were sure of
A Dark Grey Cloud
On the floor
Cigarette in hand
Mind distraught focusing on the door
Wind clapping against her auburn hair
No one could see her do this
She exhaled
Eyes mirroring a dark grey cloud
She knew she wasn't making them proud
Hands clutching to the packet as if it somehow held the solution to all her problems
Mind slowly going numb
The burden of the world slowly uplifting itself from her shoulders
Stress
The birds are singing
Anxiety
It will all work out
Depression
It's a beautiful day, isn't it?
She exhaled
A silent tear sneaking down her cheek
She couldn't stand being considered weak
A subtle knock on the door
She looked back towards the mirror on the wall
Eyelids slowly closing
Mind gone still
Gazing upon her reflection
Reflecting on all the unintentional hurt words from the past
Wandering until she reaches restricted territory
People always said they looked alike
Same passions
Same style
Same mannerisms
Like mother like daughter
That is how the saying goes right?
Mind frozen
An image of baking a mother’s day cake
Heart twisting until it threatens to break
Nobody said losing her would be easy
But nobody said it would be this hard either
don’t
the last time i sat here, a friend of mine promised that they wouldn’t let me go. the last time i sat here, i was reassured that whatever would happen, id have them by my side. the last time i sat here, they held my hand and told me that i wouldn’t lose them. the last time i sat here, they said they wouldn’t give up on me.
and i think that is what hurts the most.
not only did you go back on everything you said that day, you also gave up on me.
so next time, don’t sit there and don’t let them make promises to you because life has its own way of going about
and during those times, the people who promised they’d stay are nowhere to be found.
The only thing going through his brain were scenarios of them together. Lying in bed, dancing in the kitchen, laughing on the couch, him constantly telling her to stop drinking that much coffee. Her hands on hers. His lips on hers.
The memories were too strong.
Still too strong.
" A Legacy "
I suppose we humans are like the very stars whose dust we came from. Each of our individual selves might seem like a speck among other specks in the deep, ebony unknown, but each of us hold such significance that our demise would impact the planets we once held close, the neighboring stars and much more. The blinding light and energy we would create would last for generations, our explosion echoing in the quiet, loneliness, creating just the right amount of power for something else to create, to begin, to bloom, to breathe. And in our deafening silence, the rest of the stars shall bow in respect. Somewhere, light years away, something enters into existence holding a piece of your light in it. A legacy continues from death to rebirth.
~Me
Short Stories #2
2. Waiting
Heels clicked against the polished, stone floor as nurses in white and teal, carrying paperwork and various instruments hurried by. Hands typed on keyboards in a flurry while also picking up calls for appointments and guiding a long line of patients. The smell of disinfectant and sanitizer never failed to assault the senses but you get used to it after a while. Soft murmurs and chatters lazily floated in the room creating a lull in the air which would be shattered by the sudden, alarming announcement for the next patient. Irritation simmered underneath my skin as unruly children ran around untamed, threw magazines at each other and spilled water on the floor while the parents chit chatted or scrolled on their screens. Somewhere in the back a child started wailing. I heaved a deep sigh and felt the beginnings of a pounding headache. I was already here longer than I should have been, absolutely annoyed that they delayed my appointment to twenty minutes later. A man to my right kept distractingly tapping his water bottle, his fingers moving in a synchronized rhythm. The little boy to my left kept shifting in his seat and would get up every two minutes to explore the restroom despite being reprimanded by his mother repeatedly. A woman across me crossed her legs and shook her foot while another tapped her obnoxiously high heeled shoes. Restless and bored, that's what they all were. The wailing of the baby had now reached a high intensity, ear piercing shriek which left the father no choice but to take his child outside. A few people sighed in relief. I, too, heaved another deep sigh but not of relief, as my headache reached its potential and banged against my skull. I wondered, not for the first time, how long it would take for my turn. Till then, I'll be waiting.
"My dear, I have become so familiar with the loss of loved ones that death now seems like family and my grave feels like home."
"If you could see yourself through my eyes ,mom, you'd think that you embedded the diamond stars in the ink stained universe with your bare, calloused hands."