Art Block Kicked My Ass So I Pumped These Out In Spite

Oh look at me and my homework 😍. I have so many shit pending rn wtf

The Soul of the Death. ( PART. 1 W/ DILUC)

summaries : where you died in a tragic event and reincarnated as your s/o guardian angel.

Characters : diluc x gn!reader (separate)

contains : mention of death, heavy injuries, angst, comfort/hurt

A/N : i got inspired by one of those horror folklore my friend used to tell me. It was actually a tragic love story which lead me to feel some sort-of pity towards the characters. So here we go, an actuall angst with a spice of both comfort/hurt.

DILUC

When diluc saw you dying in his arms, all he could’ve think about is your smile. He wished you could stay longer, he wished he could apologize to you, he wish he could love you in the same amount as your love for him. He cries out for help to the people of the village whom saw the witness of your murderer and even saw the dead end of your life. but none of them respond to his plea, are they deaf?!, he hisses.

The knights of favonious have been sent to the accident after one of the elders of the village took pity on diluc. they arrive 40 minutes late. Now, all they could saw are just diluc dead eyes and your corpse in his lap.

you’ve been pronounced dead in his arms. He could only hear your last word as if it were the wind who guide you to your last breath.

But it was all up to the past he committed to, now he could’ve only see your tombstone and a hand-drawn picture of you as a remembrance of your passing. Though, he doesn’t know that now you’ve been reincarnated as a guardian for him. It was a blessing indeed, but how could you really protect him when he couldn’t even feel your presence now?

“Diluc..” you called. still, he doesn’t answer. you called him again for the tenth time. Purposingly trying to catch his attention, but no answer could be found from his mouth, as if you were just a wind whom ran through his delicate ears.

and in no time, a heavy sound could be hear next to you. shit, He fell unconscious.. you panicked. Thinking any other ways to make him awake, but really? Are you forgetting the fact he could see you if he’s unconscious?

And To his suprised, he manage to hold both of your cold hands which have ran through his soft messy hair for awhile now. As if you were still here with him.

“Love…is this you? Are you..really here..?” , his unsteady voice speaks a lot of his flowing emotions.

“Yes i’m here all the time diluc! you’re temperature is not so stable now, so please take a rest! I’ll be here to comfort you in your sleep, so please let—“

“ahaha, this is so like you, how am i dreaming of you even after everything..i missed you where have you been?” , he feel like he about to tear up anytime soon, he knew he shouldn’t have gone this far. How can a dream resembles everything about you, my dear?

He tries to hug you, and failed. his body temperature drowns him to his unconscious posture, now he could only sobs and wait for you to soothe his hair again while talking about his-now current reality with you being his none other than a guardian angel. He knew you would notice his tears, but who cares for now on? He just want to listen to your voice and feel your presence.

“I have been staying with you for awhile now…so, Diluc i’m here to comfort you even if you could no longer see me in your side.. the arrows in the accident still hurt me indeed but i do not wish for you to see me in pain after-all the love you gave me when i was still alive..”

“I have no regret on loving you..so please live well for me, i’ll stay by your side, call me if you need the wind to embrace you, alright?”

You gently soothes his hair, humming a lullaby every mother in monstadt usually sang to their children.

“oh god..you’re truly are a blessing my love”

Reverse Streamer AU

ーOur favorite characters are streamers who play the game Genshin Impact and somehow fall in love with a particular character, you.

ーChilde x gender neutral reader

ーHeadcannons, Fluff

ーWarning: Childe content, cursing, usage of childe's real name

ーNote: AS USUAL @alberivh HELPED ME WITH EVERYTHING AND ALMOST HALF OF THIS ARE THEIR IDEAS TOO CHECK EM OUT

ーChilde

•Ah yes, Ajax (derogatory)

•His streamer name would be "Tartaglia"! He doesn't exactly remember where the name came from but it stuck and he doesn't really want to change it

•He's one of those people who everyone loves but makes fun of. #tartagliaslander is a commonly seen popular hashtag that comes up even few days

•Often is seen playing PvP games and is known for his fluid emotional state while playing games aka they love seeing his expressions and reactions because he's very.. expressive

•One time, they somehow convinced him to play a horror game and they were rewarded with comedy gold

•"HOLY FUCK *voice crack*"

•"NONONONONO WHY THE FUCK *voice crack* IS HER HEAD BACKWARDSー"

•"*insert high pitched scream* oh wait nevermind I thought it was Scaramouche"

•ehem, I shall skip over those details

•He ended up discovering genshin impact after someone in his stream compared him to a certain character

•"Oh really? I bet my mora that I'm better than this character you're talking about"

•He honestly speedruns the start of the game, he's really good at adapting to new games and learn how to play them

•And now! The moment he's been waiting for, he's finally in Liyue and he shall finally see for himself the person everyone has been talking aboutー

•"Hey sweety, hold still"

•Oh dear Ajax, you don't have a thought behind those eyes do you?

•His audience could practically see the gears turning in his head while he's watching you fight. He's usually very expressive but his face was all blank until the cut scene ended

•"...you guys win the betー" and it all went downhill from there

•Practically BEGS mihoyo for your banner daily after getting a few minutes of screen time of you

•"@Mihoyo when are we getting [name]'s banner" His wish gets granted.. a few months later

•“The unlucky whaler! Ajax” #PROUD

•He's one of those people who you can't help but wonder just how much money he has because he's always spending it for you almost like an investmentー

•Of course, there is a bad side. He has shit luck, he could spend a bunch of money for a character but lose the 50/50 to someone else. Though his bad luck only applies to characters, he had really good luck regarding artifacts

•He's unintentionally really good at building characters! He could casually just do 200k damage while putting random artifacts on a character

•But when it comes to you? Oh boy. 

•He has like 15 different tabs with many different builds regarding you comparing each and every one of them to see which one is the best because only the best for you my dear <3

•He's one of those players who have a slightly inappropriate signature

•"Twerks sadly in no c6 [name]"

•Probably steals resources from friends and only asks to get some after he's already taken them. He and Kaeya have a mutual agreement to take each other's resources without telling each other.

•“Kaeya can i get a—“ “Starconch? Sure”

•Giggles innocently after spending 3 weeks to save up all of your materials aka stealing his friend's resources

•He simped for your hand in your trailer next question. Him talking about how beautiful your hands would be if you had a ring thereー

•Him absolutely losing it in that one scene where u destroyed a bunch of ruin guards in like a few seconds 

•Everyone just sees him cover his mouth and he slowly sinks into his chair. He's usually very vocal when it comes to showing how down bad he is but he just gotta catch his breath for a second, somebody give him a cold glass of waterー

•Him reacting to your foul legacy form LIKE IT WAS A LIFE CHANGING EXPERIENCE

•"Oh fuck they could step on me, I mean they could step on me, oh wait no I mean they could step on meー"

•“oh my god…THEY LOOK HOTTER THAN BEFORE??? MOM THIS IS YOUR FUTURE KID IN LAW, DO YOU LIKE THEM????”

•He let out the highest, loudest, girliest scream when you finally came home, it doesn't matter if he lost the 50/50 like 5 different times, it was worth itー

•He literally got u at lvl 90 and 4.8k damage after a few mins of getting you and crowned you twice

•HE HAS YOUR NAME CARD AS SOON AS POSSIBLE AND EVERYTHING THAT WAS RELATED TO YOU

•Another one who collects all your ascension materials even thought he doesn't need them anymore

•“Guys…I can’t do this, /pulls for c6 [name]/“

•*Gets random other five star /slams head on desk/*

•“Mihoyo fuck you /pulls again/“

•/gets your weapon/ "I WANT THE CHARACTER NOT THE WEAPON"

•Then he goes to absolutely destroy the abyss with you

•Cries over your lore and then he goes like “YEAH LET'S THE ABYSS TOGETHER!”

