“I Would Say It Was Dad Who Implemented All Of This […] My Alienation Through Procedures, Through

“I Would Say It Was Dad Who Implemented All Of This […] My Alienation Through Procedures, Through
“I Would Say It Was Dad Who Implemented All Of This […] My Alienation Through Procedures, Through

“I would say it was Dad who implemented all of this […] my alienation through procedures, through harsh […] all followed for fear of the alternative. And to an ex[tent?] […] true. I can’t forgive what he did to me - but somet[…] where Dad’s actions ended and my siblings’ beg[an] […] consider what a mind, especially a young mind […] harness when put into dire situations, it’s not […] believe that my siblings learned cruelty from […] [ev]entually made it their own. It wasn’t just th[e] […] of top-secret meetings, anymore. It jus[t] […] [wou]ld sit at the end of the table, so Die[go] […]ique, or so Allison could paint Klaus’ […]omed to sulking and watching the […] oatmeal went uneaten and […] 

(p.???)

      Meals became the only time of day […] to be together - and I met them with equal parts […] and dread. Would today be the day I [engaged Allison?] […] stand up to Diego’s taunts? Maybe I’d show Five […] I’d been working on for years.       Though prone to arrogance and […] than the average preteen, Five was my sole confidant years before he [disappeared] […] It almost seemed fitting […] the siblings to leave […] ////////////// Dad’s manipulation […]

[Five’s hand obscures the page.]

      One morning […]   ///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// behind, I think I even […] from home following me when […] a bus stop, and I sat there all day long  […] //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////  had thought I was alone my future life […] something new and entirely different. I was afraid of what […] and would [choose Dad’s torment any day?] dark stretched down our street. […] waved the kind drivers away. That night I walked  […] front doors, and no one knew I had ever left to […] I wonder how long it would have […] extra girl they never needed was […] To this day, I’m not sure. The next time […] when we all did. After what happened to […] everyday existence was full of evidence that Dad […] into […] experiments. Not children […]mals. And what  happened to Ben was the […] shattered the illusion for the others. I […] all along what they realized that day. I didn’t […] to leave on my own. It wasn’t until Allison […]ood and Diego [cursed out?] the old man […] were ultimately a broken family. […] that my family would accept me into the fold. I […] [as] long as there was a [club?] to […] to […] notice me and invited me to. Everyone would […]ya, we can’t believe we’ve wasted so much […] you’re our sister after all.       […] it was then that I realized something […]ing for me to aspire to be anymore. It was liberat[ing] […] that I had wanted for as long as I could remember […]y fallen apart. Without The Umbrella Academy […] [fre]edom to be whomever I chose. Suddenly, my violin [was]n’t stupid - it was something that made me special.” 

(p.??-??)

Extracts from Vanya Hargreeves, Extra Ordinary: My Life as Number Seven,[TUA 1X05]

Things to conclude from this extract:

Reginald Hargreeves was an A-grade Bad Dad, whose iron fisted rule ensured the children internalised Vanya’s exclusion from the ‘club’, and would ostracise her from any social activities from a young age. Vanya attributes this in part to the ‘dire situation’ of their childhood under Reginald’s strict tutelage, but cannot forgive their inability to think for themselves.

Five & Vanya: Five was Vanya’s sole confidant, but despite this, she spent years working on something (perhaps practising her violin?) without sharing it with him or anyone else, for fear of rejection and ridicule. 

Vanya & the others: perhaps felt intimidated by Allison (did not feel confident enough to ‘engage’ her - in conversation? Confrontation?) and was taunted by Diego.  

Vanya ran away: she went so far as to spend all day sitting at a bus stop, wondering if anyone would miss her. However, she lacked the confidence to run away, and returned to the Academy - where no one had noticed she was gone. 

Reginald’s Star Pupil: It’s implied Reginald felt the loss of Five acutely, and trained the other children past even the most tenuous ethical guidelines to compensate for his absence. It was not until Ben died, possibly as a result of these experiments, that the others finally started thinking for themselves. However, even now, they did not realise their treatment of Vanya, and did not welcome her ‘into the fold’.

Diego swore at Reginald, probably until he was blue in the face. 

Something special: Vanya realised her hopes for reconciliation with her siblings were ultimately empty. All those ‘extraordinary’ people in her life were still cruel, even without Reginald’s guiding hand. But for Vanya, it was a moment of epiphany. Where her violin had once been an embarrassment in comparison to the talents of her siblings, it was now something special all its own.   

Something else to consider: Why is this (the part about his own preteen angst and disappearance) the passage Five reads as he considers the error in his calculations? Is it a fixed point in time? Is this the ‘quantum state version’ of himself he projected himself into?  

More Posts from Waitingrm and Others

5 years ago

If it's okay, could you write a meta on harry potter? Not the series but the character. And maybe discuss some of his dynamics with others if it's not too much?

Harry issuch an under-appreciated character, which is somewhat ridiculous given thatnot only is he the protagonist but he’s a well-written and multi-faceted character,with a lot of nuances, a compelling backstory and great dynamics with many ofthe main characters. Yet parts of the HP fandom will literally hate on him foranything; today I ran across a post which blasted a twelve-year-old Harry fornot financially supporting the Weasley, ignoring the fact that, you know, he’s twelve and the fact that theWeasleys would in no way ever accept Harry’s money.

