Just in case this needs to be said:
It’s the first draft. Use the word “suddenly.” Put as many dialogue tags and adverbs as you want. Say “he saw” “she remembered” “she felt” “they wondered” as many times as you need to. Put the em dash there, put in too many commas, use semi-colons with reckless abandon. Type in [whatever] instead of thinking up a title for something. Just write it. If you worry too much about the particulars, about all the advice posts you’ve seen saying whatever you’re doing is wrong or not good enough, you won’t get anything done. It will slow you down as you go back and try to reword what you just wrote to make it better, proper. The first draft doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to be done. And when you get to the end, you’ll find that all those “mistakes” are just clues for your future self to put together to make it all better.
Putting in adverbs and certain dialogue tags are a note for you as to who is saying something and how they’re saying it. When you’re editing, you can make sure it shows through the story instead. The word “suddenly” is a reminder to make things more abrupt. The first draft is just you mapping out where you want to go and how you want to get there. Don’t waste time trying to get it 100% right now, because then it will never get done. Don’t think too much– just write. Save the thinking for editing later.
After three (3) years since the release of Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014) dir. Anthony and Joe Russo, I still don’t understand why the Captain America exhibit was held in the Air and Space Museum. Steve Rogers is not even a pilot. The only time he ever manned a plane, and he nosedived it straight into the Arctic.
“I would say it was Dad who implemented all of this […] my alienation through procedures, through harsh […] all followed for fear of the alternative. And to an ex[tent?] […] true. I can’t forgive what he did to me - but somet[…] where Dad’s actions ended and my siblings’ beg[an] […] consider what a mind, especially a young mind […] harness when put into dire situations, it’s not […] believe that my siblings learned cruelty from […] [ev]entually made it their own. It wasn’t just th[e] […] of top-secret meetings, anymore. It jus[t] […] [wou]ld sit at the end of the table, so Die[go] […]ique, or so Allison could paint Klaus’ […]omed to sulking and watching the […] oatmeal went uneaten and […]
(p.???)
Meals became the only time of day […] to be together - and I met them with equal parts […] and dread. Would today be the day I [engaged Allison?] […] stand up to Diego’s taunts? Maybe I’d show Five […] I’d been working on for years. Though prone to arrogance and […] than the average preteen, Five was my sole confidant years before he [disappeared] […] It almost seemed fitting […] the siblings to leave […] ////////////// Dad’s manipulation […]
[Five’s hand obscures the page.]
One morning […] ///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// behind, I think I even […] from home following me when […] a bus stop, and I sat there all day long […] ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// had thought I was alone my future life […] something new and entirely different. I was afraid of what […] and would [choose Dad’s torment any day?] dark stretched down our street. […] waved the kind drivers away. That night I walked […] front doors, and no one knew I had ever left to […] I wonder how long it would have […] extra girl they never needed was […] To this day, I’m not sure. The next time […] when we all did. After what happened to […] everyday existence was full of evidence that Dad […] into […] experiments. Not children […]mals. And what happened to Ben was the […] shattered the illusion for the others. I […] all along what they realized that day. I didn’t […] to leave on my own. It wasn’t until Allison […]ood and Diego [cursed out?] the old man […] were ultimately a broken family. […] that my family would accept me into the fold. I […] [as] long as there was a [club?] to […] to […] notice me and invited me to. Everyone would […]ya, we can’t believe we’ve wasted so much […] you’re our sister after all. […] it was then that I realized something […]ing for me to aspire to be anymore. It was liberat[ing] […] that I had wanted for as long as I could remember […]y fallen apart. Without The Umbrella Academy […] [fre]edom to be whomever I chose. Suddenly, my violin [was]n’t stupid - it was something that made me special.”
(p.??-??)
Extracts from Vanya Hargreeves, Extra Ordinary: My Life as Number Seven,[TUA 1X05]
Things to conclude from this extract:
Reginald Hargreeves was an A-grade Bad Dad, whose iron fisted rule ensured the children internalised Vanya’s exclusion from the ‘club’, and would ostracise her from any social activities from a young age. Vanya attributes this in part to the ‘dire situation’ of their childhood under Reginald’s strict tutelage, but cannot forgive their inability to think for themselves.
