I rub the blanket across my cheek, trying to ground myself.
I feel your skin instead burning and intrusive. Grating on me.
I feel like I'm floating. I'm off in a dream.
Experiencing horrors I've already seen.
My breathing is heavy. I try not to scream.
I scrub at my skin. It never gets clean.
I can do whatever I want! I'll have an anxiety attack about it later but I can still do it!
Chapter 1 <- Chapter 3
“In twenty years of teaching. I’ve never received evaluation comments like these.” Larry complained as we followed my uncle on an afternoon hike. “Boring. Me? Intellectually inaccessible.”
“I thought we came up on this hike to get your mind off of this ridiculous thing.” Charlie pointed out.
“I mean, one student even said I’m out of touch with cutting-edge thinking in multidimensional theory. That one alone kept me up at night” Larry explained as we scaled a small incline.
“The first two seem plausible but the third” I shrugged “don’t let it get under your skin”
“Thank you young enigma for the jaded advice” Larry murmured.
“Anytime” I replied with a smirk.
“Everybody gets bad evaluations now and then. Come on!” Uncle C hurried us along.
“Yeah, yeah says the professor who never received anything less than a rave” Larry replied sarcastically.
I chuckled “rave? Really?”
“Indeed student body favorite practically” Larry informed me.
“As with any large group, there are responses that cover the entire spectrum. I once had a girl in my combinatorics seminar tell me that I was disorganized and I talked too fast.” Charlie explained as Larry leaned on a branch to catch his breath and I took a sip of my water bottle, wondering how I managed to get dragged out here with these two.
“Well, that’s an accurate observation actually.” Larry admitted. Charlie gave a mildly bewildered look directed at me and I nodded my agreement “but, generally speaking, I mean, your students love you, whereas mine say my classes put them to sleep.”
“You’re an exceptional professor.” Charlie reassured his friend. “I should know I took classes from you.”
“Yeah but you were an exceptional young mind” Larry pointed out as a couple other hikers passed us “perhaps I’ve lost my ability to reach the more typical student”
“Hey Professor Fleinhardt,” one of the passing boys nodded to Larry.
“Hey” the physicist greeted happily “How’s it… how’s it… how you… how…” Each attempt made to continue conversation failed on the man’s part as the boys continued to walk either not registering or ignoring the professor's attempts. “See we’re not even in class,and still my students run away from me.”
“Hiking away technically” I corrected casually.
There was then the sound of a police siren in the distance “I don’t think that’s it” Charlie muttered from his higher vantage. He began to hurry off in the direction the students had gone. Me and Larry followed. “Right down this way. Hurry!”
What greeted us was a full scale crime scene. With a coroner's truck, police officers, and others gathered masses of observation. As we got around the corner of a police car I felt my feet freeze to the ground. There was a body laying a couple yards away below the bridge overhead.
I felt the ghost of rain drops on my skin and felt the family spiking headache rocket through my brain. They were in a red hoodie. It was a boy. But each time I blinked as I began to do so furiously I was switching between this reality and the one of the girl with bright red hair. The rain was picking up, the headache was pulsing. I couldn’t breathe anymore.
“Abby” I snapped my head around as a hand laid on my shoulder. Charlie was looking at me with concern evident in his features. “Are you alright?”
I bounced my eyes around the scene. It wasn’t raining, it wasn’t at night, and we weren’t out on that street. I took a couple calming breaths before finally replying “yeah yeah fine” I muttered.
“You sure?” Charlie asked again.
“Fine” I reiterated. I caught Larry eyeing me worriedly as well. “Guys seriously I just- I didn’t expect that” I gestured vaguely in the direction of the body I did not need, or want, to look at again.
“Me neither” Charlie murmured in agreement, taking his hand off my shoulder and his features turning to one of contemplation as he looked at the bridge.
“Very well, you were just exhibiting the common signs of what one might call a panic attack” Larry voiced.
