Advise - Blog Posts
Great advice!
Looking to get my gf into the lifestyle or even just open up more sexually without telling her outright, any tips would be welcome!
Show her you love her.
not just in your words, but in your actions too. buy her flowers, buy her a card for no reason, help her around the house, and don’t forget to tell her you love her. Both men and women need to hear “I love you.”
Build her confidence.
Compliment her, tell her she is beautiful, tell her she looks nice in certain outfits, etc. If she has a nice ass, tell her. If she has great tits, tell her.It is important that the compliments are sincere. She will know if you are faking it. During sex tell her how good it feels, how good she feels, how good she tastes. Tell her how good she is at sucking dick or how good her pussy feels.
Make her feel safe.
She has fantasies, even if she does not tell them to you or says she doesn’t. Open up about something you have never shared. She her it is safe. You’re together and you’re not going to judge each other.
Be honest.
If she asks you a question, no matter how embarrassing or hard the answer is, be honest. Trust is key to a woman’s ability to open up sexually.
Share some porn.
Text her a sexy picture or see if she will watch a porno with you. This is a great way to introduce kinks or to get the conversation started.
TALK.
After you have watched some porn or shared a few tumblr pics, flirt and tease about them. See if she is receptive. If she resists, back off and try again at another time. Once you plant the seed, water it from time to time and her mind will do the rest. She may be into some of the same things, but like you she does not know hot to bring them up. Crack the door for her.
You may need to do these steps for a several months before she starts to feel secure enough to open up, so have patience. If you rush it or try to force it, she will retreat. Remember your relationship should always come before sexual fantasies. Our fantasies are part of who we are, but we all guard them for fear of judgment or rejection. It is YOUR job to take those fears away from her and provide the environment she needs to relax and let go of her fears.
I hope this helps and good luck.
sharedwifedesires.tumblr.com
I recently discovered your blog, and love it!. I was just wondering; how do you get in to the lifestyle? How does it started? (Hotwifing is actualy my most erotic fantasy) Thanks for sharing :-) And congrats for being a beuatiful, stable couple for so long.
Thank you!! We got into the lifestyle innocently partying with another couple in our hottub. Things just kind of happened, The girls starting flashing and making out and me and the other hubby joined. We had never had a conversation about before then. We continued to soft swap with the couple several times until we got tired of the drunk fest it had become and the drama between the other couple. However, we did enjoy the excitement of it and I found it a huge turn on when she was with the other hubby. So, I started looking for straight single males that wanted to play with couples on Craigslist and actually found our first victim. It was a huge turn on and the guy suggested some Swinger Websites that we should join. We joined and started going to parties and events to meet people and played on cam in the website chat room. We played with some couples but mostly MFM.
How to transform her into a hotwife.
Practice tip # 2.
Use Porn — Gifs and clips to explore the boundaries of her sexuality.
This is gonna sound worst than it is but teasing out the inner hotwife in your woman will likely require a little bit of mild manipulation on your part. Remember, she has grown up in a judeo -Christian society that stigmatizes sex and neuters it of its pleasure and creativity. It’s a shame that men can walk around in public shirtless showing off washboard abs, hard pecs, and chiseled biceps, but if a woman puts on a form fitting dress and some heels she’s considered a whore. Don’t get me started. I digress.
My point with this lesson is porn will be one of the most important tools for you to use to transform your girl into a hotwife. In this lesson you will use porn ostensibly to ask her opinion about sex but covertly you will be leading her to exploring her sexual boundaries and more importantly causing her to explore them as well. You will also, and here is where the slight manipulation comes in, use porn to normalize sexual behavior that you like by suggesting everyone is doing it. For example by using gifs and clips that show anal sex, sloppy BJs, threesomes, etc., if done correctly overtime, you will not only pique her curiosity but in some cases work her into a frenzy wanting to try it. Be careful what you wish for because once she decides it’s something she really wants to experience she may do it with or without you!!
