i was 11
crying over the loss of a friend
"boys and girls are just different" my mom told me
was it helpful or trivializing
i'm still not sure
i was 12
they told us something like 1 in 4 girls are assaulted
we looked around the room
wondering who it might be
terrified of the answer
they told us what the men are looking for
our eyes turned on ourselves
we didn't want to make ourselves more of a target
i was 13
during a self-defense class at church
we learned how to hit, how to kick
how to pop a man's eyes out of his head
barely a teenager
and they told me to hit the dummy like i really meant it
i was 13
ruth bader ginsburg died, and i cried
i rarely cried over anything then
but i cried over her
trump was already trying to replace her that night
i was 14
sitting in the front of the car
while my brothers in the back
made a joke about sexual assault
i wanted to scream at them
but i didn't
i was 14
we were working on a story about the dress code
one of the girls mentioned
that it hadn't mattered what she was wearing
my heart broke
i was 15
i watched as they stripped my right to my body
as people around me celebrated
what happened to my choice
a boy asked me to stop talking about it
for the girls in our class to stop using dark humor
as our only coping mechanism
said it made him uncomfortable
he still has all his rights
i am 16
a friend calls while she is running
just to feel safer
i have to explain to the boys in the room
that she didnt want to talk
she wanted to not be a target
i am 16
my brother says that sometimes
women are so annoying
he just wants to shoot them
i'm not sure he doesn't mean it
i am 16
"it must be his time of the month"
one boy jokes about another acting irrationally
it isn't funny
but i sit in silence anyways
i don't want to be accused of being emotional, too
i am 16
"men's lives are more challenging" he argues
he ignores every point we make
he was never going to listen
but we still try, desperately
finally our teacher shuts us down
i want to yell or cry or do anything to release the rage bottling up inside
the rage that runs through my veins
all of our veins
when they belittle us and take away our rights and make us feel weak
and we let them
because it's all they ever taught us to do