“I’m fine, really just rattled” I tried to sound convincing. From the look on Larry’s face he wasn’t convinced but he dropped the issue and for that I was glad.
_________________
3rd POV.
Don sighed as he got out of his car and headed into the FBI building. His phone beeped as he made his way through the lobby and he looked to see it was Abby. “hey kid what’s up?” he answered trying to sound like he had some energy.
“Am I going to the apartment or Grandpa’s house after school today?” she asked, sounding about as tired as he felt.
Don thought about it for a minute “go on to your Grandpa’s alright I’ll call the school clear it up”
“So you are looking into the guy who jumped off the bridge?” Abby asked as Don clicked the elevator button.
“Just a little for Charlie’s sake” Don muttered then a thought occurred to him. “Wait how do you know about this? Charlie talk to you?”
“Uh… I was there when Larry and Charlie came upon the scene” Abby admitted.
Don let off a breath. “You alright? I mean that can be some scary stuff.” he couldn’t help thinking about his first jumper case.
“Yeah I’m fine I just wish people would stop asking” Abby grumbled snappily that did not reassure Don at all of her being fine.
“Abby, it's okay if some of this got to you” Don reassured as the elevator opened and he got on.
He heard her sigh on the other line “I know it’s just… it’s not what people think it’s about and it’s hard to talk about” Don was confused at the answer but before he could probe more she was continuing “I have to get to class now. See you later”
“Yeah okay, bye” Don muttered before she hung up. He let off a breath pocketing his phone. He was going to have to deal with that later, or maybe it would be better to let her work through it on her own? He was still contemplating these thoughts when the elevator opened and he was walking out. “Dad? What are you doing here?” he questioned seeing the man.
“I called you; you hadn’t called me back” Alan explained.
“Well, I would’ve eventually” Don assured “is everything okay?”
“Yeah, yeah, sure.” Alan muttered in reply “I need you to come to dinner at the house on Wednesday. Um, I have a date”
“Oh yeah? A date” Don tried to sound encouraging. “Hey, well, that’s good. With who?”
“Oh, someone Art knows from yoga” Alan explained. “Yeah, her name’s Jill. he says she’s smart, she’s funny, and, uh, quite flexible” Alan spoke the last compliment to the woman with a hinting look and slight chuckle “So I.. we’re having dinner at the house and I would like you to be there.”
“Wow, hey, no.” Don began to quickly try and work his way out of the perceivably awkward dinner. “Just take her somewhere low-key. You’ll be fine” he suggested leading his dad back to the elevator.
“Look, it’s my first date in over 35 years.” Alan grumbled “I would like ‘memorable’ instead of ‘low-key’”
“‘Low-key’ and ‘memorable’ aren’t mutually exclusive.” Don objected “you know what my favorite date ever was? Pepperoni pizza in a laundromat.”
“Yes, which explains the conspicuous absence of grandchildren.” Alan muttered then thought “well I guess planned grandchildren.” Don sighed and gave his father a look “So, Wednesday, 7:30. Bring a date?”
Don shook his head “I can’t. Dad, I’m busy, and I don’t anticipate meeting anyone between now and then either. By the way your unplanned grandchild is heading to your house after school in” he glanced at his watch “40ish minutes so you should get going.”
“Of course she is” Alan sighed “No, but anyway I just want to make it a couples thing, you know? Look like, seeming like…”
“Well I don’t think-” Don cut off as the elevator opened with a ding revealing Terry standing there.
“Hi” she greeted Don “hey Mr. Eppes” she also greeted Alan with a mild curiosity to his presence evident on her face. Her and Alan switched spots as she exited the elevator and he entered. “Good to see you”
“You too” Alan agreed as she walked away then he turned to his son “you’ll think of something” he made a suggestive nod after Don’s partner. The FBI agent sighed as the doors slid shut and he walked away.
________________
Abby POV.
I headed into my grandfather’s house tiredly. I hadn’t slept last night after seeing that boy the other day. Images of him and another memory from months ago swapping places and intermingling in my mind. It was like my brain was caught in a cyclone.