How is this done? It’s easy really. You should start to collect short clips and Gifs that demonstrate the kinds of sexual experiences that you want to open her up to. You should also collect photos of popular celebrity women, especially her favorites dressed provocatively. You will use the images you collect sporadically to not only learn what she likes and is open to do, but more importantly introduce her to new experiences and behaviors that go beyond her comfort zone. Your goal here is not to force her to do something she’s not comfortable with. Your goal here is to enlarge her comfort zone so that she is engaging in new behaviors willingly and passionately.
My ex used this technique on me. I never saw it coming and only realized it was part of a plan long after we had broken up. I had actually considered a threesome in my head because I have a hot girlfriend who told me she got drunk one night and did it with two guys. She said it was cool. I was intrigued but I didn’t tell her and I certainly would not have told my BF. It was a secret that I was too ashamed to admit or even think much about because I didn’t want to be considered a slut. However, after my boyfriend used this technique on me, not only was I admitting to him that I wanted two dicks but I was tellling him while sucking his cock and pumping a dildo in my pussy. It took time to get there but it started with him sending one gif of a hot girl getting spit roasted by two guys. He captioned with “whoa. This is hot”. He didn’t ask me to respond to it but by captioning it the way he did he removed all negative judgment by letting me know he liked it and it turned him on.
Over time he would occasionally send threesome gifs followed by questions that sometimes had nothing to do with the sex. He might refer to her clothing, shoes or hair I.e “I could see you with that haircut” or “she kinda looks like you”. He deftly put me in the scene. His comments caused me to imagine myself in her position. He also would make a lot of positive comments about the girl like “she’s a boss” or “she has a lot of confidence to do that” Jis comments were designed to make me see the woman in a positive light. I remember him asking me once what I thought it would feel like to have all that stimulation happening to my body at the same time. That question really resonated with me. His technique got me thinking more and more about threesomes. Not just thinking about them but believing that all confident, good looking girls were doing it. I began feeling left out and the thought of my hot friend being with two guys certainlybdidnt hurt my BF’s efforts. It wasn’t long before I opened up and started commenting back on the gifs and clips. I even kept a few I really liked and used them to masturbate to.
Porn is a versatile tool and can be used to advance your goal of making a hot wife in other ways too. I may address those uses in a future post. No go out and start dragging the inner slit out of your demure girl next door.
Our Rules
Today a Hotwife in the making asked for advice on how to be successful in the lifestyle and immediately my first suggestion was to establish strong and sustainable rules. As a couple our relationship is the absolute TOP priority, which is why our rules are very important to us. With that being said I figured I’d share our rules to help any other couples or singles who are looking to establish some of their own 😊
1. Any potential playmate must be verified (video message etc) and agreed upon by both parties
2. We do not ever compromise on our standards, wants/needs or quality of playmates (quality over quantity).
3. No playing with someone that you have daily contact with (friend, colleague, gym partner etc)
4. No playing or messaging with a playmate if we aren’t in good standing (fighting, upset, sad etc) or you/us arent of sound mind (tired, drunk, high etc)
5. Don’t give too much personal information to playmates - family, friends, address, real name, workplace unless ABSOLUTELY certain they can be trusted.
6. Do not seek support of problems from playmates and/or talk about our relationship issues.
7. If a playmate starts to catch feelings or visa versa it’s over
8. The pace of daily communication with playmates should be managed by us. We should not feel obligated to respond to messages daily out of courtesy.
MEETING UP
9. Let your partner (and/or someone else) know where you are when you go meet someone or host someone alone (Location name, address etc)
10. Text them when you arrive at the meeting/playdate and when leaving the meeting/playdate (or when they leave)
11. Be aware at all times with NEW playmates. Don’t drink from opened alcohol or take anything that could compromise your thought process or awareness (i.e. getting too drunk or high)
12. No bondage, handcuffs, or restraints of any kind with NEW playmates. You need to be able to leave whenever you want.
13. No pain, degradation, humiliation or disrespectful name calling EVER!
14. Take lots of pictures and/or videos when playing solo for your partner to enjoy so they can feel like they are involved even though they aren’t there. **ONLY USE OUR PERSONAL PHONES TO TAKE THEM**
15. If a playmate is looking for an on-going relationship, they should have that relationship/friendship with the both of us. If the playmate has a problem with that then there is an increased risk that they won’t respect these rules or arrangements
Nice advice; thank U
Techniques for Hotwives: by my wife
I absolutely love being a hotwife. One of the best parts for me is driving my husband insane with lust for me by giving him just the right blend of teasing and reassurance. Not only do I get the freedom and variety of choosing my own sexual partners, but I also get a husband who burns with desire for me. For the purpose of this entry I’m going to use the term hotwife for any wife with permission to play, cuckoldress for a hotwife who emphasizes her dominance in the sexual relationship, huband for the hotwife’s primary partner (could easily be a fiance or boyfriend), and lover for the other sex partner who’s not the husband.
