Angst No Comfort - Blog Posts

It was supposed to be quick, easy, and painless. Tired of living with the ghost of your once loving marriage, your soon to be ex-husband had been served all the documentation needed to sever your ties to the man you once thought you'd spend forever with. But it seems, forever wasn't in the cards for you. It never was.Now you stood staring down the duel haired man as he begged you to take him back tears brimming his eyes with emotion you haven't seen from him in months. He was begging, pleading, sobbing for another chance. You thought you couldn't leave him for such a long time, he was all you had but you weren't his everything the same way he was yours. "Go home Shoto" you whispered pained "you are my home" he pleaded as you shook your head. No, you hadn't been his home nor he yours for what felt like decades but was only months. Two months,four days,twelve hours,nineteen minutes and thirty seconds. That's how long it's been since your divorce was finalized and everyday you found your ex husband sobbing on your doorstep begging for you back "leave Todoroki, I won't drown for you again. Not ever." Drowing. That's what you were constantly doing while trying to save your sinking marriage, but never again would you allow it to happen.

Never again.

Reposting this bc I’m not letting this shit flop

-🍷

You in my blurred memories

{Yes, I am back with another fic, this one being angst! Maybe I’ll make something happy in the future? As for now, enjoy this angst~ -Kaveh Also, Tw for vivid descriptions of d3ath, yelling, cursing (?), and swords}

It was seemingly another day of Kaveh not being home. Alhaitham thought nothing of it, not expecting anything strange of it or weird. He was almost never home, it became a nightly occurrence. He would wake up, they would eat breakfast together (and he would listen to his “annoying” rants that he may or may not secretly enjoy), and kiss Alhaitham goodbye, and exit the house. He usually would be back by midnight, only to repeat the process once more. A cycle the both of them grew accustomed to. Sure it was strange, but it was uniquely theirs.

Tonight was different. It was soon midnight, and no sign of Kaveh. He decided to wait longer. 1 am. 2 am. No sign of him yet. Alhaitham grabbed the keys to the house and left. He thought of one place he would be, the tavern. Maybe he’s drunk. He thought. Maybe he had too much to drink and passed out… the thought of him being in such state worried him. It wasn’t until he rounded the corner where he saw a sight he wished to unsee.

“Al…hai…tham” A familiar voice croaked. Blood on the streets, a sword to his stomach. No…no, this is just some nightmare, right? “Kaveh!” Alhaitham cried out. The once stoic mask he wore broke. He dashed to Kaveh’s side. “Who did this to you?!” He asked, his question being answered with shadows.

“YOU BASTARDS” Alhaitham yelled. He saw red, sword now in his hands. “YOU FUCKERS WILL PAY FOR THIS!” He yelled while fighting off the ones who stabbed Kaveh. Bodies now on the floor, Alhaitham’s sword stained with their blood. His attention turned to Kaveh, who seemed to be trying to hang on. “Wait here, I’ll get hel-“ “No, it’s too late” Kaveh interrupted. “Don’t say that Kaveh, it’s not too late! You can be-“ “No. I can’t be saved this time, Alhiatham.” Alhaitham was silenced for a moment before saying “You…you can’t leave me too…Kaveh plea-“ “Do me a favor. Forget me” Kaveh says, before coughing, blood now covering his sleeve. “Kaveh…” Alhaitham says, stunned.

Footsteps were heard approaching. Kaveh took out the sword from his stomach, going to the group of people out for him. “Kaveh, what are you-“ He then froze. There’s no way…Kaveh had a look of determination mixed with a grimace of pain. “If I’m gonna die, I’m dying a hero” Kaveh says with determination. He had no idea what came over him. Perhaps it was the adrenaline, or perhaps the drinks he had that night. His vision glowing a bright hue as he fought, Ahaitham watching stunned. “Kaveh…you…you idiot…” He mumbles, watching Kaveh fight off the perpetrators. He knew it was over once he took the sword out. It was like he was signing off his chances of survival.

”Are you proud of me, Haitham?” Kaveh asks, a smile on his face. He looked so proud, having fought them off. He then collapsed, Alhaitham rushing to him, holding his body. His pulse is weak…

Kaveh is dying in my arms he thought, words being hard to make in this situation. Time was running out, and he felt so helpless, his only love now slowly fading out of existence. “Ka-“ “I know…Alhaitham?” Kaveh says, looking directly at Alhaitham’s eyes. “Yes, Kaveh?” Alhaitham answers, his eyes watery, body now shaking, trying his best to keep himself together. Kaveh then spoke his last words “Your eyes…are so…beautiful…the most gorgeous work of art I’ve seen…” And with a smile, he closed his eyes, never to wake up again.

“Kaveh? Please….don’t leave me alone…”

You in my blurred memories

{Yes, I am back with another fic, this one being angst! Maybe I’ll make something happy in the future? As for now, enjoy this angst~ -Kaveh Also, Tw for vivid descriptions of d3ath, yelling, cursing (?), and swords}

It was seemingly another day of Kaveh not being home. Alhaitham thought nothing of it, not expecting anything strange of it or weird. He was almost never home, it became a nightly occurrence. He would wake up, they would eat breakfast together (and he would listen to his “annoying” rants that he may or may not secretly enjoy), and kiss Alhaitham goodbye, and exit the house. He usually would be back by midnight, only to repeat the process once more. A cycle the both of them grew accustomed to. Sure it was strange, but it was uniquely theirs.

Tonight was different. It was soon midnight, and no sign of Kaveh. He decided to wait longer. 1 am. 2 am. No sign of him yet. Alhaitham grabbed the keys to the house and left. He thought of one place he would be, the tavern. Maybe he’s drunk. He thought. Maybe he had too much to drink and passed out… the thought of him being in such state worried him. It wasn’t until he rounded the corner where he saw a sight he wished to unsee.

“Al…hai…tham” A familiar voice croaked. Blood on the streets, a sword to his stomach. No…no, this is just some nightmare, right? “Kaveh!” Alhaitham cried out. The once stoic mask he wore broke. He dashed to Kaveh’s side. “Who did this to you?!” He asked, his question being answered with shadows.

“YOU BASTARDS” Alhaitham yelled. He saw red, sword now in his hands. “YOU FUCKERS WILL PAY FOR THIS!” He yelled while fighting off the ones who stabbed Kaveh. Bodies now on the floor, Alhaitham’s sword stained with their blood. His attention turned to Kaveh, who seemed to be trying to hang on. “Wait here, I’ll get hel-“ “No, it’s too late” Kaveh interrupted. “Don’t say that Kaveh, it’s not too late! You can be-“ “No. I can’t be saved this time, Alhiatham.” Alhaitham was silenced for a moment before saying “You…you can’t leave me too…Kaveh plea-“ “Do me a favor. Forget me” Kaveh says, before coughing, blood now covering his sleeve. “Kaveh…” Alhaitham says, stunned.

Footsteps were heard approaching. Kaveh took out the sword from his stomach, going to the group of people out for him. “Kaveh, what are you-“ He then froze. There’s no way…Kaveh had a look of determination mixed with a grimace of pain. “If I’m gonna die, I’m dying a hero” Kaveh says with determination. He had no idea what came over him. Perhaps it was the adrenaline, or perhaps the drinks he had that night. His vision glowing a bright hue as he fought, Ahaitham watching stunned. “Kaveh…you…you idiot…” He mumbles, watching Kaveh fight off the perpetrators. He knew it was over once he took the sword out. It was like he was signing off his chances of survival.

”Are you proud of me, Haitham?” Kaveh asks, a smile on his face. He looked so proud, having fought them off. He then collapsed, Alhaitham rushing to him, holding his body. His pulse is weak…

Kaveh is dying in my arms he thought, words being hard to make in this situation. Time was running out, and he felt so helpless, his only love now slowly fading out of existence. “Ka-“ “I know…Alhaitham?” Kaveh says, looking directly at Alhaitham’s eyes. “Yes, Kaveh?” Alhaitham answers, his eyes watery, body now shaking, trying his best to keep himself together. Kaveh then spoke his last words “Your eyes…are so…beautiful…the most gorgeous work of art I’ve seen…” And with a smile, he closed his eyes, never to wake up again.

“Kaveh? Please….don’t leave me alone…”

Akitoya angst because I love angst (bad ending ending edition)

This will probably end up being a mini-fic because I am cool like that (gained inspiration listening to angsty music while showering)

Tw for De*th, vivid imagery of violence, guns, and uh…angst! Be warned~

(P.S I got a bit carried away, oops. Hope you enjoy nonetheless and uh…bring some tissues 😁 -Akito S.)

In this AU, Akito and Toya are in some sort of rural town. There has been news of an epidemic of people going “mad” after listening to a certain song, people who are affected known for lashing out at people. Accounts of those who witness it also say that it usually ends in a painful death. After it started, music is banned and anyone caught listening to music and singing ends up being executed or worse.

Akito had grown up from a family of musicians, him being famous for his busking performances. People often praised him for his instrumental skills and voice, having met Toya during one of his performances. One could say that music is what brought them together, sometimes the two of them planned out days where they play and sing together!

Things changed for the worse one fateful day, when Akito became one of the infected. He noticeably became more and more angry and violent, one close to him would know something was wrong. Toya was desperate, he didn’t want to see his partner in pain.

“Toya?” Akito asks him one day. It was well known that usually the last day of someone infected with such curse is seen acting normal for the last time. Both Akito and Toya knew. Toya’s heart dropped to his stomach when he realized.

“Yes, Akito?” Toya asks after a long pause. Akito, the one who usually wore a smile, the one who comforted Toya when he was down…looked sad. “I’m sorry it had to come to this” Akito says with a sad smile. Toya’s eyes widened once he took out a gun. “Please…”

Time seemed to slow as Toya stared at Akito in shock. “Akito…please…I can’t lose you…” The blue haired male begged, tears threatening to fall from his eyes. “I’m sorry for hiding this from you for so long…please don’t hate me” Akito says before what seemed like him showing him the gun. It took Toya a second to realize…”Akito…you’re insane! I can’t possibly-“ “Toya, I’m sorry I couldn’t say this earlier…”

Toya was left speechless for a few moments. “Say what Akito?” He asks the ginger, his eyes watering once more. “I love you, Toya. I’m sorry, I should’ve told you sooner” Akito says. They both knew it wouldn’t be long before he would succumb fully to the curse. Toya stared at the gun offered to him. He knew this was a lose-lose situation.

“I…I love you too, Akito. I-“ Toya got cut off with a sob. He never cried in front of Akito, up until now. Hands shaking, he hesitantly grabbed the gun. Akito looked at Toya, unsure of what to say. He then said, “Maybe in the next life, we’ll meet again. Who knows?” Akito says with a smile.

“Akito, don’t say that! Surely there-“ Toya got cut off by Akito grabbing onto his shoulder. “Toya…I trust you. I always have and will. I’m sure you can say the same for me, and…you and I both know that this is the best thing to do” Akito then hugged Toya. He knew the hug was his way of saying farewell, Toya bursting into tears.

“I’m sorry it had to be this way. Farewell, Toya Aoyagi”

Hc Shit whoo! (Ruikasa edition!)

I just randomly thought of this having Last waltz by Twice on loop, but A fairytale AU where Rui and Tsukasa are knights from opposing sides. (Angst is below the break, I accidentally made it angsty-)

They’re supposed to hate each others guts but never can, because they’re too gay for each other.

I imagine they see each other in secret in one of the ballrooms of Rui’s king. It was where they first confessed their love and now they always meet in the ballroom. The ballroom has a piano and Tsukasa always plays for Rui, having learnt how to play the piano as a kid before being forced to be a knight by his king.

The king eventually finds out one night and he orders an execution for the next day. That night, Rui and Tsukasa meet one last time. I would imagine the conversation would be quite heavy. They would share a hug, a kiss and shed a few tears. They would stay in the ballroom until dawn, music heard from outside. “Can we stay in this moment?” Tsukasa asks Rui. “Until the day dawns” Rui responds with a smile. Those would be their last words to each other. Rui got executed that afternoon.

Anyways, Hope ya liked it! Sorry for the sad one this time, I’ll make a much more happier one next time!

-Kaveh

Up all Night (Akitoya fanfic in honor of my insomnia haha)

||heyyyy guys! I decided to say screw sleep, and I am now doing a fic instead! Is it going to be me projecting a little? Yeah, definitely. Based of a song? Yep! (Up all night - Straykids) I do hope y’all enjoy and if you’re going through something similar, just know you aren’t alone. Also, this one is a hurt with no comfort for my angst lovers out there ;)||

It was another restless night for Akito. With headphones in, playing the same song on loop, Toya sleeping beside him. The faint glow of the computer lit up the otherwise pitch black room. The faint sound of typing also filled the room with the occasional sound of a car zooming by.

Akito often found it extremely difficult to rest, even though his tired body begged for it. Perhaps it was the caffeine he consumes daily is the issue? Either way, all he thought about was to create. Create something, leave behind something to be remembered by. Something for someone, anyone, to be proud of. Akito continued to type, tired olive-green eyes glued to the computer screen on his lap. Hours passed, before he knew it, he reached 4 am. No sign of sleep. “Akito?” A voice called out, sleepy and concerned nevertheless. Akito, snapping out of his trance, looked at the source of the voice. It was Toya, looking at Akito with concern etched on his face. His face…so beautiful…so hand- “Akito?” He calls out again, causing Akito to snap out of his train of thought, responding gruffly with a “Hm?” “Why are you awake? I’m not mad, I’m just concerned…” The blue haired male asked his partner. “I…got carried away” Akito confesses. “Akito…” “Yeah, I know…I can’t sleep” Akito responds with a sigh. “I’ll go back to sleep” The ginger says, a part of him hating himself for lying to his lover. Toya thought nothing of it, going back to sleep. Akito ended up working the rest of the night.

“I need to sleep…”

Hann (alone in winter) An Akitoya fic

||Yo! Lucky is back with a fic, this one being an Akitoya angst fic! (I am a sucker for angst) so please enjoy! I’m definitely going back to writing, as I now have motivation! Whooo! Also, fair warning for sensitive topics discussed in this fic! Also, it’s from Akito’s pov and may be slightly self indulgent…and major death!||

Another winter spent alone. Akito looked out his window. The scenery usually filled with color, is now drained. The white of the snow covering what was once colorful. He stared out the window. Another winter alone. Nothing new, right? How could he expect things to change after it being the same year after year?

Akito was in his room, posters slightly peeling off the walls, music heard from downstairs. He liked to be alone. That was until he met Toya. He changed everything, making him feel less alone. At the same time, he felt more alone than he ever felt before. Perhaps he had hope that things would change. “Akito?” A voice called out, sounding worried. Who was calling him? “Akito? You okay?”

It was Toya, a concerned look painted into his face and eyes. He worried about him. Something he was never used to. “Akito?” “Hm?” Akito finally responds, snapping out of his trance. He had forgotten that he invited him to hang out. Ena was out with her friends and his parents, away on vacation. That meant that he had time to spend with his boyfriend. He heard some muffled noises before he heard the phrase “doing alright?” “…yeah, I guess so.” He lied.

If anyone knew the truth, they would know he was lying. He didn’t want to bother Toya, thinking that he wouldn’t want to “burden” him and all that jazz. “Aki, you don’t seem alright…” “oh? I didn’t notice” Akito responds to Toya’s concern. “I…” Akito began but trailed off. They both knew something was up, but neither knew how to address it. They both remained silent, Akito staring out the window once more.

“Being a snowflake wouldn’t be so bad, would it?” That would be the last thing Toya would hear. Akito died the next day.

I need an au where joker torture reader (his daughter) without him remembering shit but reader know it's him so she tries to reasons with him, begged for him to snap out of it but nothing happens. Batman tries to save the reader but it was already too late, she was already dead.. Body torn, dismembered, skin peeled, bones broken, blood everywhere, eyes gauge out, teeth pulled out like her finger nails.. She was beyond recognition. In a fit of anger, Batman beat up joker and somehow made him(joker) snap back and memories of the reader as a kid flashing through his mind. Joker remembers why he was joker in the first place.. Remember why he sent her away and left her as a child(to protect her from himself because he knew that he'd lose himself one day). He starts blaming Batman for making her a Robin, for bringing her to the life of vigilantes when all he (joker) wanted was for his little treasure to live a normal and peaceful life. (Do your magic, I suck at writing)

-👻

waited for life to hit me hard so I can make this angsty

OH FATHER DAREST PLEASE SAVE ME

What defines evil? What defines the line between betrayal and trust ? What defines the line between justice and superiority ? TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME PLEASE !!

Name grew up to be a good child - a child that Jack Naiper and Harleen Quinzel felt pride in . Name was their saving grace , their redemption from the filthy fangs of Gotham's slum and criminal underground. Name was their heaven in a place of hell.

They were never Joker or Harley Quin for her - no they'd never dawn such a monstrous mask for their sweet child no - for her they'd be normal - for her they'd love her .

Joker always smiled around her - not the smile he dawns at night no - it was a soft fatherly smile when he watched you color away in your book . He always took pride that he was your safe place that you would always come running to him when you injured yourself or wanted to excitedly show off your drawings.

Harley loves her child - her precious daughter always takes pride in dressing her and making her lunch before the school bus picks her up . She revels in the sweet way her daughter calls her " mommy " and makes her feel so proud and happy.

You may not be biologically Joker or her child but God did you feel like you were made for them - this small little angel that just likes holding her mommy's hand and coloring in her daddy's tattoos while babbling on about her day.

It feels surreal for them both every day when they wake up to your happy giggles every morning . It's a routine so soft- Harley makes herself and Joker coffee while you get a glass of apple juice . Joker always finds himself getting your book bag and lunch bag ready before helping Harley with breakfast.

You're in the living room watching Dora, the explorer on the t.v, your little legs rocking back and forth . Joker sits you on his lap and feeds you while Harley gets your bath and uniform ready. " Daddy, can I be like you and have green hair ?" You asked him once oh so innocent .

Joker giggles at your antics , " Now why would my princess want green hair ?" . " I wanna look like you !" You exclaimed as you snuggled into him. Joker laughs and kisses you on the forehead . " My princess is too pretty to look like me."

Before they know it, they're standing at the front door waving you off as you enter the school bus. They both sigh, but their face melts as they peak ,Balck Mask lackies further down the road.

" I thought we agreed not to bring home work," Harley asks , practically boring a hole into one of them. " I thought so too," Joker mumbles as he clenches his fists. There was an agreement - an agreement generally acknowledged by all criminals of gotham's slums and underground world that under no circumstances that you were to interfere with one another as civilians.

Guess black mask wants to play a dangerous game. Harley watches in silence as she watches them offload boxes from an unmarked truck into a house.

Joker pursues his lips - he knew he was no one to talk since he does his own dirty business, but he hates it that Black Mask chose to do his near his home - your home. " I swear if name gets hurt because if this I am going to kill everyone," he swears . Harley nods in agreement.

The evening dawns upon the Gotham , the sun sets under the tall distant sky rise like a collapsing star - its beams of light breaking apart upon the floor as a last abode. Name happily skips to the Wayne Manor , her barbie back pack in tow.

The manor so dark - so looming in the distant had once scared her so much, but now she's grown so accustomed to it. Name carefully yanks the door black , iron gate open , her small feet push her towards the big mahogany halls of the manor.

Name gets on her tip toes and carefully presses her small finger on the doorbell. Moments pass, and Alfred opens the door , " Miss name, you know you don't have to ring to the doorbell every time you visit " Alfred greets her. Name smiles , " papa told me it's rude to enter someone's home without asking for permission first" .