“Abby? You here?” Gramps called from his chair as I came in the door.
“Yeah” I called back.
He looked over at me, glasses perched on his nose. “You alright you look beat”
“Just tired,” I admitted taking a seat next to him. Tossing my bag on the floor.
“Rough day at school?” he quizzed.
I shook my head “trouble sleeping. Charlie didn’t tell you? A CalSci student committed suicide yesterday. Larry, Uncle C, and I stumbled upon the crime scene while going for a hike” I explained.
“Oh my word” Alan sighed “that’s horrible I mean I saw the news. That poor boy’s parents but you seeing that. I’m sorry”
I shook my head “no I’m fine it’s not-” I swallowed my words.
“Not what?” Alan prompted my abrupt stop. “Abby, listen if this is making it hard for you to sleep I don’t think it’s nothing. If you try talking about it maybe it’ll help”
“It’s just- it’s hard to explain sometimes.” I voiced carefully.
Alan put down the paper he was reading and removed his glasses shifting in his seat to face me. “It can’t hurt to try and explain it Abby”
I bit my lip but let off a sigh collecting my thoughts for a moment “because of my AEM, my memory thing, I- I get these- these attacks. It’s my memory but it’s things I don’t want to remember don’t choose to remember. And- and these intrusive memories they just- sometimes in the moment I can’t keep them straight from reality it’s it’s-”
“It's scary,” Alan finished my sentence, reaching out to give my hand a squeeze. I nodded “and these attacks they’re like panic attacks? Triggered by something?”
“Yeah they’re a lot like that” I replied feeling oddly better now that someone knew about it. “My blinders and music help calm me down” I told him, finding it easier to continue now that I’d started. Alan nodded taking in the information easily.
“So seeing that scene, this boy, it caused one of these attacks?” he deduced. I nodded “your mother?”
“No” I objected quickly, opening my mouth to say more but feeling it cut off by visions of red hair and pools of water on the ground under street lights. I swallowed.
“It’s okay if you can’t talk about it yet” Alan reassured me and I looked up at him again “just know when you do I’m here for you so is Charlie and your father. Now you might get tired of me saying this but uh.. Abby you’re not alone and- and if these intrusive memories are a struggle for you you should tell Don about them”
“I know” I smiled lightly “It’s just-”
“Hard” Alan finished my thought again “some of the most important parts of life are”
I sighed knowing he was right “thanks for listening”
“Of course” he nodded and picked his glasses and paper, back up again. “Oh, uh by the way. You’re going to be hanging out with your Uncle Charlie Wednesday night or otherwise at Don’s”
“Why?” I asked in confusion.
“I have a, uh, a date and I’ve asked your father to be there hopefully with his own date.” Alan explained awkwardly.
I scoffed “Don on a date?”
“Yes, that’s not a problem for you is it?” the man asked.
“No” I objected but the slight curling in my stomach was telling me internally the opposite. “I’m going to go work on my homework upstairs,” I told Alan, grabbing my bag.
“Alright” Alan nodded, perching his glasses back on his nose. I sighed getting to my feet and heading from the room.
____________________
“Let’s see how it does in high winds.” Charlie stated, beginning to type the information into the computer.
Larry made a humming noise and looked over at me “and what are you reading over there?”
“Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix” I replied.
“Fascinating” Larry nodded “I have to say I wouldn’t have pegged you as one who read young adult fiction despite your age. I was informed you read quite a leap beyond your level”
“I do” I answered easily “doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate a good story and relatable characters”
“Fair enough” Larry agreed then made another humming noise of thought “you know young adult literature much like it’s intended audience tends to be underestimated in the long run by people. Such as the young man whose work we are interpreting was ignored by his elders in his warnings”
I scoffed turning the page of my book “preaching to choir here”
“School still won’t let you in advanced classes?” Charlie asked.