Here are some techniques I regularly use that I’ve found hotwives and cuckoldresses can use to make their encounters extra fun for their husbands and for themselves.
When Husband is Watching You with Another Man
Eye Contact* - Nothing will arouse and tease your husband like strong eye contact with him. Eye contact says, “Look at me!” and makes it impossible for either of you to ignore or trivialize what’s going on. Eye contact can be gentle or fierce, depending on your style and the message you’re trying to send. I prefer to lock eyes for a long time, then wink or smile right before I look away. I like to lock eyes with my husband while I’m blowing my lover.
Smile* - Smiling is both a tease and a reassurance. It says both, “Look how much fun I’m having!” and “Everything is OK.” I love to smile at him when I’m riding my lover cowgirl-style.
Say Something* - You don’t have to jabber away, but it’s fun to say things now and then. I love dirty talk with my lover while my husband’s watching. I also like to interact with him, asking, “How are you liking the show?” or “Don’t you wish you were doing this?” I also encourage my lover to talk about how good everything feels and how much fun he’s having. Moaning, screaming, crying, laughing, giggling, etc. are all great things to do, too. It’s also cute to call you husband by terms of endearment like honey, baby, etc. when you’re being fucked by another man.
Dress Up* - High heel shoes, lingerie, nicely done nails, and perfume all say, “I’m putting effort into looking fucking hot for my lover!” You husband will be aroused by your appearance and jealous of the effort to look good for another guy.
When Husband is Listening from Another Room
Go Nuts* - Scream, cry, moan, laugh, beg, talk dirty, giggle, and slurp. Encourage your lover to slap your butt. These sounds will float through the closed door and to your husband’s ears, driving him wild with desire and jealousy.
Emerge, then Vanish* - Take a break from fucking. Go out into the room where your husband is: hair a mess, makeup smeared. Have a glass of water. Say hi to your husband. Then, go back to the bedroom. Close the door. Lock it.
Make a Movie* - Film your bedroom romp. Hook the camera in your room to the TV in the room where he’s sitting so he can watch live feed! He’ll be scratching at the door in no time.
When Husband is Not Around
Call Him* - It’s fun to call him and put the phone on speaker phone while you’re getting railed. Then, husband can listen! Even more fun (for you cuckoldresses) is let your other guy call from his phone instead. It’s more humiliating.
Texts* - Like above, but text dirty things. What you’re doing, feeling, etc. Have your other guy send husband dirty pics of what you’re doing.
Get Caught* - I love having my husband walk in on me when he’s not expecting anything. Just make sure that you know he’d be OK with this, and that your lover is also OK with this. Some people don’t like surprises.
Leave Evidence* - Your lingerie lying around the bed, sex toys on the nightstand, or a condom in the garbage all remind your husband of what you were doing in his absence.
Make a Movie (pt. 2)* - Film your bedroom romp and leave the recording on the nightstand for him.
Gracias dir the advice, the bar part is so true
Hello, do you currently live in Italy? I was wondering if you could give us some advice. We're Americans travelling to Rome in a few months and the wife wants to find a guy for a night of NSA fun. Basically we're looking for a third for MFM threesome. Are Italian men open to this sort of arrangement? Any suggestions on where to find someone other than a bar?
HiDifficult to answer. I think most of the guys you can find in a bar will be open to have a ride with the wife, but perhaps not that open to a threesome with another man they never met.Even more important, if you rely on this kind of casual encounters you won’t be able to filter the guys, and you won’t know who you end up with.