Five & Vanya: Five was Vanya’s sole confidant, but despite this, she spent years working on something (perhaps practising her violin?) without sharing it with him or anyone else, for fear of rejection and ridicule.
Vanya & the others: perhaps felt intimidated by Allison (did not feel confident enough to ‘engage’ her - in conversation? Confrontation?) and was taunted by Diego.
Vanya ran away: she went so far as to spend all day sitting at a bus stop, wondering if anyone would miss her. However, she lacked the confidence to run away, and returned to the Academy - where no one had noticed she was gone.
Reginald’s Star Pupil: It’s implied Reginald felt the loss of Five acutely, and trained the other children past even the most tenuous ethical guidelines to compensate for his absence. It was not until Ben died, possibly as a result of these experiments, that the others finally started thinking for themselves. However, even now, they did not realise their treatment of Vanya, and did not welcome her ‘into the fold’.
Diego swore at Reginald, probably until he was blue in the face.
Something special: Vanya realised her hopes for reconciliation with her siblings were ultimately empty. All those ‘extraordinary’ people in her life were still cruel, even without Reginald’s guiding hand. But for Vanya, it was a moment of epiphany. Where her violin had once been an embarrassment in comparison to the talents of her siblings, it was now something special all its own.
Something else to consider: Why is this (the part about his own preteen angst and disappearance) the passage Five reads as he considers the error in his calculations? Is it a fixed point in time? Is this the ‘quantum state version’ of himself he projected himself into?
i knew i was going to die when i saw you for the first time in twenty-seven years.
your voice, first—oh, that voice—and then i turned and saw you, across the room, across the great divide—and i swallowed hard because i knew. i was going to die for you because i would always die for you. remember? all those times i ran for you, jumped off the quarry for you, drove your truck fast down the highway because you liked when i got reckless—all that stupid shit i did for you, no question (a little pushback, maybe). i would die for you, simple. and i knew when i looked to you and you looked back to me that i was going to.
but i didn’t want to. i fought it every step of the way. i could see—if i just made it through the dinner, if i just made it through the pharmacy, if i just made it through the ritual, if i just made it through the sewers—there was a life with you, waiting patiently.
i wanted to make it.
we have lived a life of should-haves. all of us—and it goes back further than that summer: we should have turned left on jackson instead of right when we were just kids and maybe we never would have found ourselves in it’s path. and i should have told you, so many times. i had every chance. i should have followed you, gone wherever you wanted, driven west in that car i saved up for and forgotten all about new york, forgotten all about anything that wasn’t you. but we never really got it right.
when the claw went through my chest, it didn’t hurt. when i said your name and my mouth filled with blood, it didn’t hurt. when you laid me against the rock and pressed your hand to my stomach, it didn’t hurt.
but it hurt when i laughed and it hurt when you smiled that split-second smile. (that’s when i knew i would not last much longer). it hurt when your smile fell. it hurt when you walked away from me. it hurt knowing i could not get up and follow you. and it hurt knowing that when you came back to me, you would have to find me dead and i could not hold you—i would never be able to make the pain go away anymore and i would be the cause of it.
i knew i was going to die for you a long time ago. i had just forgotten for a while. i didn’t know it would be like this—i thought maybe you’d hold me a little longer, maybe i’d tell you then.
i don’t know what i said while i died. i wanted to say, i wish you wouldn’t go. i wanted to tell you i was sorry i would not keep my promise to hold on. i hope you know i wanted to. i remember the blurry and fragmented image of you, walking away after slipping your pinky from mine. most of all, i wanted to tell you that tomorrow, we should get up early and go back home to our place, how about it my love?
but the last thing i remember is you, behind me on the cliff at the quarry on a summer day, reaching out to take my hand before we jumped, your voice shouting my name. and then—
would it be a nice day tomorrow? would the sun be shining on you, the way i always liked?
i wonder.
Is it ok to mock teenagers for bad/mediocre writing & artwork?
HARRY: I shouldn’t have survived – it was my destiny to die – even Dumbledore thought so – and yet I lived. I beat Voldemort. All these people – my parents, Fred, the Fallen Fifty – and it’s me that gets to live? How is that? All this damage – and it’s my fault.
GINNY: They were killed by Voldemort.
HARRY: But if I’d stopped him sooner? All that blood on my hands. And now our son has been taken too–
GINNY: He’s not dead. Do you hear me Harry? He’s not dead.
