The Right Answer Was Actually "Odyssey Is?!"

Valid point, and now that it has been made it's ridiculous to even consider thinking otherwise. It's also one of the most hilarious things about Madara I've ever read and each word is better than the last. It's hard to be thoughtful when you are doubled over with laughter.

So I have an issue with common fandom interpretations of Hashirama and Madara. (Not together, but it applies to Hashimada too) Whenever I see Hashirama in the context of a relationship or the bedroom, he’s always either superderp or supertop. Whenever I see Madara, he’s either the smoothest dude ever or just ultra dominant.

Let me tell you something.

Madara is the man who turned Hashirama into a meme because he’s so incapable of articulating himself that when he saw his old friend and enemy he just decided to scream “HASHIRAMAAA” at him. This is the guy who can’t pee if someone looks at him while he’s doing it. This dude somehow managed to fail to convince his own clan, who he was presumably the leader and most powerful member of, to leave Konoha and ended up getting booted out.

By his own clan.

He failed charisma checks to get Hokage even when his friend and the only Hokage to exist at that point wanted him to be Hokage, and he failed so badly not one Uchiha joined him when he stormed out.

He self destructed partly because he can’t figure out that children are kind of important to have, because he saw them as brats running around his ankles. We see him with no personal bonds other than his siblings (primarily the one brother he had during his time with Hashirama) and Hashirama, and while he does manipulate quite well, it’s with violence and controlling circumstances. When he gets to ramble he sounds like a crazy old man.

He literally could not convince his own best friend to see things his way and he was one of the ones who founded the village in the first place.

Meanwhile, Hashirama became Hokage, founded and grew a village, forged the first peace between the nations, and had a wife and children. He convinced thousands of people, even those who were his enemies, to see things his way. He swayed Sasuke at least some small amount.

He had presence. He demanded respect and admiration from those around him, and even slapped down Tobirama. We’re also shown him manipulating and generally messing with people socially, not by heavily traumatizing them into a broken mess and picking up the pieces.

My point is, almost certainly, the smooth frick of the pair is Hashirama. He might also be derp, he might or might not be super top, but Hashirama is the dude to look out for. One does not successfully create a (temporary but also lasting) peace and village structure out of chaos and war without being wily.

Madara, on the other hand, is savage, a little feral, and insanely laser focused. And ultimately ended up being manipulated by a plant, like every other Uchiha ever. So. Madara probably uses his chopsticks by gripping them with his fist, stabbing through the plate, and lighting anything on fire that refuses to be skewered.

His mating call is probably just to scream at the person he’s interested in.

I’m just saying.

There’s no indicator that he’s a smooth operator anywhere ever.

Ever.

"empowering women by sending katy perry to space for 2 minutes" shut the fuck up. samantha cristoforetti was the first female commander of the international space station and she became an astronaut because of star trek. and there is a real chance she is a kirk/spock shipper

What are the two things I notice, you ask?

Obito looks the most dorito-shaped in the last pic. Love it. Lil boy raised on mokuton steroids 💕💕

Wildly off topic but Kakashi looks like Sakumo's spitting image here. Adorable on one hand, distressing considering which phase of Sakumo's life he looks the most like on another.

The 4th ninja war: virgin villain vs chad pervert

Hm. When Itachi got him with Amaterasu post-mortem I assume Obito either used Kamui to snuff it out with vacuum or just chopped his arm off and grew a new one in a span of seconds, which is badass. What would he do against a glue trap, though?

Theoretically, first such attack would not yield much since aside from scenes with Kakashi he wears a wardrobe worth of clothes (not gay at all, Kishi, good job as always), but attempts two, three, four would potentially have a chance. Is Obito's control of Kamui good enough to only move his bare ass and not the glue particles already among his skin/zetsu cells? Would he ditch the paper but actually be unable to get rid of glue? Is it why he wears a hellish amounts of clothes up until he uses Izanagi? Because Konan drenched him in glue and now all of those are stuck to him? Is it how Konan learnt about the way around Kamui?

And the main question: if he was unable to get rid of particles but really wanted to, would he just,,, pull his skin off? Like a snake. Would Orochimaru sue him because of Copyright?

konan has amassed 600 billion glue traps. she DOES plan to kill you.

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And then a bunch of people will start fighting over whose "hear me out" is truly the most non-conventional. Also you'll probably feel either slighted or invalidated about your own favourite fuck-up.

I agree! The only people for whom it is okay to mention this is for us Ukrainians but only when we mock Russians who parrot their propaganda's bullshit about us being a "lost sheep" or whatever. And even so, I am feeling vaguely like Shan Yu from Mulan is going to appear in the corner and stare at me disapprovingly each time I mention again that Moscowia was created by a Golden Horde khan long after Kyiv Rus was established (and Shan Yu isn't even a Mongol!). It feels like an insult. Lets call Russians Russians and judge them for what they are today. "Sins of fathers" trope is no longer so popular, somebody give the Wall Street Journal writers a swift course in (truly) modern culture.

Fucking bizarre watching people try to eject Russians from whiteness in real time

While I do agree, it really is conditional. You have to remember that our society at large and the separate pockets of it in particular are still not only homophobic but often simply... unaware of the gay option existing (yeah, it mostly concerns kids and really sheltered youth. still). I personally was introduced to the idea of gay ship when I had a really "groundbreaking" and "original" idea of a fic where Harry was a girl and (*gasp*) Draco fell for him. This was the turning point where I was introduced to the amount of non-gb fics with the pairing and realized that if I wanted more, those were the ones to go to. (It's also my main argument for why Drarry really, really works.)

Genderbend used for making gay ships into het ones is not the nicest thing out there, but it has its uses - and at least these fics are a good proof of there being gay chemistry that is obvious even to het-only people ;)

If you genderbend only 1 character in a gay ship to make it straight, I will be squaring up with you when we meet in hell.

What about the ones about mutual corruption, like Dodie's Monster (And through my red eyes, you look pale// All of your scars are looking more like scales// Two ugly creatures, two sinister preachers// Blind to the past like a couple of monsters// Just a couple of monsters), those that are about being unable to leave the past in the past, or let the other move on, or even better, the ones that are about caring for the other but in a definitely unhealthy way! And then there is Doctor by Truslow that has lines (You are the enemy// A friend of me// The remnants of my mind// I am psychotic to the core// But I want more for it defines the very purpose// And reason I’m alive) 😁

Plus the wolf songs.

there are so many types of music which suits for kakaobi. aggressive rock about hating your ex? ofc damn it. sensual female voice singing something like "hello, heaven"? sure thing. gentle, quiet declarations of love, as if you were showing your most vulnerable place? oh god. hating your ex again? arghhhh

upd: one more. a dramatic bond (only for their radiohead songs)

I spent an embarrassing amount of time squinting at all the shadows, trying to find where the Spooky hides 😔😆

support your local lantern!

another blatantly self indulgent western au lmao

Acceptance, cookies, bro love. What else one can wish for? Especially since at least one of them I can make come true without relaying on fate at all!

2021 looks bright!!!