•Probably named himself "Sweetheart" so that you would call him sweetheart in the game

•Childe would be this one dude who babysits Teucer and streams at the same time. So technically….he’s fighting over you while feeding teucer his food

•He's basically hypnotized teucer into loving you

•“do you like [name]”

•“Say yes or i’ll tell mom we’re eating vegetables tonight—“

•“Yes”

•He probably shows teucer pics of you on the TV and makes him wear a shirt that has y/n supremacy written on it

•He makes teucer watch ur trailer the way toddlers watch cocomelon

•“Teucer this is the new cocomelon”

•Sometimes when he's babysitting Teucer he just deadpans and goes

•"Look, I'd be a great dad so [name] if you're hearing thisー"

•You know how Childe is a boss right? You're a boss too. He wouldn't attack you the first time because he's dying inside because you're basically flirting with him while fighting oh my fucking god lord have mercyー

•“Surrender is a valid option, I promise I’ll be gentle—“

•“Kiss me”

•Fighting your boss is literally the highlight of his week

•"WEEK 13 OF FIGHTING [name]!!"

•I know he would get jealous if you're shipped with another character

•“This fucking bastardー“ *never plays their story quest

•Loses 50/50 cause of said character, equips them and makes them fall to their death multiple times

•HE’LL DO THAT DAILY AND TREAT THEM AS A PRISONER ON THEIR TEAPOT

•“No lunch for prisoners like you” aggressively attacks them

•He technically lives for you. So see him building his whole teapot for you and you only

•He has a part in his tea pot that looks like a wedding ceremony and puts you at the altar

•I know he be begging mihoyo for a new skin for you after seeing after seeing fanart of you in a suit, Mihoyo isn't surprised at this point

•He made a little prison for everyone who stole his pity and regularly attacks them or equips them to make them fall off a cliff

•He cried when the teapot voice lines were about you wanting to introduce him to your family cause we all know how much of a family man he is

•He would make a whole lake for you in his teapot

•Him collecting your fish at your teapot world and then says shit like “everything for you beloved”

•Insert that one meme "anything for you Beyonce"

•HE GOT SO SCARED BECAUSE YOU ALREADY HAVE DEATH FLAGS SINCE THE BEGINNING

•"HUH? They might die? What do you mean?? they're safe in my teapot" *aggressively makes you a safe bunker in his teapot*

•Watches sad animations of you and your sibling and hugs Teucer for emotional support

•“Hahahaha guys they d-don’t have death f-flags! Alright!!” 

•The first stage of grief: denial.

•Childe getting frustrated because your cooldown is a fucking menace to his irritation and he's terrible with archers

•“Why did I pull for them? Well….they’re hot”

•The comments: I thought you like archers

•“No?? I only pullled for them because they’re hot and have you ever saw me playing an archer aside from y/n though, I GUESS YOU HAVEN’T” cue him running away from the mitachurl as soon as ur ult ends

•HE ALSO LIKES TO SLANDER YOU BUT IN A LOVING WAY LIKE “HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY FAVORITE LITTLE SHIT!”

•"Aww, my favorite menace to society"

•I know he gets all pouty when he finds out you're rich cause he wants to spoil you

•he would also flirt with your character using stupid puns

•“Are you water cause I'm thirstyー”

•Childe seems to be the type to flame you for your damage in co-op but is always so understanding when you're not good at the game and carries you

•I know his room is filled with merchandise you cannot convince me otherwise

•he has a whole shelf of plushies and figurines of you, he even had a narwhal plushie custom made inspired by you

•He hugs your narwhal plushies and pretend as if it was you #touchstarved

•Your narwhal plushies is literally in every corner of his room

•All in all, Teucer needs a break from his big brother's shenanigans 

《Reverse Streamer AU Masterlist》 : 《General Masterlist》

Taglist: @urujiako , @simplyxsinned , @starglitterz , @alberivh , @noirkkat , @chichikoi , @oreoz-unfortunately , @bookuya , @shxnosuke , @abyssheart , @almond-adeptus , @masterofbrioches , @almondoufu , @thomaghosty , @tsu-simps-for-pretty-bois , @spottyspatula , @icecappa , @mayple

Send an ask if you want to be added!

hiiii!!! may i request fragrant mashed potatoes + sweet madame + mint jelly and pop’s teas + dango milk + ketchup <3 maybe like back when he was still kunikuzushi, he had a lover, and before joining the fatui he promised to return to them? tyy!!

‿୨♡୧‿︵ BON APETIT MY FELLOW CUSTOMER ! ︵‿୨♡୧‿

name of order: we’ll meet again

date: scaramouche (w/ gn!reader)

receipt: fragrant mashed potatoes (scaramouche) + sweet madame (reunion) + mint jelly and pop’s teas (fluff with comfort) + dango milk (normal/normal au) + ketchup (hc scenario/bulleted form)

spices: spoilers to inazuma archon quest, spoilers to scaramouche’s real name, fluff/comfort, mentions of fighting, reader can shapeshift into a fox like yae, and this fic takes place during the 2.2 event (except scaramouche doesnt show up in the actual event)

ingredients: he promised that he’ll come back to you as soon when he grows powerful enough. he just didn’t think he’ll meet you this way.

chef’s note: wahh this is such a cute idea !! tysm anon for requesting, i hope this is to your liking <<3

there was once a time when scaramouche went by another name.

kunikuzushi was a name that’s nothing but a reminder of a harbinger’s past. a reminder of a mere prototype puppet who was kicked out by the raiden shogun herself, a “wandering eccentric“ who goes by no name until an act of revenge against a certain blacksmith,

and a lover of a certain inazuman who resides in tatarasuna, working under the guuji of the grand narukami shrine.

scaramouche could only wonder aimlessly if you were still waiting for him after so many years. are you still working for the grand narukami shrine? are you still as kind as he used to know you before when he first met you? do you even remember him if you ever see him?

the harbinger could only cover his face with his hat in shame. shamed that he never got the chance to come back again after so many years even when he vowed to return just for you.

the vow still stands in his empty chest that holds no heart, but would you say the same?

“fear not, dear kunikuzushi.” you said reassuringly, patting the man’s head with a smile. “no matter how time has long passed, i will always be here in inazuma waiting for you.”

you then gave him a large hat, something that he swears to himself to cherish. “take this as my farewell gift. if you ever miss me as much as i will be to you in the near future, you could always wear this hat and remember me.”

will you ever know how he rarely removes the very hat that you gave him?

you hoped he did.

you hoped, just like how a loved one does when a soldier goes to a war, that your dearest kunikuzushi is alright. you hoped, just like how a lover does when they think about their spouse, that he is happy as he could ever be even if you’re not the reason. you hoped, just like how a lover does when they’re away from their spouse, that he still thinks about you just as much as you do with him.

you just keep hoping and hoping as years go by, often visiting the place where you bid him farewell whenever you have the chance, only to sigh in dismay when you couldn’t see kunikuzushi anywhere.

“i suspect that i might find you here,” yae miko spoke up, walking towards you with a small smile on her face. “i was looking for you around the shrine for a task. is something on your mind?”

you slowly look away from the view of your old home that’s now ruined by the harsh thunderstorms in the past, looking at the guuji with a reassuring smile. “i’m just checking up on my old home as the usual, i apologize for not coming back sooner and worry you.” you replied.

“no need for the apologies. it’s not like this is your first time getting away and get distracted.” the woman reassures you with a chuckle.

there was no single soul who’s aware of your relationship with the lone puppet that the raiden shogun discarded except yae miko. although the woman isn’t quite fond of how you’re often distracted unlike before, she couldn’t blame you.

it’s just a shame that the fatui found him, the woman knows fully well that he won’t be able to come back to inazuma anytime soon but didn’t see the point in telling you, not wanting to destroy that hopeful look plastered on your face that she had grown used to see everyday.

“may i ask what task would you like me to fulfill, lady yae?” you ask.

“i’m afraid it’s not like any other tasks i’ve given you,” she warns, crossing her arms with an apologetic smile. “i need you to keep an eye on a certain harbinger that’s been lurking around the land. he’s a tall ginger-haired man with a hydro vision.”

you felt yourself stiffen at the mention of harbinger. “…does this harbinger have something to do with… kuni?” you ask hesitantly.

the woman shrugs in response. “unfortunatley i’m not exactly sure of the purpose of the harbinger’s visit to inazuma, but i suspect it has something to do with kunikuzushi and the electro gnosis – which is why i need you to keep an eye on him for now and see if he’s going to cause trouble.”

your heart leaped at the guuji mentioning your lover’s name. does this mean he hasn’t left the nation?