Alfred shakes his head but still motions her to come inside - Name was a newly addition to the Wayne Manor- a good one at that. Name giggles as she bumbles in , running inside , " Jasonnnnnnn~" Name calls out in a sing song tone.

Said boy was sitting on the sofa watching cartoons when his head perks up at the mention of name's voice , "Name !! You're actually here !" , he exclaims as he runs over to embrace her . Jason has always wanted a little sister - selfishly he know this dream of his would never had happen with the type of parents he had - a drug addicted mother and a father who worked as Black Mask's lackey wasn't they environment for a child like name so safe to say when he met her at school - his blood just took to her.

Jason was simply walking home from school - his mood sour since Bruce had insisted he attend a gala tonight . God knows Jason Todd hates galas with everything in him - it's just a bunch of preppy rich fucks that gather around to brag to one another about how rich they were.

Jason feels his jaw clench at he damned thought - he would gladly sell off his soul if it meant that he didn't have to stand hours on end in some scratchy suit and plaster on some stupid smile. Another sigh leaves his lips as he stops at a cross road.

a " Excuse me mister can you please cross me across the road ? My papa can't do it because he has to work late and mama has to run the salon" a little voice calls out to him followed by a soft tug on his uniform's shirt. Jason looks down to see this small little girl looking right at him with big old eyes.

'Sure kid why not", he answers . The kid smiles at him all wide and Jason swears it took everything within him not to squish the kid's cheeks together. Jason holds her hand and walks her across , ' Thank you Mister !" Name thanks him as she hugs him. Jason pats her head , " Anytime kid also just call me Jason" . Name smiles up at him , " My name is name !!" she exclaims as if it's the best thing in the world - probably is.

Jason's afternoon evening continued like this - he'd always wait at that cross road and cross name right over until one day rain began pouring . Jason sat in the limbo , Alfred seated at front , idly tapping away at the steering wheel , " Master Jason are you sure the young miss would arrive ?" Alfred questions Jason . Jason anxiously picks at his fingernails , " I'm not sure Alfie.." .

A long moment passes before name's small figure emerges through the heavy down pour of the rain and Jason immediately shove's the limbo's door open, " Name ! Get in !" . Name looks confused for a moment but when she realizes it's Jason she immediately crawls in the car , soaking wet. " Uhh sorry for the mess ..." she trails off nervous and embarrassed . " Not a thing to worry about dear - here would you like the heater to be turned on ?" , Alfred reassures her .

Name hesitantly nods before seating herself next to Jason. " Alright , we are going to Wayne mansion okay ? Once the rain calms down I'm sure to drop you off home alright ?"Alfred offers her with a gentle smile . Name meekly nods but snuggles into Jason and he allows her to steal his warmth.

Ever since then - Wayne Manor's residence treats name like their family - it's own blood - only difference is that the little thing does not live with them . Jason let's out a cough as Name sits across from him , Alfred enters the living space , snacks in hand and warm tea for Jason.

" I big brother okay ?" Name asks as she nimble away at a Oreo cookie. Jason let's out another cough before Alfred answers her , " I'm afraid Master Jason's flu keeps on getting worse as each day progresses - maybe if he actually rested and took his medicine he'd feel better " Alfred complains as he side eyes Jason. Jason weakly coughs, " Name don't worry about Alfred , I'm fine -" he counters but is interrupted by another cough.

Name giggles at his antics, " You need to take your medicine - my mama would take away my Ipad if I don't " she giggles away. Alfred laughs , " Maybe I should do that to Master Jason - maybe he'd actually learn to take care of himself for once " . Jason side eyes Jason before coughing out his lungs.

" Ya'll just overreacting" he murmurs weakly. The evening is spent with Jason coughing his life out while Name watches henry danger on the big television. The door of the foyer opens and there emerges Bruce Wayne in all his glory . Name perks up at him and gives him a wave , " Good Evening Uncle !!" she greets him. Bruce smiles and waves back at her , " Evening Name I see you came to visit your big brother ?" he questions with a knowing stare at Jason. Jason rolls his eyes,

"I'm not sick" he defended while another cough exits his mouth. Everyone immediately erupts in laughter at his pathetic lie. " Sureeee" Bruce teases as he puts away his briefcase before excepting a glass of water from Alfred. Just as everyone was starting to unwind - an alarm sounds off - the television immediately switches to a live feed of Joker and Harley Quin in jester masks smuggling cargo.

Bruce feels his jaw clench at the sight and immediately begins gearing himself. Jason begins to weakly stand up only to fall flat on his face , "Owww" he groans , name immediately rushes up to him , helping back onto the sofa , " Uncle I don't think Jay can join you" you murmur helpless. Bruce eyes you and Jason's growing red face . "It's alright I will handle them myself" he declares before he walks off. Jason's eyes widen , " You can't go by yourself -" he calls out stubbornly .

"You aren't going and that's final" Bruce says with finality as he slips on his batman mask. Jason stares at him defiantly while Alfred quietly presses a damp rag to his forehead. Name hesitantly raises her hand , " what if I go in his place uncle ?" she asks a bit shaken. Bruce opens his mouth - ready to deny her suggestion when Jason looks back at him defiantly , " If you can so call handle it yourself - I'm sure Name being there won't make a difference" he says defiantly.

Bruce pursues his lips , " Fine but Name you stand behind me " he says before walking off. Name eagerly runs behind him as she quietly slips on the robin suit, " I promise to do you good jay !" she calls off before disappearing down the hall.

Jason smiles before he coughs , " Sure kid !" he calls back.

Harley and Joker , in the dead of the sinking sun , hurriedly offload Black Masks' cargo into one of their own trucks , " I am gonna resell this shit back to him for this shit" Joker curses as he puts the last of the load in the back , Harley shutting the door with a loud 'tud'. " I feel like thats too vanilla honey we should straight up maim him for breaking code' she says with a grit in her tone.

Both were about to enter the vehicle when Batman and Robin landed on top the vehicle. " Stop right there Joker" Batman declares , already glaring down at them. " Go fuck off Bats this has nothing to do with you" Harley shouts at him. " Ma'am cursing is bad !" robin calls out behind batman , her small figure practically hidden by his massive cape.

Joker lets off a mask , " Aww Bats I didn't know you parent stray kids now " he laughs manically . Batman grimaces , ' What do you think you two are doing smuggling drugs " he accuses . Joker laughs again before reaching into his purple coat and began shooting towards them , " Come find out for yourself batsy ~" he teases.

Batman picks up Robin and jumps into the air , dodging the stray bullets when Harley took the opportunity to throw smoke bombs right at them. " Such damn pests !" she calls out as the bombs exploded - masking their vision. Their view is immediately shrouded and Batman grabs Robin and crouches behind a dustbin.

As the smoke disintegrates , Harley comes swinging at them with her spiky bat , " Hello Batsyyyy !!" she calls out as she swings at them - batman narrowly escapes but robin unfortunately hadn't and their stomach is immediately makes impact with it and is sent flying backwards into a wall. Joker takes his chance to stand atop the van nd starts raining down bullets before Batman has the chance to react.

" This is pathetic even for you Bats !!" he calls out as he refloads back in a magazine. Robin gets onto her feet and immediately throws batarangs his way - attempting to divert him. Joker curses and Batman takes the opportunity to land hard kick into Harley's jaw and he immediately jumps after Joker.

Harley goes colliding into the floor - her nose bleeding but before she even gets a chance , robin immediately jumps onto her back and begins restraining her in handcuffs.

Meanwhile Batman And Joker standoff - each trading dangerous blows to one another , both eagerly waiting for a weak spot to open to permanently take down their opponent. Joker wipes the blood of his lips as he stares down Batman , gun aimed at him , "Fun time's over Bats - time to end this " he declares , fingers trained on the trigger.

Batman grimaces as he lunges at him but it was too late - it all happens in slow down , joker changes his aim and aims his gun right at Robin and 'swoosh'. The bullet slices through the air at rapid speed and collides into robin's spine. Robin let out an ear piercing scream - a scream that practically shook the earth as robin lays face front onto the ground , crimson blood pouring out rapidly.

Batman screams as he lands on top of Joker -, " NAME !!" he calls out as he threw Joker's laughing body away somewhere like it was garbage. Joker in the amidst his maniac laughter stopped - it can't be , that name is too familiar - it , no that couldn't be his daughter. Harley laid there frozen - the reality of the situation dawns upon her when she watches Batman turns robin around onto their back and removed their mask to reveal name - her name - their name.

Harley feels her insides twists -, " NAME ?" she calls out confused . Batman frantically wipes the grime off name's face to reveal her pale face , her eyes slowly closing. Joker immediately comes barreling towards them , his mask long removed as he pushes away Batman.

"Name , honey - honey what - why " he stammers as he holds her in his hands. Harley is full on crying , no wailing her lungs out to the point it hurts - she cant believe her sweet girl was robin no- it can't be her sweet girl was always home on time - Batman must have forced her ! yes - he force her to be robin - she tries to convince herself - her mind to far gone to accept the cruel reality she's living in.

" Papa /" Name murmurs as she watches him through her drowsy eyes . " It hurts..." she murmurs as she shivers in his hold. Joker holds her close , "It's okay daddy's here - he's here baby - he's here to save you promise" he whispers as he tries pressing down on her wound.

" Papa please ...save me -it's too dark ...too painful" she pleads with him but it was too late , her eyes shut for the last time and her pulse stops. Joker lets out an agonizing scream before Batman tackles him to the ground. " You leave Name alone " he barks - his tone furious - he knew joker was cruel but to be so cruel to kill his own was a wicked he thinks not even the devil could achieve.

" YOU DON'T GET TO TELL ME SHIT BATS NOT WHEN YOU'RE THE REASON SHE'S DEAD" Joker screams as he violently trashes in his hold . Harley can only cry - her eyes were bloodshot red as it stared at your discarded corpse - she refuses to believe that her baby's corpse - not thats someone else baby her's is home building a pillow fort waiting for her to come home .

" DON'T BLAME ME FOR YOUR SICK SHIT - YOU'RE THE ONE THAT FUCKING SHOT HER" Batman curses as he sucker punches Joker's face , practically sending it pummeling into the floor. " YOU'RE A FUCKING HYPOCRITE BATS - YOU'RE THE BLOODY ASS THAT BROUGHT HER IN THIS DAMN LIFE - A LIFE THAT SHE WASN'T MEANT TO BE IN " Joker curses as he lays there helplessly on the floor .

His body feels too weak to get up - it feels like lead was poured into his veins and is keeping him chained to the floor. Batman kicks Joker to the side of the van , in the distance ,wailing sirens rang through the empty streets as they slowly approach them . " I hope when you both are rotting in the darkest pits of hell - that you both realize that you never deserve Name in the first place , that tonight , her death is on your heads , that you both are so vile that karma paid you a visit and that costed a pure soul like name's - that name is never fucking coming back " Batman declares.

Rain immediately begins to pour down like heavy bullets, Batman scoops up your cold corpse , practically tucking you into the safety and warmth of his corpse before he grapples away.

Blue and red lights flashes about as the smell of burnt tires filled their noses. Harley lets out a scream before a police officer drags her away into the confides of an armored truck. Joker stares into nothingness as an army of police officers drag him into a separate armored van , he glares at the spot batman stood in before the door closes on him permanently. " We'll see how you react when I take away something precious from you bats " he swears before his maniac laughter echoes off the empty streets.

also sorry if requests/ asks are late I'm currently in exams week (╥﹏╥)

thank you for the ask anon and thank you for reading !!

I also realized I missed a crucial part of all the gore assuming Joker killed her like Jason but I think I can tweak that in part 2 I think ૮(˶╥︿╥)ა

WEEPING WILLOW

summary: alternative universe where die young reader lived and actually met her siblings yet still she meets her end even in another universe.

Time never stops, nor does the world yet, whenever I peer back at your picture name , I feel like time has for you. You still look youthful , still vibrant as if the world's cruelties haven't touched you yet. Haven't gutted you out and left you for nothing.

For the first time in twelve years, I visited that tree you were so insistent on seeing that day . It's an old willow that overlooks a sea - straight out of a picture book like the ones you always read before you sleep.

Home doesn't feel like home anymore name , not without you here anymore . It feels empty and cold without you. Big brother Dick has yet to visit Gotham , his last visit was your own funeral.

Your other older brother Jason started getting violent again every patrol , he beats up criminals so bloody they practically flee. Tim hasn't said much , he's been so quiet, and he just floats around now . Damian took your death the hardest .

He sleeps in your bed every night , wailing to himself about it. Barbra and Stephanie are trying to keep the family afloat, but they know deep down we're cracking. Duke stopped playing hockey - he says it feels so wrong to not when your not there to throw the puck back at him.

Alfred started back drinking and smoking - we hear him in dead of night sobbing and pleading for you to come back home. Bruce stopped living - he barely eats , sleeps , he barely does anything . Every day, he visits your grave , flowers in hand, and just wails about everything.

Again, the willow tree on that hill just sways to the beat of the calm breeze , as if time doesn't affect it. No one would ever understand why on that Sunday you went to that willow tree alone .

No one would understand why you hugged us all so hard before you had set off . No one will ever understand why your body was found laying on the bark of the tree so lifeless and cold .

We will never understand why you choose to go by yourself - why not go with us around you. Uncle Clark told Bruce, " Name was always a kind child , she didn't want you all to have the last memory of her to be sad sad." Your dad punched him in the face - he had argued , " my child didn't have to go through death by herself!" .

We would never know why - it's not like you're here anymore to tell us to comfort us. Long gone with the Friday nights, we all stayed up past 4 A.M. , all ganging up on Bruce and Tim in monopoly, Dick always quick to tackle Tim to the floor because he swears he robbed him of $100.

Gone were the days we'd all make bets if Damian was going to walk in with a new stray to his name and watch him and Bruce go back and forth on it. It feels like yesterday when Barbra , Steph and Cass took you to sephora and convinced you to buy that one overpriced lipstick. It's still sat on your nightstand idly.

Gone were the late nights , Jason and you would have snuck out late to drive around Gotham on his motorbike and stop by Dairy Queen. Gone were the quiet evenings spent with you and Tim building a castle on ya'lls minecraft base.

Gone were the days you and Damian would argue when you would both try to build legoes and would fail miserably . Alfred misses the times where you use to join him in attempting to cook - god knows the evidence of your attempt to fry an egg is still stuck on the ceiling.

Bruce misses your hugs the most - you were the only child he had that actively hugged him, and he missed the way how after patrols you always made him hot chocolate .

Nothing feels right - never will because you're not here . It feels wrong to walk these halls, knowing you would have walked them too . It's weird living knowing you could have been living - breathing along with them.

It feels like no matter what universe we have you in , you always leave, and it always hurts. Why must in every universe you leave us behind ? Why must every other universe does God have to take you away ?

Why must in every universe we always mourn you ? It hurts - it hurts so much to watch your body be covered in soil . No one talks about how you practically hold your breath when you see your loved one go down in that grave as if - by some miracle, they'd open their eyes and jolt out the grave. It sounds so ridiculous, but they'd never get that desperation of wanting that loved one to be alive.

It hurts when we hear about the rumors - the rumors that you killed yourself ? That you went to the willow tree to end your life ? Bruce had practically went raging mad that evening when he got word - that same night, the entire PR team got to work into suing those persons.

Some suspected you got possessed because you had sold your sold your soul off - that's why you hugged us all before you left - you didn't want the demon to follow the family back home. It was a stupid rumor going around in school, and Damian had practically beat the shit out of the senior who started it.

Some said we abused you - that had Alfred cursing them out because how dare they - you were loved in this family and still very much loved even though you are long gone.

No one would know , not even we will - all we know was one Sunday evening . Dinner was being set up when Bruce got a call from Comissioner Gordon , " Two passerbys reported seeing your daughter laid unresponsive atop Willow Hills" .

Bruce dropped everything in that moment and immediately bolted to that willow tree , the others running behind him . He didn't wanna believe it - wants to believe you're just asleep - had just accidentally dozed off and lost track of time because there was no way in hell his 15 year old daughter is dead.

When the others reached him , they just saw him embracing you and crying his heart out . You were long gone , had long passed away without them, and none of them knew how to handle that reality .

We miss you name , please come home , we need you back .

▬▬ Wayne Family

Taglist ▬▬

@itsmossy @sugarrush-blush @shirp-collector-of-fixations @anteroz @cxcilla @shynerdtriumph @amber-content @azulesworld @1abi @crazycaoticsimp

ty for reading <3

summary : the forgotten wayne child realizes why she's so forgotten.

Dark trees lined the horizon , their luscious leaves obscure the sight of the steady rising sun in the distance . You stand by yourself alone , eyes drooping ever so slightly as you your hands steadily move across the canvas before you.

You feel so lost - maybe because you are - lost and scared as your hands slightly trembled - the grip on your paint brush loosening. The paintbrush looks dull at first - just a sleek white wood, but the bristles were of the finest quality, of course - any gift from Damian Wayne would be .

You vividly recall the morning he had shoved a small rectangular box in your hands - face holds a small scowl . You recall opening it and was met with the paintbrush.

"Damian, you didn't have to," you murmur slightly as your hands glided across the smooth wood with utter care. Damian looks at you impassivly, " I made it , carved the wood and thined out the brush myself - I just happened to think of you that's all " he says before turning around and disappeared behind the halls.

You held your tongue - Damian was never expressive, but he tried - tried more than anyone else had in your life to care for you . That morning, you sat the box on your desk and swore to use it on a good painting.

It's been a couple of years since that swore, and now , you find yourself finally using it. You sat up straight in your wooden stool , one hand glides across the French canvas before you , it stands proudly upon the Korean easle- the wood was sourced from the finest wood the could offer.

Your left hand props up the Japanese paints in a wooden palette , around the rim sits the purest shade of white , a molten golden yellow, little dabs of sea blue , rosey pink and earthy browns .

Your hands seize as you stop , you gently rest the paint brush onto the rim of the easle as you look at your painting. It looks beautiful to the eye- how could it not?

The woman before her has beautiful golden hair - hear that shines so brightly it could rival the sun - her face , ethereally so smooth its as if God personally carved her out the finest poreclin.

Her stunning blue eyes state right back at her- captivating - so dazzling, in fact that a mere glance at it can overthrow any captain off course.

You stare back at her but can't help but find fault in it - in the faintest corner of her collar bone, you mark a single lone bristle that stuck on with the paint . Your jaw tightens, but it doesn't match the way you clutch onto the paintbrush in fury as your eyes peek the faint outline of the littlest pink escaping the outline of her beautiful dress.

Anger boils in you, and suddenly, the girl stating back at you suddenly looks imperfect - she looks uglier now that you've seen her flaws, and suddenly, this is deeper than just some stupid painting.

You glance at the canvas once more - it's your reflection stating right back and suddenly you feel your lungs constrict on itself - denying your body of any more oxygen.

Your reflection looks so hideous- why must there be so many acne scars ? Why must your nose look so distorted ? Why is it that one eye slightly looks bigger than the other? Why is it that you aren't perfect ?

You felt tears stream down your face - body still as it a war enrages within you . You fight the urge to reach out to your reflection and tear apart your body - to rearrange it , to mold it into something better , something perfect.

Why can't you be perfect ? Why must you look like this ? Is this a cruel mockery bestowed upon you ? Your mind traces back through all your memories - memories of watching Cassandra , Stephanie, and Barbra putting in makeup one night for some gala - your sister look so happy with one another as they carefully smack their lipsticks together - their reflection looked unreal- too beautiful for the eye to comprehend.

