In Another Universe I Wasn’t Scared To Hate You. In Another Universe I Hurt You Just As Much As You

The raging impulse that love gives us. The thump and creeks of the hallway floor as I ran after you. The drum of my heart had never been so loud.

I stood in front of you, pleading for your love. “You’re hurting me, but still I want your love”. There is no “I love you” better than the way you say it.

If having you meant to be hurt then so be it. Destroy me, burn me to ground and forget about my ashes, love me but love twenty other people at the same time…at least you’re still loving me, right?

I love you, but you don’t love me and I don’t know how to cope. So I’ll bleed a thousand words until love doesn’t feel like choking anymore.

gonna have to prepare myself for the "we all owe taylor an apology" when reputation tv comes out and people finally listen and understand the album..like no..I don't owe taylor an apology, YOU do x

Maybe the right kind of love isn’t the one that burns like a 100 acre forest fire. Maybe it burns more like a quiet candle on a cold night, when all the electricity in the house has gone out.

now that I’ve embarrassed myself in the lime light of love. Now that I’ve put harm to myself and threatened you. Now that I’ve clawed my way of the emergency room with hands pinning me down.

Can I finally let you go. Can I forget the sound of your voice, can I stop trying to breathe how you breathe.

Is this the final act of loving you.

On June 24th at 16:53, you messaged me for the very time saying “heyo” and we made some jokes. A couple days later we somehow ended up sharing the music room together at school.

You played the guitar and I glazed my fingers over the keyboard, too nervous to play, too scared to fail you. Music moves so smooth when you play it.

We spoke all the time after that, until we didn’t anymore and you went away.

I remember the way you sang that night at your house, how you told me I was beautiful after you saw me in a way no human ever had before. How it felt believable coming out of your mouth.

It was a different kind of love this time around, you made me feel… different. I don’t know where you are now, or who you’re in love with but I hope you’re happy. And I hope that in some way, you think of me the way I think of you.

lemon boy...

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I’m so desperate for you it’s embarrassing. How did this happen? How did we go from promising each other the world to hardly talking at all? When did all the laughing turn into shouting. I love you and it’s killing me. I love you and it’s hurting. I love you and I don’t know what to do with myself. I love you and it’s torcher. Do you miss me? are you ever thinking about me? Wondering if I’m okay. Or if I up screaming and crying. I’m still sleeping in your jumper. It’s like having a ghost that you can touch. I close my eyes and you’re here and I feel your skin, your kisses, your hugs. I close my eyes and I relive the whole moment. From very first day I knew of your existence, to the day we first met, and how you greeted me. So tall, so confident. The first time I heard your voice in person I almost crumbled. Please come back, just come back, come back, and come back. I’ll say I’m sorry and you can say it back and we’ll forget the whole thing and start again. Promise me you won’t forget this? You won’t forget when I was me, and you was you, and this was us. I love you and it’s killing me. I love you and it’s torcher. I love you and it’s hurting. I love you and I don’t know what to do with myself.

maybe it was the fact that nobody has ever made me laugh that much, or maybe it was the way I was cold and you gave me your coat and scarf, sacrificed yourself to the cold just to make sure I was closer to the sun. maybe it was the way you touched me and it felt like a magnetic force, maybe it was the way my safety was a priority to you, “please be careful on your walk home”, “call me as soon as you reach the door”, “be careful on the train, call me so I know you’re safe”. Maybe it was the way you healed every other heart ache. How you told me you were lucky that I was here. How I was so sure it was me and you forever. Maybe it was the way I forgot this was teen romance. And Maybe it was the way I forgot that any teen romance hardly ever makes it out alive. Or maybe it was the way you would say forever, and that whisper at night would be the lullaby that sent me to sleep. it’s more of a scream now. It used to make me feel so safe, so warm. Now it’s an ache in my stomach to hear, a catch in my throat that stops my breath. Maybe it was everything that turned into nothing. maybe I’ll never know. Maybe these words and these poems just have to be enough for now. Maybe it’s time to let go and say goodbye. But maybe I don’t want to.

a common thief. a women foolishly in love. a hopeless romantic. starting at the sky and stealing the stars. giving them to the people who were not truly worthy of them. give yourself a break little one, you too, deserve the stars.

it takes a certain kinda soul to see the beauty in someone’s darkness. Perhaps the truest kinda love is loving the darkest most ugliest parts of someone, and understanding that you might not be able to change them, but you’ll love them anyway.