”i.. i’ll see what i can do, lady yae.“ you spoke, bowing your head to the woman before rushing down from the mountain, leaving yae miko alone with herself.

“..i could only hope to ei that you’ll manage to encounter kunikuzushi, y/n.” the woman mumbled, sighing before walking away towards her shrine.

—

it took you an hour to finally find the harbinger that yae described.

sure, it was a hassle, but after exploring and asking certain adventurers exploring, you manage to find the harbinger that’s been lurking around narukami island.

you stood behind one of the sakura trees disguised as a fox, watching the eleventh harbinger walking out from the place where the traveler and his friends ran in, causing your eyebrows to furrow. why did he come out from it alone? did he lay harm on the traveler?

“where could he be?” childe mumbles with a sigh, scratching the back of his neck as he walks around the area. “he better owe me a thrilling battle by the time i catch that man.”

could he be talking about kunikuzushi, you wonder?

you slowly sneak around the harbinger, curious with the harbinger’s words. surely if the ginger is looking for your lover, then that means he could still be here and hasn’t left the island with the gnosis, right?

you stopped pacing when you realized something.

if… kuni is actually here, then why didn’t he come visit you?

you could feel your blood running cold from that thought alone, mouth slightly open in shocked. surely kuni would actually come to you when he had the chance..? but then again, he didn’t even show himself when he came here for the raiden shogun’s gnosis.

“oh? i haven’t seen a fox like you in the wilderness before..” childe spoke up, looking down at you with a curious look on his face. “you must be a rare breed. you don’t look like those foxes from that village nearby.”

you paid no mind to how the harbinger now stands in front of you, frozen from the thoughts that suddenly made your heart dropped in dread. if kunikuzushi is in inazuma right now, where could he be? why didn’t he come visit you like he promised? did he.. forget about you?

“unless…” childe then smiles menacingly. “you could be one of those beings that can shapeshift.”

the harbinger’s words were enough for you to finally cut yourself off from your thoughts, immediately stepping away from the man as he summons his blades. you should’ve paid more attention to your mission! yae would’ve been disappointed if she finds out that you got carried away by your dumb thoughts!

before things could escalate even more, the harbinger suddenly drops his weapons.

you watched in confusion at the sight of childe letting out a gasp, clenching his teeth at the sudden overwhelming pain inside his body.

“don’t you dare lay a hand on them.”

your breath hitched at the sound of his voice.

…kunikuzushi?

you immediately felt alarmed from the purple smoke surrounding both you and childe — who’s now on his knees to the cold ground trying to breathe. “is this… is this one of your stupid— stupid traps, balladeer?” he asks, clutching his chest.

without hesitation, you turn around and see your lover in all his glory, standing a few steps away from you as he glares at the fallen harbinger.

“and here i thought i was better off with leaving you alone and fool you about my whereabouts,” he spoke to childe, clenching his fists. “but you just had to try and fight my lover.”

“and here i thought… i thought the ferocious balladeer wouldn’t have someone to call a lover.” the eleventh harbinger retorts with a smirk, only to gasp out for air when scaramouche suddenly makes the air around him more venomous.

“come, y/n,” he calls out to you in a soft tone- something that took you by surprise because of his sudden change of tone. “let’s get out of here before that rascal gets his hands on us.”

he didn’t have to ask twice.

—

“are you out of your mind? why the hell did you go to that harbinger of all people?! he could’ve killed you if it weren’t for me intervening!” he scolds you as the both of you stay in a camp that’s far away from where childe was, both of you were panting in exhaustion from running away.

“i apologize.. but please believe me when i say i didn’t mean to have my cover get revealed.” you said, not bothering to change your fox form. “i just.. got distracted by my thoughts.”

he furrows his eyebrows. “and what could possibly got you distracted?!”

“..i.. i was wondering why you didn’t visit me when you came here for.. the gnosis.” you hesitantly explained, looking away from your lover’s strong gaze in shame. “i just.. i just felt confused a-and maybe hurt that you probably didn’t want to see me after so many years.”

the both of you fell silent.

scaramouche stares deeply at your fox form, feeling conflicted.

“…change back to your normal form.” he commands, causing you to frown in confusion. what is he planning to do, exactly?

nevertheless, you followed your lover’s command and instantly changed back into your human form once more, still looking down at the ground with a frown plastered on your face.

your eyes widens when you felt arms wrapped around your body into a hug.

“you idiot,” he whispered. “you have no idea how much i’ve wanted to do this ever since i saw you in the place where i left.”

your breath hitches from his words. he… he saw you? he’s been visiting the place as well?

you quickly hug your lover back as well, lips quivering. “why didn’t you come to me if you saw me then? did you.. did you not want to see me ye—”

“god no,” scaramouche interrupts, clinging onto you tighter than before. “don’t you dare think that i’d hate to see you or forgot about you! i just didn’t know if you wanted to see me…”

you let out a laugh, realizing that the both of you were thinking the same thing. “of course i wanted to see you for so long dummy..”

the both of you stayed in the position for a while, enjoying each other’s warmth for as long as you’ve desired after so many years of being separated.

“i miss you.” you both said to each other at the same time out loud.

I... wtf.

---

Its always fem reader isnt it 😔

I can't find any good Scara x male/gn reader

💀

your big brother kazuha hcs were so cute 😭 i was wondering if you could also do hcs for either kaeya and diluc as big brothers

autophobia.

# — characters: gender neutral reader, kaeya, diluc, crepus

# — summary: “in family life, love is the oil that eases friction, the cement that binds closer together, and the music that brings harmony.” –friedrich nietzsche

# — warnings: mentions of death, fighting, panic attacks, anxiety

# — tags: hc/drabble format, slight canon divergence, hurt/comfort, LOTS of fluff, but also LOTS of angst, found family, implied (romantic) albedo x reader

# — notes: i know you liked the kazuha one because it was cute but because this concept with kaeya and diluc specifically actually crosses my mind a lot.. like a LOT a lot, this is a long one, so buckle up! as always, reblogs and reactions are appreciated, and i really really hope you enjoy!

# — tag list: @marius-z @the-gayest-sky-kid @kkiryus @keiq0 @favonious-captain

wanna join the tag list?

✧ — ❄ +🔥 — ✧

so i'm assuming you meant diluc and kaeya separately, buuuut... it's hard to put them separate when they are brother, though they behave otherwise

so let's say, for the sake of this post, you are their adopted younger sibling!

crepus took you in along with kaeya since you two were abandoned in the same place at the same time

however, you two were abandoned by completely different people, so no, you have no ties to khaenri'ah

(but, if you want smth that's like.. kaeya and the reader being sibling spies for khaenri'ah, i can make a whole 'nother post. i digress.)

as children...

you three were inseparable

kaeya and diluc bonded well to begin with, but with you added to the mixture, they may as well have been joined at the hip

diluc is the oldest amongst the three of you, and sort of gets saddled with caring for you and kaeya in subtle ways, even if crepus is present in your lives

he's kind of like the "leader" if that makes sense? he's fine with you and kaeya having opinions or dictating what activities you do for the day

but neither you nor kaeya can refuse diluc whenever he asks for something or makes a demand

(he will deny, as an adult, that he ever made demands as a boy. it's true that he didn't, but you and kaeya will sometimes tease him about it anyways.)

"kaeya, can you stop spinning them around like that? you two might break something and dad would have a heart attack if either of you got hurt." a young diluc peers over the top of his book at you and kaeya, who have been horsing around while he reads something about knighthood.

he's been taking his studies seriously these days in order to fulfill your father's dreams of becoming an esteemed knight of favonius. since crepus couldn't do it himself, diluc took it upon himself to do it in his stead. he's an overachiever in every sense of the word, and you thought he was the coolest brother in all of teyvat.

kaeya sets you down on the ground gently. "yes sir!" he salutes his brother, snickering when you copy his actions.

diluc snorts and rolls his eyes. "that's not even how the knights salute, kaeya. you'd know that if you studied more."

kaeya scrunches his nose. "hey, i take my studies very seriously, thank you very much. i just gotta make time for my siblings, unlike some people." he leans over and uses your head as an arm rest, not budging when you try to shake him off. "it's called time management, diluc. look it up."

your brothers bickered like this rather often, but there was never any bite to their words. you could always see them fighting back smiles as they went back and forth, trying to keep the upper hand on the other. a lot of the time, you were caught in the crossfire, be it physically or verbally. you didn't mind much, but sometimes they would get annoying.

you manage to shove kaeya's arm off your head. "for the record, neither of you are good at managing your time." you grumble. "diluc studies too much and kaeya studies too little."