Bruce had invited them - not you but them and a few other of your brothers . You feel bile rising in your throat as the memory replays before you - why hadn't Father asked you ? Does he know how much you wish to go to a gala?

To live every girl's dream of dressing up and dancing under the prettiest lights with a handsome boy ? What a naive thought- a truly naive thought as your memory flashes to you running back into your own room .

Your sobs echo through the room as you desperately slap makeup onto yourself - a pathetic attempt to look beautiful. You memory zooms in on your past self finally looking into your old mirror - the reflection is utter repulsive - a literal pig stands before you , makeup smeared.

You choked as you blinked away , staring back at the canvas - again, the beautiful woman's portrait morphs into one of a pig with makeup smeared on . You let out a scream - shoving the portrait back, causing it to collide with the wet grass , mud trickles onto it , covering the portraits beautiful face.

You covered your face with your hands desperately as you began sobbing hard- is this what it's come to ? You being so ugly , so imperfect that it's the reason why no one in this God forsaken family loves you ?

Why you're so utterly replaceable because your surrounded by beautiful and talented people . Why Bruce always introduces Cassandra so proudly as his daughter because she's so utterly beautiful and graceful unlike you.

Why Dick and Tim snares at you whenever you're in the same vicinity . Why Alfred always shoots you a pitiful look whenever Jason and yourself quarrel - always saying "he's younger than you and had a hard life you have to foguve him" .

Us this why your mother unceremoniously dumped you 9n a cold winter night at the Wayne's manor , nothing to your name , just a simple rag that covered you?

You feel your body tremble manically - not even your own flesh wants you - just simply wants to reject your entire being . You feel yourself collapsed onto the muddy floor - maybe this is where you belong- a pig is always found in the mud - counting down the days till it meets the demise of a blade.

Maybe that's what's happening - your body is just waiting for you to die, so a better person can host it. You throw up bile upon yourself - you look even more pathetic- you look like a mess - an unwanted mess that everyone purposely walks pass because it's utterly too much .

You hiccuped again when you hear the mansions backdoor slide open.

"Name just what do you think you're doing ?"

thank you for reading !!

PULL ME IN

summary: due to Bruce distancing himself from reading and seeing other women - batfam has to watch their mom willow away.

For the twenty-five years, Bruce and Name have been married together - Alfred has never seen Name so withdrawn - so detached . He watches every morning how Name's frail body maneuvers around the kitchen making her own breakfast -

God knows how many times he's asked that stubborn woman to allow him to cook for him but she has always refused him with a quiet smile and a wave of hand. He watches her glide around the kitchen- a woman of once poise and grace reduced to her fumbling with simply holding a cereal box.

Alfred could never pin point where it had all went wrong in their marriage - they were both high-school sweethearts- their marriage was beautiful- he'd know because he had honored it himself. To see them so distant aches his heart.

Alfred knows Bruce has a mission - to save Gotham- a mission that seems ever lasting - a mission that had consumed him entirely to the point it took him over . It took away his relationship with his kids and his own wife .

Alfred would always shoot him disapproving looks when he sees Bruce being too flirty with Talia and Selina - he blesses Name's heart for loving Damian all the same like she has with all her other kids but Alfred notices since then she is virtual never in the same place with Bruce.

She no longer goes to galas anymore , no longer makes public appearances - maybe its because Bruce always had a different arm candy every other night. It's gotten so bad that even the kids started realizing this - Damian , upon realizing his birth had broken down in Name's arms one night - pleading with her to love him - that he's sorry for being born.

Alfred remembers Name cradling the young boy in her arms all night and assuring him he's the best thing Bruce ever made and that she would never blame him for Bruce's actions. Since then - the young boy has always stuck to Name - every morning, he'd affectionately hand her daily medicine and would always help her wrap a shawl over her shoulders.

Tim and Bruce began arguing - particularly because Bruce starting leaving the massive work of W.E for Tim to handle- it came to a head one night when Name and Bruce argued for two hours straight. He remembered how raw her voice was when she yelled at Bruce for overworked her poor son - that he's young and deserves to live and experience his teenage years.

Bruce had argued that Tim had wanted this - that this was what being Robin was about. Jason- god knows Jason and Bruce doesn't get along - ever since what happened to Joker but they argue even worse when it boils down to Name .

Jason was a child primarily raised by Name - she taught him to trust and showed him everything he knew - down to ironing his shirt to tying his shoelace - Name was the mother Jason never had and God could damn for all he cares but couldn't stand to watch Bruce treat her like she was an option because she wasn't - not to him or his brothers.

Jason always made it a point to call Bruce out for his own hypocrisy, himself and Damian always teamed up against him, especially when he was being too flirty with Selina or some random eye candy.

" I suggest you back off harlot , my mother might not kill you, but I will " - Damian when Bruce and Selina were flirting together on patrol.

" I don't give a fuck if ma begs me not to put a bullet in your head , the next damn time I see you talking about her like that I won't hesitate to skin you alive " - Jason when he caught some arm candy bragging to her friends how the 'Bruce Wayne' took her out on a date in front of Name.

God if anyone argues more with Bruce in this household was Dick - Dick was their first child and a child whom lost everything and yes Bruce may of made him robin but name made him dick grayson - bless that woman's heart for having to deal with his tantrums and outbursts when he was younger -

But that woman despite not birthing him was his mother - the woman who literally hugged him everynight to go to bed , the same woman who made his suit for prom by hand and also the same woman he goes to for advice and comfort - safe to say when he heard what Bruce was doing - they argued non stop-

" For god sake, Bruce, you're destroying us - you're destroying our family, and you don't even care." - Dick when Bruce had called you useless because you couldn't walk up a stairs anymore.

Someone from the outside might think they're dramatic, but ever since Bruce started distancing himself from Name and going out with God knows who , Name has fallen into a deep depression - a type of depression that ensnared them in their deep claws and deprive them of what little happiness and energy they have left.

Most days , Name sits on a swing outside and just exists- barely eats , barely talks anymore - how can they ? How can one fathom to be happy when their own spouse is out cheating on you with different people and to make matter worse the public condones it - even more so enables him.

Always publishing some new article of which new model or actress can become worthy of being Bruce's wife as if she doesn't exist. Alfred swallows as he watches her tonight - they're sat stiffly in a velvet love seat , a faint smile on her face, Damian is resting his head on their shoulder, showing them his latest art piece while quietly talking about his day.

Behind her, jason embraces her in a backhug , head resting on her head - his hands sometimes play with the loose strands. Tim quietly sits beside her , his hand holding her free hand - now and again he'd squeeze it . Dick is sat next to Damian on the love seats' arm rest as he prepares her nightly medicine.

Even if the public and her own husband loathes her, name still has the love of her kids and Alfred as always. Suddenly, the large oak doors of the living room are pushed open - the vibrant warmth interrupted as Bruce steps inside .

Damian quiets - everyone looking at Bruce except for Name - she has taken it to state at her hands. " It's time for patrol" Bruce says grufly . No one responds but reluctantly leaves Name side , Jason side hugs her one last time before leaving .

" Yeah, whatever you say, geaser," He says as he shoves Bruce out of his way to go to the cave . Damian glares at his father , " Hopefully, things are taken seriously on this patrol " he insinuated- knowing eyes glaring right at his father disapproving.

Bruce ignores them and stares at name, " Make dinner before we leave " he orders before promptly walking away. Name says nothing - too numbed out a long while to even react. Dick and Alfred himself curses him while Tim is glaring at the closing door harshly .

" Ma I'll order us something don't stress yourself " Tim assures her while ordering Uber eats for them on his phone . Name doesn't say anything but sends him a small smile. " I can't believe I raised that boy," Alfred murmurs as he shakes his head in disappointment .

Bruce may not realize it now but it's too late to fix anything - too late to pull his wife back in and live the happy life they once had - its too late to repair their broken family since the glue that's stuck them all together is fading away .

ty for reading, please like + comment + share !!!

pls do not hate a on queens talia & selina they won't do this , theyre too girlboss for bruce anyways

TO LOVE YOU IS KILLING ME

summary :the only person bucky has ever felt seen , loved and cared by is slowing dying and he can only helplessly stand there and watch them go .

inspired by the let me down easy prompt

crds to this challenge goes to @fvckingavengers

Bucky knew he was a difficult person - from the way he unnecessarily had to check all his rooms , closet spaces to little hidey corners in order to stupidly reassure himself every night that he can indeed sleep here or the fact that hydra's taken everything that made him human.

It hurted alot when they took his arm , it hurted even more when they scrambled his mind but it destroyed him most when they took away his ability to feel - to connect to anything remotely human.

It hurts so much to see his teammates hug one another after a successful mission knowing he fully well can't bare to close to someone like that, bruises him to the core when he flinchs like a scared , wounded animal when anyone so much as brushes against him the slightest

This type of agony bucky would wish upon no one - not even his worst enemy. It's such a lonesome life - a life where everyone either avoids him or sends him pitiful looks. He sits alone - wondering - sometimes crying to himself in the lonesome comfort of his home when he ponders on why - why must he be alone ? Is he not worthy of companionship ? Not worthy of feeling connected ? Of feeling attached ?

It came to a high one day when he met you. You were a lonely, ghostly figure whom stood by overhanging cliff - he just so happened to be on a late night run, and naturally , his keen eye spotted your figure encroaching the overhanging cliff.

He immediately sprinted towards you - holding your shoulders , " Excuse me, you need to stand back," he orders. He was met with silence - and for a long moment, bucky had actually thought he was holding a ghost since you were so uncannily still until you slowly backed up towards his chest.

You hadn't said anything yet - didn't have to when you finally turned around to face him - a look of pain and suffering was etched into the contours your face , dark circles prominent under your eyes and your unkept hair kept falling into your face .

Bucky had to hold himself back from practically caressing your face - but decided against it paiinfully aware of how intimate such actions are . He just - something in him wanted to tell yu hat everything would be okay .Silence drags out for a long time - neither daring to speak. " I'm sorry ...you had to see that" your soft voice apologized.

Bucky almost hadn't heard it over the strong wind sweeping in, but thanks to the serum and his intense training, he managed to pick it up. " It's alright " he murmured. A long silence passes by again - this time not awkward like he thought it was - it was one of mutual understanding.

A while passes by, and finally, your figure turns away from him and retreats away in the night's smokey blanket . Bucky stands there as he watches your figure disappears before he himself retreats back home.

The next time he sees you - it is at the cliff - this time he's there first. It's late in the evening and few days has passed since that incident , the dark blue , rough waves crash against the black jaggery cliffs beneath him , in the distance the golden sun was setting - casting an angelic halo across the pink , orange sky above him.

His hands sunk further into the worn pockets of his leather jacket as he intently watches over the cliff - today was exhausting for him - too many meetings- too many eyes looking at him , too many eyes staring at him , too many eyes trying to pry him apart.

He inhales, and his head immediately snaps when he hears shoes crouching on fallen leaves. He spun around - alert , reading to take out the threat only to be met with your slumped figure approaching him.

He observed your hands tucked in your own hoodie , oversized pants that bellowed in the wind . Your worn-out sneakers had ducktape stuck on in odd angles, but somehow, to Bucky ,you had managed to upstage even the prettiest models even when you look like you don't try.

You approached him calmly - as if he wasn't some treat - as if he wasn't capable of ending your life in a matter of seconds. You stopped beside him and took in the view , " Didn't expect you here," you murmured as your eyes taken in the shoreline.

Bucky doesn't say anything at first- it feels weird to him that someone is actually talking to him - not out of pity , not because he is expected to do something, not because it's mission related but out of genuine interest.

The words die in Becky's throat - how strange - he was a warrior capable of so much - how disappointing he couldn't talk to you like they wsy he oh so confidently did before the war. He mustered everything within himself to answer you , " I just like the view" . You were silent , pursued your lips as you kept staring out into the vastness. " Me too" you finally answered.

From then on - every other day , bucky looked forward to seeing you by the piere where he could indulge in your comforting silence and non judgemental presence. Bucky notices himself always feeling more relaxed around you - it started subtle at first - like his fingers going on their own accord to intertwine with your own whenever you stood next to each other .

And gradually he's become accustomed to leaning on your shoulders. Most times you both didn't talk - didn't have to because you both understood each other through silence and slow touches you both bestow upon one another.

One day - one particular day you were staring off into the setting sun - face held grim . Bucky held his tongue- of course he's noticed but knows better than to push you for answers - too scared you don't come back to him or worse hate him if he did. " Don't get too attached to me" You said abuptedly disturbing the tranquility.

Bucky looks at you strangely , " Name, don't be ridiculous" he says as a matter of fact . Name doesn't say anything else after that - just opting to squeeze his hand again.

Days pass by - bucky has yet to visit to piere, too busy being wrapped up in mission after mission. Months pass by like this and finally- he visits the piere , a handful of forget me nots were in one hand , his face wears a smug smile .

He's in a good mood - for once he's approaching this piere with eagerness - he's confident that he feels something for you - confident that he wants to further what you both have - confident to finally tell someone I love you.

He spots your figure already there, and he eagerly speeds walk there . He back hugs you once he's close enough, and you simply pat his hand. " Name, I miss you," He confesses. Name gives him a small smile " Pierre's is always lonely without you " ( I miss you too) Bucky smiles.

As he hands you the forget me nots, " I have something to tell you " He says - shy but determined. You face him and tilted your head. Bucky coughs , " Name - it's been Years since I've met someone who's wanted me for me , who can see me for me - be there because I am me , I thought for a long time that I didn't deserve any happiness until I met you , Name ....I love you" Bucky confesses.

Name smile , " Bucky..I love you too but I told you not to get attached to me " You say with a somber smile . Bucky holds you , " What do you mean Name?" He enquires , eyes furrowed.

Name weakly reaches to touch his face but suddenly erupts in hoarse coughing fits causing her to bend over. Bucky holds name but her figure is already limply falling to the ground. " Name ?!" He exclaims as he crouches down to examine you.

" Bucky, I'm sorry, but I love you," you confess - this time coughing up blood in between. " and I'm sorry you had to love me". Bucky fishes out his burner phone and immediately starts calling Tony when reader reaches out her hands onto his to stop him " Please no - I'm right where I want to be" reader whispers as she leant onto his shoulders.

Bucky holds them." Name - name. What's going on ? Let me get you the help you need !!" Bucky exclaims in a panic. Name's head began lolling off his side , "mhmm, don't need anything - just want you to lay me down slowly," readers mumbles - drifting in-between consciousness.

Bucky shakes them' in attempts to wake them, ' Name - Name, please ! Please answer me !!" He says as he frantically shakes them. Moments passed, and Bucky began to feel their corpse grow cold in his hold. Bucky, let's out streams of tears - it practically dalls onto your facxe , staining it causing him cry even more. He can't believe your gone - slipped through his fingers , ensnared by death .

He numbly stands up with your corpse in hand as he begins to descend the rocky cliffs towards the shoreline.

Bucky knows he can't promise being good. He can't promise not to let Winter Soldier reek havoc , can't even promise you to not get too attached in the first place. Now , he slowly approaches the calm seashore , the waves calm , gentle embraces his presence as he walks through them like a knife.

Water bunches around him as he descends further , your body in tow as he reaches as deep as he can get, he can't promise to be a good man after this but he can promise to let you down as easy as he can .

He lowers your body into the waves gently , watching as it encases you like a cacoon and eagerly carry you away from him. A part of him wants to scream , claw and be angry at you - how dare you make him love you, how dare you fix him only to leave but a major part of him doesn't regret loving you and doesn't regret you fixing him.

Just because you're gone now doesn't mean that bucky won't stop loving and mourning you.

Ty for reading. Please like , comment, + share !!

✨ fvckingavengers’ new year writing challenge ✨

happy 2025, friends! a goal i have for this year is to create more content for you guys to read after a 4 year hiatus. music really helps me to get the creative juices flowing, so i thought i'd make a list of some lyric prompts. whether you write smut, angst, fluff, or a beautiful combination of these and other tropes, i hope you find something that sparks inspiration. if nothing else, you can get some solid music recs because i have good taste. *cue glinda's toss toss hair flip*

there are no rules or deadlines. i do ask, that if you are interested that you please reblog this post.

lastly, please feel free to send me a prompt that you would like to read in my writing style as well! i mostly write smut/angst about Bucky Barnes/Winter Soldier, Steve Rogers/Nomad!Steve, and Dean Winchester. but i with the right prompt, I could be persuaded to write for Peter Parker, Thor, Loki, ect. (really depends lolololol)

happy writing!! 🥰

fleetwood mac: gold dust woman - well, did she make you cry / make you breakdown / shatter your illusions of love / and is it over now? do you know how to pick up the pieces and go home silver springs - time cast a spell on you / but you won't forget me / i know i could have loved you, but you would not let me / i'll follow you down til the sound of my voice can haunt you / you'll never get away from the sound of the woman that loves you

nothing but thieves: is everybody going crazy? - in this wounded, sinister place we've only got each other / the sky is crashing down, i know it's strange, but heaven's a mindset away // it would feel so good to steal some time / it would feel so good to make you mine miracle, baby - you need a miracle, baby, but i wouldn't wait too long, it's not gonna save you / seen any miracles lately? they hardly ever come along/ i need a miracle, baby

florance + the machine: seven devils - holy water cannot help you now / see, i've come to burn your kingdom down / and no rivers and no lakes can put the fire out / i'm gonna raise the stakes, i'm gonna smoke you out // seven devils all around you, seven devils in your house / see, i was dead when i woke up this morning and i'll be dead before the day is done cosmic love - the stars, the moon, they have all been blown out / you've left me in the dark / no dawn, no day, i'm always in this twilight, in the shadow of your heart

nial horan: too much to ask - my shadow's dancing without you for the first time / my heart is hoping you walk right in tonight / tell me there are things that you regret / 'cause if i'm being honest i ain't over you yet small talk - tell me what you want because you know i want it, too / let's skip all the small talk and go straight up to your room / i've been thinking what i'd do when i'm alone with you / just say nothing, small talk only gets in the way

gracie abrams: i love you, i'm sorry - 'cause that's just the way life goes / i push my luck, it shows / thankful you don't send someone to kill me // the way life goes / joyriding down our road / lay on the horn to prove that it haunts me us. feat taylor swift - the curse or the miracle / hearse or an oracle / you're incomparable, fuck, it was chemical / you plus me was us that's so true - made it out alive, but i think i lost it / said that i was fine, i said it from my coffin / remember how i died when you started walking

maroon 5: harder to breathe - when it's cold outside and you got nobody to love / you'll understand what i mean when i say there's no way we're gonna give up / and like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dream / is there anyone out there? 'cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe secret - i know i don't know you, but i want you so bad / everyone has a secret, oh, can they keep it? oh no, they can't // i ask you how hot can it get? and as you wipe of beads of sweat slowly you say, "i'm not there yet" animals - you're like a drug that's killing me, i cut you out entirely / but i get so high when i'm inside you

miley cyrus: plastic hearts - i can be whoever you want me to be / love me now, but not tomorrow / fill me up, but leave me hollow / pull me in, but don't you get too close angels like you - i know that you're wrong for me / gonna wish we never met on the day i leave / i brought you down to your knees, 'cause they say that misery loves company / it's not your fault i ruin everything / and it's not your fault i can't be what you need / baby, angels like you can't fly down hell with me / i'm everything they said i would be gimme what i want - sweat drippin' down to the floor / bite marks like an animal / you might be insane / but maybe we're the same / tonight you came here 'cause you know what i need and no one likes to be alone

teddy swims:

lose control - problem is when i'm with you i'm an addict / and i need some relief / my skin in your teeth / can't see the forest through the trees / got me down on my knees, darling, please // i lose control when you're not next to me / i'm falling apart right in front of you, can't you see? hammer to the heart - just because you're staying over, doesn't mean that you're forgiven // baby, i'm helpless, baby / porcelain in your hands, bound to fall about/you know how to break me bad dreams - without you, there ain't no place for me to hide / without you, there's no way i can sleep tonight

daisy jones & the six: look at us now (honeycomb) - we unraveled a long time ago / we lost and we couldn't let it go / i wish it was easy, but it isn't so / oh,we can make a good thing bad let me down easy - if you're gonna let me down, let me down easy / if you're gonna let me down / don't you go and tell me that you loved me while you're leaving / if you're gonna leave me now you were gone - how about we turn it off? / just flip the switch and walk away / every story has an ending / and it's not our job to stay / now, how about we turn it off ? /just forget it like it's gone / we'll forget about the way you turn me on the river - if i follow you to the river / send my blues out to the sea / will you stay with me forever? / will you chase me in my dreams? / if i throw it all in the river / and let the rhythm take the lead / will it stay with you and never let you leave on me?