Harryovercomes a lot throughout his life, and this is even before the whole ChosenOne crap was placed on his very young shoulders. For the first eleven years ofhis life, Harry literally never experienced love, support, affection or evenproper care. He was often neglected, at times outright abused by the Dursleys,and I think these years and these circumstances shaped Harry more than thefandom tends to recognise. A lot of his stubbornness and refusal to seek helpfrom adults would have stemmed from this, as he spent eleven years believingthat adults couldn’t or wouldn’t help him. His generosity and caring naturealso probably stems from this, having experienced neither in early years of hislife, he has a desire to share both.

Harryalso has a deep aversion to fighting and negativity, and unlike Ron andHermione, he derives no pleasure from arguing or fighting. He gets genuinelyupset whenever Ron and Hermione take their verbal sparring too far, oftensnapping at them and telling them to let it go. Harry spent so many years in avolatile environment, so many years where a single wrong word or look couldproduce an explosion, that his natural instinct is to avoid conflict andarguments, which is somewhat ironic given the argumentative natures of both ofhis best friends.

Harry isa character who doesn’t change much over the series. This isn’t to say that hedoesn’t grow or evolve as acharacter. He definitely undertakes his own journey, and goes from an isolatedand insecure young boy into a strong and heroic young adult. But who he is athis core never really changes. He holds onto his goodness, his self-righteousnessand his “saving people” attitude until the very end. If you look at hischaracterisation in the first novel compared to his characterisation in thelast novel, it is remarkably similar. He is still a person who will walk intocertain death to save others, still a person who believes in bravery and doingthe right thing, and even if his faith in those around him has been tested andstretched – and in some cases broken – his general belief in the good in theworld prevails.

Harry is such a genuinely good person, like,there are few characters out there who contain as much goodness and forgivenessas Harry does. He is always genuinely outraged and upset at what he perceivesto be wrongdoings, such as Snape’s unfairness and favouritism or Umbridge’s reignof terror. He also refuses to kowtow to authority if he believes they are inthe wrong, such as when both Fudge and Scrimgeour try to sway him to theirsides. Harry’s genuine goodness and belief in what is right, in what is fair is one of his defining charactertraits, and it amazes me that a lot of the fandom does not seem to see or acknowledgethis side of him.

I havealways found Harry to be quite an isolated character, and I believe that thistoo stems from his upbringing and his life with the Dursleys. Growing up in anenvironment where he received no support, where he had no friends and no familymembers who paid attention to him turned Harry into a very self-sufficient andsolitary person, and if you look closely at his inter-personal relationships, itbecomes apparent that all of his close relationships are with people who arealso isolated and/or lonely in their own way.

Ron andHarry bond almost instantly when the two meet on the Hogwarts Express, bothdelighted to make one another’s acquaintance. Despite his large family, Ron isalso a solitary person, not being particularly close to any of his siblings andoften feeling fierce competition with them. Harry not having had a singlefriend before in his life is keen to make one, but even at this young age candistinguish between a genuine offer of friendship (Ron) and a friendship whichmay come with strings attached or an inequality within the dynamic (Malfoy).

DespiteRon’s occasional jealousy (which is nowhere near as fierce or as prevalent asparts of the fandom would have you believe) Ron and Harry’s friendship is anequal partnership, mirroring that of James and Sirius. Both Ron and Harryhave a penchant for trouble making, and Ron does occasionally come across assomewhat callous and cruel, but both have a deep desire to do good and believein bravery and heroics, all of which bonds them and cements their friendship. Ithink they recognise the loneliness and desire for close bonds in one another,and both give and take over the course of the friendship, providing one of thestrongest friendships on the written page.

Harry’sfriendship with Hermione is somewhat different. While again, he has bonded withsomeone who is quite an isolated character and he is close to Hermione andobviously cares for her deeply, his dynamic with her is neither as free or as easy as his dynamic with Ron. He and Hermione are close to one another, butthey are both closer to and connect better with Ron than they do with eachother, and this is evident whenever the two spend long periods of time togetherwithout Ron’s presence, such as when Harry and Ron have their falling outduring GoF or when Ron leaves them during Deathly Hallows. When Harry is withRon one-on-one it is still easy and fun, but when it is just him and Hermione,things are different, and it really does show how integral Ron is to the Trio,and how his presence balances the dynamic within the group.

Harry’srelationships with people outside of the main Trio also reflect this tendencyto bond with isolated and/or lonely characters, as evidenced by his closefriendship with Luna and even his romantic relationship with Ginny. Bothgirls are initially presented as isolated characters who gain friends over thecourse of the books. Luna in particular is a very lonely soul, and I thinkHarry’s fondness for her stems from him relating to this loneliness.