I’d say it’s better if you get registered on a local swingers/cuckold/hotwife site, creating a couple’s profile; that will give you the opportunity to look for an experienced man (and you’ll be able to choose the one you like the most, too) and to set up a date for when you’ll be in Rome.
Have a look for example on www.thecuckold.com (it should have an English version too, and it’s basically free), or www.annunci69.it .The second one is far bigger, probably the biggest website of this kind in Italy, but the first one sometime is better.In case you might need it, Rome is in a region called Lazio (Italy is divided into regions, similar to US states even though on a smaller scale of course). It might be useful to look for singles and bull coming from this region, if not only Rome.Good luck ;)
Thanks for sharing this great advice!
The dangers of the lifestyle
Many ask how to begin living this lifestyle; often, how to convince the wife. My answer is always the same: don’t.
I want to use the perfect words I found online time ago (here http://bit.ly/2wRyUEv , all credits due to the original poster):
When me & my long term girlfriend were thinking about this, both of us were incredibly turned on physically about it, but she just would not take the final step because of the emotional dangers. She said because we men can easily separate the physical & emotional we don’t understand that very few women can, and the same thing that makes them lust for a man in bed (which is what guys in this situation want) is the same thing that makes her become emotionally attached to him.
My partner’s last words on the subject were ‘if we go through with this, you will lose me emotionally, and once you’ve lost me emotionally, the physical won’t be far behind, and then it will be the beginning of the end.’
This is so very true.
Over the years, I witnessed so many times the same pattern. Of all the other couples we met living the lifestyle, from cuckolds to hotwives, every possible variation on the theme, I can say ALL split. All but one: the one where both partners were already living the style before meeting.
All the couples that began experimenting together, eventually broke up. The change in the bond between them, which silently grows over time, in the end destroyed them as a couple.
The woman feels less and less 'bound’ to her man, and she usually starts feeling emotions for someone else. It’s almost like breaking the physical limitation opens a breach in her emotions.
The man is pulled towards a spiral of personal fantasies, growing detached not only from his woman, but from her desires and wishes. In divergent directions, he usually loses the capacity to listen to her, and he doesn’t ultimately notice that she’s slowly slipping away.
So, here’s my advice. If it’s a shared fantasy, something both partners were willing to try for a long time, you’ll find the way to try. Internet offers plenty of options. In all other cases, don’t ever try to convince her or him; in the end it will destroy her or him, and you as a couple.
A great advice
Thank you!
We have been married 18 yrs, and we have fantasized about hotwifing for about 8 yrs. Our sex life is great, and we always act out the hotwife idea everytime we have sex by dp and dirty talk. We have discussed about doing it for real several times, but she is too worried about something going wrong like std, moral values, etc. I have gotten very serious about wanting to do this but she wont plan it, although she is showing signs that she really wants to. I have thought of just making it happen.
No no no…. The basis of cuckolding is absolute openness and honesty. It’s not something you can start with deception and hope it ends well. If you want it and she wants it but she can’t pull the trigger then she’s just not ready. If you try to manufacture it without her knowing you open the relationship to resentment and guilt. Even if you could make it happen what happens if it doesn’t go well or she regrets it and blames you? These are things that need to be talked about before hand. You have to be on the same page about everything. That being said there are ways to coax it along. Playing the “would ya” game. “Out of all the people we know who would you fuck if you had the chance?” That kind of thing. Get her talking about it in a real life sense.
Also play the bar game where you go and watch her from afar while she flirts. She doesn’t have to fuck anyone. You could come over and “win” her away from the guy and then go fuck like bunnies. It’s a gradual thing. A frog in a gradually heating pot. Baby steps. But she has to be in agreement as to what the rules are.
But at the end of the day if she can’t do it then she can’t do it. At least you have a sexual wife that you love who is willing to fantasize with you about your deepest desires. There are tons of men who would give their left nut to have what you have.
Play the game but never be deceptive.
www.sensualhotwife.tumblr.com
Is this a 'tism thing, or am I just overacting?
Hello!!! I just got back from taking a shower and also having a full blown meltdown because of said shower. For some context before we get started, my showers are typically scorching hot. A few more details include:
cold water drains my spoons in a way it has absolutely to right to.