paramore/hayley williams: thick skull - i am a magnet for broken pieces / i am attracted to broken people / i pick them up and now my fingers are bleeding / and it looks like my fault ignorance - i'm just a person but you can't take it / the same tricks that, that once fooled me / they won't get you anywhere / i'm not the same kid from your memory / well, now i can fend for myself crushcrushcrush - if you wanna play it like a game, well, come on, come on, let's play / 'cause i'd rather waste my life pretending than have to forget you for one whole minute you first - everyone is a bad guy and there's no way, no way to know who's the worst / karma's gonna come for all of us and i hope, well, i hope, i just hope she comes for you first idle worship - oh, no, i ain't your hero / you're waiting all your faith on me / oh, no, i know where this goes / think it's safe to say your savior doesn't look a thing like me

taylor swift:

august - i can see us lost in the memory /august slipped away into a moment in time / 'cause it was never mine / and i can see us twisted in bedsheets / august sipped away like a bottle of wine / 'cause you were never mine

maroon - when the silence came we were shaking, blind, and hazy / how the hell did we lose sight of us again / sobbing with your head in your hands / ain't that the way shit always ends

castles crumbling - my foes and friends watch my reign end / i don't know how it could have ended this way /smoke billows from my ships in the harbor / people look at me like i'm a monster / now they're screaming at the palace front gates / used to chant my name/now they're screaming that they hate me / never wanted you to hate me i can see you - i can see you waiting down the hall from me / i can see you up against the wall with me // i can see you throw your jacket on the floor / i can see you make me want you even more / what would you do, baby, if you only knew, that i can see you // i can see you being my addiction / you can see me as a secret mission so it goes… - i'm yours to keep / and i'm yours to lose / you know i'm not a bad girl, but i do bad things with you / come here, dressed in black now / so it goes/scratches down your back now/so it goes… new year's day - please don't ever become a stranger who's laugh i could recognize anywhere so long, london - and you say i abandoned the ship, but i was going down with it / my white knuckle dying grip / holding tight to your quite resentment / my friends said it isn't right to be scared / every day of a love affair / every breath feels like rarest air / when you're not sure if he wants to be there

my boy only breaks his favorite toys - my boy only breaks his favorite toys / i'm queen of sand castles he destroys / 'cause i knew too much / there was danger in the heat of my touch / he saw forever so he smashed it up

don't blame me - don't blame me / love made me crazy / if it doesn't, you ain't doing it right / lord save me, my drug is my baby / i'll be using for the rest of my life // and baby, for you i would fall from grace / just to touch your face / if you walk away / i'd beg you on my knees to stay

i can fix him (no really i can) - good boy / that's right / come close/i'll show you heaven if you'll be an angel / all night/trust me, i can handle me a dangerous man / no really i can

florida!!! - i need to forget so take me to florida / i got some regrets, i'll bury them in florida / tell me i'm despicable, say it's unforgivable / what a crash, what a rush / fuck me up, florida / it's one hell of a drug

haunted - you and i walk a fragile line / i have known it all this time but i never thought i'd live to see it break

the prophecy - please i've been on my knees / change the prophecy / don't want money / just someone who wants my company / let it once be me / who do i have to speak to about if they can redo the prophecy

wonderland - you searched the world for something else to make you feel like what we had / and in the end, in wonderland, we both went mad

i know places - they are the hunters, we are the foxes / and we run / just grab my hand and don't ever drop it / my love // baby, i know places we won't be found / they'll be chasing their tails trying to track us down / 'cause i, i know places we can hide

fortnight - i was supposed to be sent away, but they forgot to come and get me // i took the miracle move-on drug but the effects were temporary / and i love you, it's ruining my life

the black dog - old habits die screaming // six weeks of breathing clean air, i still miss the smoke illicit affairs - you wanna scream don't call me "kid" / don't call me "baby" / look at this godforsaken mess that you made me // and you know damn well / for you, i would ruin myself / a million little times this is me trying - my words shoot to kill when i'm mad / i have a lot of regrets about that // it's hard to be anywhere these days when all i want is you the great war - it turned into something bigger / somewhere in the haze, had a sense i'd been betrayed / your finger on my hairpin trigger / soldier down on that icy ground / looked up at me with honor and truth / broken and blue, so i called off the troops / that was the night i nearly lost you false god - we might just get away with it / religion's in your lips / even if it's a false god / we'd still worship / we might just get away with it / the alter is my hips / even if it's a false god / we'd still worship this love

misc: daydreaming by harry styles - stay unil the morning, 'cause, baby, loving you's the real thing / it just feels right / so give me all of your love, give me something to dream about the summoning by sleep token - oh, and my love / did i mistake you for a sign from god? / or are you really here to cast me off? / or maybe just to turn me on? / 'cause these days, i would be lying if i told you that / i didn't wish that i could be your man / or maybe make a good girl bad wildflower by billie eilish - but i see her in the back of my mind / all the time / like a fever, like i'm burning alive / like a sign / did i cross the line? push me over by maren morris - necklace rests just so on your collarbone / makes me want to know how your perfume smells on me later // want you in my bed 'cause i dont need more friends / the more that you come closer, want you to push me over get stoned by hinder - let's go home and get stoned / we could end up makin' love instead of misery / go home and get stoned / 'cause the sex is so much better when you're mad at me heavy by powers - it's heavy / heavy how i want you so bad / heavy when it hits me so fast / heavy and it's driving me mad / that i'm never gonna give you up addicted by kelly clarkson - i'm hooked on you, i need a fix, i can't take it / just one more hit, i promise i can deal with it / i'll handle it, quit it, just one more time then that's it / just a little bit more to get me through this in the middle of the night by elley duhe' - in the middle of the night / just call my name, i'm yours to tame / in the middle of the night / i'm wide awake, i crave your taste blame brett by the beaches - i'm sorry in advance / i'm only gonna treat you bad / i'm probably gonna let you down / i'm probably gonna sleep around / so sorry in advance / before you take off your pants / i wouldn't let me near your friends / i wouldn't let me near your dad / but don't blame me, blame brett / blame my ex, blame my ex, blame my ex ego talking by fletcher - hope my lips haunt you for life, hearing my name twists the knife / hoping you stay brokenhearted / but that's just my ego talkin' 63 days by atlas genius - i told you i would race home if you need me / in for the long chase / i'll make you believe daylight by david kushner - this lust is a burden that we both share / two sinners can't atone from a lone prayer / souls tied, intertwined by our pride and guilt celebrity skin by hole - honeysuckle, shes made of poison / she obliterated everything she kissed ceilings by lizzy mcalpine - bedsheets, no clothes / touch me like nobody else does / lovely to just lay here with you / you're kinda cute, and i would say all of this / but i don't wanna ruin the moment / lovely to sit between comfort and chaos disease by lady gaga - screamin' for me baby / like your gonna die / poison on the inside, i could be your antidote tonight

I WILL SURVIVE BUT NEVER RECOVER

summary :batfam enjoy each other's presence while Alfred and Bruce silently mourns your death.

part 1 of die young

in other universe

before you read !!

AWARNESS - info

- since 2015 , school shootings in the U.S has significantly skyrocketed in comparison to every other decade .

- according to the NCES (National Centre for Education Statistics) during 2020 - 21, there was 93 school shootings , resulting in 43 deaths & 50 injuries.

- there was 332 shooting incidents that occurred in k-12 schools in 2024 , this incident resulted in 267 injuries & fatalities.

- active school shootings typically occur in high-school - about 61.8% .

- many parents grieve the lost of their child , many never recover and end up living their life miserably . This is encouragement to help stop school shootings to prevent innocent children from dying.

Bruce stands in the manor's foyer , his face is maimed with bruises and has grime stuck on it . One hand clutches his bat mask tightly as he stared into the darkness encompassing the long hallway before him. His chest plate is battered , its bat symbol is no longer recognizable , his once pristine cape is now tattered with bullet holes .

He looks so dead - and he feels it , he feels the emptiness. He alone went on patrol tonight , his children did argue - offered to join him tonight, but he declined, and some stubbornly disregarded his declination and attempted to go anyways, but Lord thank Alfred stopping them. Only the two of them understood why he had to go tonight.

They shouldn't have to see how brutal he was tonight - none of them should - none of them should have to witness how he practically almost brutalized some goon for pointing a gun at him - that the sight of that oh so familiar gun brought back memories of him cradling your mutilated body that dreaded day. Or the way he threw rational to the wind as he chased after two face like a mad man for an hour only to dump him in front of blackgate like the scum he was.

He trudges through the darkness of the manor - embraces the quietness and darkness as he slums his tired body against the dining table where his cold dinner sat. He feels bile rising in his throat when he realizes it was placed in front of the same chair you used to always eat in.

He falls to his knees - tears brimming as the memory of your happy small self feeding your plushy a cookie in that same seat. He can practically hear your giggles and the familiar sound of the chair wobbling as you swung your little feet back and forth.

He blinks - and the memory is gone - you are gone - no longer in front of him. He shuffles back on his feet frantically, and like a scared man, he runs away because that was too real - it felt too real - it felt like you were there - like you were home again.

He stumbles up the stairs, and his feet carry him down a familiar route . Even now - when his body is in overdrive - in a panic state - his body still takes him back to you . He stands in front of a familiar door . Yours.

It's lower half is covered in sparkly stickers and a doodled portrait of three stick figures holding hands sticks out. His hands practically shake violently as he pushes open your door .

You stand in front of him , you're wearing the same dress from that day , your hair is styled in the same pig tails he put them and your pink backpack is slung on your shoulders the same way Alfred dropped you off in. You look at him and beamed, " Hello daddy !!" You exclaimed as you embraced his legs - too short to reach his waist.

Bruce doesn't hesitate to crouch down and hug you back , arms encasing you like the precious jewel you were . He feels you snuggling into him like you always did . He pulls you in tighter, and the feel of your familiar warmth and the scent of vanilla perfume fills him.

His heart is beating a mile a minute as he savors everything , " Sweetheart, you're okay !" He exclaims happily as he observes you . He has to force his head to crane back to look at your snuggled up form. Your cute little self turns to him confused , " Why won't I be okay, Daddy ?" You questioned with a tilt of a head as you looked at him.

Bruce blinks and you were gone . He looks down at himself to only reveal his exhausted body slumped to the floor - the same way he did that night when he grieved that night and it's then he starts to choke on his sobs.

How cruel- how dare life torture him like this ? He chokes on his tears even more as he looks around your room - frantically as if to prove to himself you're still here and that was just a nightmare .

It's empty- despite all the stuffed animals , the scattered toys strewn about , the walls filled with your favorite books to pictures and drawings. There , in the middle of your room laid an empty bed - deprived of the usual light of your nightlight you always put on before bed and most important- deprived of your sleepy figure cuddling the mountain of plushies.

Everything is still left untouched since that day they lost you . He feels a drop in the pit of his stomach as he does a once over of your room - you aren't here yet that felt too real - you sounded to real - too alive to be gone .

He forces himself to stand and close your room - he knows Alfred would have his head if he didn't - the old man considers your room as a place of sanctuary - something that had to be preserved and Bruce would never argue with him because he to believes it as sacred himself.

He forces himself to trudge up the hallway towards his own room and open his door . He looks down the hallway one more time - hoping to see you come running after him with your plushy in hand to ask him to read to you or maybe tuck you in.

He waited for a long time, and he was only greeted by cold looming darkness. He wipes away any more brimming tears before he enters his room - only once the door is shut and he collapses on his bed does he allow himself to succumb to his emptiness.

The golden rays adorned the manor angelically , everyone is wide awake and present at the table . Alfred distracts himself from the temptation to drown himself in his own misery with alcohol but chooses to fuss over the children instead.

He feels numb - he feels angry - he feels everything but nothing at the same time . He masks his irritation by choosing to focus on scrambling Bruce's eggs. He won't tell anyone - not even Bruce that the sight of cold dinner sat in front of the chair you used to sit in every morning and evening to eat irked him -

It felt like a sick cruel joke from God as he mocked - no egged him of your absence. He would never tell anyone how he stood there - eyeing that dinner and that chair as he cried his eyes out before he mustered whatever courage he had left to pick it up and throw it promptly in the trash.

He supposed one of the kids innocently placed it there for Bruce last night - something you would definitely do - because you were just that kind and sweet of a person.

Alfred forces himself to breathe when the smell of burnt toast meets his nostrils. He regains his composure and swiftly throws the toast in the bin before restarting.

Bruce enters the dining room - face a bit somber and dull. Bruce has to internally pray that none of his children questions why - he doesn't know what he'd do if he was to be subjected to another interrogation. He slips into his seat , making sure not to eye the familiar , empty seat next to him because he knows if he only does he'd simply break down.

His children immediately filled the sullen air with their happy chatter. He watches in silence, as Jason and Damian fight one another over waffles , Dick and Tim are discussing a movie they want to see , the girls are talking with Duke about some drama with a classmate they knew apparently.

Alfred stands behind him and set his breakfast , "Morning Master Bruce" he greets. " Morning Alfred," he greets back . Bruce detects the lack of 'good' in Alfred's greeting - though Bruce understands why since if it truly were a good morning you would of been here with them.

" Hey B do you want to join us in a shooting range this evening ?" Dick asks - breaking the silence. Bruce felt his world still around him - in the background - you can hear the sound of clattering utensils as Alfred drops whatever he was doing at the sudden inquiry.

Bruce feels himself hyperventilating at the thought of any of his children near that devilish thing called a gun. He's lost too damn much to it - so for the sheer audacity of Dick to suggest this - feels like a cruel joke. He feels the world consuming him as he merely glances at the empty chair next to him and there - a memory of you eating pancakes while singing replays in front of him . This one was the last morning - the last breakfast him and Alfred had with you.

You look at him and flash your innocent smile at him , " Do you want a pancake papa ?" You ask as you held up a pancake towards him. Bruce has to force his eyes to blink before he loses himself and starts to break down.

Your figure disappears once again and then Bruce turns towards Dick , face void of any emotion. Seeing you once again only finalizes his decision , " No and you aren't going there" Bruce says firmly. Everyone at the table stills and looks at him - defiantly. " What the fuck Bruce it's a shooting range it's not that serious" Jason says . " Exactly father if you don't want to join us just say so" Damian says matter of fact.

Bruce feels his blood freeze. " I said no, and not one of you is going " he says firmly - his eyes narrowing as he stares at each one of them. Everyone looks at him - an unspoken defiance and challenge.

" Fine be that way B ," Dick says - fustrated that Bruce had to shut down a family bonding moment. Alfred approaches the table , his face is void of any emotion as well, eyes distant as he pours everyone a class of marmalade .

" I advise you listen to your father young masters" he says finally. Jason practically rolls his eyes and pushes his chair back , " Not when he's being such an asshole Alfred" Jason quips before leaving. The girls and Duke follow him suit - disappointed at the outcome of this morning as they too were excited to go let off steam .

Tim rocks back in his chair before shaking his head in disappointment as he stares at Bruce, him and Dick finally got up and left, storming off elsewhere. Damian was the last to leave - ensuring he glared at his father . Bruce met his glare- equally defiant as he watches his son storm pass him - not before shoving the empty chair back into the table.

Alfred immediately launches forward to brace the chair's impact against the table . Bruce sits there , head hung low as he stared at your chair longingly.

" Oh sweet heart daddy doesn't know what to do anymore "

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Taglist :@itsmossy @sugarrush-blush @shirp-collector-of-fixations @anteroz @cxcilla @shynerdtriumph @amber-content @azulesworld

Fallen Star

summary: jason mourns his dead wife .

Dying hadn't seemed scary, but when I felt your gentle soul begin to slip through my fingers - I felt the desperation , the sheer panic that coarsed through me as I desperately clawed it back to it's rightful place .

I watched helplessly as liquid gold spilled away to the crashing waves of death - tell me, beloved - why did you have to abandon me all alone on life's cold shores without your warmth ? Did you watch me claw at the shores - arms desperately flailing in the water as I try to crawl to you ?

Did you watch the tears I spilled for you stain my weary face after the hours I spent wailing my heart out for you ? Tell me, did you ever think of me in death's warmth ? Did ever once thought about comming back to me ?

I have grown tired , too tired, my beloved - I grown too cold , too monstrous as I continue living in a world without you . I curse myself every night for being a selfish man for wanting you to come back to me in this God forsaken world . I would burn myself for it, my love, but still - but still, I await every night at our humble foyer waiting for you to walk through that door.

Your bedside has grown cold, my love. It has long since lost your honeyed scent . Even in the early mornings, when the sun pours its golden rays onto it , it still remains cold and desolate . Maybe you were the world's true sun, my love, because ever since it's only rained and snowed since you've left.

Your coffee mug is always left untouched on the counter - exactly where you left it, my love - long gone, the guys you would have nagged me to put it away in the cupboards . Long gone the night's you stayed awake to dress my wounds - gone were your soft kisses on my hot skin , gone were the times you embraced me after I awoke from your nightmares.

Long gone where the days I had any appetite because my body , my heart , my soul still craves the warm food you would always make me. Every night, I come back home to bleed out on the living room floor because I refuse to be taken care of by anyone who isn't you, my love.

I still go to that overpriced cafe we always went and buy your coffee order - I'd swallow the overly sweet vanilla drink while I try not to break down thinking about how the sweet smile you always wore when you drinked it .

Every day, I visit your grave with your favorite flowers and a letter always telling you I love you no matter what. I always make sure to look my best when visiting you love - always wearing that red sweater you made me because you said I looked cute as a cherry .

I always sit next to your tombstone and talk to you beloved - about any and anything because I know you'd want to know . I always kept your space clean and neat because I know you loved your spaces clean . Did you know my love I visit your grave more that my own ?

I don't care if it is ridiculous - but my soul and heart know that my life - my entire being - my reason for living never resided in that corpse but resided in your heart instead .

I miss you so much beloved please return to me , your husband Jason Todd .

You loved him. But he threw it away.

Tw: I cried writing this, Angst angst and more angst, Cheating, Break up, Alcohol, Betrayal, short blurb, bad living situations/financial problems mentioned.

Song: crawling back to you - hozier cover.

You adored him. Everything about him. Your eyes were so full of love when you looked at him. Always that some, head over heels, puppy love, doe-eyed look. You gave him everything.

Gojo looked down at you, and you were just staring at him, admiring him, adoring him. He was your everything.

“Something on my face?” He’d smile, that cute little grin on his lips that you adored.