HARRY: The Boy Who Lived. How many people have to die for the Boy Who Lived?
- HP&TCH, Act Four, Scene Six
We learned in Philosopher’s Stone that Harry’d deepest desire was to be reunited with his family. To have a family. And we see at the end of Deathly Hallows, that he’s achieved this desire. He’s married to Ginny and has three children. His children. For the first time in his life, he’s surrounded by loving blood relatives. And you know that makes him happy, happier than anything else.
But deep down–or maybe not so deep down–he doesn’t think he deserves that happiness. He looks at all the people who didn’t grow up to have families of their own. The people who lost family members, who lost siblings, parents, children, partners. And then he looks at what he has and, believing so tragically that the deaths rest on his own shoulders, thinks he doesn’t deserve it. One of Harry’s central motivating forces is his desire to save people, and he wasn’t able to save everyone.
So, hold that in your mind as you read the next bit.
ALBUS: The poor orphan who went on to save us all – so may I say – on behalf of wizarding world kind. How grateful we are for your heroism. Should we bow now or will a curtsey do?
HARRY: Albus, please – you know, I’ve never wanted gratitude.
ALBUS: But right now I’m overflowing with it – it must be the kind gift of this mouldy blanket that did it…
HARRY: Mouldy blanket?
ALBUS: What did you think would happen? We’d hug. I’d tell you I always loved you? What?
HARRY: (finally losing his temper) You know what? I’m done with being made responsible for your unhappiness. At least you’ve got a dad. Because I didn’t, okay?
ALBUS: And you think that was unlucky? I don’t.
HARRY: You wish me dead?
ALBUS: No! I just wish you weren’t my dad.
HARRY: (seeing red) Well, there are times I wish you weren’t my son.
(There’s a silence. Albus nods. Pause. Harry realises what he’s said.)
HARRY: No, I didn’t mean that…
- HP&TCC, Act One, Scene Seven
Harry breaks right after Albus implies that he’s never loved him. And then again when Albus says he wishes Harry wasn’t his father. Because Albus, unknowingly, has just confirmed what Harry believes deep down. He’s not worthy of his family’s love. He doesn’t deserve them. He doesn’t deserve that happiness. He didn’t even know what he was saying to Albus as he said it.
And I’m thinking–the process Harry goes through in the course of the play, his efforts to see Albus for who he really is–that has as much to do with healing himself as it does to do with mending his relationship with Albus. By learning how to be a good parent to Albus, he’s proving to himself that he’s worthy of being loved.
It’s only natural that novels and short stories are usually dialogue heavy - it’s a written medium. We need the characters to talk. However, a lot of the time we have difficulty writing dialogue.
Hopefully these tips will help some people!
Relationships and voices matter. Unique voices matter, and character relationships will affect how they speak. Think of how strangers or friends or siblings would interact. Even friendly strangers will hold themselves back a little. Think of how Iroh and Zuko from ATLA talk, for example. Their relationship is clear from how they speak, and they have unique voices. Iroh frequently spouts wise idioms and is generally calm and serene, while Zuko is all anger and urgency. Think about how your characters feel about each other and how they might interact.
Summarise the boring parts. A common mistake in bad writing can be to repeat in the dialogue what was just described in the inner monologue…exactly how it was just described. You don’t need to do this; summarise it. Reword it. And you don’t need the characters to go through the usual motions of small talk every time they meet. It’s boring and a waste of words.
Avoid name drops and dialogue tags. At least, don’t use them too much. People don’t say each other’s name constantly in dialogue without a reason (see Captain Holt repeatedly saying “Rosa” in B99 because he didn’t want her to feel dehumanised. This was for comedy but the point stands). Dialogue tags are fine, but they should feel invisible. Try to use verbs more extravagant than “said” or “asked” sparingly, and don’t end every piece of dialogue with a dialogue tag. As long as every new piece of dialogue is on a new line, it should be clear who’s speaking, and it won’t bore the reader. This will also help vary your prose/sentence structure.
Create pauses through narrative. By breaking the dialogue up with narrative, the characters will pause in the reader’s mind without you having to specify that they’ve paused. This is a handy way to avoid using dialogue tags too much. It can also make the dialogue easier to read if it’s not all smushed together with no breaks. Especially if you have a long passage of one person speaking; long, rambling speeches aren’t that popular anymore (not that they have no place, but that’s another story).