“No” I mumbled “I mean they do realize it’s not my fault I missed so much school”
“Yes, well if you ask me the greatest failing for one who wants to be an educator is to grow up and forget what it means to be young” Larry mused.
“How profound” Charlie muttered sarcastically “now can we focus please?”
“Why of course” Larry agreed, shooting me a look before I turned back to my story.
__________________
“Hey Chuck what’d you find?” Don asked, coming into the office alongside Terry.
“The problem is wind” Charlie explained, shuffling over to where Larry sat and I stood behind the computer.
“Wouldn’t they have already tested for stability in winds?” Don questioned, dubious.
“Engineers test structural response to gusts along two axis north to south and east to west.” Larry informed
“And, in those cases, a single side supported by two corners bears the brunt of the wind load” Charlie carried on the explanation.
“Think of a straight-on wind as two cars colliding” Charlie posed the analogy “in contrast-- excuse me--” he shuffled Larry out of his seat to take control of the computer “quartering winds hit a building at an angle, exerting pressure on two sides anchored by a single corner.”
“It’s like one target, two bracing going to two targets one bracing” I voiced with a shrug. The non-mathematically inclined people still looked mildly confused.
“Imagine a car getting hit from the back and the side simultaneously.” Charlie continued with the car analogy.
“Can those winds cause structural issues?” Terry inquired.
“Our tests showed that the Cole Center is sound for head-on winds of up to 90 miles an hour” Charlie showed them the simulation “but here’s what happens with quartering winds as low as 60 miles per hour” he plugged it into the simulation and began to narrate what we were showing them “first the steel frame bends beyond its limits and stays bent. Then this strained steel hardens and becomes brittle. Under continuing stress this steel will fracture, causing complete structural collapse.” the computer beeps rapidly as the simulation reached its third stage “Finn Montgomery found the problem in the building’s deflection. He suspected the effects would be serious.” Charlie stated as the digital building collapsed “he was right and he may have paid with his life”
“Alright we’ll bring it up to Cole, get people out of the building to start then start looking to see who’s responsible” Don assured.
“Thanks Don” Charlie nodded.
“Yeah well we still gotta see what Cole says, alright” Don told his brother.
“Sounds like an early day tomorrow” Terry voiced “I better get home then”
“Yeah, thanks for coming tonight” He told her. Shuffling away from those of us still testing the math on the simulation by the computer.
“You’re welcome and it was for the most part enjoyable” Terry told him. “See you tomorrow. Have a good night you three” she called to us with a wave.
We called back fair wells in response as she headed from the office. “Alright kid we should get back too. Got school in the morning”
I heaved a sigh “right coming. Night Uncle C, bye Larry”
“Night,” Charlie called, not looking up from his computer and Larry offered a wave.
I grabbed my bag and books and followed Don out of the office. “So you and Terry had fun?”
“Uh yeah more than dad anyway. Bit of a train wreck for the poor guy” Don explained. I made a humming noise of acknowledgement wondering what had gone so wrong to qualify as a train wreck. “Listen, I know you said you were fine with this whole thing but- uh you know I’ve seen enough to be able to tell when someone’s not fine and it’s okay if you need space to deal with it or whatever but uh, I just I guess if you have to talk about it.” he kinda trailed off with gesturing hands as words failed him.
“We really suck at this communications thing” I determined.
Don scoffed as we exited the building “yeah well at least we’re trying”
“True,” I murmured and took a deep breath. “there is something I need to tell you. There’s this thing I have. Gramps correlated it with panic attacks but it’s part of my memory they call it-”
“Intrusive memory right?” Don interjected.
I snapped my head up to look at him “you know about it?”
The man nodded “yeah it was in your medical records. Social worker warned me about it. I am your legal guardian if you recall”
“Oh” I murmured realizing I probably should have realized he knew about this sooner “so why didn’t you say anything about it?”
“Well, I figured you’d talk to me about it when you were ready or at least not until you had an attack or something” Don explained awkwardly.