I have curly hair (important for later)
I had attempted to take a shower already today.
I went to a baseball awards ceremony for my cousin, three resell stores, and gone swimming at a family member's house.
I've been out of spoons for the past several weeks. I cannot remember the last time I woke up and felt like I had enough to get through the day.
Okay, back to the present. I get home from swimming, scroll on Tumblr for a bit, then decide I'll try taking a shower again. I'd tried already this morning and no matter what I did I could not get the water to heat up, the nozzle was being weird, and I was low on time. I threw my hair into a brain, deciding it wasn't a battle worth fighting. I went to the ceremony, had some fun shopping with my mom for the first time in a while, and had a great time swimming with my siblings. Overall, it was a great day, but even things that make you happy can take up your spoons (or so my therapist said), and it checked out because I was pretty done with all the excitement of the day. I love Saturdays, but they're me time, and I don't really like having plans when I should be reading dark romance novels and marauder fanfics to scrape up what little energy I can manage. I decide to try out my shower again, hoping that maybe it was just a one time, leave it alone for a bit and it'll be fixed thing.
It defiantly wasn't.
The water was still cold as fuck and the nozzle was doing a weird 360 thing and I just wasn't having it. Still, I needed to shower. So I stuck it out for a bit and just dealt with it.
I got my body washed without any big problems (keyword big. I'd been on the verge of tears basically the whole time), but then came washing my hair. First and foremost, I was now shivering my ass off and very much done with cold water. Secondly, I'd been swimming in a salt water pool, which made my hair clump together and dense. Overall, just not an easy task to wash it. By this point, I was sobbing, clutching a towel clutched to my chest because my emotional support 3D printed T-rex was on the counter, had soap in my eyes, and didn't want to be doing this anymore, so I finished up as quickly as I could. Obviously, my hair isn't as well washed as I would like, so I'm not too pleased with that, but I have to work on calming down and washing soup out of my eyes.
I manage to calm down, but now, if I wasn't before, I'm definitely freezing my buttocks off. I speed through getting dressed, putting on the warmest clothes I have, and them work on getting products in my nightmare inducing hair.
It doesn't help, because I now have gross, sticky stuff on my hands, and I have REALLY bad sensory issues regarding my hands in particular. Still, I push through it because I'm still working on unmasking when i'm alone and not forcing myself to do what I know is too much for me. I then get more frustrated because my hair is too wet for it to defuse and I have to dry it again, with gross stickiness still on my hands, and whoops, I'm crying again because I stepped in the tiniest fucking puddle, and of course I'm at that point because why wouldn't I be?
Anyway, am I overreacting?
Non-verbalism + my younger cousins
Tbh Idk if I can count what happens as going non-verbal, but effectively it's something like that. Rn my little cousins (10, 8, and 4 (10 is chill)) are over at my place, and they're incredibly loud and energetic, not to mention that 8 keeps slapping my ass. I have to constantly chase them around the house and they keep going in my bedroom and stealing my stuff!!!
Anyway, I think I've gone nonverbal because of that. 'm not speaking, and 4 keeps yelling at me to just speak to her or why I'm not speaking. However the thing is, if I *desperately* need to I could whisper a few words...which i did and she's left me alone now. But it's so awkward because at times when i'm like this I often have needs but can't vocalise them. It's at the worst of times too. (E.g I was on the bus once coming back from school with a friend (Who understands all this), and J (Half-friend) was asking me why I was so quiet and luckily he stepped in from what I remember. (Thnx F)
But yeah....
Also I should've stated this earlier but I have diagnosed ADHD and I think I might have autism but i'm undiagnosed.
Edit: Put on Ponyo for them and they're sitting on my back but it's ok because I'm a body and chest pressure enjoyer
101 self care ideas for when it all gets too much
1. Have a good, long, body-shaking cry.
2. Call a trusted friend or family member and talk it out.
3. Call in sick. Take comp time if you can. Take a mental health day.
4. Say no to extra obligations, chores, or anything that pulls on your precious self-care time.
5. Book a session (or more!) with your therapist.
6. Dial down your expectations of yourself at this time. When you’re going through life’s tough times, I invite you to soften your expectations of yourself and others.