“You’re so perfect.” You’d whisper so softly it would take Gojo’s breath away. That look of love had his heart skipping a beat and his knees growing weak.

You two were at a party. You were dressed in a cute little outfit, and had been sipping on the same beer all night. Gojo however was about four shots deep. He was definitely more than tipsy.

But he’d always return to you, giggling like a love sick fool, wrapping his arms around you like you were his life line.

However, tonight was different.

You couldn’t find him.

Where was he?

You’d pour your drink out and throw it away, before asking around for him.

You started from the front of the house, all the way to the back.

“Have you seen my boyfriend? Gojo?” You would gently tap on people’s shoulders. Feeling an uneasy feeling settle in the pit of your stomach the longer you couldn’t find him.

You finally stopped asking around and just began opening doors. The bathroom? Had two strangers making out. A bedroom? Someone was throwing up all over the duvet.

However, it wasn’t until you made it to the last door. Without hesitation, you opened it. But your heart shattered the moment your eyes landed on the bed.

Gojo had some stranger riding him.

That wasn’t even the worst part, because when he looked over at you, it was like he didn’t recognize you. His eyes were so fogged by lust and alcohol, that he thought you were some stranger.

“We’re kinda busy. Unless you wanted to join? You have a nice enough body.” He’d wink at you, before turning his attention back to the woman riding him.

Tears were rolling down your face before you could stop them. Your breath was stuttered. Throat tight and mouth dry.

Slowly, stiffly turning away, you began to walk out of that house. Step by step, your heart breaking.

You loved him. You loved him so much it hurt. So much so that you never even imagined that he could do this. You loved him so hard that his actions left your heart cracked and in ruin.

You walked home that night. Feet sore and cracked, bleeding a bit around the heel from how far you walked.

But when you made it home, you just sat down and stared at the wall. You didn’t make a sound, you couldn’t. You were in denial. But what followed denial was a sadness you weren’t ready for. It was the kind of sadness that left you empty.

White lashes fluttered open and groan heaved past his lips. Gojo sat up slowly, holding his head. “Fuck I’m hung over… baby?” Feeling to his left, he felt his hand touch someone. But when he looked over, it wasn’t you. It was some stranger.

He inhaled sharply and immediately shot out of bed. Tripping over his feet as he got dressed. He’d never moved so fast in his life.

Scrambling out the door, he called an uber. And when the car parked, he rushed into your shared home.

He saw you on the couch, still awake. Your eyes were red and your face was puffy, you looked exhausted but your face was empty.

But when you looked at him, he crumbled.

Your look of love and complete and utter adoration, was gone. Replaced by something that knocked the air from his chest and had him swallowing thickly.

“Y/n- I-I-“ he knew you knew. How could you not when you looked at him with such sorrow? Such pain? Such betrayal? “It’s- it’s not what it seems like.”

You just stared at him. That ache in your chest was heavy. So heavy it was hard to look away. “Have a nice night?” You mumbled, your voice hoarse from crying so hard the night before.

Gojo’s brows furrowed and his eyes grew glassy. That feeling of guilt began to swallow him whole. The guilt that made his limbs heavy and his eyes burn. “Baby- please,” he begged. He didn’t know what for. Forgiveness? For you to just be angry at him? To yell and to scream instead of looking at him like he just destroyed your hopes and dreams. And he had.

Slowly, you stood up. “I hope it was worth it,” you murmured before grabbing your phone and leaving the house. Not looking back as you left Gojo to hold onto his chest to try and calm the pain.

“I didn’t- I didn’t mean for this- I- I was drunk I-“ he spoke to himself. But even his own words felt alien to his ears.

He’d ruined 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨. Just for moments of pleasure. He threw away your relationship, your love, your future… and he couldn’t blame anyone but himself.

So in your shared home, he’d never felt more alone. Clarity brought pain, pain that he was to blame. Of course he was. His own inner voice mocked him. His nails dug into his knees as began to cry. To mourn his own mistakes, to mourn the loss of you.

He’d ruined everything.

But he wouldn’t let this be the end.

He could fix this.

Couldn’t he?

It’d been two months since his betrayal. Two months since you’d left him standing there. Two months since you took your belongings and left your shared home.

Two months since he’d seen you.

His mistakes had left him broken. But he knew he could only blame himself. It didn’t hurt any less.

You’d left behind a hoodie, and it smelled like you still do this day. Gojo made sure to spray your perfume on his pillows so they’d still smell like you.

Your eyes hung low. You were tired. Exhausted. You’d had to get a job as a waitress to pick up the income that Gojo’s absence left you without.

You were working exhaustingly long shifts. Picking up doubles when you could. Having almost no off days.

You’d lost weight. You didn’t look well. You were worked to the bone, but you didn’t have time to apply for a better job. Rent was so expensive, even in the shitty neighborhood you now lived in.

Retying your apron, you grabbed a pen before heading to a new table. Not yet looking up, you greeted the guest. “Welcome to Joseph’s boil, how can I hel-…” your words fell on the tip of your tongue as you saw him.

He was just as shocked as you. His shock turned to worry and concern. He’d never seen you in such poor condition. Was it possible for someone to look the way you did in just two months?

His heart ached but rejoiced as he finally was able to see you again. To hear your voice. To inhale your scent.

“Y/n?” He said your name so softly.

His voice broke the flood gates. Your hands had started shaking and your bottom lip quivered. Your pretty eyes turned glassy with so much emotion not even the finest author could put it into words.

Slamming down your apron, you quickly fled the restaurant. Despite the heavy rain or the fact that you were getting soaked.

“Wait!” Gojo got up from his seat, the chair falling back with an ear piercing screech.

He ran after you. His shirt sticking to his form as water drenched him just as much as it drenched you.

“Leave me alone!” You yelled, your voice pathetically shaky. You choked on your words as you cried and tried to speed off.

“No! Please- please just wait!” He managed to catch up and grab you by the wrist and pull you back in.

“Get off of me!” You yelled, and tried to yank yourself out of his grip but he wrapped his arms around you and you held you against him. Even as you pounded your fists against his chest. “I hate you! I hate you so much!”

Your words pierced his heart, your tears felt like acid on his skin but he held you close. Held you even when your body just went limp against him.

“I hate you…” you’d whimper into his chest, sobbing as everything came crushing down on you at once. “How could you do this to me?! Why?!”

“I don’t know. Im so sorry,” was all he could whisper.

And at the end of the day, even when you were just holding each other in the rain, nothing could repair the pain he left forever in your heart. The insecurity and trust issues he planted in your soul. Nothing would ever fix what he broke.

行かないでくれ。Please, don't go.

Trueform!Ryomen Sukuna x elder!Reader

Tags: Angst with no comfort, ooc Sukuna, Sukuna calls reader 'wife' so fem-alligned!reader ig?, dementia and death

A/N: So like I had a depressive episode and now I want you all to suffer

.

.

.

It was a quiet summer afternoon. You were perched under your favorite sakura blossom tree. Your husband, Ryomen, was sat right next to you, his four eyes closed and your hands in his, fingers intertwining.

You had just scattered some seeds on the ground for the ducks to eat. Now you were looking as they pecked on them, a smile on your wrinkled face. You could hear a huff next to you, and when you turned to look at your husband, you were met with his crimson gaze on you, a half smirk on his face.

"You should stop feeding them. They're fat enough as is."

You rolled your eyes at that, leaning your head against his broad, tattooed shoulder. Your boney thumb caressed the back of his hand out of habit.

"You always say that. They're not even fat."

Ryomen let out a 'tsk', one of four his hands coming to rest at your head against his shoulder, caressing your soft, grey locks

"Yes they are, wife."

It was a routine the two of you have established, you would always be sitting under the same sakura blossom and converse while you fed the ducks. One day, you were both sat under it again. But this time, you didn't scatter seeds like you usually did. Ryomen hummed, brushing your silver locks through his fingers.

"Hmph, finally decided they were fat enough, haven't you, wife?"

You looked around a bit before looking up at your husband, as if making sure he was talking to you despite the fact you were alone.

"Ducks? What ducks? I don't see any."

The salmon haired curse looked down at you with a raised brow, clicking his tongue before replying with a grumble in his voice

"The ducks you feed everyday, obviously. Don't play games with me, woman"

That just seemed to confuse you even more. You don't exactly recall feeding any ducks.

"Ryomen, I think you hit your head, I never fed any ducks."

Your husband had to hold back a remark. It was strange that you forgot something you do daily. But he could sense you weren't lying, so how was it possible? Unless..

The King of Curses cleared his throat, gently rubbing your side with another arm

"It's getting late, let's go inside, wife. Uraume made your favorite."

Your eyes brightened a little at the mention of your favorite food. A smile spread over your wrinkled lips. Your frail, boney arms went to use Ryomen as your support, your legs shaking as you slowly got up. Once you did, your husband handed you your cane and supported your back with hand, stabelizing you.

After a delicious lunch with your husband, you were sat on the bed. Your eyes gazed through the room, as if in a trance. When Ryomen entered the room, he noticed you mindlessly gazing. He sat next to you on the bed, looking down at you.

"Ryomen, where am I?"

When that question left your lips, The Cursed King's eyes widened slightly. Forgetting a part of your daily routine is one thing. But forgetting where you are is something he wasn't hoping for. He let out a sigh, placing his hand over yours

"You're home, wife. In our bedroom."

Your mouth went into an 'o' shape, realizing slowly where you were

"Oh, what was I going to do?"

Ryomen breathed out through his nose in slight irritation. Not because of your question, but because of the reason why you were asking those questions.

"You were.. about to take a nap, wife."

His arms went to slowly lift your legs up once he said that, draping the covers over your wrinkly, old body. Once you were properly tucked in, he pressed his lips against your forehead, kissing it softly.

"Rest well, wife."

He mumbled before slipping under the covers next to you, holding your body close to his with a gentleness that he had achieved over the years of being married to you.

.

.

Day by day, your forgetfulness had gotten worse. During breakfast, you didn't recognize his loyal servant and cook, Uraume. When he brought you to the koi pond you loved so much, you didn't look at it with the same fondness as before.

Despite Ryomen's distaste for humans, except you, he had brought you to a doctor, who said you had an 'umbrella disease' called dementia. Which made you forget little and big things from your daily life. When Ryomen asked if there was any cure, the doctor shook his head. It made your husband's non-existent heart drop, the bit of hope he had for his wife to be 'cured' was gone.

But he stood strong.

Everyday, he would do small activities with you, like going on a picnic date. Not just for your joy and happiness, but also for the small thread of hope he had that maybe you'll remember some things from the past, like the outings to festivals you two always had.

But alas, just as the doctor said, much to his dismay, you never could remember. You just kept forgetting, and forgetting. It was a part of the life of a mortal.

One quiet evening, you were sat on your favorite reading chair next to the fireplace, reading a book. Atleast you didn't forget that, Ryomen thought, who was sat on his own chair next to you. Your hands were held together, fingers intertwined. At a certain moment, the silence was interrupted by your voice, whispering softly.

"Ryomen.."

The pink-haired curse looked to the side. Your book was shut closed on your lap, and you were staring at the fireplace. His brows furrowed as he went to kneel infront of you, his thumb caressing the back of your hand

"Yes, wife? What is the matter?"

You breathed in deeply, your eyelids heavy and your lips quivering ever so slightly as you breathed back out

"I love you.."

It was at that moment that The King of Curses realized that your cursed energy had faded away, like sand escaping through his fingers. He couldn't feel your heart beating, and he couldn't feel your warmth anymore.

.

.

.

You had left him.

And he couldn't even tell you he loved you back.

Clean up your mess.

childe x princess!reader

Word count — 0.9 k

cw — non graphic depictions of death,blood,non sexual degration

genre — hurt no comfort.

summary — childe was sent out to kill your father, setting out to leave the palace they hear crying going back to the scene they see you crying over your fathers dead body.

background music —

“A king you say? , how interesting. Alright, I'll be on my way !”

Childe heads out of the door. You know most people wouldn't have that much glee on their face when they're told to kill someone but I guess childe isn't most people huh? Killing a king, now that was something childe hasn't done before. boots crushing on the snowy grounds of Snezhnaya he couldn't help but think about his “victim” does he have a family? If so, does he cherish them? Well, he better because these moments will be the last he’ll ever see them again.

Then he arrived, modest weather obviously warmer than Snezhnaya but not hot, it looked similar to monstad in a way but simultaneously different. could it be that he liked it here? hemp, not a chance. He stops with the chitter-chatter and heads on with his mission. Of course, there's no time to waste. Do you know how hard it is to infiltrate a palace? No, you don't.

“ according to the schedule of the king, he should be here soon.”

Childes' curious eyes glid across the king's tea area. scaling around every object in the room, the room just looked gloomy. He didn't know how to explain it; there was just no sense of happiness in there. Not too long after noticing a family photo.

“So he does have a family, what a shame.”

Most people knowing his personality would think this was satirical but no, every word that slipped out of his mouth at that moment was pure misery. tearing a family apart was not something childe particularly enjoyed doing but it was rather he had to. oh here comes the king.

“ Yes, I understand that I have a meeting to attend to but just give me some alone time, please? for once.”

As the door slammed behind him the king let out a sigh. childe wonders

“Is he too stressed to notice or something? Well, I'm not complaining, makes my job easier?”

Pulling the dagger from his left pocket, he glances at it for a moment but remembers the task at hand. steering towards the king he seems to be aware of remotely his now presence, not much of a difference to childe anyway since his going die to either route he takes, screaming, shouting, or even briber whatever he tried wouldn't phase him.

“Hey wh- who are you w- we can talk abo-”

The king's frantic words were sadly cut off by a blade that slashed his throat a sense of pride suddenly ran thru childe's veins still making quite the mess, blood on his papers all on his photos well at least the room had a little color tho whoever cleans this is gonna have a heck of a time, childe didn't care because he wasn't the one who had to clean up the mess, he never was.

“Okayy now that's done I can leave, wonder what his meeting was about. huh I guess we’ll never know”

Out the door he goes,trabling down he stairs wondering what his next task will be. the only problem is someone's crying, in the same exact room he just killed someone in. he knows going in will just make his task harder but he can't shake the off the "guilt", he's never felt like this before, was it because he had a family or was it that he guy didn't do much wrong. he doesn't know Tsaritsa just wanted the guy dead.he open the door he just went out of a few minutes ago he sees a girl not just any girl but a princess,body hanging over her fathers dead lifeless one she clung to it as if it was going to bring him back but nothing,no sing of life,no movement,nothing. she was just left sobbing there, assumably alone,he knew there was nothing that could fix this,back turned to the wall eyes on the floor. there was this disgusting feeling seeping all over his body he felt like he was catching a disease one not lethal but one that brought executing pain,slumping his body over to you

“Sorry.”

That's all any other words he wanted to say refused to come out of his mouth, you couldn't speak either the man that took your father, your guide, your helper, is now apologizing like it's some candy he stole? How dare he lay his disgusting, filthy, fleabag hands on you “how could he”

Is the words that repeated through your mind, how did he even muster up the courage- no pride to speak to you, to look at you, to touch you. you were revolted by his mere existence and childe could tell the guilt was eating him alive rightfully so,he knows he doesn't deserve to feel any type of guilt right now he knows full well what he did and he did it anyway. how could a person do something like this a still feels bad for themself,simply nauseating. You saw his lips separate like he was going to say something, you stopped him.

“Hands off, Mutt.”

There was a shock going through his body and you could see it, his dignity shattered at that point if, he had any left. Removing his left arm off your back as he didn't deserve to speak to you not even to think about touching you. there was nothing he could do to make it better. helpless ,that's how he was supposed to make his victims feel, for once he's cleaning up the mess.

A.N — this was really fun to like hope you like it i tried to make it a lil longer but it still didnt reach 1.0 k i might make a scara ver idk

001. #—— title. 12:35 (drabble)

002. #—— note. (implied cheating) afab!black!reader  wc. 1032k disc. angst!

003. #—— character(s). ran. h

004. #—— inspired song. (none)

___________________________

Rain pellets fell from the midnight sky, the lone droplets cascading down the opened window. The teardrop-shaped liquid pelted softly against the stainless window seals, creating miniature puddles that

swam on the marble surface. It had been a relaxing sound, the steady plows of the rain in the solid surface.

Plop. Plop. Plop. The fan hoisted onto the ceiling whirred, the swift motions creating a soft and loose breeze within the tiny room. A dull light flickered, casting a soft shadow every few minutes. Though, the only illuminated place was the single bed positioned in the center of the room, near the wall. Blankets were heaped atop of a still figure, more because of their racing heart and less because of the hefty amount of blankets engulfing their body from head to toe. Y/n attempted to calm their racing heart, inhaling deep and slow breaths from their nose and exhaling. Their round cheeks felt warm as their heart pounded in their chest, and with a toss of a blanket, they sat up abruptly, a grin slowly emerging onto their melanated face. They held the device in their hand, delicately scrolling up and down the touch screen, brown eyes analyzing every word, sentence, and tone they shared with Ran. They had gotten a message from him, informing them that he’d call soon. However, that had been over 20 minutes ago but, despite that, they waited; growing tired as time went on. A sigh left their plump lips, and they tiredly glanced at the top left corner of their phone, taking note that it was 12:35. Y/n yawned drowsily, placing their phone down on their bedsheets and laying down comfortably. They had finally decided to let themselves slip into a slumber, however, it only lasted a few minutes before their phone sounded, startling them awake.

Y/n’s body jolted, their blown wide eyes shifted to their phone, it lightly buzzed with vibrations, the sounds bouncing off the walls surrounding the closed-off room. The hands of y/n found the device and squinted their eyes at the brightness of the phone, only resting them once they got used to the beam of light. Finally, they were able to read the caller ID, the familiar lettering sending relief, but slight irritation at his long-overdue call.

They contemplated ignoring the call to spite him, though they decided not to give in to their petty behaviour, and with a touch of their fingers, the call connected. Y/n breathed softly from their nose, placing the phone to their ear. They heard the soft breaths from the person on the end of the line, and the hesitation was thick in the air on either side. Finally, y/n heard the melodic voice they fell in love with every time they heard it.“Hello..?” He said with uncertainty and guilt basked in his voice. Y/n hadn’t said anything, their voice caught in their throat. “Y/n... I’m sorry, I had lost track of time and I was out with Bonten-”

“Where were you?” Y/n found their voice. There was silence on the

other end, but still, yet y/n waited. “Ran,” Y/n said firmly, the lack of response agitating them further. A beat passed before Ran answered, “XXX Casino…”

Y/n sucked in a sharp breath, they knew the history and reputation that Casino carried proudly on its back.

Prostitution, Gambling, Smuggling, and Tax Evasion to name a few.

It was no surprise Bonten would be involved with the company, considering it was the biggest criminal organization throughout all of Japan. Y/n’s heartbeat in their chest, finally sitting up and placing the phone on speaker. “..Did you cheat on me?” Y/n uttered, a tiny lump forming in their throat and they waited for his response. “Y/n I-”

“Did you or did you not!” Their voice elevated, a slight waver to it. Y/n braced themselves for his next words, praying it would be the opposite of the thoughts that flowed through their mind.

“I would never hurt you intentionally, baby. You know that” Ran spoke. Y/n sucked in a harsh breath, “So that’s your answer, huh?”

There was no reply on the other line, heavy silence a clear sign the accusation was true.

Y/n nodded to themselves, swallowing hard as they tried to keep the lump in their throat down.

"Lose my number, Ran," y/n hung up the phone, sadness knawing at their heart with every breath. They couldn't deal with his excuses, they wouldn't. At least, not anymore.