A small smile came to my face “thanks”
“Hey you’re my kid. As new as I am to this parent thing I can stand to get a couple things right” he told me.
I laughed lightly “okay”
“Okay” Don nodded “now let's get out of here it’s late” he pulled me into a small side hug arm around my shoulder as we headed toward the car and I couldn’t help but keep smiling.
________________
“Yo!” Don called coming in through the back door.
“We’re in here.” Alan called in reply.
A moment later Don came in with a box setting it on the dining room table “Hey, All right, FBI accountants went over all of Nevelson’s financials, and these are all the documents that relate to the foundation. Our people could find nothing.”
“So why didn’t you have Charlie look at the records in the first place?” Alan inquired as I continued to eat quietly. Saving my ‘I could help’ pleas for later.
“The FBI has a team of excellent forensic accountants.” Charlie objected.
“I know.” the elderly man clarified “but it wouldn’t be the first time you find something that they missed.”
“You know, a lot of mathematicians do have eidetic numerical memory” Charlie explained “similar to Abby’s ability to remember everything she encounters visually only specifically geared toward numbers that are repeated and in patterns”
“So my memories better” I commented with a smirk.
“Your visual memory yes” Charlie gave me a look as he got up and began looking through the papers.
“So I could be able to help,” I pointed out.
“Yes you-” Charlie cut off looking back at his brother “but you probably shouldn’t”
“Yeah and I’m saying you’re not going to,” Don declared as Charlie took the box and headed into the foyer.
I groaned rolling my eyes “you know once I turn eighteen I’m going to get my clearance and then you won’t be able to stop me”
“Yeah well right now you’re going to help me with dishes while he works on that” Don decided collecting plates “come on” he chided and I gathered my plate and cup as well as Alan’s.
“No here I got it uh…” Grandpa objected and glanced at my dad’s back who was walking into the kitchen as he stood up. “I want to talk to Don for a second alright?”
“Alright but if I happen to stay out here and see Charlie’s stuff for the case..” I trailed with a pointed look.
“Fine I’ll cover for you. Deal?” He replied.
“Best grandpa ever” I smiled and he hummed with an amused smile on his face as I turned and headed after my uncle.
_______________
3rd POV.
Don looked over his shoulder as he entered the kitchen and was surprised to see his father following him rather than his daughter. “What happened to Abby?”
“She had homework I made her go work on it” Alan replied “you know she’s stubborn about that stuff puts it off” Don let off a humming noise his instincts of suspicion kicking in “mainly cuz I wanted to ask you about something.”
“What?” Don gave his father a look as he put the dishes in the sink. This made more sense.
“You’re best date ever was with your partner?” Alan inquired and immediately Don realized why Alan had pestered Abby away before asking.
“Dad, please”
“No, it’s just a simple observation.” Alan defended as they put away the food. “I mean if it was so great why did you split up?”
“It was an academy thing” Don explained “we got posted to different places. We had our careers to concentrate on.”
“So now you’re in the same city, same careers”
“Same office” Don cut his father off “which, in our case, can be a dangerous thing.”
“Your mother and I met at work.” Alan posed.
“In the lunch line.” Don pointed out “Look, Dad, Terry and I have to see each other every day. You know? We have to look out for each other.”
“So that means any trust issues are already behind you.” the father suggested. “Plus Abby seems to like her”
“Look, just because you’re eager to start dating again-”
“Eager? Are you kidding me?” Alan cut his son off exasperatedly “you saw me last night. I know, I know, I know I got to get back into it. Your mother said I should meet new people after she was gone.”
“Well, that’s right. That sounds like her” Don agreed.
“I know she made me promise.” Alan sighed “I mean, she knew that, without a push, that I might not do it. So she pushed” Don nodded considering his father’s words. “And remember Donnie you’ve got more to think about than just yourself now”
Don sighed “yeah I know” he looked out the kitchen door toward the space in the house his daughter was somewhere.
