Autistic Problems - Blog Posts
Overload...
One of the best things about college to me is just showing up early to get a good seat away from people and pick where I sit. I love being able to sit away from the flickering bright white lights that loom over the students, yet being able to sit away from windows and distractions that might interfere with my studies. With all these great things soon comes misery though...the seat I pick always ends up having someone trying to sit near me so I have to set my backpack on the chair next to me and sit in the corner if possible. I fear people might think I'm rude, but the noises of others clicking away on computers, talking to their neighbors, smells, and any small noises or motions they make just tend to bother my sensory issues. I have severe sensory issues due to my autism and sensory processing disorder so I go into a meltdown almost every time I show up to class. I love school and learning as it's my special interest and always has been. The ability for me to expand my knowledge in any way possible makes me happy and want to flap my hands around. I just wish people were more considerate and I didn't have to wear headphones just to exist in normal environments. School is great, yet extremely hard and I always miss classes sometimes. I tried online school, but it's hard for me to focus and stay attentive in class. I'd rather sleep through it instead which is a huge issue. I don't know, I just feel as if I need to let out some of my issues and get them off my chest in order to sit through this next class. Sorry if I come off as rude, I don't mean to. I just am struggling so much lately to just exist. I want to curl up in a ball and hide away from society until people acknowledge that those with disabilities can and will be in professional settings too so we need to make things to accommodate them.
You know you're overstimulated when you're about to start crying over your pillows being at the wrong angle to sleep.
At summer camp:
- schedule
- three meals every day
- know in advance what I’m gonna do and what I’m gonna eat
Getting home from summer camp
- too much unstructured time
- keep track of time level impossible
- decide what to eat, get ingredients, make food, each food (I sound entitled but it’s genuinely difficult when I look in the cabinets and instead of seeing potentially meals my brain just sees random stuff in boxes)
- wtf do I do all day
Hey, so. Genuine question. Is it Tumblr etiquette to just... message somebody? Like private messaging? Is that allowed? Who can you do it for? Is it people you've already interacted with? People you think are cool?? How I talk to them? Do I just say "Hey, I like your blog"???
The autistic burnout is hitting us hard, how do other autistic people deal with college? bc we are not doing well and need help.
I think it needs to become common knowledge that "inability to read social cues" can show up as overcompensating.
You don't know how much misbehaviour is allowed, so you become the perfect child who never tests rules.
You don't know if someone is irritated with you, so you'll be extra generous and self-effacing.
You don't know how much is expected of you at work so you'll kill yourself in a minimum-wage job and not notice that nobody else is working like this.
"Hardworking and quiet" should be as much of an autism red flag as "ignores rules and doesn't know when to stop talking". Or why don't we just start using words to communicate so i can stop tracking everybody's eyebrow twitches, that would be great.
Being Autistic/AUDHD is having one or multiple hyper fixations and not being able to talk about them to the people around you because 1) You don't want to cringe and bother them and 2) No one will give you the time of day about your fandoms. Then, once your hyperfixation is over or you have fallen out of it, someone gives you the time of day. Now you're stuck in a kind of limbo where you can't tell them that you aren't into it anymore and have to sparse the lore and tidbits that you know about it and just tell them to look it up and experience it themselves.
white camellia
work about my painful experience as an autistic person it's more about emotions and feelings, so it looks very messy
the picture shows my character Camellia. she is also autistic :'')
Do any other autistic or adhd people relate to like, feeling scared of losing a hyperfixation or special interest? Like, its this thing that means so much to me and makes me so happy and the idea of not enjoying it anymore scares me in a way, i guess.
The more I go around nd people talking about stuff they do or hate the more I question myself
Random Autistic Problem
I hate the fact that my brain has moments of “I want to be super productive today”, but then my body gets in the way by insisting I need food even though my stomach doesn’t feel hungry.
So I’m forced to quickly find something filling that I don’t want to eat and choke it down just to get on with the things I do want to do.
Which is annoying because eating certain foods is a stim for me (like the crunch then yield of a well cooked potato wedge). And cooking those good foods takes time and I don’t have the right mindset to make them (they are their own event that I would like to enjoy at a later time when I don’t have the “productive brain” running).
But if I don’t eat something that shuts my stomach up, I can’t concentrate on anything.
WHY BRAIN WHY?!?!