Excuses, excuses, and more excuses. That's all the relationship was built on. The foundation.

Y/n stared blankly at nothing in particular, trying to keep their tears at bay. Their breathing was constricted and they shut their eyes tight, tears seeping out of their eyes and down the apple of their cheeks. A loud sob erupted from their lips, their hand coming around to mute their cries. They enveloped their arms around themselves, trying to shield themselves from the pain, ease the ache in their heart. 'you're gonna be okay,' y/n told themselves- no, convinced themselves.

Y/n attempted to still their breathing, the occasional hiccups erupting from their throat. They sank back down in a lying position, this time their stomach being pressed flat into the sheet-covered mattresses. The coolness of the pillow welcomed them with open arms, a sigh departing their plump chapped lips.

It always hurt to feel abandoned- be abandoned; there's no doubt about that. However, how many times do you have to be alone to realize no one cares? How many tears need to be shed to come to the conclusion that, no one'll wipe them unless you do? How many times does your heart need to shatter to let it beat again- feel again, love again?

Y/n pondered to themselves, their unfocused and droopy eyes blankly staring ahead, every so often fluttering, waiting for sleep to envelope them.

Perhaps they'll never know, everyone has a breaking point, though how far it'll exceed is a mystery, and only until you meet the finish line, will you know what's on the other side.

___________________________

©bontensbisquit, all rights reserved.

please do not copy, translate or repost any contents on this blog

interactions much appreciated 😇

Rosyln

[Jacob Black] X [Reader] 

One shot

Prompt: Unwilling Imprint, ANGST

Pronouns: I tried to be gender-neutral but I may have messed up a few times. 

TW: DESCRIPTIONS OF BLOOD AND GORE. Read at your discretion. A little bit of mommy issues lmao. (laughing through the pain rn) 

Notes: I don’t have the best grasp on what phones were like in the 2000’s so it’s probably inaccurate. Jake is fine y'all please don’t call paw patrol. JUSTICE FOR LEAH CLEARWATER. A little bit of simping for her because idc she's gorgeous and I love her. 

I realized that the timing for this is a little confusing, so its supposed to take place in like the middle of New Moon but I wrote that Seth and Leah had already shifted, which doesn't happen until eclipse so pls ignore that.

THE FUCKING TITLE HAS BEEN SPELLED WRONG THIS WHOLE TIME ITS ROSYLN NOT ROSLYN

꧂☾✮☽꧁

Jacob Black had made it clear he didn't want me in his life anymore. Those last words I had heard from him burned themselves into my memory, into my very skin.

"It wasn't supposed to be you." 

I cringed and tried to sink into the bed further, but the mattress wouldn’t let me in. My eyes traced the shapes in the popcorn ceiling of my room, and I tried desperately to think of anything else. Making shapes out of nothing—and stories to go with it. Yet my mind seemed to somehow circle back. Everything seemed to remind me of him. And the last time I saw him. 

The rain pounded against the steps of my front porch, drenching my clothes in muggy water. The deafening sound almost tore me away from the boy in front of me. But he wasn't the boy I knew before. He was taller, bigger, and much meaner. He said nothing for a moment, he just stared at me. I couldn’t read his expression—it was many things all at once. There seemed to be some sort of realization, then confusion, and then hatred. A burning hatred that made me want to shrink away from him. It made my skin crawl. I was suddenly very aware of the way my clothes now hung to my skin, the rainwater adding an extra pound or two.

He shook violently, his breath hitching. His eyes darted around like they were searching for something.

I hadn’t expected him to change so drastically in the two weeks I hadn’t seen him. His long, dark hair was cut short. His formerly lanky figure looked like that of a man twice his age. And his dark skin bore an intricate tattoo located on his right shoulder. It was the same tattoo Sam had. Sam, the man he apparently hated.

"It wasn't supposed to be you."

That was the last thing he said to me, before storming away. Into his truck, and out of my life. 

It hurt to think about it, I tried to convince myself that it was somehow my fault. That I had said or done something wrong. Something so vile that it would make him hate me enough to leave. But why would he be so angry with me? I had called him, I called Billy. I even tried calling Charlie. No one would give me a coherent answer. Charlie was the only one willing to give me anything. Saying something about how Jacob and Bella had gotten into a big fight, and she was receiving similar treatment. But to know that he had at least had contact with her while having ignored me completely. It stung. It made my skin crawl, and I felt a burning sense of rage. But it was overshadowed by guilt. Maybe it was my fault—or was it selfish to assume that everything in his life revolved around me?

I felt tempted to call Bella. It seemed like she knew the most about whatever had Jacob acting this way. I bit my lip, weighing my options. Bella and I were never close, I knew that Jacob liked her. Jacob liked her a lot—I bit my lip a little harder at that thought. I hated the way he would swoon whenever she breathed in his direction. How he would trip over his feet trying to please her. And yet he couldn’t take the hint that she didn’t want him. And she refused to let him go. Wrapping him around her finger and leading him on, only to pull back as soon as he got his hopes up. I stared at my phone, I had Bella’s number saved somewhere deep within my contacts. The last time I had actually used it was weeks ago when I tried to be friends with her—she had denied my advances of course. I reached for my phone hesitantly. My heartbeat quickened slightly. Would she even answer me? Was it rude to try and talk to her just so I could ask about Jacob? Especially while they were fighting? My finger hovered above the call button. I pressed it quickly, it was worth a shot. 

The phone rang for an uncomfortable amount of time, enough for me to start regretting my decision. But before I could chicken out and hang up, Bella answered. She didn’t sound too great. Her voice was slightly hoarse, and it wobbled a bit. It sounded like she was forcing the words out of her mouth.

“Hello?” She answered. It took me a second to remember what I had called her for, though I should have expected this from her. She was almost in the same situation I was in. Almost.

“Hey Bells,” I used the old nickname we had for her when we were kids. I hoped that the friendliness would maybe help convince her to spill the beans about Jacob. “I don't want to pry into your guys’ business, but what's going on with Jacob?” I tried to sound like I was just mildly curious, forcing the worry out of my tone. But I didn't have time to explain my reason for asking before she cut me off.

“He's just not feeling well.” She spoke fast, too fast for me to understand at first. The words jumbled and rushed, slowly connecting in my mind. Not feeling well? He seemed fine to me. 

“Oh,” That couldn't be all that was wrong. “Did he say if he was sick?” I questioned. I wanted to drag this conversation out. I wanted to pry as much information as I could from Bella. 

She paused on the other side of the phone—I desperately wanted to know what was going on inside her head, to hear what she was keeping from me. There was no way she didn't know more than what she was leading on. “Uh, he said it was Mono. Yeah, he got pretty bad Mono recently so you probably won't see him for a while.” She spit the words out fast. Stumbling over them like the way she stumbles through life. I knew for certain that he did not have Mono. That was the biggest load of shit I had heard since Jacob told me he “didn't have a crush on Bella”. People got Mono from kissing someone else with it, and I knew that Jacob wouldn’t have kissed anyone but Bella. And she was apparently Mono-free.

“Oh that’s awful, when did he get it?” I asked. I had no idea whether or not she knew about my recent encounter with Jacob. Only her answer would tell. 

She panicked for a second. “Um, I think it was three weeks ago. Yeah! Three weeks.” She sounded more sure of herself the second time she said it. Bingo. 

Bella had always been a bad liar. She’d stutter over her words more than usual, and she’d start to get antsy the longer the lie went on.

“Huh, well that really sucks. If you get a hold of him could you tell him I hope he feels better soon? I haven't been able to contact him.” I didn't plan on telling Bella about Jacob's midnight appearance. She didn't know, which meant she didn't need to know. 

“Yeah, I will.” She sounded eager to hang up, so I put her out of her misery. I tossed my phone back onto the bed. And began to calculate my next move.

Bella had no idea that I had seen Jacob, so she had no idea that I was certain he was not sick at all. Sick in the head maybe, but he seemed physically healthy to me. Jacob stood in the pouring rain with no problem, in a sleeveless shirt might I add. And showed no signs of any kind of sickness. From the sound of it, Bella knew he wasn't sick. It was painfully obvious that she was trying to cover for him. I had to come up with some plan of action. I needed Jacob to talk to me. It wasn’t fair that Bella was allowed to know everything while his “best friend” wasn’t. 

I inhaled deeply through my nose and exhaled from my mouth. This wasn’t going to be easy. I had no idea where he was, and I knew no one was going to tell me. I could beg Billy to tell me what was going on, he could only handle so much of my puppy-dog eyes before he cracked. I could march my way to Sam’s house and demand to know everything. Both plans of action sounded terrible. It felt selfish. I wasn’t really owed anything, it felt wrong to demand that they tell me their secrets. Maybe once I found out I’d wish that I’d left it alone. Stubborn as always, I decided that I was going to find out. You can’t just shut someone out for no reason and then be upset when they want to know why. 

I reached for the stale glass of water on my bedside table and knocked back a large gulp. I cringed at the funny taste. My thoughts flew a mile a minute. I came up with a new plan of action. I was going to go to Jacob’s house and wait for him there. He couldn’t stay away from his house forever and I was willing to wait as long as it took. He would talk to me, whether he liked it or not. 

I marched to the other side of my bedroom and rifled through my closet. I picked out the first outfit I found, and threw on a jacket. I snatched my keys and marched to my front door. I didn’t care who I had to ask, I would figure this out. There was no way Jacob was getting rid of me so easily. The puddles on the pavement splashed violently as I stomped through them, soaking through the crevices of my shoes and dampening my socks. But I was too preoccupied to care. The car door creaked from the force that I opened it with, I threw myself into the driver's seat and slammed it shut again. I flinched from the loud noise. I need to slow down a bit. I inhaled, closed my eyes, and relaxed my shoulders. I shouldn’t be driving in such a state. I pried my eyes open and started the car, reversing out of the driveway once I heard the roar of the engine. 

The long roads that led to the reservation were more familiar to me than the back of my hands. I had driven there so many times, for as long as I could remember. It hurt to think about every other time I had been here. When things weren’t so complicated. When it was Jake and me against the world. Without Bella. I bit the inside of my cheek, focusing on the pain from that instead of the tears threatening to spill. Breaking down crying while driving was not the best idea. I didn’t need to add a hospital visit and a wrecked car on top of all of the other shit going on in my life. I focused on my breathing, and not crashing the car. With every landmark, I knew I was getting closer. It wasn’t long before I was turning down the road that led to Jacob's house. A cozy, barn-esque house. Where I shared some of my most cherished memories. Though the memories were slightly bitter now. I parked the car in his driveway. Billy Black was sitting on the porch, his eyes bored into my very soul, and I fought the urge to avoid them. He huffed and wheeled himself back into the house.

I shoved myself out of the car and marched up to the front door. I pounded on the stable wood, he wouldn’t ignore me too. Billy swung the door open, looking frustrated and concerned. 

“He isn’t here [Y/N]. I’ll tell him you stopped by.” He turned to close the door again. It hurt to have Billy turn me away. I had never felt anything other than welcome in his home, but I was treated like a stranger now, he was treating me like a girl scout. I grabbed the door before it could close. 

“Then I’ll wait here for him,” I said in the sternest tone I could manage. It killed me to be rude to Billy. But I kept my guard up. I couldn’t show any sign that I would back down.

Billy sighed but made no move to let me in. He glanced behind him into the house, then back at me.

“I hate to do this to you kid, but you really can’t be here right now.” Billy looked me in the eyes again. His tone was stern but comforting. But I couldn’t give up so easily. 

“Why not? Why won't anybody tell me what’s going on?” I was more desperate this time, my faḉade dropping. It took everything in me not to start hysterically screaming.

Billy cringed, it hurt him to shut me out. He obviously knew what was going on with his son but something was stopping him from telling me. He looked up at me again, opening his mouth to speak. But his eyes caught something behind me, and he stopped. I turned around. A red truck pulled into the driveway. Jacob sat in the driver’s seat and huffed when he saw me. I looked next to him, of course, Bella was with him. She bit her lip, and blinked way too many times, looking between me and Jacob. He stepped out of the truck and walked to the other side to open Bella’s door for her. He was just pouring salt on the wound at this point. The pair walked toward me, I opened my mouth to yell at Jake, but he walked right past me, Bella in tow. Billy looked disappointed but said nothing. Bella looked back at me with a look that I couldn’t quite pinpoint. It almost looked like sympathy, but there was venom to it. Not quite a glare, but not friendly. I scoffed. Who does this girl think she is?

“Hey!” I shouted. Jacob paused, his shoulders tensed. But he didn’t turn around to look at me. “What is your problem?” I continued, “What am I not good enough for you anymore? Not cool enough to hang out with you and your new friends?” This went much more calmly in my head. A lot less accusingly. Jacob still refused to look at me. But Bella did. She walked toward me and put her hand on my shoulder.

“[Y/N] I really think you should leave.” Bella insisted, but I shoved her hand off of me. I was even more frustrated that she had the audacity to tell me what to do after she tried to lie to me earlier. 

“No! I’m not going anywhere ‘till he explains himself! He has no right to just cut me off.” I yelled, more at him than her. But she still flinched, and I felt a little bad. Jacob spun around now, jumping at the chance to protect Bella. He got in my face and pushed Bella behind him. 

“Don’t you dare yell at her.” He glared at me. He shoved me back a bit, the force almost sent me flying, but I held my ground. 

“I’m not yelling at her, I'm yelling at you, Jacob. Funny how you only speak to me when you want to protect her. And what the hell does “It wasn’t supposed to be you” mean?” I got right back in his face, confronting him about his last encounter with me. His eyes widened slightly, and he glanced back at Bella. She furrowed her brows and looked at him.

“Jake, what are they talking about?” She held onto Jacob’s shoulder and tried to turn him towards her. But he didn’t budge, only turning his head to look at her.

“Don’t worry about it, Bells.” The nickname made me want to barf. Wasn’t she dating that Cullen guy? Oh right. The Cullens had packed up and moved town a few months ago, the whole town had been so worried about Bella since she was so in love with Edward. I had felt bad for her too, her depressive episode was all too familiar to me. Though it seemed she had moved on and sunk her claws into Jacob now. Suddenly I wasn’t too sympathetic toward her. 

“He didn’t tell you?” If he wouldn’t, I would. “He showed up at my doorstep in the pouring rain and told me the most cryptic bullshit I’ve ever heard, before disappearing out of my life!” I shouted. It seemed I had called out to some weather god because a light rain began to fall on all of us. But no one made any move to take shelter. At least this was more dramatic now. 

Bella looked confused but didn’t press any further. Jacob turned to me again, he looked more frustrated than mad now.

“Look [Y/N], just go away. If I could tell you I would. But you shouldn’t be here right now.” Jacob started to shake, he wasn’t wearing that thick of clothing, so he was probably cold because of the rain. He turned to walk away again, but my hand shot out on its own to grab onto his shoulder. Woah. I was wrong, Jacob wasn’t cold at all. He was hot to the touch. It almost burned. 

“Holy shit!” I pulled my hand back, and he turned around frantically, my cry alerting him. “Jacob you’re burning up! I think you need to see a doctor or something.” I looked down at my hand, thankfully it wasn’t burned, only a slight red tint was left behind. Even though I was mad at him, I couldn’t help but worry. As much as I try, I’ll never be able to hate Jacob. I looked up at him, my ‘angry face’ was gone now, a look of worry taking its place. His eyes softened for a moment. His shoulders relaxed, before tensing back up again. His gaze hardened, and he huffed. 

“Go.” Was all he said, before turning again. He ushered Bella to follow him, leaving his arm around her shoulder. I stomped forward again and slammed my palm onto his shoulder. 

“Hey! I’m not leaving without an answer, Jacob Black. If you think you can get rid of me that easily you are stupidly mistaken.” I let out a sarcastic laugh at the end of my sentence. Nothing was funny about this but I couldn’t help myself. Jacob shook more, and his breathing sped up. He let go of Bella and looked at me.

“I am not going to tell you again [Y/N].” He emphasized each word, “Leave now, for your own good.” For my own good my ass.

“No Jacob, not until you tell me WHY.” I emphasized my words, mimicking his. He shook so hard I was afraid he would combust.

And then he did.

Within a split second, the sounds of clothes tearing filled my ears. And I felt something tear at my arm. I was flung back from the force of it, landing on the muddy ground. White hot pain shot through my entire right side. I felt something warm run down my arm, contrasting with the cold rain surrounding me. But my focus was still caught on what was in front of me. Jacob was gone, replaced with a reddish-brown wolf. It was the size of a horse. Way bigger than any normal wolf should be. My mind felt fried. This couldn’t be real. This had to be some horrible dream or some hallucination. But the pain in my arm told me that this was all too real.

 The wolf, presumably still Jacob, snarled and growled for a moment before its eyes caught sight of my arm. I looked down. I could barely see anything past the amount of red. It was my blood. The flesh was torn, ripped almost to shreds. Exposing the pink mussel beneath. I caught a small bit of white. Bone. My breath was rapid. The air entering my lungs burned, it felt like they were trying to rip open. I shook. It took everything not to start screaming. I was in shock. This couldn’t be real. 

I looked back up at the Jacob-wolf. His ears flew back, and he shook and backed away slightly. His brown eyes, eyes I knew too well, flickered between my face, and my arm. His tail tucked between his legs, and he ran. With incredible speed, he ran into the forest. My ears rang.

 All I could hear was the pounding of the rain and yelling. I heard yelling from all sides. A woman’s voice. And a few different male voices. I heard something thump on the ground across from me. But as my vision blurred, I was unable to make out what it was. Or, who it was. I felt something pull me from the mud. Two large hands grabbed me and held me tight. I was pulled into someone's arms, and I felt us move. The heat was almost unbearable. It was suffocating. I wanted to pull away. To be left on the ground. But I couldn’t pull together the strength to do anything. I felt oblivious to the world around me. Everything was blurry, and moving both too fast, and too slow all at once. I could make out only some of the words I heard around me. Most were panicking. But over all of that, I heard a calm voice yelling orders. I heard more clothes ripping, and two more giant figures ran into the woods. After Jacob. 

I heard that same voice from above me, it was calm and reassuring this time.

“Everything is going to be okay [Y/N], we're gonna get you some help” It was distinctly Sam. I knew that tone. It was paternal, it was gentle. But it felt so firm, so firm that I believed every word of it. I let myself relax. Black spots entered my vision, everything was blurry again, and then there was nothing. 

꧂☾✮☽꧁

The faint sound of beeping woke me, the shrill noise scraping against my ear canal.

I groaned. My everything hurt. I squeezed my eyes further shut, trying to block out the bright light that threatened to burn my retinas. 

My opened my eyes reluctantly as I heard footsteps come through the door. Sam’s large figure came through the doorway. He looked calm, but his brow was slightly furrowed. He opened his mouth to speak, before shutting it again. He looked down for a moment, almost like he was having a conversation I couldn’t hear. Sam inhaled deeply, before stepping towards me. His heavy footsteps resonated through the nearly silent room. The only other sounds were the beeping of the machines next to me. He stepped cautiously towards me, before sitting down in the chair next to my bed. I looked at him anxiously. I knew what was coming, but I didn’t know how. There was no way I could explain what I had seen without sounding insane, “Why yes doctor, my best friend turned into a wolf and mauled my arm. No biggie though.” I bit the inside of my cheek nervously, but Sam gave me a knowing look that calmed me slightly. His look told me he could understand the silent words I was trying to speak. 

“How are you feeling?” Sam’s commanding voice vibrated off the walls. I didn’t know how to answer, I assumed he was asking about my arm.