"what, are you supposed to be goldilocks, then?" diluc closes his book, smirking at you. "are you supposed to be the perfect kid?"

you cross your arms over your chest. "well, duh. i studied for a little while today, and i'm playing with kaeya now. i'll study some more later. that's how you do it."

your brothers share a look of defeat and then turn their eyes back to you. kaeya ruffles your hair. "ah, our youngest is growing up so fast," he muses, "soon, they'll be the grand master of the knights and we'll have to follow their every command."

you sputter and try to push kaeya off of you again. when you fail, your struggling turns into an all-out wrestling match, with kaeya beating you in record time thanks to his longer limbs. "on second thought," your brother pants, "maybe i'd make a better grand master? what do you think, diluc?"

"sure, kaeya." diluc answers dismissively. "you'd be the greatest."

it's a respect thing, mostly.

never once has diluc lorded his title as eldest over the two of you, so you and kaeya came to respect and love him naturally.

diluc takes after crepus in more than just appearance.

even as kids, he was mature and responsible, but still maintained his boyish behaviors whenever you or kaeya were involved.

he's the older brother you ran to during stormy nights, since you knew for a fact that he would be awake anyways.

he's the older brother you went to for silent comfort

if you had a nightmare, diluc was the brother you went to.

(kaeya can pout about it all he wants.)

if you wanted to cry, diluc was the brother who would hug you silently until you've let it all out. he won't ask questions or push you for answers; he'll just sit there and be your rock.

i suppose in a literal sense, he's the warmth of your childhood. diluc is the sturdy, resilient, ever-burning flame that you use for comfort in times of need.

also, don't tell anyone, but diluc was definitely a hugger. a HUGE teddy bear.

kaeya was definitely the more tactile sibling

but if you denied diluc a hug or went to kaeya instead of him, he'd get all mopey and then deny it until you cuddled with him.

"you were pouting earlier."

"i don't pout. can you get out my room?"

you giggle. "i came to give you a hug, since i didn't give you one earlier."

diluc sits up with a groan, his hair wild. "is that why you're here at..." he peeks at the clock on the wall. "two in the morning?"

he sounds exhausted, but you can tell he's not going to reject you. he never does. you don't say anything -- you just stand there and wait for diluc to ask for what he clearly wants.

"you're gonna make me say it, aren't you?"

you nod.

diluc sighs and scoots over in his bed. "get over here, you brat. i'm sleepy." when you climb in beside him, he tosses the comforter over you and hugs you close. he smells like cinnamon and you sigh contently. "can't believe you woke me up for this." he grumbles.

you snicker. "love you too, 'luc."

"whatever."

as the resident middle child, kaeya took it upon himself to balance being a big brother and a little brother all at once

i know it may sound easy to people without siblings, and maybe even some actual middle children may say that it's not that hard

but middle child syndrome is very real, and when you step back and think about it, it's really hard when you're kind of overshadowed by your older and younger siblings.

he doesn't feel any sort of negative way about it, but kaeya is a smart boy -- he knows that he put himself in a difficult position by behaving the way he does

he babies you, even though the age gap between you two isn't very large.

kaeya is the older brother who seeks you out instead of the other way around.

and for some reason he never makes noise when he moves?

(is it related to his mission? find out next time on the next episode dragon ball z)

it's something he LOVES using to his advantage, by the way.

"shit!"

kaeya makes an accusatory noise. "what would father say if he heard you say something like that?" he leans on the doorway, a playful smirk on his lips. "did i really scare you that badly?"

you clutch at your chest in an attempt to slow your racing heart. "would it kill you to make a little noise when you move? for barbatos' sake, i could have died just now."

kaeya's expression falters for a moment, but he glosses it over so quickly, you think you may have seen incorrectly. "dramatic as always. anyways," he extends a hand out for you to take, "our dearest older brother is heading into the city and wants us to come with."

"it's not a request, is it," you ask, taking your brother's hand. you roll your eyes when kaeya tells you that no, diluc actually did ask. but because neither you nor kaeya can say no to him, you two were already going along. "figured as much." you sigh.

i'd like to think that by the time kaeya was in his late teens, he had adopted a particular manner of speech

specifically, the one he uses as an adult

it's corny to you, but you secretly think it makes him even cooler than he already is

because kaeya is exactly the kind of cool protagonist-like boy you read about in stories

he's always had his eye covered ever since you two met, and he's always carried himself with grace

now that you're an adult who knows of his past, it makes sense

but little you just wanted to be like their big brother

and honestly, kaeya did what he could to mold you in his image

not to say he told you his secrets, but whenever he saw his habits in you, it made his heart break and swell at the same time

truly, the most painful parts of his childhood was realizing how much he loved you and diluc

"...why are you wearing an eyepatch?" diluc raises a brow at you. "is there a secret costume party in the mansion that i don't know about or something?"

just as you're about to explain why you're wearing it, kaeya comes stumbling into the room, his hand covering his right eye. "there you are!" he yells.

diluc snorts so loud he has to cover his mouth. so that's why you had an eyepatch on -- you took it from kaeya. from the frantic look in his eye, diluc thinks you may have just taken it off of kaeya in his sleep or something.

you shriek and duck behind diluc, who's failing at masking his laughter. "don't hurt me!" you yell from behind your brother. "i just thought it looked cool!"

kaeya growls. "then you should have just asked to try it on, you dirty thief! who takes shit off someone's face like that?!"

diluc actually barks out a laugh and kaeya fixes him with a glare capable of freezing over anything. "sorry, sorry." he tries to apologize as he makes a face in an attempt to school his expression. "it's not funny, i'm sorry."

"you're still smiling." kaeya deadpans.

"to be fair," diluc snickers, "you've got sticky fingers as well."

it's true; kaeya definitely has a habit of taking the belongings of others -- yours in particular, actually -- and hiding them in the most absurd places. he must have never thought someone would return the favor like this. he sighs, the fight and frustration leaving him.

now that he's looking at you from behind diluc, kaeya can't help but feel proud of the fact that you're acting like him. it was an amateur heist on your part, but with some more practice, you could be just like him someday. he sighs fondly at the thought of it.

"fine, you got me." he concedes. "but can you give it back now? i kinda need that."

kaeya will forever be grateful to have you and diluc as siblings, because even though you were all young and curious, neither of you asked why he wore an eyepatch -- or at the very least why he worked so hard to keep it hidden from view. you step out from behind diluc, the cloth still over your eye, and kaeya feels his heart stop for just a moment. he loves you so dearly, his precious little sibling, but...

remember your purpose, something hisses at him. don't get too attached.

it's too late for that, he thinks. kaeya hold out his other hand, thanking you when you place the eyepatch in his hand. "don't do that again, yeah?" he says softly.

surprisingly, kaeya's gentle tone makes you feel scolded -- mostly because he doesn't speak like that often. you duck your head and murmur an apology.

"hey." kaeya flicks your forehead. he's wearing his eyepatch again, and that warm, brotherly smile that makes you feel safe. "it's okay. i'm not mad at you; never have been, never will be. it's okay."

you nod shyly. if kaeya says it's okay, you think, then surely, everything will be as he says.

to you, kaeya was the brother that helped you with everything

for example:

while diluc helped you master your swordsmanship, it was kaeya who taught you the basics

from stances to defensive maneuvers, kaeya covered everything

he even taught you the basics of other weapons as well -- somehow he was adept with all of them, and he didn't hesitate to share his knowledge with you

it's kaeya who uses you as an arm rest and uses his height to keep things away from you

it's kaeya who steals from your plate when you aren't looking

it's kaeya who teaches you how to swear

but it's also kaeya who stays up all night whenever you say you feel unsafe

it's kaeya who doesn't judge you when you ask him to check under your bed or in your closet for intruders or hilichurls

it's kaeya who shares everything with you and diluc

it's kaeya who helps you catch and bottle crystalflies in the vineyard during sleepless nights.

it's kaeya who braids crystalflies into your hair, and let's you do the same to his as gets longer.

