Zehnaseebsstuff - Zindagi Gulzar Hai

Aapkiii sari wishes poori hoo

Mein to hellooo kitty bf hoon

Lyrics that good or subtitler did an awesome job?

Don’t look at me like that ..

Like you never saw me before.

I don’t want anything from you. 

No consolation, or trust. 

No applauds, or sympathy. 

No dreams, or comforts.  Don’t look at me like that ..

Like you never saw me before. I’m the song you don’t want to listen. 

The first fallen leaf of autumn. 

A drop of tear in desert. 

I’m the moment that has passed. 

No way can I come back. 

And that is the truth.  Don’t look at me like that ..

Like you never saw me before. —– That is the translation of Aisa na dekho song from Ranjhaana. Oh my, the feels I had after ‘seeing’ that one, very moved.  In Tamil, the opening is good. But the first stanza is the best. Second one, oh so-so. 

“நிலா முற்றங்களில் முத்தமா கேட்டேன்?

உன் ஆயுளில் பாதியா கேட்டேன்?

பூ புன்னகை ஒன்று தானே கேட்டேன்!” Yeah, just one smile. :)

2022 TBR 🧿 (continuing in 2023)

On Earth, we are briefly gorgeous - Ocean Vuong

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo - Taylor Jenkins Reid (🦄)

Twisted lies - Ana Huang (🦄)

Gender Queer: a memoir - Maia Kobabe (🦄)

Lanka's princess - Kavita Kané (🫀)

Forty rules of love - Elif Shafak

All my rage - Sabaa Tahir

Redacted : poems - Trista Mateer (🦄)

She gets the girl - Rachael Lippincott, Alyson Derrick

Pride & prejudice - Jane Austen (🌷)

How much land does a man need? - Leo Tolstoy (🦄)

Terribly tiny tales, Vol. 1 (🦄)

God of Small Things - Arundhati Roy

The Secret History - Donna Tartt (🫀)

The Forest of Enchantments - Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni (🫀)

Love story - Erich Segal (🦄)

Raavan : Enemy of Aryavarta - Amish Tripathi

The love hypothesis - Ali Hazelwood (🦄)

No Regrets - Kaveree Bamzai

Great Goddesses - Nikita Gill

Beautiful World, Where are you - Sally Rooney

Crying in H mart - Michelle Zauner

Poetry is undead - Trista Mateer

Artemis Made me do it - Trista Mateer (🫀)

Poems I sleep next to - Shelby Eileen (🦄)

Beach Read - Emily Henry

Menaka's choice - Kavita kané

Loveboat Reunion - Abigail Hing Wen

One last stop - Casey McQusiton

The Knockout - Sajni Patel

A Promised Land - Khadija Mastur

Daughter of the Moon Goddess - Sue Lynn Tan

Cheer up: Love and pompoms - Crystal Frasier ( 🦄)

Tahira in bloom - Farah Heron

A Good Girl's guide to murder - Holly Jackson (🦄)

The invisible life of Addie LaRue - V. E. Schwab ( 🫀)

Rivals (American Royals #3) - Katherine McGee (🦄)

It ends with us - Colleen Hoover (🦄)

Persuasion - Jane Austen

Normal People - Sally Rooney (🦄)

Graceful Burdens - Roxane Gay (🦄)

I want to die but i want to eat tteokbokki - Baek Sehee (🌷)

The fault in our stars - John Green (🦄)

When the stars wrote back - Trista mateer (🦄,🫀)

Conversations with friends - Sally Rooney (🫀)

Daisy Jones & The Six - Taylor Jenkins Reid (🦄)

Flower crowns & fearsome things - Amanda Lovelace (🦄)

The Bitter End - Kaliane Faye (🦄)

Rukmini - Saiswaroopa Iyer

Kate in waiting - Becky Albertralli

Simon vs the homosapiens agenda - Becky Albertralli

The Princess saves herself in this one - Amanda Lovelace (🦄)

The Song of Achilles (🫀)

It Starts with Us - Colleen Hoover (🦄)

Here's to hoping I actually read all of them :')

(I have removed books that I know for a fact I will not read, so this is an edited version of the list! Also, finished TSOA today (18/4/23) and The Invisible life of Addie LaRue on 24/4/23 and absolutely fucking bawled, so I decided to add it to this tbr list to honour it :'), not to mention that I actually had planned to read it for a long time, just didn't include it in this list 😭)

( read in 2022 - 🦄, currently reading - 🌷, read in 2023 - 🫀)

I'll be marking off the books when I finish reading them/ I'll be adding more books when I find myself wanting to read them!

my toxic trait is thinking I can do THIS without fail 🤣

جو تمہیں اپنی بہار نہ سمجھے ،اس کیلئے اپنی زندگی کے پھول مت توڑو

Don't break the flowers of your life for those who don't consider you as their spring

random desi chaotic academia things I've done:

spent the entire evening reading topics totally unrelated to my studies instead of studying and then panicking about how i hadn't learnt anything for the exam the next day.

wrapped my mother's saree haphazardly around myself and danced to my desi academia playlist at 3am and then collapsed due to the blood rush to my head.

spent an entire night reading my mother's Rabindranath-er Golpogucchho (A Collection of Stories by Rabindranath Tagore) instead of doing my homework due the very next day and ended up not submitting it.

sent random quotes of sylvia plath and f scott fitzgerald to my best friend at 2 in the morning and then talked all night about it.

danced to rabindra sangeet in my room while reciting his poetry

exhausted my 4 months worth of pocket money on books by indian authors and still not finishing even half of them.

