Never Not Missing You

Taylor Swift’s 2021 Highlights

if not lovers why act married

steve and eddie in that one scene:

ok but why are we not talking about the moment in no way home when tobey and andrew's peters said they weren't used to working in teams and then tom's peter went, "i do because I am in the Avengers" and tobey goes "COOL!! but what the hell is that?" and then Tom's peter tries to come up with something to explain 24 movies' worth of shit to them in like a minute but tobey and andrew go, "dude is that a band? oH my god are you in a BAND??!!!##???"... because that whole interaction was hilarious and had me in splits😭

ive imagined this very moment so many times

i

have

lost

count

imagined how it would feel if you felt the same emotions back. how it would feel if this ever actually became something more than just friends. how it would feel if admitted it to eachother.

and now that we’ve done all that.

im confused and all my emotions are mixed and i don’t know what to feel and what not to feel.

because you see, i like you. i like you a lot more than i realized. a lot more than ill ever care to admit. because admitting it means accepting the hurt that has found its way into my heart.

because this, whatever this is, could hurt a lot of people.

and im scared that if i allow myself to fall for you and if you don’t fall for me, then you’ll have the power to wake up one day and just end this. and i don’t want to give anyone the power to be able to make a decision for me. and i don’t think you’ll be able to deal with me every single day, knowing we like eachother, and then not call me your girlfriend. i think a stage will come when you’ll get fed up with the small smiles in the hallways and the conversation only we know about and being something in the midst of official and nothing, treading the very fine line of friends and more than friends.

a part of me believes that you are actually a nice person and that you genuinely care about me but another part of me believes that this is just a game for you and you aren’t and never will be as invested in this as i am and will be.

to be honest, im just at crossroads.

i do not want to end up getting hurt. i donot want to lose my innocence and my laughter and my will to smile. i donot want to spend nights in misery not knowing if you care or if you don’t. and most of all i donot want to spend my time in agony not knowing if a certain fight will end us.

so im doing what i have to

to save myself from the aftermath of this relationship

even though i know that this decision may end up haunting me and i may end up regretting it at times, regretting the fact taht i let something so beautiful go just because i was scared.

and during those times i truly hope that i can remind myself why i did what i did and that it was for the best.

A Dark Grey Cloud

On the floor

Cigarette in hand

Mind distraught focusing on the door

Wind clapping against her auburn hair

No one could see her do this

She exhaled

Eyes mirroring a dark grey cloud

She knew she wasn't making them proud

Hands clutching to the packet as if it somehow held the solution to all her problems

Mind slowly going numb

The burden of the world slowly uplifting itself from her shoulders

Stress

The birds are singing

Anxiety

It will all work out

Depression

It's a beautiful day, isn't it?

She exhaled

A silent tear sneaking down her cheek

She couldn't stand being considered weak

A subtle knock on the door

She looked back towards the mirror on the wall

Eyelids slowly closing

Mind gone still

Gazing upon her reflection

Reflecting on all the unintentional hurt words from the past

Wandering until she reaches restricted territory

People always said they looked alike

Same passions

Same style

Same mannerisms

Like mother like daughter

That is how the saying goes right?

Mind frozen  

An image of baking a mother’s day cake

Heart twisting until it threatens to break

Nobody said losing her would be easy

But nobody said it would be this hard either

[5:46 AM] — MIYA OSAMU

you’re not too sure what time it is, but you know it’s early when osamu lays himself over you, head digging into your chest as he steals your warmth. you groan, wrapping your arms around him as you pull the blanket higher over your bodies.

“what time is it?”

“almost six,” he hums. it’s quiet for a moment, you seem to be drifting back to sleep, and osamu grins in victory against your shirt before drifting off himself.

until you speak up.

“wait a second. aren’t you supposed to be on the couch?” his body freezes for a moment before he’s clutching onto you tightly while you’re trying to shove him off. “samu! get off!”

“no!”

“i’m serious, i’m still mad at you,” you huff. he frowns (though it’s more of a pout) and simply shakes his head.

“‘m not lettin’ go. ma back hurts. i’m cold too.”

“miya osamu—”

and before you can finish your sentence, there’s a soft bite at your chin that makes you stop.

“don’t call me by ma full name,” he grumbles, settling back down into your chest. “‘s rude.”

he has the audacity to grab your hand and plop it into his hair too, gesturing at you to play with the dark brown strands.

“did you just bite me?”

“and what if i did?” comes his quiet mumble, voice muffled by your shirt.

last night wasn’t exactly a big fight, it was a petty one if the both of you were being honest, but osamu should’ve admitted he was wrong, and his attitude was what landed him a spot on the couch. and to his dismay, you seem to fall asleep much easier without his embrace than he does without yours.

“what do you—you bit me,” you repeat incredulously. you smack his shoulder when he snickers quietly at your shock.

“didn’t even hurt, ya drama queen.” and you want to keep your facade of being mad, you want to tell him to go back to the couch until you’ve deemed he’s earned his spot back, but something about the way he nuzzles into you and kisses your collarbone before trying to fall asleep once more makes you give in.

he’s stubborn, you’ve come to know this a tad bit too well, but he’s also gentle. he plants one more spoonful of dinner to your plate when you tell him to stop, he pulls the sun visor down for you when the light shines in your face as he drives, he wakes up and puts socks on your feet when they feel like icicles against his calves, and he’s the only person who easily forgives you for your own stubbornness too—every time, without fail.

so you wrap your arm tightly around him, stroking through his locks as you mumble “you’re such a weirdo, you know that?”

“well, ‘s just the way i am, deal with it,” he mumbles back. and then you giggle, he laughs, you kiss his forehead, and he kisses your jaw—and you’re back to your usual routine, last night all forgotten.

“i love you,” you whisper.

“love ya too. and i also love yer cheeks, ‘m bitin’ them next.”

i am once again pushing that osamu’s love language is biting

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