Dialogue isn’t perfect. People make mistakes; they forget words and lose their train of thought when they speak. They change topics and get lost in the moment. This can add realism to your dialogue, and can be a fun way to show character. But don’t do it too much or the scene will go on too long without getting to the point. And try to avoid too many ‘um’s and ‘er’s - they may be common in real life but they can drag the prose down if used too much.
An example I have is from Big Hero 6 (a movie I love by the way, but this was bad): Tadashi: What would mom and dad say? Hiro: I don’t know. They’re gone. (this is good, this is fine) Hiro: … They died when I was three, remember? (NOOO)
Dialogue should show something important. There’s a common idea that dialogue has to move the story forward or get cut out. This isn’t necessarily true. However, dialogue should tell the reader something about the characters or the world they live in. This comes back to cutting out the usual mundane small talk. Dialogue doesn’t have to move the plot, but it should be there for a reason, even if it’s to show the relationship between two characters, or how they feel about something that isn’t central to the plot. It doesn’t have to move the plot forward, but there has to be some reason for the reader to see it.
Fantasy/Sci-Fi Writers: use apostrophes! “I am not”, “I did not”, “I do not” - this can feel unnatural if all your dialogue is like this. You don’t need to write all your dialogue like this. Don’t be afraid of the apostrophe! Apostrophes are great! It won’t make your characters seem too modern, I promise. Don’t make the dialogue too awkward or stiff. After a while, they’ll stop sounding human.
Write your dialogue like a script. If you’re struggling with the dialogue in a scene, try writing it like a script and omit the narrative (aside from very basic actions). I’ve done this once or twice; sometimes it’s easier to figure out what you want your characters to say when you’re not bogged down by writing the narrative, especially in a scene where the dialogue is especially important. You can incorporate the narrative later.
Read your dialogue out loud. Reading out loud can help you see how your dialogue will sound to the reader. It can help you spot weird sentence structures, or if something sounds out of character or inhuman. You can also get an idea of the characters’ voices. If you have a willing friend (and you’re not too embarrassed), try to get them to read with you!
Colour-code your dialogue. This is a trick you can use for scenes with more than two characters. By colour-coding the dialogue, you can clearly get a sense of each character’s voice, see who’s speaking the most or the least, etc. You can use this to redistribute roles and dialogue in the scene, or maybe experiment with adding or subtracting characters depending on their contribution to the scene. It can also help you keep track of all the characters, which is generally harder in written medium when you can’t see the group in front of you.
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do you guys think mike read bill’s books and saw himself in them? saw the people he loved in them? like. mike reading bill’s books and finding familiar things: a character who watches birds, a character who talks in voices, a brave character with red hair and a gentle touch. it’s a game; where can he find eddie? where can he find ben? where can he find himself? on year twelve, fifteen years before mike gets to see everyone again, bill publishes a book about a group of friends, one of whom is a gentle shepherd. mike cries all night. he reads that book over and over and over.
he reads bill’s books and they’re terrifying, of course, but they’re also so indescribably bill. so full of love and courage: everyone always fights the monster, even though the characters don’t always win. even though they almost never win. the books feel like home even while they’re horrifying, maybe especially because they’re horrifying.
but mostly they just make him feel less alone.
When Five first jumped into the future and found himself in the apocalypse and found his siblings’ bodies at the mansion, he wouldn’t have found Ben’s body but wouldn’t know why.
Do you think he stayed there a while, picking through the rubble, searching for a body that wasn’t there, just to make sure, wondering what it meant? Do you think that for a while he held on to this tiny crazy speck of hope that maybe, someway, somehow, Ben had survived? His body wasn’t at the mansion so maybe he’s still out there. Maybe he wasn’t alone, maybe he had one sibling left if he could just find him somehow.
But then of course he would have found Vanya’s book. And he learned that Ben wasn’t the lucky one, just the opposite. And Five’s smart and he’s practical. From the beginning he’d known that there was almost no chance of Ben still being alive. He’d just wanted so very badly to believe.
That’s a turning point for Five. That moment when he knows for certain that his brothers and sisters– all of them– are dead. And he is utterly alone. And the only thing that matters, is changing that.