stopped on my way back home from tuitions to buy jhumkas from a roadside stall and got yelled at for coming home late.

scattered all my books on the bed because i couldn't find the right book to feed to my emotional state.

added more and more accessories to my already unorganized jewellery box, some of them i wore once and some i have never worn till today.

had an unhealthy obsession with greek, roman and egyptian mythology for years and spent countless nights reading articles on them over a cup of masala chai.

intentionally tried to get my dupatta stuck in a guy's watch to get my very own om shanti om moment.

been overconfident in myself for an exam, spent the whole time reading articles about random topics that i will never require, thought i screwed it over and then topped the entire class.

filled up my notes app with poems at 3 am when i had an exam at 8 the following day.

fell asleep while reading a book on the floor, and woke up alarmingly early the next morning with smudged kajal, puffy eyes and a runny nose.

dried flowers from my backyard in between the pages of old books and used them as bookmarks.

had an unhealthy amount of chai to stay awake but fell asleep on my books halfway through and still passed.

just wanna cuddle and watch movies/tv with someone :(

Uthtii hai ibadat ki khushbooein kyun mere ishq se

reasons why my bf is the best person to have in your friend group

you mention one (1) time that you're craving some dish and the next day he'll bring a special dabba with it for you

always carries extra hair ties for female friends

has extra money in case someone forgot their lunch

always makes sure you wash your hands or atleast sanitise before you eat

knows first aid

SMOKING HOT

lets you sleep on his shoulder during class or in the bus if you're tired

asks you if you want a hug if he sees you looking sad- best hugs ever

makes sure your notebook is completed by offering his own notes

CHEMISTRY GENIUS!!!!!

will throw hands with anyone who insults you, and will win

tells his mom about your favourite food so she'll make it when you come over

endearing nicknames for everyone that include 'nutella', 'gulab jamun', 'taara', 'sherni' and my personal fav: 'biryani'

mention one of your interests and he'll listen to you infodump for hours. literally. hours. (he listened to me overanalyse tangled for four hours straight, from 2 am to 6 am)

DID I MENTION HOT ASF

gives you small affirmations everyday, like 'i love your hair today behen', 'aree wah those biceps looking great today bro'

asks you about your favourite flowers if he's known you long enough and surprises you with them when you're sad

BRINGS CHOCOLATES AND YOUR FAVOURITE MOVIE KI CD DURING PERIODS!!!!!!!

ALSO HE'S AN AMAZING KISSER

Desi Middle Class ✨Aesthetic✨

Kiraya ka ghar, chai ki tapri, buying new clothes twice or at max thrice a year during festive occasions, steel ka dabba, bigger uniform size to make sure you keep fitting into it for at least two years, feeling proud to own a Trimax pen, dada dadi or nana nani's tel malish, visiting temple towns for vacations, train journeys with lots of chips packed to munch on and mummy ke parathe or puri bhaji, having to wait patiently for your turn to use the bathroom unless and until you have two bathrooms and both of them are equally functional, never been on a flight or have been only once by luck, noticing that your dad rarely buys new shirts for himself, lingering looks on that beautiful but expensive dress, your mother touches that one lovely saree for the last time and you promise to yourself that when you start earning, you will gift her every saree she will land her gaze upon, covering rough notebooks with newspapers, start studying maths for the new school year during summer vacation, sharing a room and sometimes the same study table with your siblings, beaming at your bade bhaiya or didi when they show you how to make a paper boat/paper airplane, you are growing up and for the first time you see your older sibling break down in their room all by themselves and realization dawns that even they need a comforting hug, Tu kab badi huyi?, Wanting to gift a good car to your father with your own salary, the entire family dreams to own their own house someday, the first time you realize what a middle class family really is, fights and quarrels that always end with silent apologies over the dining table, beta doctor ya engineer? Kya matlab arts lena hai? Humare family se just pass hone vale bhi science liye? You wipe your own tears and strengthen your resolve to fight for your own dreams, parents are proud that you proved them wrong with your career and subject choice, sadly dropping out of dance, music, arts and sports classes as soon as you begin 10th grade -- lucky ones still continue them, watching Indian tv serials with mummy during afternoons after coming back from school, thoda toh pocket money badha do?? Storing money everywhere in the house, counting coins as a child and thinking yourself to be very rich, chota ghar magar sapne bade yeh hai middle class parivar ki kahani

I was watching Wagle ki duniya and later mummy and I were talking about our lifestyle after which she played a Sudha Murthy video where she was talking about the middle class lifestyle, and then I made this post by reflecting on some of my own experiences. I know that the above post doesn't still complete the middle class life there are so many things remaining but I tried my best to summarise from my own observation and experiences.

I have lived a small part of my life with the more economically advantaged groups too (samridhi just say rich) and I am seeing and have also seen the other side too that isn't as gleaming as I used to think but nevertheless it's colourful, so I wanted to write something on it as a lesson I learnt in these 3 years and for the lesson which will live with me for my future endeavours. Probably this post will also be a sahara sort of thing when I again spiral down some crying lane over my exams.

I have so many stories from my 11th 12th and drop year timeline that I will soon share because as I always believe in the end being good no matter what, be it whatever college I get in or whatever I do, this experience taught me things that no school classroom could do. I may sound like a dadi now but yes maybe in the upcoming time if some of you younger lot do stumble on this in times that seem dark and full of certainty, I hope those stories will bring hope in your hearts

Bas bhai yeh dadimaa kirdar ab kuch samay paschat