This Shit Is So Cool Man

my heart is freaking broken

A Sorry Substitute {R.B}

Synopsis: In a home full of photographs depicting memories of the past, it can be hard to move forward... Good thing you have remarkably little interest in doing so.

Notes: Absurdly non cannon compliant (mentions of the Yule Ball, completely ignoring Sirius and Regulus' strained relationship, etc.) Also, warnings for angst, mentions of underage drinking, and mentions of death.

In the photos littered throughout your home, Regulus Black was thoroughly documented, portions of his life (or rather, your conjoined life together) suspended in time for all to see.

There was a small framed photo in the parlor of him and his brother as children, with the older chasing the younger through the ever familiar back garden of their home. Regulus had at one point kept it at his bedside after his brother left for Hogwarts, which was how you'd come to have it in your possession years later. It was one of few images depicting Sirius as a child that hadn't been destroyed by a bitter Walburga.

Beside it, sat a slightly larger frame, within which was a similarly moving image of a far older Regulus as he snatched up the golden snitch in the the 1974 Gryffindor vs Slytherin quidditch match. You were quite proud of this particular photo, having taken it at the very moment that the young man's expression had begun to morph from one of utter concentration to victorious pride. It also helped that you'd managed to frame it in a manner that captured Sirius' reaction from his position as Keeper in the background. He'd cursed his brother up and down for catching the snitch after the match was over, but judging by the photo, his initial reaction was as proud as could be.

On the opposite wall, dual photos of your evening with your boyfriend at the Yule Ball during your fifth year were hung proudly, one having been taken by Lily, and the other by Sirius himself, whose presence pervaded many of the memories you'd decorated your home with.

In his photo, you and Regulus stood posed together, he in his dress robes and you in your gown, with several other couples visible in the background conversing amongst themselves. If you looked closely enough, you could see the subtle shaking of the camera and the slight glare that came over the younger Black heir's eyes as his brother laughed at the hesitant manner in which he'd placed his hand upon your hip. "Her Mum is going to see this, you utter fool." He'd reasoned afterward, which you recalled had only sent Sirius into a far greater fit of laughter than before.

Lily's photo, on the other hand, was far more candid, and a personal favorite of yours. In it, you were dancing casually with your love, arms resting gently upon his shoulders as he'd finally put those years of dance lessons that all pure blooded families seemed to make their children endure to good use. He looked happy, smiling down at you as a hand moved up to gently caress your cheek, a subtle gesture of affection that had sent your heart racing even after a full year of dating and another of pining before that.

Of course though, the parlor was not the only room decorated with photographs.

Your entryway, for example, was home to a group photo of you and your friends aboard the Hogwarts express together as you prepared to begin the 1977-1978 school year, after which Lily, James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter would all graduate. In this particular picture, you were all crammed into one little area aboard the train, basically on top of one another as you struggled to fit everyone into frame. In fact, toward the end of the image's looping movement, you could see where the train had lurched, pushing you off balance and making Regulus' eyes widen as he'd tightened his hold upon your arm. And beyond that, you could even see the shifting expressions playing about people's faces as they realized you were falling, genuine smiles briefly morphing into looks of comical panic before the loop started over once more. Unfortunately, what was not captured in the photo was the next few seconds of time, which featured you and your boyfriend of nearly 1.5 years toppling down together atop your friends, sending everyone into a fit of laughter so loud that the other inhabitants of the train car had all turned to see what the commotion was.

In addition to this, your kitchen in particular was absolutely littered with little photographs, many of them far too silly to have printed out and displayed properly in your home. Of course, this was exactly why you'd simply turned them into little gold framed magnets for your refrigerator instead, covering the appliance in happy memories for all too see if they only chose to look.

For example, one of your favorites included Regulus at the aftermath of a party in the Gryffindor common room after the house had beaten Ravenclaw during their quidditch match earlier that day. In it, he was clearly somewhat inebriated and incredibly exhausted, because rather than fixing the photographer, a seventh year James Potter, with his typical glare, he instead resolved to simply flip him off with an unsubtle roll of his eyes before he rolled onto his back atop the couch he'd been laying on when he'd noticed that the stag animagus had been aiming the camera in his direction. At the edge of the frame, you could just barely make out the sight of you and Sirius bursting into laughter over the interaction, leaning on one another to keep your (certainly not sober) selves from tumbling to the ground.

Another featured you all but bum rushing your boyfriend after he'd gotten hold of the snitch during a different quidditch game that same year, throwing your arms around his neck gleefully as he caught you with a visible but silent "oof!" before shaking his head in exasperation and wrapping his arms around your waist with a grin, happily accepting and eagerly returning the celebratory kiss you pressed to his lips shortly thereafter.

A much older photo next to that one exhibited a third year Regulus scribbling furiously at his arithmancy homework in the great hall after you'd all managed to convince him it was due that morning rather than the next one.

The following image, however, taken only a few minutes later by an uninvolved Peter, showed the young slytherin chasing you, James, Sirius, and Remus down the hallway after your growing bouts of random laughter had become suspicious enough for him to question what you were all up to.

Of course, while Regulus was indeed the most important person in your life, and certainly the one you were most keen upon displaying about your shared home, that wasn't to say every photo included him.