(it's also kaeya who manages to rope diluc into these crystalfly braiding sessions.)

it's kaeya who comes to you when he's having a bad day -- kaeya who asks you to just hold his hand and say nothing while he calms down

"having another moment?" you ask quietly. you were in the middle of painting something for adelinde's birthday when kaeya suddenly walked in and sat beside you, dropping his head on your shoulder.

you never knew what it was that tormented him so much. you hated whatever it was that turned your brother into a shadow of himself, but no matter how much you wanted to fix all of his problems, you couldn't. kaeya wouldn't talk about it, and you knew better than to pry.

so, you did what you could.

kaeya nods silently. you can feel him shaking ever so slightly. you move to put the paintbrush down so you can hug him, but he shakes his head.

"don't mind me," he chuckles despite himself. he sounds fine, but you know better. he takes your free hand in his, tangling your fingers together. "do what you're doing. i'll be fine soon."

every time. every single time kaeya has his moments, he pretends like it's nothing or like it's bothering someone. you have to swallow back the comforting words.

kaeya's always preferred physical comfort, anyhow.

you give his hand a light squeeze and keep painting. "remember the breathing exercise diluc taught you." you murmur. when you feel kaeya nod again, you hum.

your brother dozes off on your shoulder after half an hour. at least he's calm for now. you glance down at your fingers.

even in his sleep, his grip is still tight.

so... what changed?

you all know what happened the day crepus died.

if you don't, allow me to paraphrase:

when your father died, your brothers' respective personalities took a hard left.

diluc, having watched crepus' life come to an end right before his eyes, became vengeful after the knights of favonius instructed him to hide the truth.

as for kaeya, it was as if all of the traits that you admired so much in him became amplified in all the wrong ways.

you always knew he was keeping a part of himself locked away, but you didn't realize just how much until he came clean about it.

and you... well.

kaeya and diluc weren't the only ones to receive their visions that night.

but, for the sake of brevity (and accuracy), allow me to share some of kaeya's lore with you:

and this is verbatim, mind you.

"if khaenri'ah and mondstadt went to war, which side should he support? to whom should he offer his assistance: his birth father, who had ruthlessly abandoned him? or his adoptive father, who loved him and raised him?

"for the longest time, kaeya had agonized over these impossible questions, caught between the opposing demands of loyalty and duty, faced with an impossible choice between truth and happiness.

"but now, crepus' death upset this delicate balance. he felt liberated, but also ashamed of how selfishly he was responding.

"as an adopted son, he should have saved crepus, but he had arrived moments too late. as a brother, he should have shared in diluc's grief, and yet as their father lay dying on the ground he had hung back behind his brother, that ancient plot running through his mind."

- kaeya's vision lore.

so where do you fit into all of this?

you were somewhat like kaeya -- a child ruthlessly abandoned by their parents during a stormy night to fend for themself

unlike your brother however, you had no internal strife. you had no attachment to a destroyed nation -- no questions of loyalty to follow through your adolescent years into early adulthood.

you were just... you. another grieving child of the ragnvindr family.

but because you weren't like kaeya -- because all you knew was the dawn winery, diluc, kaeya, and crepus -- it might have been you who felt the fight between your brothers the most

you shouldered most of the pain from their separation, probably even more so than your brothers would ever admit out loud

because they were your only family. you may have been too young to understand the concept of abandonment when it happened, but as you grew older, the fear only grew with you

you fought so hard to keep your brothers and father close to you -- to keep your family intact

what you fear most isn't hilichurls or abyss mages or even the fatui

it's abandonment.

i'm sure you've asked this at some point, but what does the title of this request even mean?

autophobia (n.) - the fear of being alone.

your knowledge of khaenri'ah isn't very expansive.

all you know of the fallen nation is what's been taught to you through history books, but even then, there wasn't much to cover. as kaeya speaks, you try to remember all that you could from your history lessons as quickly as you can.

khaenri'ah, as you recall, was godless nation. not because they were abandoned by one, but because they had no need for one. the nation was thrown into ruin by monsters and gods alike, and as far as you knew, there was nothing left of it.

so, at first, you reach out to kaeya to comfort him for his loss. he's lost so much in his life, hasn't he? but as you're reaching for his arm, he jerks away from you, regret and shame pooling in his eyes. "kaeya..?" you whisper brokenly.

your brother's expression is pained as he tells his story to you and diluc.

none of it makes sense to you. you can't seem to wrap your head around the idea that your brother was sent to destroy mondstadt from the inside out. he would never do that -- he couldn't. as tough as he seemed, kaeya was just a big ball of fluff on the inside. the boy you grew up with wasn't capable of being a--

"traitor." diluc's voice is hoarse and low, coming out as a growl. you snap your eyes over to your brother, glaring at him to shut him up, but he pays you no mind. he looks furious enough to kill, and all three of you can feel the hostility that rolls off of him in waves.

kaeya doesn't help the situation as he opts to provoke diluc. gone is the remorse he once had written all over his face; in its place is a false sense of amusement. you'd think he was seriously enjoying diluc's anger if you didn't know him any better. kaeya shrugs nonchalantly. "if that's what you wanna call me, so be it." he says.

diluc's hackles rise and you instinctively place yourself between your brothers. "you lied to us," he seethes, "for decades, you've been lying! to me, to our family, to-- to mondstadt!"

kaeya has the gall to chuckle. you feel diluc surge forward, but you force him back. "honestly," he tsks, "our poor father is dead and that's what's got you upset? you really do take your job as cavalry captain seriously, don't you?"

you feel your jaw drop. this entire time, you've been trying to convince yourself that this conversation wasn't actually happening -- that kaeya was just playing a really poorly timed joke to lift your spirits. but the longer it goes on and the angrier diluc gets, the more it sinks in that this... this isn't a joke.

your father wasn't the only one to die that stormy night.

diluc shoves you to the side seemingly with all his strength as he lunges for kaeya, his weapon materializing his hands. you crash into the wall hard, but when you groan, disoriented by the impact, neither of your brothers stop to help you. you're strong enough to handle pain like that on your own, but kaeya and diluc vowed to never harm you -- or each other -- on purpose many years ago.

you're forced to watch as the vow dissolves into nothingness as diluc stabs the floor where kaeya had fallen.

"is that the best you've got, captain?!" kaeya taunts. he's light on his feet and his eyepatch is missing, allowing you and diluc to see what he's been hiding since he was a boy. his right eye glows an ethereal shade of yellow in the dim lighting of the hallway. he looks unhinged and hysterical, a wild, carefree grin marring his once gentle features. "you won't be able to stop me like that!"

"stop it!" you scream. "please, don't do this!" the words come out so loud, they manage to rip your throat raw in an instant. your brothers pay you no mind as they mercilessly attack each other; if someone didn't know they were brothers, they'd think they were fighting to the death. belatedly, you realize that they are.

"we took you in," diluc shouts as he parries kaeya's blade, "fed you, cared for you, loved you, only for you to stab us in the back?!"

"to be fair," kaeya grunts in response, "i haven't stabbed you in the back just yet. stay still, though, and i will."

you watch helplessly from the side as your family crumbles before your eyes. you give up on trying to stop your brothers. in terms of strength, they've got you beat; if you were to try to insert yourself in this battle, they'd likely do more than just injure you. the very thought of them accidentally killing you instead of each other makes you gag.

your childhood shatters with every clash of the swords that you hear. with every clang, another part of your relationships dies. all at once, your lungs stop functioning. you can't breathe -- it's as though someone is stepping on your chest with no intent of letting up. your stomach is about ready to rid itself of its contents as one thought becomes clear.

you're going to be left all alone again. left to fend for yourself in the same storm you were abandoned in all those years ago.

suddenly, a searing heat and a biting chill overtakes your senses, forcing you to take a deep breath. the shock of the temperature change makes you look back at kaeya and diluc, whose weapons are now encased in cryo and pyro elemental energies respectively.

you're struck with a sinking feeling of dread as their swords press against each other with diluc's flaming claymore starting to overtake kaeya's broadsword. kaeya's fingers are slowly being frosted over as his elemental energy spirals out of control, and you see diluc's hands starting to blister and peel with the heat of his pyro.

at this rate, they're likely going to kill themselves.

you're on your feet and holding your own weapon before you can even stop and contemplate the consequences. you understand that diluc and kaeya have you beat in terms of strength.

but your strength, however, comes from your speed.

your brothers are blown off their feet in opposite directions with the force of your slash. the three of you remain motionless for a moment, each of you panting with exertion and emotion. you stare down at your trembling hands, amazed by the power you had, and nearly faint at the sight of an anemo vision resting comfortably in your palm.

you'll process this later, you decide. right now, your brothers were more important.

