Bit Of Both - Blog Posts
I just changed out the backs on my pins. Hopefully they’ll stay on better, now.
@cptfulcrum // Alexsandr Kallus
You deserve that. Through the war there was nothing he thought he deserved more than a prison cell. As Fulcrum he had done some good. That he could acknowledge. It was the only thing that kept him waking up for almost a year, the only true purpose that kept him at bay. He had done more when he had truly defected, become a full fledged member of the Rebellion. But so many people had seen the error of their ways before he had, refused to cross a line that made them that terrible person he had known he was. Sabine had left the Imperial Academy when they learned what their weapons were being used for. They had morals. It had taken him far longer.
Still, the words coming from The Mandalorian are said with good intentions and he smiles a little, tipping his head in thanks. In truth, he would have done anything that Garazeb had asked him to afterwards. He wasn’t willing to throw one of the only good things in his life away. Even if the thought of going to Lira San would have turned his insides, had he known before they arrived. He supposed that’s why it remained a secret to no one but him. “ The war has changed us all so much, hasn’t it ?? “ he questioned vaguely, turning away from them. All of their friends and loved ones had been scarred, some more than others, but The Empire. Even at its end there was still pain. So much unknown. “ do Mandalorians long for peace like many do ?? “ he asked. “ Because I think you deserve it too, if you want it. “
He looked down as she continued, not able to speak as the words faded between them. He felt a little like he was betraying Zeb by looking into Thrawn’s movements, that he was pushing away the home that they had made together. It wasn’t that, never that, but he needed to do something after Ezra’s death. He couldn’t watch the mourning of his closest friend any longer. “ It is okay to be….. Struggling. “ he finally decided was the word, looking back at her. “ I know I have been, as Zeb has. “ he admitted. “ Lately I’ve felt restless. I want throw myself back into something, though I didn’t know what. “ Even as he tells Sabine that it’s okay to be hurting, he’s admitting that he’s attempted to ignore all of that for action. It was a typical imperial response. Again, his decades of training back at the forefront of his world. “ Zeb would be happy to see you, if you wished to come visit. “ he finally said.
Heavy emotion clouded the air between them, and silence counted itself as a member of the conversation. Sabine’s lips upturned into a small, wistful smile. They hesitated while their friend spoke what he needed to, and nodded when he was done.
“...I think we all reach for peace, Kallus, but in different ways. Some people, not just my own, think the best way to order is through spilled blood. I used to think the same.”
She paused. They could feel the emotion radiating off him, as much as he tried to guard himself against it. She wasn’t nearly as intuitive as their Jedi friends, but she knew the guilt and shame he grappled with. She recognized the hollow gaze in his eyes when he talked about the toll of war.
“Thank you, for coming all the way out here, for finding me.” They considered his words, still weighted on the air. You deserve it, too. She let that settle within her and instead decided to address the other part of his assurances.” I know I’m not in any place to give advice, but....I understand the need to keep working, to bury yourself in it. Really, I do. But, I’ve been learning-- there’s a fine line between keeping the people you love safe and abandoning them altogether.”
So much went unsaid between the two, and she hoped he felt the same understanding in the commas, the sentiment in between words.
“Kallus, if time and place permitted, I would love to visit you both on Lira San someday.” To see the home you’ve made together. “But, until then, how do you feel about getting a drink?”