7. Tuck yourself into bed early with a good book and clean sheets.
8. Watch a comforting/silly/funny/lighthearted TV show or movie.
9. Reread your favorite picture and chapter books from childhood.
10. Ask for some love and tenderness from your friends on social media. Let them comment on your post and remind you that you’re loved.
11. Look at some some really gorgeous pieces of art.
12. Watch Youtube videos of Ellen DeGeneres and the adorable kids she has on her show.
13. Look at faith-in-humanity-restoring lists from Buzzfeed.
14. Ask for help. From whoever you need it – your boss, your doctor, your partner, your therapist, your mom. Let people know you need some help.
15. Wrap yourself up in a cozy fleece blanket and sip a cup of hot tea.
16. Breathe. Deeply. Slowly. Four counts in. Six counts out.
17. Hydrate. Have you had enough water today?
18. Eat. Have you eaten something healthy and nourishing today?
19. Sleep. Have you slept 7-9 hours? Is it time for some rest?
20. Shower. Then dry your hair and put on clothes that make you feel good.
21. Go outside and be in the sunshine.
22. Move your body gently in ways that feel good. Maybe aim for 30 minutes. Or 10 if 30 feels like too much.
23. Read a story (or stories) of people who overcame adversity or maybe dealt with mental illness, too. (I personally admire JK Rowling’s story.)
24. Go to a 12-Step meeting. Or any group meeting where support is offered. Check out church listings, hospital listings, school listings for examples.
25. If you suspect something may be physiologically off with you, go see your doctor and/or psychiatrist and talk to them. Medication might help you at this time and they can assist you in assessing this.
26. Take a long, hot bath, light a candle and pamper yourself.
27. Read these inspirational quotes.
28. Cuddle someone or something. Your partner. A pillow. Your friend’s dog.
29. Read past emails/postcards/letters etc. from friends and family reminding you of happier times.
30. Knit. Sculpt. Bake. Engage your hands.
31. Exhaust yourself physically – running, yoga, swimming, whatever helps you feel fatigued.
32. Write it out. Free form in a journal or a Google doc. Get it all out and vent.
33. Create a plan if you’re feeling overwhelmed. List out what you need to do next to tackle and address whatever you’re facing. Chunk it down into manageable and understandable pieces.
34. Remember: You only have to get through the next five minutes. Then the next five. And so on.
35. Take five minutes to meditate.
36. Write out a list of 25 Reasons Why You’ll Be OK.
37. Write out a list of 25 Examples of Things You’ve Overcome or Accomplished.
38. Write out a list of 25 Reasons Why You’re a Good, Lovable Person.
39. Write out a list of 25 Things That Make Your Life Beautiful.
40. Sniff some scents that bring you joy or remind you of happier times.
41. Ask for support from friends and family via text if voice-to-voice contact feels like too much. Ask them to check in with you via text daily/weekly. Whatever you need.
42. Lay down on the ground. Let the earth/floor hold you. You don’t have to hold it all on your own.
43. Clean up a corner of a room of your house. Sometimes tidying up can help calm our minds.
44. Ask yourself: What’s my next most immediate priority? Do that. Then ask the question again.
45. Read some poetry. Rumi, Hafiz, Mary Oliver are all excellent.
46. Take a tech break. Delete or deactivate social media if it feels too triggering right now.
47. Or maybe get on tech. If you’ve been isolating maybe even interacting with friends and family online might feel good.
48. Go out in public and be around others. You don’t have to engage. But maybe go sit in a coffee shop or on a bench at a museum and soak up the humanity around you.
49. Or if you’re feeling too saturated with contact, go home. Cancel plans and tend to the introverted parts of yourself.
50. Ask friends and family to remind you that things will be OK and that what you’re feeling is temporary.
51. Put up some Christmas lights in your bedroom. They often make things more magical.
52. Spend a little money and treat yourself to some self-care and comfort. Maybe take a taxi versus the bus. Buy your lunch instead of forcing yourself to pack it. Buy some flowers that delight you.
