Writingoutofbed - Writing Out Of Bed

Dick Grayson: technically every joke I make is a dick joke lol 👉😎👉

Greasy hair bros.

There’s nothing I love more then a powerful jaskier au but I’m also extremely fond of when jaskier gets to be an oblivious idiot (geralt can’t hog that title all of the time)

So hear me out, jaskier with magic, but also a jaskier that is in extreme denial about having magic

geralt knew jaskier wasn’t completely human a week after meeting him. He didn’t smell quite right, there was always a slight tinge of ozone under his natural scent, something that felt like raw untapped power

his medallion didn’t vibrate though, so he knew the bard wasn’t a monster. He waited for the other shoe to drop, for jaskier to finally reveal whatever the hell the bard was. Months and months go by, and eventually years and still…… nothing.

geralt watches as the flower crowns jaskier makes never wilt, how the sun shines brighter when he laughs, how people seem to bend over backwards when jaskier smiles hard enough, and how the forest itself seems to create paths for him to walk down, how the road wouldn’t dare to lay a rock in his merry way

it isn’t until they’re in the middle of a bandit attack off the path and geralt watches as the bandit creeping behind jaskier is thrown into a tree with a sickening crack, and the man threatening jaskier with a sword suddenly screams in pain as the metal turns red hot, giving geralt the time he needs to cut the man down, the scent of burned flesh lingering in the hair

jaskier turns to him, a relieved smile on his face, and geralt thinks this is the moment, there’s no denying this, and jaskier just makes some comment about how lucky he was that it was hot out today, and can you imagine how that could have gone if it was fall?

and then geralt realizes, 

oh.

jaskier is just a fucking idiot

an idiot who is so convinced of his own humanity that he denies any and all of the signs pointing towards just the opposite

signs like how jaskier always seems to know what geralt needs before he knows it himself

random weird instructions like, make sure you bring an extra vial of Swallow, which comes in handy when swamp water makes the first vial slip right through his hand to smash on the ground or a “don’t forget your cloak” on a perfectly sunny day that turns to a downpour as he trudges back to the inn

all of these instances continue through the years, years that don’t seem to affect jaskier as geralt silently adds possible immortality to his list of “weird things jaskier can apparently do”

eventually when yennefer and ciri join them on their travels, other people are finally privy to jaskier’s powers

yennefer directs a questioning eyebrow toward geralt when the dead bird they stumbled upon twitches to life in jaskier’s hands and flies away. 

later that night geralt tells yennefer about all the instances of magic that have surrounded jaskier since they’ve been traveling together

the only thing yennefer can think of is that it must be fey blood, it’s the only explanation that makes sense of all of the raw power

ciri joins the ranks of People Baffled By Jaskier’s Obliviousness when she watches jaskier glare a field of flowers into full bloom and then remark on the power of positive reinforcement because, look ciri!

these instances continue

a perfectly sunny day turns into a downpour when geralt accidentally insults jaskier’s outfit

valdo marx conveniently has an intimate run in with a ditch after crossing paths with them on the road

a tavern bar catches on fire after the owner refused to serve geralt

it all comes to a head when nilfgaardian soldiers manage to corner them in the mountains. Geralt is cutting down soldiers left and right, yennefer is shooting spell after spell. but its obvious they are tiring with so many soldiers, and they are in a space too small for ciri to scream without hurting any of her family

jaskier doesn’t know what’s happening, one second they’re being overwhelmed, and he feels a sensation boiling up in his chest, engulfing his body and growing bigger and bigger with his desperation and he just wants everything to stop and suddenly he feels a need to push out and he closes his eyes and thrusts his hands forward, and everything is….. quiet?

he opens his eyes and he sees geralt and ciri and yen all gaping at him and jaskier looks around and sees frost stretching out from his feet, and ice enveloping all of the soldiers, freezing them in place. there’s neat circles of grass surrounding each member of his family but the frost clinging to his fingertips leaves no doubt about who was the cause of this sudden onslaught of snow.

the bard brushes his hands off on his pants, and makes a small show of straightening his clothes before he looks back at his companions, still staring at him in awe.

“well, that’s new”

yennefer lets loose a loud laugh shocked from her in disbelief, followed by the little giggles of ciri

the bruise geralt leaves on his own forehead after facepalming doesn’t go away for three days   

Listen. Am I scared that putting Venom in the MCU could water down the character and his relationship with Eddie? Yes. Do I wake up in cold sweat occasionally, thinking about Venom becoming Disney's 57th First Openly Gay Character? Absolutely.

But one thing gives me hope and it's the fact that they would need to put a shock collar on Tom Hardy to make him play Eddie Brock as straight for even a single second. Joke's on them, he's probably into that shit.

reblog if you’re part of the holy trinity of ignored sexualities

pansexual, bisexual, asexual

Okay, but this couldn’t be more me.

#some things never change

The Witcher Headcanon Master Post - Part 1

I finally went and did it! I finally got around to compiling all my currently completed Witcher Headcanons into one Master Post. I'm not including the Baby!Jaskier Interludes for the Trouble Headcanon because they are not finished yet. I have more in the works, so those will go in a separate post when they are ready!

Note: I've had a few helpful users point out that I don’t need to censor curse words and swears. I know I don't have to on tumblr, but it's a personal preference/choice. I don't have a problem with other people using that kind of language, I just choose not to use it myself.

Anyway, happy reading!

Regular Headcanons

Fair

Chords

Adjustments

Yenskier

Gratuitous Jaskier Whump

Fun With Music

Eskel's New Scar

Soft!Yennefer Master Post

Soft!Jaskier Master Post

Chaotic Sibling Things

Signing

Wolf Greeting

Winter Games

Relationships

Ceremonies

Sounds Master Post

Hair Care Master Post

Learning The Hard Way

Trouble Master Post

The Splinter

Modern Day AU Headcanons

Battle Cries Master Post

Attachment Objects

Dad!Geralt and Dancing

A Quick Witcher Imagine

Geralt's Van Master Post

Error 404 Brain Not Found

Mind Games Master Post

Video Bombing

Caller ID Master Post

Fighting Master Post