"enough!" you cry. "that's fucking enough!"

diluc scowls at you, but it's weak. he must be exhausted from having burnt out so much energy so quickly due to the vision activating on its own. "you heard that asshole," he growls at you. "he would've killed us all a long time ago! and now you're stopping me from killing him?"

"the cavalry captain of the knights of favonius doesn't kill people, diluc." your words are punctuated by embarrassing sobs, but you don't care. "especially not their siblings. can we just--"

diluc spits out some blood, interrupting you. "if you're going to stand here and preach to me the value of a family that no longer exists," he pushes himself to his feet with the help of his weapon, "then we're done here."

"diluc fucking ragnvindr, don't you dare walk away from this." you try to threaten him, but it doesn't work. diluc starts walking and you swing your sword in his direction, leaving a clean slice in the wall he was leaving on. your anemo energy is unstable and volatile, but you have enough control over it to use it at will. you hate that that is what gets your brother to stop and listen to you.

"look," you pant, "we're all hurt in more ways than one. c-can we just... i don't know... try to heal together? please, i-- diluc, you never explained what happened to father, a-and," you turn to kaeya with tears on your cheeks, "you were there. you never explained either! why?!"

for a second -- for just a split second -- you see the kaeya you grew up with. "i..." kaeya catches himself, ridding himself of any vulnerabilities. his face darkens, and your stomach twists at the sight of this stranger wearing your brother's face.

"i don't owe you any more explanations." he says. he jumps to his feet with ease, but it's obvious that he's in excruciating pain. "i told you everything you needed to know. do with that information what you will." kaeya's voice is so distant.

on the other side of the hallway, diluc glares murderous daggers at kaeya. "i'll handle you someday. mark my fucking words."

you don't think you can take much more of this. "diluc," you try, "we're siblings! could you just--"

"i have no siblings."

you go completely still. every part of your body halts and stumbles as it tries to start again. you let your weapon dissolve as your lips begin to tremble. "w-what?"

"are you deaf?" diluc's crimson eyes burn right through you. this isn't the man you grew up with. you're not sure who you're looking at. "i said i have no siblings." he groans as he stumbles away. "whatever. i need to prepare for my father's funeral."

you don't put up a fight as you watch diluc hobble away. you turn to kaeya, still unsure if you heard correctly. maybe you were so overloaded that you were having auditory hallucinations. "k-kaeya," you stammer desperately. you don't even know what to say to him. "please."

the last glimmer of hope is extinguished as kaeya turns on his heel and walks away without a word.

for the second time in your life, you are abandoned.

this time, though, you know you will never forget it.

so... what happened? what now?

diluc buried himself in work and set off to travel the nations in search of answers for crepus' death

and a few years after that... well, we all know the tale of mondstadt's beloved "darknight hero".

you ran away from home about two days after the fight, joining the adventurer's guild and wandering the nations at a leisurely pace

which meant that diluc had the dawn winery to himself.

kaeya went on to become cavalry captain of the knights of favonius. diluc never did rat him out.

he's notorious for his reckless, yet clever and cunning behavior, his charm, and his super high alcohol tolerance

you make a point to avoid the city of mondstadt at all costs. there's no point.

there's nothing there for you anyways.

but the story doesn't exactly end there.

things don't get better as the years go by, but your brothers do mature.

they're... cordial with each other. sort of. enough so that they can hold conversations with each other, even if they do escalate into super passive aggressive arguments

they each hold enough regret to fill an ocean about the night you all separated.

kaeya is less conflicted about his choice between mondstadt and khaenri'ah, but he wishes he chose a better time to say it all.

he regrets brushing you off when you tried to unify them when you needed each other the most.

diluc lies awake at night thinking about how crushed you looked when he denied having siblings at all. your face haunts him well into his adult years.

he wishes he had listened to you -- if only he just listened.

as for you... you don't hate them.

at least you don't think you do. you haven't seen your...

you haven't seen kaeya or diluc in years. you don't know how you'll act if you ever come across them again.

you've mastered your vision and perfected a style of swordsmanship that you created based off of what kaeya and diluc taught you all those years ago

maybe someday, you'll be able to show them how much you've grown.

you wonder if they'll be proud of you the way they used to be.

will you ever see each other again?

inevitably, all roads lead back home.

after completing a difficult bounty in dragonspine, you make your way into the city of mondstadt for some much needed rest and relaxtion without much thought. it's a lot more... desolate than you remenber it to be. perhaps the quiet will do you some good; you just want to relax for a while, anyways.

after collecting your rewards and locating an inn to stay in during your time here, you decide to wander the streets. mondstadt is certainly less lively than you remember, but there are a few new and familiar faces that you come across during your stroll.

you run into aether, the blonde traveler who took a liking to you when you met in inazuma. he felt indebted fo you since you were the only person in inazuma who made a genuine effort to get him connected to the raiden shogun without trying to involve him in internal political affairs.

"not my home, not my business," you told him with a shrug. "the same goes for you. you're an outsider and people love to remind you of that, so use that to your advantage."

paimon tells you with a mouthful of food that aether started running into more trouble since he took your advice, but that he's stronger because of it.

"if you ever need my help again, you know you can commission me, right?" you nudge aether before you two part ways.

the traveler raises a brow at you. "are you asking me to pay to hang out with you?"

you whistle quietly. the aether you met in inazuma wasn't this brazen. you laugh, impressed. "i gotta make a living somehow." aether punches your shoulder lightly and you wince jokingly. "okay, okay! your presence is payment enough. happy?"

"extremely so." the traveler grins. you two part ways after that, with you laughing at paimon's enthusiastic waving. you continue your trip down memory lane as you walk the streets of mondstadt.

you come across amber, eula, and lisa, who you've met in passing before that day; you greet jean, who welcomes you with open arms; you even happen across albedo, who actually hesitates to speak to you.

you stayed with the chief alchemist for a few weeks up in dragonspine, basically helping him clear out any dangerous spots so he could conduct some research. during that time, you two grew quite close, and only three days before your departure did you two realize that there was something more than just snow in the air.

eventually, your trip ends at the angel's share. you're not much of a drinker, but something light wouldn't hurt, would it?

it would, you realize once you step inside. most of the patrons are off to the side, far away from the stools. but, there's a knight with long, blue hair sitting on the stool teasing the red-haired bartender on duty.

"welcome to the angel's share," the bartender sighs, seemingly on auto-pilot. "can i... oh."

"yeah. oh." you shoot back on impulse. too many years have passed for your biting tone to be interpreted as a joke, because both diluc and kaeya flinch.

what were you thinking, coming in here?! you knew you weren't a drinker, but you just had to pick now to try and start?

you weren't mentally prepared to look these two in the face -- not after what happened. you tried your hardest not to blame them, but no matter how many times you looked at it, they were in the wrong every time. bitterness grew old and sour deep inside you -- it was the main reason why you and albedo were stagnant at the moment; your fear of abandonment was too strong for you to commit to something like a relationship.

the chattering of the bar patrons continues in the background, but as the three of you stare at each other, it all seems to fade into silence.

"you're home," diluc speaks after a long pause. he's a lot bigger than you remember him. if you weren't so pissed at yourself, you'd tease him about when he was a scrawny boy. he looks almost relieved to see you -- did he think you were dead or something? "it's... been a long time."

you blink at him and hold your tongue. if you speak, you fear you may say something you regret.

"you're all grown up now." kaeya speaks next. you see the same regret start to swim in his blue eye, only this time, it's been amplified by time. he sounds so fond and proud -- he sounds like a brother. "i see you've got control of your vision."

you hiss internally. all three of you are in control of your visions. why did he feel the need to bring that up? and why did he sound like that? the time for praising one another has long since passed.