EvenHarry’s relationships with the adults in his life follow the same pattern, asthe four closest adult friendships he has – Sirius, Lupin, Hagrid andDumbledore – are all with figures who are quite isolated. Sirius, of course,being incarcerated for much of his life and having lost all his friends hasbecome an isolated figure, and his relationship with Harry seems to combinethat of cool uncle and nephew with the dynamic of best friends. As much asSirius does genuinely love and care for Harry, there is a part of him that does see Harry as a James substitute,but the same can be said for the way in which Harry views Sirius, as asurrogate parental figure, as well as someone who can provide a link to hisparents.

Lupin andHagrid both also provide this link in their own ways, Lupin more so thanHagrid, having been a Marauder and someone who was close to both James andSirius. Harry’s relationship with Lupin feels somewhat like a mentorship which gradually moves into genuine friendship. His relationship with Hagrid, ofcourse, is just beautiful from the start and develops into one of the deepestand most heartfelt relationship of Harry’s. Hagrid, too, is another somewhatisolated soul, spurned for his freakish size and odd attachment to dangerouscreatures.

Harry’s relationship with Dumbledore really deserves its’ own meta, I feel like entirevolumes could be written about the nuances, intricacies and levels of thatrelationship, but once more, it shows Harry bonding with someone who has hadtheir fair share of isolation and loneliness, and who can identify with thepain and struggle Harry faces over the course of the series.

All up,Harry is just a wonderful character, rich, multi-faceted and very endearing. Ihave always loved Harry for his big heart, his desire to do what’s right, his stubbornnessand the determination he applies to every task he undertakes. He really is awoefully under-appreciated character and I often feel that the fandom ignoreshim and overlooks how amazing he actually is, and that is a real pity, becausethey’re missing out on a great character by doing so.

4 years ago

Is it ok to mock teenagers for bad/mediocre writing & artwork?


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4 years ago

why you should keep writing your story

because it’s a puzzle no one else will ever arrange the same way as you.

because there are ideas that simply won’t come to you until you write down the wrong words.

because all the bad scenes are the bones of the wonderful scenes.

because someone will love it: someone will read it once, and twice, and thrice; someone will ramble to you about the complexity of it; someone will doodle your characters out of love; someone will find it in exactly what they were looking for with or without knowing it.

because they have things to say, your characters. they’ve told you all those secrets and they have more to tell you, if you will listen.

because you love it even when you don’t; even when it drives you mad or when it accidentally turns into apathy; even when you think you’re doing it all wrong; you love it, and it loves you back.

because you can get a treasure even from things that go wrong; because if a story crumbles down you can build a shinier one on the same spot; because you won’t know where it will take you until it takes you there.


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4 years ago

YA literature? You mean books about Super Special White Girl and Her Mysterious Brooding Boyfriend?

5 years ago

growing up is so weird because when I was in high school, it felt like the whole world. and I know that sounds dramatic but teenagers are dramatic and I made myself sick stressing over so many dumb things, like my senior quote and how I looked in school pictures, who liked and disliked me, and whatever the latest drama was.

and now I look at that building and it seems so small, and I realize it’s because—yeah—it was always small. everything that felt so big and overwhelming shrank in size the moment I stepped back from that place, and I wish it was something I’d been able to see while I was in high school so I wouldn’t have been so sad over things I’ve already forgotten.

anyway, I guess for any of my younger followers on here, just remember that sometimes you can’t help but get caught up in rush of high school, and because you spend so much of your time there, it becomes your whole world, but don’t forget that there’s a huge world outside of it and one day you’re gonna get to explore it and it’s gonna be huge and terrifying, but you’ll look back and see that so many things you stressed over in high school just weren’t worth it.


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4 years ago

some sites for when you’re bored and looking for new music

spotalike creates a playlist based on a song

magicplaylist  creates a playlist based on a song

dubolt  creates a playlist based on an artist

boilthefrog creates a playlist between any two artists 

predominant suggests you albums based on cover art color   

music-map  suggests similar artists

gnoosic  suggests similar artists and songs

4 years ago

listen. l i s t e n. listen. kudos does not equal quality. popularity does not equal quality. i have read some “fandom classics” that i could barely fathom how boring or terrible i - personally - found them, and i have stumbled across some absolute gems that didn’t even break 100 kudos. 

what is good doesn’t always get the recognition it deserves. it’s sad, but true. just because you haven’t - or possibly never take - off in fandom doesn’t mean your work isn’t astounding and beautiful, it doesn’t mean you should stop writing; it just means that a very select corner of the internet missed the diamond in the rough. 

fanfiction is flooded with content, there are so many of us out there producing it these days, and having a fic that takes off is almost as much about luck as it is about talent. never let a few artificial numbers on the internet dictate to you what is and isn’t worthy writing. 

additionally, you don’t have to read or enjoy fics just bcs they’re big. i cannot count the amount of times i’ve read the first paragraph of something fandom adores and immediatly exited out of it.

just… do what makes you happy. write what you wanna write, read what you wanna read. understand that while we all want recognition - and some deserve it more than others - we did not get into fanfiction for that recognition.

recognition is good, but sometimes we get all tangled up chasing it and stop enjoying writing and reading and fandom as a whole along the way. be careful of that, please, or you’ll burn yourself out.


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4 years ago
waitingrm

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19. I have a lot of side blogs btw iykyk

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