“Being a parent is never easy and it’s twice as hard to be a single parent doing the work for two” Alan voiced. Don let out a breath and the two men were silent for a moment. “Just consider this your push”
A moment later Abby popped her head into the kitchen. “Me and Charlie found something in the records.” she announced.
“You and Charlie?” Don questioned giving her a stern look. “What happened to homework?” The teen grimaced slightly and shot a look to her Grandfather who held his hands up in surrender. Don sighed “show me what you found”
Abby led him out to the table in the foyer where Charlie had the records spread out under a light. “You’re never going to believe this,” Abby murmured.
“Believe what?” Don asked, confused.
“Fake people” Abby stated as if that were clearer.
Don looked to his brother “Now, here is a list of workers employed in building the foundation”
“And?” Don questioned.
“And a lot of them don’t exist.” Charlie stated “yeah. There’s a preponderance of fours and sevens in the union ID numbers, which could be due to accounting codes, except they show up in the overtime hours like, 14s and 17s everywhere here, here, and here” Charlie showed Don the various documentation. “These numbers, they can’t be explained by random occurrence. Somebody made them up. They’ve been fabricated by someone who likes these numbers who left behind a pretty obvious pattern.”
“Fake people” Abby reiterated.
“Well obvious to you” Don grumbled looking the paper over.
“People like us” Abby clarified “honestly your forensic accountants should have picked up on it”
“Here’s a very interesting thing also.” Charlie hurried over to the other side of the table as Don shot his daughter a warning look at her disrespectful tone. “All the, ah, all the workers we’ve identified as fake are listed as welders. Except there aren’t any other welders on the payroll backup.”
“Well you can’t build a foundation without welders” Alan piped in from the tv room “sounds like Nevelson was using a shadow crew.”
“So how would that work, Dad?” Don asked as Alan walked over.
“Non-union laborers, usually illegal aliens. They pay them under the table.” the former city planner explained “see, the contractors would use them at night to avoid the unions.”
“So what? Like lower pay, no overtime, medical benefits?” Don questioned.
“That’s right,” Alan nodded heading back to the kitchen.
“But people still get hurt,” Don voiced thoughtfully. “And there’ll be hospital records”
________________
Abby POV.
“So I am getting right back on that horse” Alan declared as the four of us sat at a restaurant eating. “Not that this lady is anything like a horse.” he added “she’s really quite attractive.”
“So it’s not a blind date?” Don clarified.
“No, it’s the butcher that sold me the duck.” Alan explained.
“No” Don chuckled.
“Yes” Alan insisted “yeah, she’s very nice and she really knows her waterfowl.”
“Right” Don scoffed.
“Good luck Gramps” I encouraged.
“Why thank you Abby” Alan smiled then turned to his younger son “Charlie. Charlie” When the mathematician was only somewhat responsive the elderly man turned back to me and Don “this is not the brilliant thought brood. This is the other brood.” he informed.
“You alright Charlie?” Don asked.
“You knew it was a suicide.” Charlie stated
“No look,” Don objected, shaking his head. “I said from the get-go I didn’t know, but I did suspect.”
“Despite all the variables and the inconclusive autopsy, and the layers of crime that were uncovered?” Charlie pressed.
“The fact that the kid exhibited suicidal behavior and then he did it.” Don explained. “It’s Occam's Razor, you know? I mean, the simplest answer is usually the right one.”
“Occam’s Razor?” Alan questioned.
“What?” Don gave us looks as we all began to chuckle slightly “I read a book every now and then. I mean I did help in the creation of the biggest book worm I know.” he ruffled my hair slightly.
“Occam was a philosopher, he wasn’t a mathematician” Charlie pointed out “and what he actually said was that you shouldn’t make more assumptions than needed. It’s the basis of methodological reductionism. So, any given data set,...”
“And I thought school was done for today” I muttered as Charlie began to scribble on a napkin. Don and Alan just scoffed and let the man go. He needed to talk right now.
Chapter 5 ->