53. Make art. Scribble with crayons. Splash some watercolors. Paint a rock. Whatever. Just create something.
54. Go wander around outside in your neighborhood and take a look at all the lovely houses and the way people decorate their gardens. Delight in the diversity of design.
55. Go visit or volunteer at your local animal rescue. Pet some animals.
56. Look at photos of people you love. Set them as the wallpaper of your phone or laptop.
57. Create and listen to a playlist of songs that remind you of happier times.
58. Read some spiritual literature.
59. Scream, pound pillows, tear up paper, shake your body to move the energy out.
60. Eat your favorite, most comforting foods.
61. Watch old Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood videos online.
62. Turn off the lights, sit down, stare into space and do absolutely nothing.
63. Pick one or two things that feel like progress and do them. Make your bed. Put away the dishes. Return an email.
64. Go to a church or spiritual community service. Sit among others and absorb any guidance or grace that feels good to you.
65. Allow yourself to fantasize about what you’re hoping or longing for. There are clues and energy in your reveries and daydreams that are worth paying attention to.
66. Watch Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response videos to help you calm down and fall asleep at night.
67. Listen to monks chanting, singing Tibetan bowls or nature sounds to help soothe you.
68. Color in some adult coloring books.
69. Revisit an old hobby. Even if it feels a little forced, try your hand at things you used to enjoy and see what comes up for you.
70. Go to the ocean. Soak up the negative ions.
71. Go to the mountains. Absorb the strength and security of them.
72. Go to the forest. Drink in the shelter, life and sacredness of the trees.
73. Put down the personal help books and pick up some good old fashioned fiction.
74. Remember: Your only job right now is to put one foot in front of the other.
75. Allow and feel and express your feelings – all of them! – safely and appropriately.Seek out help if you need support in this.
76. Listen to sad songs or watch sad movies if you need a good cry.
77. Dance around wildly to your favorite, most cheesy songs from your high school years.
78. Put your hands in dirt. If you have a garden, go garden. If you have some indoor plants, tend to them. If you don’t have plants or a garden, go outside. Go to a local nursery and touch and smell all the gorgeous plants.
79. If you want to stay in bed all day watching Netflix, do it. Indulge.
80. Watch or listen to some comedy shows or goofy podcasts.
81. Look for and Google up examples of people who have gone through and made it through what you’re currently facing. Seek out models of inspiration.
82. Get expert help with whatever you need. Whether that’s through therapy, psychiatry, a lawyer, clergy, let those trained to support you do it.
83. Educate yourself about what you’re going through. Learn about what you’re facing, what you can expect to feel, and how you can support yourself in this place.
84. Establish a routine and stick to it. Routines can bring so much comfort and grounding in times of life that feel chaotic or out of control.
85. Do some hardcore nesting and make your home or bedroom as cozy and beautiful and comforting as possible.
86. Get up early and watch a sunrise.
87. Go outside and set up a chair and watch the sunset.
88. Make your own list of self-soothing activities that engage all five of your senses.
89. Develop a supportive morning ritual for yourself.
90. Develop a relaxing evening ritual for yourself.
91. Join a support group for people who are going through what you’re going through. Check out the listings at local hospitals, libraries, churches, and universities to see what’s out there.
92. Volunteer at a local shelter or hospital or nursing home. Practice being of service to others who may also be going through a tough time.
93. Accompany a friend or family member to something. Even if it’s just keeping them company while they run errands, sometimes this kind of contact can feel like good self-care.
94. Take your dog for a walk. Or borrow a friend’s dog and take them for a walk.
95. Challenge your negative thinking.
96. Practice grounding, relaxation techniques.
97. Do something spontaneous. Walk or drive a different way to work. Order something new off the menu.Listen to a Spotify playlist of new songs.
98. Work with your doctor, naturopath or nutritionist to develop a physical exercise plan and food plan that will be supportive to whatever you’re facing right now.
99. Pray. Meditate. Write a letter to God/The Universe/Source/Your Higher Self, whatever you believe in.
100. As much as you can, please try and trust the process.
101. Finally, please remember, what you’re going through right now is temporary. It may not feel like that from inside the tough time you’re in, but this too shall pass and you will feel different again someday. If you can’t have faith in that, let me hold the hope for you