“Fine, the doctors gave me a bunch of meds to make it hurt less so I’m mostly just numb now-”

Sam raised his hand to stop me.

“No, no. How are you feeling.” He emphasized the word. He didn’t mean my arm. It was clear that he wasn’t going to try and cover up what I had seen. I knew there wasn’t much I could say to him. If anyone were to overhear me talking about my friend turning into a giant wolf and scratching my arm, they’d ship me off to the psych ward without a second thought. I bit the inside of my cheek. For a moment, I refused to meet Sam’s gaze. His eyes were intense—they always were. 

I tried to think of an answer for him. But I just couldn’t put what I wanted to say into words. He seemed to understand my frustration, and he sighed. 

“Look kid, I know that this is going to be hard to understand, but it's time you know the truth.”

I perked up at this. Finally, they were going to tell me what was going on. It only took a traumatizing and unexplainable experience, and my arm getting fucked up to make it happen. Worth it.

We sat there for what felt like hours, as he explained to me the deep, and extensive past of the Quileute tribe's history. How they could turn into wolves, and it was their duty to protect humans from vampires. He also told me about where Bella fit into all of this. The Cullen boy she was dating was part of a family of vampires. And, by proxy, she was now involved with the pack too. But everyone in the pack was sworn to secrecy. And that's why they couldn't tell me. Sam being the alpha made his word law. So they had no choice.

I felt guilt bubbling inside my chest, I was so mad at Jacob and the others for not telling me. But they couldn't whether they liked it or not. It felt like someone was grabbing at my heart and squeezing it. I felt so selfish, so arrogant. I demanded that they tell me everything, and then got myself hurt. I felt so bad. 

Sam gave me a sympathetic look, it was as if he understood without me having to speak a word.

“It’s not your fault. Besides, we would have had to tell you anyway.” I looked up at that. But he paused.

“Why?” I asked. It was hard to find the words I wanted to say. I felt like I had so many questions, but forming them together in a coherent manner was impossible. These drugs were fucking with my head. I noticed that the lights were a bit fuzzy now. 

Sam looked away and contemplated for a moment. But when he looked back, it was obvious he wasn't going to explain himself. Why does everyone have to be so cryptic all the time? 

“I think Jacob should tell you himself,” Sam spoke with finality. There was no wiggle room to try and pry anything out of him. 

I sighed. But I didn't try to push any further. I was exhausted. Taking in so much information was hard, especially while I was barely awake. Sam smiled at me and stood. He towered over my bed, making the giant machines look like children's toys. This explains why the Quileute men are all so big. 

“I'd better let you rest kid, just come to the reservation whenever you're ready.” He smiled and made his way out. 

I sunk back into the firm hospital bed. I ran through everything in my head again. Vampires? Werewolves? What other ghouls should I be worried about? Will I run into a troll the next time I cross a bridge? 

I couldn’t pull together the energy to really care at the moment, the only thing I cared about was going back to sleep. I glanced down at my bandaged arm, moving it slightly, and wincing. I sighed, and relaxed my whole body. I tried my best to ignore the beeping, and clamped my eyes shut. I shifted slightly, and felt a jolt go through my entire right side. I grumbled and settled back down, being more weary of my arm this time. I rolled my eyes, this was going to be a long recovery. 

꧂☾✮☽꧁

It took a week before they let me out of the hospital. But the stitches in my arm would take way longer to come out. And I wouldn't even be fully healed for a few months. 

They gave me fresh clothes since mine were basically ruined. I had to wear a shirt that was way too big for me, and shorts that went down to my calves. My socks were a bright yellow, and the worst texture I’ve ever felt, with grips on the bottoms. This sucked. Stupid Jacob. Stupid wolves. Stupid me. 

My mother helped me to the car, but I nudged her away slightly. My arm was hurt not my legs, I could still walk on my own. I half-expected her to try and carry me to the car.

I wasn't allowed to drive while my arm healed, obviously. But at least I got time off of school, and off work. At least one good thing could come out of this mess.

But having so much time on my hands gave me too much time to think. And of course, my mind went to every bad scenario that could happen.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   I didn’t know how I was going to be able to face Bella. She had seen everything. But I couldn’t really find it within myself to hate her any less. Hate feels like a strong word, but I can’t think of any other word to describe the way I feel about her. It felt like she had ripped my best friend away from me, and left a gaping, burning hole behind. But was it entirely her fault? He chose to leave me, for her. But at the same time, she didn’t make any move to stop him. I sighed. Obsessing over it wouldn’t change anything. My mom glanced at me from the driver's seat. I could see her reflection through the window, as I stared at the beautiful scenery. The rain cast a thick fog across the forest, giving a gray tint to the world around it. My mom's eyes scanned my face, before quickly bouncing back to the road. 

“What’s wrong honey?” 

I didn’t know how to answer that. So many things were wrong. Jake was gone, my arm is fucked, and I’m way behind on my homework. What was I supposed to tell her?

I sighed, “I just… I just miss Jake.” That felt right. It was the truth, but not in its entirety. 

She grimaced, “I know sweetie, but… when people get older, they tend to drift apart. Maybe it’s just time to let Jacob go. Maybe make some new friends?” She always got over things quicker than I did.

“No. He’s my best friend. I can’t lose him.” But what would I do if I did? It was entirely possible now. He had his new wolf friends and… Bella. A shiver of anger rushed through me at the thought of her. 

“I know it’s hard but-”

“No! I-” I cleared my throat. I didn’t mean to yell at her. “No, I- I won’t lose him.” 

She didn’t respond, she continued to stare at the road ahead. The large pine trees cast a thick canopy above us, rainwater pouring through the gaps in the branches. I sighed and tried to relax. All this stress was bad for my health. I didn’t need to have a full breakdown and end up back in the hospital. 

  The pine trees gave way to a small path on the side of the road. I caught a glimpse of brown fur vanishing into the foliage. I gasped lightly, which alerted my mother.

“What’s wrong? Did you hurt your arm? You’ve got to be careful with those stitches in! And how did you even-” I cut her off before she could start ranting.

“No, no everything’s fine I just thought I saw something in the forest. Like a bear or something.”

Smooth [Y/N].

She looked hesitant, I couldn’t tell if she believed me, but I prayed she wouldn’t push me. I guess lady luck finally decided to cut me a break because my mom sighed and focused on the road again. I wanted to yell for her to stop the car. I wanted to jump out and chase after him. I didn’t care if I was injured, or if I could get lost in the forest. I wanted nothing more than to just at least talk to him. But after… the incident… would he even want to see me? I held back a sob. 

As soon as we pulled into the driveway, I shoved myself out of the car. I needed to be alone for a bit. My mom waited a bit to get out, trailing behind me a few steps. I stood on the porch, waiting for her to unlock the door. 

  Memories flashed at me in waves. Pieces from my childhood, when Jacob and I would play in the grass, or draw in the driveway with our chalk. When Jacob would pull in with that loud ass truck after school to complain about all the homework he had. And when he struck the final nail into the coffin that was now our relationship. I cringed. Everything would remind me of him now. Ghosts of my past would haunt the hallway. Phantoms of what I had lost. My mother didn’t bother to hide her concern. I’m sure I looked like a mess right now. My hair was unkempt, my eyes dark and sunken in, and my skin drained of its warmth. I felt like a shell of my former self. A ghost walking amongst the living, trying to blend in. I sniffled and shook it off. I didn’t need to scream my anguish to the world. As far as they were concerned, everything was fine and dandy. I let myself in as soon as the door opened, and made a bee-line for my bedroom. I ignored the memories, and my mother when I was asked what I wanted for dinner. I let my legs give out and fell onto my bed. Just inches away from crushing my arm. I sighed, and ran my good hand over my face, trying to wipe the stress away. 

  I had no idea how long I lay there. Staring at the ceiling, without even bothering to make shapes in it this time. My phone rang, and my computer pinged. But I made no move to check either. Nothing went through my mind. It felt like time was moving at breakneck speed, and I was stuck. Unmoving. I was catatonic. I felt myself going through my nightly routine, showering, brushing my teeth, and taming my hair. But none of it registered. Like an automated machine. I was on autopilot. When I lay back down, I hoped to just pass out immediately. I should be exhausted. And I should be happy to be able to sleep in something other than a hospital bed.  But I felt nothing. Something was missing and I knew it. 

  But minute after minute of laying there, I felt myself start to drift off. Maybe when I woke up, everything would have fixed itself. 

꧂☾✮☽꧁

I was running. Branches and bushes whipped around me, scratching at my arms and face. They caught onto my clothes as if they were trying to slow me down. But my feet carried me through the thick forest. I heard howling, and the sound of something running. But they didn’t stop me. I had to keep going. But what was I running towards? I didn’t stop to think, I kept moving. But I was quickly halted, as a huge, black wolf appeared from the trees in front of me. I stopped as fast as possible, losing my footing and sending myself onto the hard ground. I scrambled back to my feet quickly, without taking my eyes off the wolf. It was as big as Jacob was when he turned into a wolf. More wolves emerged from the forest surrounding me. I could see now that I was in a small clearing, only a few feet big. I turned around, ready to make a run for it. But as I did, I came face to face with a brown wolf. This one was closer than the others. And its eyes bore into mine, nothing was threatening about this wolf. It took a tentative step towards me, and I stepped back. It bowed its head and continued to approach me. But before I could move, its head snapped back up. It growled and snarled. The wolf took a step back. It wasn’t looking at me anymore, but something behind me. I didn’t have time to look before the wolf pounced. Jumping high above me. I screamed and ducked. And then, I was in my room. 

  I sat up in my bed, panting and sweating. My heart was beating so fast, I feared it would fly out of my mouth. I tried to slow my breathing, I wasn’t in the forest anymore. I was home. I was safe. It was a dream. A really weird dream. I fell back into my bed. 

It was clear to me now that the brown wolf in my dream was Jacob. The reddish-brown fur, and the deep brown eyes I had known my whole life. But what did it mean? What was behind me? Why did he attack? Maybe it was just a weird dream, maybe it had no meaning. I assumed that the first wolf was Sam, it seemed a tad bit bigger than the others, and it just felt like it commanded authority. I sighed and rubbed my eyes. I rolled over to my bedside table and grabbed at my phone, eventually, my hand made contact, and I turned it towards my face. I recoiled from the intensity of the phone's light, my eyes having been adjusted to the dark. I squinted, 2:45 a.m. Great. It’s not like I was going to school in the morning, not while I was healing. So I could just go back to sleep. But what if I had another weird dream? I could only handle so much weirdness at a time. 

  The door to my room slammed open, and I flinched at the sudden sound. My mother stood in the doorway, still clad in her nightclothes. She looked frantic, and her eyes studied me. 

“What happened?! I heard you scream!” My mother yelled, breathless. I guess when I screamed in my nightmare, I must have actually screamed. That was kind of embarrassing. 

“Oh sorry. I had a nightmare.” I looked at my hands, they were shaking still. My mother sighed a breath of relief, but when she looked back at me, she was concerned. 

“Honey, what’s wrong? You still won't tell me why you were in the hospital, and now you’re having night terrors? Why can’t you just tell me?” Her voice started to waver, I knew I was hurting her by not telling her.

  It pained her to see me like this, but since she didn’t even know what was wrong, she was unable to help me. I felt so bad. But I knew I couldn’t tell her, Sam had sworn me to secrecy, and I wouldn’t betray his trust. Or the pack. 

  I didn’t really know the boys too well, of course, I knew Embry and Quil, as they were Jacob's other best friends—I didn’t know if I was even considered his best friend anymore, it felt weird to call myself that. After… everything. So of course I knew them well enough. But after the whole shift, and then Bella's situation. We grew apart. 

  I blinked, snapping myself back to the present. I think I just made mom more concerned. 

“It was a dog. I saw some stray dog and I was gonna give it some food, but it attacked me.” I lied, I had to make it up on the spot. She didn’t look convinced, but I’m sure I looked rough enough for her to leave it be. She sighed, and gently grabbed the door handle, contrasting to how she had slammed it just a few minutes before. She glanced at me, before shaking her head and leaving. I sighed, relaxing my shoulders and flopping onto my bed. I thought back to the pack. So many of them were so young, too young to be fighting vampires. I thought back to Embry and Quil. Quil still hadn’t shifted, but Sam told me that they knew he would soon. I thought about how much Embry had changed. I didn’t even really talk to him anymore, but any time I saw him he just seemed different. I glanced at my phone. I probably still had his number somewhere. Maybe I should call? I still had plenty more questions about the pack. Why did they cut their hair off? Why did they go through a growth spurt that drastic? Why was Jacob so mean now? I held my phone in my hand and hovered over the call button. 

“Hello?” Embry’s distinct voice echoed through the silent room. I almost forgot what I was going to say, he was still so different, but he sounded the same as he did before shifting. Into a werewolf. The word felt wrong. Like it wasn’t the right way to describe them. 

“Uh hey, Embry. I’m sorry did I wake you up?” I tried not to stutter over my words. I had completely forgotten what time it was. I felt bad for waking him.

“Oh hey [Y/N], no it’s fine I wasn’t asleep yet.” Embry’s voice picked up in volume. The tired tone from his voice had vanished, leaving the excited boy I was familiar with. 

“I uh, just wanted to ask you a few questions.” It wasn’t like that’s the only reason I called, but it must have sounded like it. Because Embry sounded upset like he audibly deflated. 

“Oh, yeah. Of course, uh go ahead.” His enthusiasm from before was lost. 

“No! No! I wanted to talk to you too, I didn’t just call for that. It’s just that since I know about you guys now, I can really talk to you again.” I reassured him.

I could hear him perk up at that. “Oh! Of course! Well uh, what’d you wanna know?” 

We talked for a long time, and he told me a lot more about the Quiluete boys. How their hair translated to how long their fur was, which seemed stupid to me. That their bodies had to rapidly grow to accommodate their new wolf abilities. But when I got to my third question, Embry stopped. He didn’t answer when I called his name. But in a few seconds, he shook out of it.

“Oh uh, well, Jake’s been going through a lot more hormones than the rest of us, and he… He uhm…” He stuttered over his words, it was painfully obvious that there was something he wanted to tell me. But something was stopping him. I’m getting pretty sick of people being all cryptic and keeping shit from me. “He’s just, well… I don’t think I should be the one to tell you.” I was quickly reminded of my conversation with Sam in the hospital. 

“So who should I ask?” I was getting frustrated at this point, but I didn’t let it show through my tone. After all, it wasn’t Embry that I was upset with. 

“I think you know the answer to that [Y/N].” Embry finished. Before I could say anything in retaliation, he said a quick goodbye and hung up the phone. I glared at my phone as it flashed CALL ENDED across the screen. I resisted the urge to chuck my phone across the room in anger. Breaking your phone is counter-productive [Y/N]. I went back to my contacts, gazing at one familiar number. I shouldn’t call him so late.

Waiting overnight and thinking about what to say is probably the smart decision. But I didn't doubt that he would ignore my call anyways. At this point he probably had me blocked. I didn’t know if I should be mad at him for that or not. I was calling excessively, and that was bound to get annoying at some point. I thought about going back to his house, and waiting there for him to show up. But that didn’t go too well last time. But if I was calmer this time? My thoughts trailed off. I thought about every scenario possible. I thought about every possible way he could try and dodge my advances, and I thought of ways to make sure that he couldn’t run away from me. I don’t know when I managed to fall back asleep, but sooner than I thought I had drifted away. I was ready to face my problems. Tomorrow. 

꧂☾✮☽꧁

“Come on, get your lazy butt up.” My mother barged into my room, ripping the blanket off of me and shaking my shoulders. I winced from the cold air hitting my newly exposed skin and tried to pry it away from her. “Wake up, you have a visitor.” That woke me up. My thoughts raced, was it Jake? Embry? Bella…

 I heard a voice from the other room, “It’s okay Ms. (L/N), I could just come back later.” 

Bella. 

I sighed, slumping back down into my bed. I let my entire body go limp, hoping that I could somehow mold into the mattress and avoid all of my problems. But unfortunately, reality came like a harsh slap to the face.

“No, it’s fine hun! I’ll have them up in just a minute!” My mother called back, making a promise that I really didn’t want to keep. 

I groaned into the pillow. My mother grabbed my shoulders again and started to pull. After a couple of seconds of pulling and tugging, I gave up and sat up fully. 

“There you go. Now get dressed, we’ll be waiting in the living room.” My mother chirped and flitted to the doorway. “And fix your hair. You look like a mess.” She threw out one last comment on my appearance, shutting the door before I could respond. I sighed, did she expect me to wake up with perfect hair?

I shook off the last of my blankets and forced myself out of bed. I stumbled a bit, letting my legs get used to the feeling of walking again. I dragged myself around my room, grabbing whatever clothes I could find. To be honest, I was tempted to go out in my pajamas, was Bella really worth the trouble of getting dressed? I contemplated it for a minute, but I knew my mother would chew me out as soon as I stepped out of the door. I got dressed sloppily, not caring if I looked presentable or not. I ran my fingers through my hair, taming it as much as I could. I tied it back, hiding most of the mess. I didn’t bother with shoes. 

I carefully opened the door, trying to refrain from making too much noise. I slowly shut the door and made my way down the hall on light feet. I rounded the corner into the living room, my mother's back was turned, but I had a clear view of Bella. She didn’t look too much better than me, but it was clear she had at least tried to hide it. Her hair was tied back, but the chunks that framed her face had escaped. Her eyes were dark, with deep bags hanging underneath. Her clothes were too big for her, hanging off of her small frame. I felt big just standing next to her. I felt like if I walked by her too fast she’d crumble. Her emotional state didn’t seem much better either. A small frown permanently occupied her light pink lips. Her eyebrows perpetually furrowed. I almost felt sorry for her. 

It only took a moment for her to notice my presence, she looked up and gave a half-assed smile. I formed my lips into a tight line, I could be civil. But she was on my turf. It’s free range here. I smiled a little more at that thought. I made my way to the couch where my mother was sitting and plopped myself next to her. 

She pushed me away slightly, “You’re sitting too close.” She murmured.

 I made a show of scooting to the other end of the couch, exaggerating my movements as much as possible. She scoffed and looked back to Bella. Her expression brightened drastically as she looked at the girl across from us. Way to make it subtle Mom. 

“So what brings you here Bella?” My mother chirped, she took a sip from her mug without breaking eye contact. Bella squirmed under my mother's intense gaze, fidgeting with her fingers and the hem of her jacket. 

“Oh uh, I hope it’s not too much trouble but I’d really like to talk to [Y/N] alone.” She stuttered. She avoided eye contact with me entirely. I hoped that I was intimidating her. 

My mother deflated as if she was hoping that Bella was here for her. No doubt I would get a lecture later, ‘You should be more like Bella! She’s so much better than you in every way blah blah blah’ etcetera etcetera. I rolled my eyes and shifted around. 

My mother straightened again and smiled at Bella. “Oh of course honey! Why don’t you two go to [Y/N]’s room?” I snapped my head toward her, my room? It felt wrong to let Bella in there. As if she was trespassing into my domain like she was tainting my sacred grounds. I huffed, and my mother shot me a deadly glare. I winced and lowered my gaze. I held back a sigh as I pushed myself off the couch, gesturing for Bella to follow me. As soon as my back was turned, I grimaced. She shuffled behind me, watching her every step. Like she was afraid she’s break something if she stepped on the wrong floorboard. I rolled my eyes, knowing damn well I was the same way. 