"are you two done pretending like you care?" you snap. diluc and kaeya wince, but don't answer. you march over to a table in the furthest corner of the bar and put your head on the wooden surface.

all the enegy you thought you had for the rest of the night pretty much bleeds right out of you after that. you don't have what it takes to face them, and you certainly don't have what it takes to walk anymore. you doze off, exhausted by your thoughts.

when you come to, you're in a familiar bed. the panic that rises doesn't last very long. you know exactly where you are, and you have a pretty good feeling you know who brought you here.

the sun is pouring through the floor-to-ceiling windows, filling your room with its light. judging by its height, you'd estimate that it's about midday. were you really that tired? you bury your face in your hands and groan loudly. if your hunch was correct and diluc and kaeya brought you here -- brought you home -- last night, then that meant they were planning on talking to you today.

either they were going to talk to you when you left the room, or they would come to you.

the latter ends up being true when you hear knuckles rap an old rhythm on your door. bitter as you may be, you can't help the smile that crosses your face. that was your code when you were kids. "what's the magic phrase?" you manage to say after a while.

kaeya's voice comes through the door. "would you believe me if i said i forgot?" he cracks it open and sticks his head inside. "it's been so many years, you can't blame me."

you shake your head fondly. "get your ass in here before you piss me off." kaeya slips through the door but doesn't close it. you raise a brow. "diluc, i know you're out there. weirdo."

your eldest brother pushes open the door and strides inside. neither of you speak for what feels like forever. the two of them have spoken to each other over the years, but with you back in the loop, they feel as though they're back where they started. you fix your eyes on your hands as you try to organize everything that's flooding your brain.

"i'm sorry." diluc finally says. he's sitting on one side of your bed and kaeya's sitting on the other, and both of them are looking at you with so much sincerity that it makes your chest tighten.

you narrow your eyes. "do you even remember what you're sorry for?"

diluc swallows thickly. "how could i forget? it's only been in my nightmares for about five years."

nightmares? you look away, suddenly ashamed by your callousness. "is that so." you mutter.

"i think it goes without saying that i'm sorry too," kaeya says next. "to both of you. i don't.. i don't think any of us would be in this position if it weren't for me."

neither you nor diluc answer right away because in a way, he's right. if kaeya had just waited a little longer, or delivered the news a little more delicately, things may have played out a little differently. you sigh through your nose.

"it's... not okay." you answer bluntly. you could never lie to them -- not then, not now. "it's never going to be okay."

"i understand." diluc nods stiffly, his voice tight. "truthfully, i don't know how to apologize properly. for years, i thought about how i'd reconcile with you two, but.. nothing ever came to mind."

"i wasn't finished." you level your brother with a glare. "it's never going to be okay, but... i don't mind talking to you guys." your brothers start to look hopeful for a second, but you shake your head. "it'll take a very long time to forgive you, and even longer to trust you again, assuming that i choose to do that at all."

kaeya reaches for your hand slowly, tapping his fingers on yours experimentally. when you don't pull away, he intertwines your fingers with his the way he used to when you were kids. a fresh, unwelcome set of tears rushes to your eyes. you hate it -- hate being so emotional after all this time, but...

sitting here before your brothers makes you feel like a kid again. you feel smothered by the amount of love you once received and gave them in return. you curl your fingers, tightening your grip on kaeya's hand. he's so much colder than you remember, but there's an unmistakable warm that's seeping through.

"i could never handle you crying," he chuckles shakily, reaching over to wipe the tears that escape. "especially if i was the one who made you cry."

diluc grabs your other hand. he doesn't say anything; when you look at him, you see that he's got his other hand covering his face. "i don't even know what to say to you." he says, his voice muffled. "you shouldn't even be giving me the time of day -- not after what i said."

you sniff. "you're right, i shouldn't. but," you squeeze his hand twice. "at the end of the day..."

at the end of the day, you were still siblings, whether diluc believed it or not. your experiences together were too real, too fresh in your mind, even now, to be fake.

"at the end of the day, we're family." you sigh.

you were going to need time -- a lot of time -- to heal and to forgive. it was going to be a slow, painful process as you try to heal a wound that's long since scarred over, but you were still willing to do it. you weren't going to let this final glimmer of hope slip away from you -- not again. and neither were your brothers. deep down, you still trusted and loved them, and they, you.

clinging to that faith, no matter how small, you decide to take the first step.

✧ three hours.. no proofreading (nothing is ever proofread on this blog LOL)... im going to bed now, gn <3

I finally found someone who write for pgr :D and this is so good sgsjshwhwhw

Hi. :) Your writing is divine and I would be honored if you fulfilled even one of my requests. Please bestow upon me an emotionally broken, male PGR MC being comforted by Kamui and/or Lee after a long, hard day. Also Kamui and/or Lee going to male Skk needing comfort after anti-Construct discrimination. Or male Skk worrying about his gender while being in love with Kamui, Lee or Chrome.

Courtney! Thank you for the ask! (And for your kind words ❤️)

So, this is actually part 1 of your ask, because I have so many ideas and no time to write them all haha. It's Lee being confronted with anti-Construct discrimination and having an emotionally charged exchange with the Commandant after. I know you requested a male SKK, but I couldn't find a way to bring it up organically so the SKK is written as gender-neutral (I hope that's okay 😣). I wanted the focus of this piece to be a dance between Lee and SKK, a tension that goes unresolved and the comfort that can be found in that liminal space. It ended up being quite long (2.1k), which is why it took a while for me to finish.

Part 2 will feature an emotionally fragile male SKK getting anxious about their gender and feelings towards Kamui when getting comforted physically. I'm not sure when it'll be out since I write best when inspiration strikes, but I hope you'll bear with me until it does!

Okay, enough blabbering that nobody cares about. Go Lee!

Liminal Space   //     LEE

All done. Lee stood and stretched. The workshop was empty at this hour, nobody to keep him company but white lights and crystalline silence. He liked it. There was a certain sense of clarity in this kind of solitude, like the universe was revealing her tender secrets just for him. The night breathed while the world slept, and Lee loved the quiet of his own thoughts.

He’d just finished developing an inver-device for his robots. The complexity of such technology had been beyond his understanding for a long time, but he’d studied it and he’d figured it out. There was pride to take in such human things, he thought. The simplicity of learning.

He put the little bot in his pocket and made his way down the brightly lit corridors. Even at this hour, Babylonia dreamt in working colours. Offices blazed with golden light. Labs leaked blues and greens as Constructs underwent maintenance or emergency surgery. There was no true rest here, not in this place cradled by starlight.

He’d almost arrived at his room when a harsh voice tore through the veiled silence. “Hey. You.”

Lee stopped, but didn’t turn around. A midnight confrontation usually went one of two ways. He highly doubted it was going to be the pleasant one. “Something to say?” he asked coolly.

“Yeah, in fact, I do.” The vitriol in the man’s voice was clear. His footsteps drew close. “We don’t need you filthy things. Humanity can fight its own war. You bloody robots can eat shit.” A hand clamped down on his shoulder. “Once we reclaim the earth, there’ll be no place for things like you.”

“If you say so,” Lee said, reaching up to brush the man’s clammy fingers from his shirt. “Now if you’ll excuse me--” An arm shoved him roughly against the wall. The man was stocky, with bloodshot eyes sunk deep in his lined face. His breath stank of alcohol. “No,” he slurred in Lee’s face. “I don’t think I will. What’re you gonna do about it, filth?”

Lee wanted very much to put his knee between the man’s legs. How easy it would be to overpower this pathetic drunk, to give him a dangerous awareness of the fragility of human flesh. But the consequences of such behaviour were simply unacceptable. He schooled his features into neutrality, blue eyes like chips of ice. “I’m not going to do anything,” he said. “You’re not worth my time.”

The man’s face twisted with rage. He slammed Lee’s head against the wall with enough force to rattle his teeth. His vision glitched. “Fuck you,” the man hissed, spittle flying like bullets. “You’re an abomination.”

“Maybe,” Lee admitted. “But I’m still better than you.”

A wad of spit landed on his cheek, wet and sour and foul. “Fuck you,” the stranger said again. Then the anger seemed to drain from him, replaced by an intense disdain Lee reciprocated. He spat once more in Lee’s face before releasing him. “If the earth is going to be populated by freaks like you,” he said. “Then we might as well let the bloody Punishing have it.” He sauntered down the hall, swaying as though he walked on invisible waves.

