-
Jared: Do you consider me your friend?
Evan: Uh, yeah. What else would you be?
Jared: I don't know. An embarrassment? A way to rebel against Hedi? A desperate cry for help? The list is endless.
-
Zoe: Oh my god, Evan! Those pants look great! And I bet they would look even better on Jared's floor!
Jared: Did
Jared: Did you just hit on Evan... for me???
-
Connor: I'm thinking of a number-
Zoe: 420.
Connor: No, that's so fucking immature of you. Someone else guess.
Jared: 69.
Zoe: He literally just said-
Connor: Yeah, it was 69.
-
Evan: Mom, do you know anything about emails? Specifically how to fake them?
Heidi: Emails? Evan, what is this for?
Evan: . . .
Evan: Fun
-
Alana: Do you want to talk about it?
Jared: No, I just want to cry and watch memes.
-
Zoe: I had a dream that we got in a huge fight.
Connor: Who won?
Zoe: Me.
Connor: Yup. Definitely a dream.
-
Mark: We got a divorce.
Heidi: No, we messed up a perfectly good son. Look at it, it's got anxiety.
-
Alana: What does BDSM mean?
Jared: Being Dead Sounds Magnificent.
-
Alana: Why are people so caught up in top or bottom? Honestly, I would be super happy just to have a bunk bed!
Connor:
Evan:
Zoe:
Jared: I'm gonna tell her.
Zoe: Don't you dare
-
Evan: When was the last time you ate?
Jared: Food is a social construct created and perpetuated by large scale agricultural interests.
Evan: It's... it's really not.
-
Connor: It's hard to be the gay cousin, the emo cousin, and the family failure, but someone's gotta do it.
-
Alana: You should really get over Evan, Jared.
Jared: I'd rather get him under me.
Alana:
Alana: Touché.
-
Zoe: I dare you to kiss the next person that walks in the room.
Connor: Eh, no. That's stupid.
Miguel: *Walks in* Hey, anything cool happening in here?
Connor: Okay, well maybe I'll do it. Rules are rules, y'know...
-
Evan: Have you ever had a partner?
Jared: Nah.
Evan: Wha- how?!
Jared: *Shrugs* I dunno, never asked, never got asked.
Evan: *Under his breathe* But your kinda really hot though..
Jared: What?
Evan: What?
-
Jared: I fucked up. I fucked up,
Evan: Why? What happened?
Jared: I fucking fell for someone.
Evan: Damn. Must be someone really special for The Insanely Heartless and Cold Jared Kleinman to fall for them.
Jared, glaring at Evan: Yeah. Real special.
-
Connor: Miguel is out of town, I'm cutting off all of my shirt sleeves.
Alana: ...Why?
Connor: He's pretty much, like, %90 of my impulse control.
-
*SQUIPed Jared AU bcz I felt like it*
J's SQUIP: Straighten your back.
Jared: My back will be as gay as I want it to, fuck you.
-
Evan: Kiss, marry, kill: Me, Connor, Alana
Jared: Kiss Alana, marry you, kill Zoe.
Zoe: I wasn't even on the list, what the hell?
-
Zoe: Settle a bet, what day is it?
Jared: Friday?
Zoe: Well, well, well, looks like none of us got it right. This idiot thought it was Tuesday. *Looks at Connor*
-
Evan: I look back on being 17 and think:
Evan: "Oh my god, how did I not die?"
-
Evan: Why would you give Connor a knife?
Zoe, the tired younger but more mature sibling: He felt unsafe.
Evan: Well, now we feel unsafe! *Points to himself and Jared*
Zoe: I'm sorry,
Zoe: Do you want a knife?
-
Connor: My life is a little too much panic and not enough disco.
Evan: My life is a little too much fall and not enough boy.
Jared: My life is a little too much chemical and not enough romance.
Alana: My life is a little too much imagine and not NEARLY enough dragons.
-
Novel Evan: Okay! Step one of being popular: Be straight.
Novel Jared: *Exists*
Novel Evan, bi panicking: Okay! Failed step one!
-
Alana: When I was small-
Jared: *Snorts*
Jared: "was"
(He likes to feel tall)
-
Novel Evan: I'm pretty good at hiding crushes!
Novel Jared: *Walks in*
Novel Evan: I have to gay- I mean go