I shoved my door open and waved my arm in front of me in a ‘ladies first’ motion. She gave an awkward smile and walked in. When she was far enough into the room I walked in after her, shutting the door behind me. Every inch of my body was screaming. Screeching for me to shove her out, to get her out of my room. My brain itched and scratched, I wanted nothing more than to scream at her to leave. I smiled, at her and gestured toward the unmade bed. 

“You can sit down.” I tried not to sound upset about it. Her sitting on my bed. 

She glanced at the bed and hesitated. But she didn’t sit down. She continued to stand in the middle of the room. She bit her lip and blinked too many times. 

“Oh, it won't take that long.” She started, “I just… wanted to talk to you about what-” she paused, “What happened.” I knew exactly what she was talking about. And I grimaced, taking a look at my arm. I chewed the inside of my mouth, debating my response. 

“Oh yeah… That.” Wow. Absolutely amazing. 10/10 conversational skills [Y/N]. 

It was silent. Neither of us dared to say anything. Bella opened her mouth for a moment, presumably to say something, but she closed it just as quickly. I shuffled my feet, taking notice of the fact that I wasn’t wearing any socks. Kind of weird to have my feet out right now. 

“It’s fine.” I blurted. “My arm I mean, it’s healing all right.” I clarified. 

“That’s good. It was uh, pretty bad…” She trailed off, grimacing as she remembered that night. I thought about it too.

I felt tingles run down my arm as my skin remembered the feeling. The feeling of being torn open, the warm blood coating my skin and clothes. Lying on the wet ground with my former friend in front of me. My stomach lurched, and I resisted the urge to double over and empty my guts on Bella’s shoes. I shook my head, shaking the thought away. 

“Yeah. But I’m getting better so.” I gave an awkward confirmation, was this all she came for? She could have just called or something. 

“Um, [Y/N]... I dont mean to pry but…” Oh god, here we go.

“How are things with you and Jacob.” She asked shyly, shuffling her feet and picking at her fingernails. 

I knew this question was coming. I guess it was only fair she wanted to know, but something in my gut told me that it wasn’t just innocent curiosity. I sighed, thinking about my answer for a moment. 

“We haven’t spoken since then.” Putting it bluntly seemed like the best idea. I didn’t know if there was a way to sugarcoat it, but I didn’t bother to try anyways. Bella tried and failed, to hide her excitement. I guessed that was the answer she was hoping for. She tried her best to hide the way her back straightened, and her eyes lit up. But as always, Bella was a shit liar. 

I gave an awkward smile. 

“It’s fine though, I think it’s best to just give him some time before I reach out again.” I ignored the shiver that ran down my spine. I tried to ignore the way that she deflated a little. Maybe she was hoping that I would never speak to him again. She smiled and took one last look at me. Before she politely excused herself. Hopefully to leave my house altogether. As soon as the door was closed, I breathed a sigh of relief. And let myself fall back onto my bed, being careful not to land on my arm this time. I stared at the ceiling. I find myself in this position a lot huh? Whatever. Going back to sleep sounded really good. 

꧂☾✮☽꧁

I was only aware of the events that took place in the next few days secondhand. And surprisingly, I made a new friend. 

As usual, the sky was covered in a thick layer of clouds, creating a blanket over the trees. And the air was moist with the promise of rain. I walked briskly, I was completely out of snacks and that would just not fly. What was I supposed to eat? Real food? Absolutely not. 

The posters covering the walls of my favorite convenience store brought a smile to my face. The door opened with a loud ding, alerting my presence to the man behind the counter. A sweet old man smiled at me through bushy eyebrows. His big handlebar mustache moved up with his smile. 

“Hey, Mr. Barker!” I chirped, making a beeline for the snack aisle. As expected, it was recently stocked, and colorful plastic littered the shelves, drawing me in. What I wasn’t expecting, was Leah Clearwater standing in the middle of the small space. Right in front of my favorite chips. I paused, not wanting to alert her. I didn’t feel like getting on her bad side and getting my head bitten off today. But, as if she could sense me, her head turned quickly. Her beautiful dark hair was cut short, as were her sleeves and shorts. Her russet skin bore the same tattoo Jacob had. I had heard of her shifting recently, and of her father's death. I tried not to let the wave of pity I felt show on my face. I avoided her cold gaze and pretended to check out the other snacks. I would have to wait until she’d moved. 

After a few seconds, a hand made its way into my view, holding my favorite kind of chips. I followed the arm upwards until I found the face of the owner. Leah held her hand out, without making eye contact.

“Here, you like these right?” Her voice was assertive like she wasn’t asking me. She was telling me. 

I’m sure I looked really confused because my silence made her turn to look at me. 

“Pack mind-reading. Jacob doesn’t keep much to himself.” She explained. I grimaced.

I was trying not to think about him. She must have noticed because her lips turned up just slightly.

“He still hasn’t told you huh?” She teased, but I could hear underlying sarcasm in her tone. She sounded upset about it. 

“Oh god,” I rolled my eyes, “Not you too.” I groaned. 

It took me a second to realize what I had said. And I slapped my hands over my mouth. I snatched the chips out of her hand and started to speed walk out of the aisle. But, to my surprise, Leah laughed. Not like the sarcastic one before, this one sounded genuine. It was a quiet, small laugh. 

“I know what you mean kid,” I’m pretty sure I’m older than her. “I felt that way before I joined the pack.” She opened her mouth to say more but stopped herself. She peeked her head around the aisle to look at the old man behind the counter, and the various other shoppers. Mr. Barker was blissfully unaware of us, too occupied with his game of solitaire. She turned back to me and grinned for a split second, it threw me off for a second. 

“Do you wanna talk about this at my house?” She gestured behind her with her thumb. Her face was unreadable again.

Oh. 

OH.

I felt my heartbeat speed up, just a little. A pretty girl just invited me to her house. What do I do?! I felt my brain moving at lightning speed, trying to come up with a response that didn’t make me sound like a total dork. I prayed that I wasn’t sweating. 

“Uh, sure!” I beamed. Nailed it. 

She gave a small—noticeably strained— smile, I was sure that she saw through me without any trouble. But to be fair, she’s very intimidating. I mean, she could tear me in half like wet paper—the same went for all of the pack to be honest— and she’d look pretty doing it. I cleared my throat and tucked the chips under my arm. Being careful not to crush them. We went to pay for our stuff quickly, I’m sure the old man could sense my internal panic because he sent me the most heartwarming smile. Stupid old man and his silly mustache. I smiled back of course, before hurrying to meet Leah at the door. 

She opened the door, stepping out into the cool air. The rain must have started when I went inside, it wasn’t pouring thankfully. I watched as Leah stepped out into the cold rain with no trouble as if it didn’t even phase her.

I suppressed a gasp as I watched, the water was evaporating as soon as it touched her skin, coming off as mist. 

Incredible. 

I guess I hadn’t paid much attention to how warm all the members of the pack were. Thinking back on it, I’m pretty sure Jacob did the same thing in the rain. The water had evaporated from his skin as soon as it had touched him. I hadn’t processed it then, with my mind being so preoccupied, I thought I was just seeing things. 

I pried my eyes away from Leah. It was rude to stare. But as soon as I did, she laughed quietly to herself, before leading the way to her house. I wasn’t as sneaky as I thought. 

The walk to her house was quiet, with nothing but the rain and the sound of cars filling the air. It was hard for me to tell if the silence was awkward or not. I couldn’t see her expression, as she was a few paces in front of me. Damn, she walked fast. She didn’t say anything for the duration of the walk, but thankfully it was short. We made our way up to the front door, she unlocked it quickly. It took a harsh shove for the door to open, it creaked loudly in protest. Leah groaned and held the door open for me. Waving her arm as a gesture for me to go in. 

I was getting a lot of deja-vu from when Bella came over. I’m pretty sure I did the same thing. And just like Bella, I sheepishly made my way into the home. Taking in as much as I could, I watched my every step. Leah walked past me, and I followed her instinctively. 

She led me to the living room, I repressed a sigh of relief. I didn’t know if I was ready to go into her room. That felt a little too personal. She gestured for me to take a spot on the couch next to her. I carefully sat down, feeling the couch creak a bit. She sighed, before turning to make eye contact with me. I resisted the urge to shy away from her intense gaze.

“So, Jake still hasn’t told you huh?” Leah started, “I guess it makes sense since he’s still got that obsession with the leech-lover.” Her tone was malicious, she didn’t try to hide her disdain for Jacob, and whoever the “leech-lover” was. 

“Leech-lover?” I questioned, why would someone like leeches?

She paused and looked back at me. A sense of realization crossed her features, and she grinned. 

“Bella, the vampire girl.” She explained. I nodded my head, humming in affirmation. I had almost forgotten about the fact that vampires existed too. And that Bella used to date one. 

Wait. Vampires. Does that? Mean what I think?

“Wait, the Cullens were vampires. Did they… eat people?” My voice wavered at the thought, were they responsible for the unexplainable deaths in the area? How many people of Forks had they eaten?

Leah noticed my concern and shook her head. 

“No, the Cullens were… vegetarians. They ate animals instead.” She said that like she didn’t believe it, as if it were blasphemy. 

“Oh. Okay, that’s a relief.” I sighed, “So there aren’t vampires running ramped through the streets anymore?” I giggled. Leah’s eyes darted away from mine. Oh god.

“Well, not the streets.” She sounded very reluctant to say that. I felt the color drain from my face, my eyes widened, and my breath hitched. There were still vampires? That wasn't the Cullens. They weren’t vegetarian. Leah saw my face and quickly retracted her statement. “No! No! It’s just one and we’ve got her under control.” 

“Under control? So what you’ve got her like locked in your basement or something?” I barked out a strained laugh, trying to deflect my anxiety with humor. 

“No,” she laughed, before fixing her face to look stoic again. “We’ve managed to chase her off the border, but we can’t figure out what she wants.” So she wasn’t just trying to kill everyone in sight? Good. Great. Cool. 

She inhaled and shook her head lightly, “But that’s not what I brought you here for.” She started. 

I perked up at this. Finally, I’d get some damn answers. I was confident that Leah wouldn’t be as cryptic as the others. Her blunt nature gave me a sense of security. I knew she would tell me the truth. 

“So, did Sam,” she paused at his name, but I didn’t question it. She cleared her throat and continued. “Did Sam ever tell you about imprinting?” She asked. 

“Imprinting? Like that thing ducks do to their moms?” What did that have to do with me? The last time I checked they weren’t ducks. 

“Sort of. But it’s kind of different in our case. So, well- I… ugh” She stuttered over her words for a moment, “How do I explain this?” She sat there for a moment, gathering her thoughts. Before she inhaled and started again.

“When we imprint, it’s like, the whole world stops. As soon as you set your eyes on your imprint, the world stops rotating for anyone else. They are the only thing that matters, you would do anything, be anything for them. It’s a kind of devotion like no other. And there’s no escaping it.”

She didn’t sound too happy about it, now and then her eyes would narrow. I really wanted to see what was going on in her head. 

I was starting to connect the dots in my head, so did this mean Jacob imprinted? On who.

.

.

.

Bella. Of course. Obviously, it was Bella. 

I barked a laugh, “Of course.” Leah looked at me expectantly, waiting for me to continue. 

“Jacob imprinted on Bella!” I could faintly hear her groan, but I was too preoccupied with my thoughts to care. “He imprinted on Bella, but he’s mad she doesn’t like him back so he ended up taking it out on me! Ugh, it all makes sense now.” The way Bella clearly didn’t want me around Jacob, the way he’d always protect her, the fact that he wouldn’t stop pining over her even though she didn’t want him. Of course, it was so blatantly obvious to me now. 

Leah sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose disappointedly. I was taken aback, was that not what happened? I glanced out the window, it was getting late. I sighed and picked up my stuff. I got up to leave but Leah stopped me. 

“Hey wait, that’s not what happened.” She started, then who was it?

“Jacob didn’t imprint on Bella, he imprinted on-” She was cut off by a loud BANG. 

We both whipped our heads to the door, where a young Seth Clearwater stood panting. He barged in frantically and started to shake Leah.

“Leah! We gotta go one of the Cullens is back and Bella’s gonna go to Italy and get them back and Jakes freaking out and, Oh hi [Y/N],” He stopped for a second to acknowledge my presence, but I was still trying to figure out what the hell he was talking about. 

He opened his mouth to continue, but Leah held up a hand and got up from the couch.

“[Y/N], you go home. I’ll catch up with you later.” She ordered, I didn’t have time to say anything before she and Seth hurried out the back door. I jumped from the couch and watched as they ran into the forest, I could see clothes tearing, and fur sprouting. I marveled at the two new wolves, watching them in awe as they darted into the trees. 

I grabbed my stuff and hurried out the front door. The rain wasn’t quite pouring, but it would be a pain to walk in. I hurried down the street, trying to avoid the puddles. They splashed violently against my shins, dampening my pants. I cursed but continued. 

It took me a long longer than I liked to make it back to my house. I was regretting not just taking my car, but walking was good for me and I needed to save gas. Courtesy of my mother. I stomped to the front door, my wet shoes making small puddles on the porch. I fumbled with my keys, and hurriedly unlocked the door. The house was dark and noticeably empty. Mom’s car was gone, and all the lights were off. 

I flicked on a few lights as I made my way inside, but as I set my keys down my eyes caught something. 

A brown leather jacket was hanging on the coat rack, it was way too big to be my mom's. And I knew it wasn’t mine. My heart raced, my eyes widened, and my mouth fell agape. Someone was in my house. 

I scanned the area around me before my eyes landed on the hallway closet. 

Bat! We had a bat in there just in case, and mom called me paranoid. I opened the door as quietly as I could, grabbing the bat quickly. My cold hands wrapped around the hardwood tightly. My knuckles turned white with the death grip I had on the poor stick. I slowly made my way through the house, turning corners quickly, with the bat raised to swing. 

I felt a presence behind me, I was sure whoever it was could hear my heart pounding, and my breath hitching. I felt a large hand touch my shoulder gently.

I whipped around and swung the bat with all my strength. It made a sound CRACK as it met its target. 

“Hey! What was that for?” I recognized that voice. I knew that voice so well, it was the voice I was praying to hear for weeks.

“Jacob?!” My hands fumbled for the light switch, I squinted as I turned it on. But I was able to see the boy in front of me now. Lo and behold, Jacob stood in front of me, like a giant brick wall. But he didn’t look like Jacob. His eyes were darker, heavy bags hanging beneath them. His skin was de-saturated, giving him a sickly look. His hair was messy, and his clothes were raggedy. I stepped back a bit.

“Jake, what are you doing here? How did you get in my house?! Why were you just waiting with the lights off?!” This didn’t make any sense, he avoided me for weeks, and then shows up in my house all creepy? I don’t think I’ll ever be able to understand this boy. I untensed my shoulders, and sighed.

He looked away for a moment, he looked embarrassed. “You weren’t here, and I heard Leah say you were at her house so I thought I’d wait here for you. I didn’t think you’d let me in soaking wet.” Of course, Jacob knew where the spare key was. So he wouldn’t have had any trouble getting in without committing a crime. I sighed and looked him in the eyes.

The air was tense, we both just stood there for an uncomfortable amount of time. Neither of us knew what to say. 

“I heard what you and Leah were talking about.” Jacob blurted. It caught me off guard before I remembered about their whole wolf telepathy. I huffed. I had so many things I wanted to say, but putting them into words was impossible. I thought of everything at once, before just meshing them all into one.

“Why?” 

Maybe I shouldn’t have been so vague, but Jacob looked at me with a guilty expression. It was clear he understood, he knew exactly what I was asking without me even having to say it. I tried not to let it show, but I was trying not to cry. I thought of everything that happened the past few weeks, it felt like it had been years since I saw Jacob. Really saw him. 

Within a month I had lost my best friend, fucked up my arm, had my perception of reality shattered, and now my long lost best friend broke into my house. And I still don’t know who he imprinted on. 

I sighed and shook my head. “Why did you cut me off, Jacob? What did I do? Was it something I said? Or did I make you upset? Whatever I did I’m sorry-” I started to ramble, I couldn’t even look at him as I choked the words out of my mouth. I had told myself I was ready for this confrontation, but just thinking about it made my eyes swell with tears. I tried not to let my breath hitch. 

Jacob looked guilty again, grimacing and looking down. When he looked back at me, he sighed. He held my face gently and wiped the tears from my eyes.

“[Y/N] I’m sorry please dont cry.” It was clear he didn’t know how to comfort me, but he was trying his best. I pushed his hands away harshly and wiped my face with my sleeves.

“I’m not crying, you’re crying.” I hid my face in my hands, trying to calm myself down. I heard him huff and take a step back. When I was ready, I made eye contact again. I didn’t care if I looked like a trainwreck. My hair was frizzy and messy from the rain, my eyes were now puffy from the tears, and I could only assume the bags under my eyes were prominent. 

“Well? Are you going to answer?” I demanded, I don’t think it was wrong of me to want some damn answers. 

He grimaced, and looked away. His eyebrows furrowed, scrunching together in thought. I watched the way his eyes darted around for a second, I analyzed his every move to try and figure out what would come next. I was waiting for the bad news, for some terrible fate to come crashing down on me. I was waiting for him to look me in the eye and tell me he hated me.

His gaze hardened, and his eyebrows scrunched up. The way they moved seemed harsher this time, more hostile. 

“I had no other choice. I won't get you wrapped up in this.” His voice was firm, unwavering. His eyes were dark, completely unreadable. I felt them burn into my skin even as I looked away. 

“It’s a little late for that Jake.” I mumbled. His huffed, and I saw his jaw tense. His upper lip curled up slightly, in a menacing snarl. 

It was frightening. 

I told myself I wasn’t going to be afraid of him. He didn’t hurt me on purpose, I just happened to be standing too close. 

But as the boy in front of me shook again, I shook too. My heart pounded against my ribs, I pulled air into my lungs violently. My lungs burned from the force of my breaths. My eyes widened, and I took a tentative step back. I tried my best to hold a tough exterior. But it was obvious how easily Jacob saw through me.

He stopped, and blinked. His cold exterior fell for a second, showing the warm, sweet boy I knew before. 

But as soon as it was dropped, he caught himself. I blinked and it was back, sending a shiver down my spine. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, holding his breath for a few seconds. 

He let out a long exhale, and opened his eyes again. His calm and cool mask was back, no doubt hiding the anger I knew he was feeling. 

But he deserved to be upset, after all that transpired. I failed to see where I could have possibly been wrong. What I could have possibly done to piss him off this much. 

“I came to say goodbye.” He spoke, his voice didn’t waver for a second. His eyes didn’t move from mine, his unrelenting gaze intimidated me. 

“What? Wait why are you leaving?” I asked, I didn’t try to hide my emotions this time. I was baffled, he’s leaving again?

“I just… have to. I’m sorry but this is the way it has to be.” My fat fucking ass it is. 

“No it’s not, Jacob stop trying to run away from your problems!” I shouted, “What did I do to you? Why are you doing this to me?” I was frantic now, raising my voice at him. 

“Goodbye.” He gave a curt nod, and turned around, making his way to the front door. I tried to grab at his shoulder to stop him but it was no use. He pushed forward, completely unaffected by my feeble attempts to hold him back. 

He didn’t so much as glance at me as he opened the door, it gave a loud creek in response to being ripped open so suddenly. 

I watched as he walked down the front steps of my porch, into the pouring rain.

I was vividly reminded of the first time he did this to me. 

The first time Jacob had ripped my heart out of my chest, crushing it beneath his big stupid feet. 

I stood in silence. 

Not this time. I wouldn’t chase after him this time.