For example, one of your favorite pictures that adorned the fridge featured you sleeping on the floor just outside the room that Remus had locked himself away in during one of your many trips to a long forgotten Black family lakeside property whilst on Easter break. In it, your hand was resting gently atop the gryffindor's fingertips as they stuck out from underneath the door, which was the closest he would allow himself to get after you'd pleaded with him to come out all evening. It had been the night before a full moon, and he'd always preferred to be alone on such occasions, but since you'd rarely experienced that behavior of his, you'd been insistent that he continued to feel included. It was a sweet memory, and certainly one that you were glad to have the opportunity to display as you so pleased.

In addition to this, another image that didn't contain Regulus was the one of Peter, Sirius, James, and Remus passed out in the slytherin common area after a long night of studying during their sixth year. In classic gryffindor fashion, they'd all insisted that the slytherin furniture was far too uncomfortable to rest on, leading you, Regulus, and Lily to take plenty of photographs of them sleeping soundly the very moment the opportunity arose, shoulders shaking with laughter as you'd quietly mocked your friends.

Alongside all of these, various other memories clung to the magnetic surface of your refrigerator, including a few failed attempts at casting a patronus on yours and Regulus' part after James had tried to teach the spell to the two of you during your conjoined fifth year and his sixth.

Eventually though, you'd gotten it, and thus there was another photo up of your patronuses as they walked about together, a ginger and nebelung cat respectively (something James had tried to tease you both for until you'd reminded him of his and Lily Evans', quickly prompting him to leave well enough alone).

Still, even with all of those wonderful memories in mind, the one that remained your very favorite was one that didn't actually hang at all, but rather sat framed upon your bedside table for you to wake up to each morning.

It was an absolutely beautiful and intentionally shot photo, featuring the very same Black family lake house that you and your friends had occupied in some of the pictures located on your fridge. Having been taken just after James, Lily, Sirius, Remus, and Peter's graduation at a small gathering put together by you and your boyfriend to celebrate, the energy of the photograph itself was joyful beyond words, although that may have had more to do with the tear worthy moment captured within it than anything else.

In the background, the sun was beginning to set low on the horizon, casting a pink and orange glow across the waters behind where you and Regulus were stood.

That is, until without warning, the aforementioned man suddenly wasn't standing at all anymore, but kneeling before you instead, a black ring box in hand and a nervous expression playing about his handsome face.

He hadn't even gotten the chance to get the full question past his lips before you were tackling him even further to the ground with a hug and a hurried, repeated nod in agreement.

At the edges of the frame, Lily and James could be seen gaping at the scene while Peter simply pointed in utter disbelief and Remus tried (and failed) to hold back tears of joy.

And of course, pictured only in memory, was Sirius behind the camera, the only other party who had been privy to his younger brother's plans, and thus the man with the duty of taking the pictures for you.

He could not have done a better job if he'd tried (Not even with your second favorite image from that evening, which depicted a very inebriated you riding on the back of a very inebriated James Potter after he'd taken on his stag form. The two of you had become utterly determined to try it after Remus had cracked a sarcastic joke, and after a charm had been cast to magically make you lighter to lessen the weight upon the stag's back, you'd both set off victoriously with no particular destination in mind as your partners chased after the two of you with utterly horrified expressions plastered on their faces. It was a very good photo, indeed).

Yes, in the photographs littered throughout your home, Regulus Black was thoroughly documented, some of the very happiest moments of his life replaying time and time again for any and all to see.

That is, except, for him, and every other person besides yourself depicted in those dearly beloved photographs.

Your sweet Lily and persistent James, long gone, murdered in cold blood.

Your brave Sirius, unfairly returned in shambles before being taken away again far too soon.

Your loyal Remus, fallen alongside his love after years of being your only remaining solace in a world cruel enough to have taken everyone else away from you.

Your misguided Peter, who you could never forgive, but could not help but weep for when you saw the boy he'd once been in the photos on your walls.

And, of course, your darling Regulus, who you'd always hoped against hope that you'd see again until those very same hopes had been dashed to pieces as if against the rocks near which his final resting place could be found.

All around you, your love's life replayed over and over endlessly each and every day, acting as a sorry but needed substitute for his presence, longer gone now than you'd ever even had the chance to know it.

And in the end, there was no greater grief in your heart.

For no pain was worse than that caused by the scarcely explained and permanent absence of Regulus Arcturus Black from the life you'd planned together.

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To 🙌 the 🤔 Dark 🌌🔫 Lord 🙏 I 👁👁 know 🎓😮 I💰 will be 🙋🐝 dead 💀 long 🔨⌛ before ❄ you 👈 read this but I want you ♿ to 💦🌒 know that it was I 💰 who discovered 😎 your 💦 secret. I 👏 have 👏 stolen 💔 the 🗯💰 real Horcrux and intend to destroy it as 🖇🍑 soon 👀 as 👉😏 I 👁 can. I 🤔👁 face death 💀 in 👏👮 the 🙀🔵 hope 🙏 that 😭☘ when 🕙🕗 you meet 💯 your 👣 match you will 🙅🔥 be mortal once 💯😩 more. 🅱 R.A.B

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