Absolutely Insane How The Witcher People Brought On Joey Batey As A Side Character & Comic Relief Like

Me writing fics. 😂😂

i'm what the kids call

really exhausted. I’m so tired.

Battinson would be so delightfully awkward with a Dick Grayson.

Bruce, curled up on the sofa wearing an oversized hoodie, hair greasy, eye makeup smeared all over his face, staring at a case file:

Dick: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

Bruce:

Dick: Ten tickles!

Bruce:

Dick: Get it? Because…tentacles…ten tickles.

Bruce:

Dick:

Bruce, completely stonefaced, whispering: that’sfunny

Listen. Am I scared that putting Venom in the MCU could water down the character and his relationship with Eddie? Yes. Do I wake up in cold sweat occasionally, thinking about Venom becoming Disney's 57th First Openly Gay Character? Absolutely.

But one thing gives me hope and it's the fact that they would need to put a shock collar on Tom Hardy to make him play Eddie Brock as straight for even a single second. Joke's on them, he's probably into that shit.

Jaskier and Geralt in The Witcher Season 2 Official Trailer

Witcher Masterpost

All my OC!reader fics.

For those who asked, here are my fics (updating as they come) focusing on the reader as a young girl in Geralt’s care. Ages & timings vary. I’ve put them in a relative order of when they’re set.

The reader is my OC, Akela, just with the pronouns/name changed as Tumblr seems to prefer reader!fics. Her version of each story can be found here.

Sticks and Stones - After Renfri’s death, you find Geralt surrounded by a crowd of people throwing stones at him and yelling at him to die. Needless to say, you react in the only way possible. Like a witcher.

Heart of Geralt - Geralt and Jaskier’s first meeting, except with an added twist. Who knew the White Wolf liked raspberries?

The White Wolf and His Pup - Geralt finds a baby girl in the woods, and for some reason, he can’t quite let her go.

Fragile - Geralt deals with a sick baby.

Like Father, Like Daughter - Geralt should have expected his child’s first word to be ‘fuck’.

Raising a Wild Pup - Geralt deals with a tantrum, watches the sun set, and goes swimming. In one evening. That’s his superpower. He calls it fatherhood.

Eleven - For a five-year-old, political events can be boring. Thankfully, Geralt is a master at distracting you.

Fire - It’s your birthday, and you and Geralt celebrate by playing a game.

Book - After a long day, you ask Geralt to read you a story before bed.

Drabble - “I’m bleeding!”

Drabble - “Are you mad at me?”

Drabble - “What the hell are you holding and why is it… wriggling?”

Eye of the Beholder - Geralt has a tendency to cover your eyes whenever a naked person steps into view—as any father does—but this proves to be quite difficult when he first meets Yennefer.

Sex and Apologies - After the djinn causes the building to fall around Geralt and Yennefer, you believe your guardian to be dead. He is, of course, very much alive, and you’re far from happy.

First - You smile at a boy, and Geralt starts to worry.

Little Traveller - While staying at an inn, you sleepwalk, leaving a very uneasy Geralt to come and find you.

Drabble - “Hear my heartbeat? Just focus on that.”

You Make Me Smile - The one thing you should never do is start a tickle fight with a witcher.

Each Other - Geralt would never have believed that he’d one day find himself braiding a teenage girl’s hair, never mind her braiding his… But here he is. And he isn’t complaining.

Like Him - You and Geralt have an argument, and it takes a certain bard to get you to stop glaring daggers at each other and make up.

Dad - Three times Geralt called you his daughter, and the one time you called him ‘Dad’.

A Mother’s Touch - Geralt is great, but sometimes, all you need is a mother’s arms to wrap around you and hold you close.

To Annoy a Witcher - Three times Geralt hated the bard’s song, and the one time he didn’t.

Wild Rabbit - You meet your mother—the mother who, as the stories go, left you to the monsters in the woods. Fortunately, you were found by Geralt before they could get you, but it’s safe to say you’re not happy to see this woman… and neither is Geralt.

Drabble - “I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Drabble - “Where’s Roach?”

Drabble - “You have a stick in your hair.”

Drabble - “You know I love you.”

Drabble - “I’ll always be there for you.”

Drabble - “What the hell are you holding and why is it… wriggling?”

Mud Monster - Jaskier should have known better than letting you convince him to play a prank on Geralt.

To Love and Be Loved - Geralt and Yennefer aren’t exactly the most well-behaved parents when it comes to you and teenage boys.

Fishy Business - Geralt teaches you how to catch fish.

Until the End - After Geralt loses both Yennefer and Jaskier on that mountainside, you’re there to assure him that he’s not alone.

Constant - You’re worried that, once Geralt finds Ciri, he’ll stop caring for you. Geralt’s quick to put your mind at ease.

Jealousy - You meet Ciri, and you are less than happy.

Name Game - Geralt accidentally calls Ciri something he shouldn’t have.

The Pup and the Cub - Geralt leaves you and Ciri to finally sort out your differences.

The Bard and the Barber - Though you’re all too happy to see Jaskier again, there’s one thing that must go: his hair.

this describes all of their personalities (1x01)

derek: athleticism without thinking about it

spencer: yes, he is an adult but also spins absentmindedly in a spinny chair bc spinny chair (also how tf is he able to sit like that)

hotch: trying to figure out when he became the dad of two teenage men

gideon: “someone put me out of my misery” 

Oh no, I did it again!

Witcher vid set to Pray by The Amazing Devil.

The Cottage at the Edge of the Woods: Series Masterlist

Pairing: Geralt x reader (no Y/N)

Reader: Female, implied plus size but generally nondescript

Summary: When monsters are cruel and the Continent is crueller, Geralt knows he can always find a few days of peace with you, the gentle healer who lives in the cottage at the edge of the woods.

Updated: 1/2/22

This series is non-chronological and is made up of blurbs and one-shots about a pair of pining idiots and their friends. You’re always welcome to requests blurbs set in this universe!

Search #the cottage vibes on my blog for reblogs of quotes, gifs and more related to this series!

BLURBS

Meet Ciri

Geralt gets injured

Ciri’s first night

The bard

ONE SHOTS

In Sickness and in Health (bonus deleted scene)