Prick, Lee thought. He watched the man disappear around a corner before scrubbing a sleeve across his cheek. The wetness smeared across his face, like an oil slick across water. He cringed. Disgusting.

Straightening his jacket, he made his way down the corridor. His mood had soured considerably, all the more because the man had something vaguely resembling a point. He’d never permitted himself to dwell on it, and there had never really been the time nor space, but the truth was that Earth was for humanity. It always had been, and it always would be. People like him were needed now, but one day, under blue skies and birdsong, they would no longer be necessary. Just remnants of a time rather forgotten.

He paused outside your room. Soft golden light peeked out from under the door, like an invitation he didn’t know how to accept. What am I doing here?

The door slid open soundlessly. “Lee?”

Suddenly, you stood before him, all messy hair and tired eyes. You looked exhausted, but somehow still radiant, like a fire blazed just out of sight. No matter how dim, it never went out. Lee stuttered. “H-How did you know I was here?”

“I sensed fluctuations in your M.I.N.D,” you said, flashing a small smile. “And I recognise your footsteps.” Lee flushed, but said nothing. He couldn’t seem to meet your eyes.

“I should--”

You cut him off with a sweeping gesture. “Come in. I need some distraction from all this paperwork, anyway.” You didn’t wait for him to accept. Stepping aside, you poured yourself another cup of coffee and took a sip. “Can’t live without this stuff,” you said, grimacing at the bitter taste. “Though I really wish I could.”

Lee sighed. The door clicked shut softly behind him. He looked different in the warm glow of your lamp, all his hard edges blurred into something tender and vulnerable. “You really should take better care of your health, Commandant,” he said, snatching the cup neatly from your fingers. “Starting with going to bed at a reasonable time.”

You laughed. “You’re one to talk, Lee. Constructs need sleep too, you know?”

“Not as much as you.” He sniffed the confiscated coffee. “This smells terrible.”

“It’s not that bad. Does the job.”

“A job that shouldn’t need doing,” he scoffed, tipping the brown liquid down the drain. You studied him, noting the way he seemed to move just a little too stiffly, a little too absently. Lee was meticulous about everything, living his life with the precision of a needle. His M.I.N.D. was like a lake, a glassy mirror to the sky and stars, the world’s beauty reflected back to her heavenly eyes. Quiet and calm, tranquil. Two fluctuations within half an hour certainly wasn’t the norm.

“What happened?” you asked after a time, when the silence between you had grown heavy. He bristled. “Nothing.”

“Lee.”

His words came slowly, like they were dug from some secret grave where they’d been left to die. You waited patiently. His words were rare. To know his thoughts was a treasure beyond worth. “I ran into someone unpleasant outside the workshop,” he said finally. “They attacked me.”

Anger flared to life within you. “Who?” you growled, trying to calm the animal urge to fight, to protect. Lee didn’t look at you. “It doesn’t matter,” he said firmly. “I diffused the situation.”

“Then why are you so upset,” you demanded. “Nobody can hurt you, so what did they say?” He fell silent once more. You forced yourself to still, to be a confidant instead of a bully. There was no forcing Lee; he would tell you or he wouldn’t. When he spoke again, there was a bitterness in his voice that was heartbreaking.

“The Earth isn’t meant for people like me, Commandant,” he said. “We’re fighting to return it to its rightful owners. People like you.”

“Is that what they told you?” you asked, fighting to keep the emotion from your tone. “The Earth belongs to all of us. Including you.”

He smiled ruefully. “Always an optimist. But you’re wrong. Us Constructs know nothing but war. We were built for it, after all. When Earth comes back to us, it’ll need kinder hands to guide it. To heal it.”

You’d heard enough. You strode up to him and unwound his crossed arms. His eyes widened, those beautiful eyes bluer than the ocean and just as deep. “These hands are kind,” you said, turning his palms up to the sky. “These hands build robots. These hands protect me.” You brushed a thumb over his skin. “These hands protected Murray. So tell me, how are you not fit to heal the Earth?”

His breath caught, just slightly. Your name drifted from his lips like forbidden fruit, caught somewhere between meaning and insignificance. “It’s not the container, but what’s in it,” you continued, staring at his metallic right hand. The black steel was dull in the gloom, chipped paint and scuff marks marred the smooth surface. Proof of a life lived in danger, of a selfless devotion to the terrible war. You laced your fingers through his. “A body built for war isn’t the same as a soul made for one. A hand that kills isn’t the same as a heart that’s cruel. I don’t care what anybody says, if reclaiming the Earth means abandoning the people who fought for it, then let the Punishing have that damned rock.” You were painfully aware of the space between you, a distance that seemed to shrink but never close. “The future I fight for,” you finished quietly. “Is one with you in it.”

Lee was silent. Your fingers between his were like a brand upon his soul. He didn’t know what to say. All his words felt awkward, like the clumsy tatters of a dream. They stuck in his throat, choking him, but there was so much he wanted to say. So much he wanted to show you.

You moved to pull away. Don’t leave. Without thought, he tugged with his robotic hand, pulling you into an embrace that was at once desperate and tender. He held you against him, strong arms wrapped around your shoulders as though he couldn’t bear to let you go. “I was more upset than I realised,” he said softly, breath warm against the shell of your ear. “Thank you, Commandant.”

“Of course,” you said, pressing yourself just a little closer to him. “Anything for you, Lee.”

You stayed like that a while, and it was like the whole world paused. Just you and Lee suspended in a moment protected by the very night itself. You breathed in his scent, clean air on an ocean breeze, and rested your head in the crook of his neck. The warmth of another body, the press of skin on skin. You hadn’t realised how much you’d needed it.

When the moment broke, Lee’s cheeks were flushed. He pulled away. “S-Sorry,” he said awkwardly, as if all the embarrassment of the past few minutes was hitting him all at once.

You laughed, perhaps a little too sharply. A little too breathlessly. “Nothing to apologise for,” you said. “I think we both needed that.”

You cleared your throat. Something had happened, something that lingered in the air still. You could almost reach out and touch it, if only you dared. But you let it fade, felt it disappear from the air as if it had never been there at all.

Because you weren’t ready. And neither was Lee. Perhaps one day, you thought with some regret. But not today.

Sighing, you moved back to your desk and leaned against it. Picking up a file, you scanned it absently before tossing it back down. You quirked a smile at Lee. “Do you want to stay awhile?” you asked, gesturing to the pile of reports on your desk. “Plenty of riveting work to be done.”

Lee snorted. “As if I don’t have better things to do.”

“Do you?” You sat down. Here you both were again, back in familiar waters. A push, a pull, a constant tug-of-war. Never a winner, just the eternal game. It was both a comfort and a curse.

Lee grabbed a stack of papers and settled on the couch. “No,” he said. “Not tonight.”

---------------------

You rubbed a hand over your face. Some hours had passed since you’d invited Lee to stay. Though he didn’t look any worse for wear, you were quickly losing steam. Your mind had long lost its focus for reports. Instead, you studied Lee’s face in the gloom, admiring the perfect symmetry of his features. He was so beautiful.

You shifted on the couch. You’d migrated here a while ago with a blanket thrown over your outstretched legs. Your bare foot rested against Lee’s thigh, though neither of you acknowledged it. Sighing, you tossed the report to the ground. Your vision was so bleary you could barely make out the words anymore. Only one question drifted in your mind, still coherent after the delirium of six cups of coffee and no sleep.

“Why didn’t you fight back?” you whispered in the semi-darkness. “Why did you let some asshole attack you?”

Lee didn’t look at you. He was silent for so long you didn’t think he’d answer at all. “Because,” he said finally. “I didn’t want you to get into trouble, Commandant. Misconduct from me reflects poorly on you. I’m not going to disgrace you.”

You chuckled. “I think I would have been rather proud.”

“That’s because you’re reckless,” he said dryly.

“Guilty as charged.”

Several long moments passed. Your eyes drifted shut. “Sleep,” Lee said. “I’ll finish up.”

You were already half gone, free-falling towards an ocean as black as night.

You could have sworn something soft brushed against your temple.

But perhaps it was just a dream.