Sirius: Do You Want To Know Your Gay Name?

you were raised in comparison.

it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.

you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.

you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.

what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.

it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.

you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.

you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?

a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.

you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.

it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.

something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.

This has probably been said before, but doing your best doesn’t always mean giving 100%. Sometimes you’re only able to give 50% and that’s okay because at the time that was the best you could do

spiderman is so fucking funny dude saves like an entire country and then he goes home at the end of the day and opens his fridge and hes got like 1 egg and a half empty can of arizona tea no matter how old he is or what comic hes from thats just how peter parker lives

worst birthday ever

i just found them utterly delightful this season

What have the protests accomplished?

5/26 4 officers fired for murdering George Floyd 5/27 Charges dropped for Kenneth Walker (Breonna Taylor’s boyfriend, who police accused of killing her) 5/28 University of Minnesota cancels contract with police 5/28 3rd precinct police station neutralized by protesters 5/28 Minneapolis transit union refuses to bring police officers to protests or transport arrested protesters 5/29 Activists commandeer Minneapolis hotel to provide shelter to homeless 5/29 Former officer Chauvin arrested and charged with murder 5/29 Louisville Mayor suspends “no-knock” warrants 5/30 US Embassies across Africa condemn police murder of George Floyd 5/30 Minnesota Attorney General Keith Ellison takes over prosecution of the murdering officer 5/30 Transport Workers Union refuses to help NYPD transport arrests protesters 5/30 Maryland lawmakers forming work group on police reform, accountability 5/31 2 abusive officers fired for pulling a couple out of their car and tasing them - Atlanta, GA 6/1 Minneapolis public schools end contract with police 6/1 Confederate monument removed after being toppled by protesters - Birmingham, AL 6/1 CA prosecutors launch campaign to stop DAs from accepting police union money 6/1 Tulsa Mayor agrees to not renew Live PD contract 6/1 Louisville police chief fired after shooting of David Mcatee 6/1 Congress begins bipartisan push to cut off police access to military gear 6/1 Atlanta announces plans to create a task force and public database to track police brutality in metro Atlanta area 6/2 Minneapolis AFL-CIO calls for resignation of police union president Bob Kroll, a vocal white supremest 6/2 Pittsburgh transit union announces refusal to transport police officers or arrest protesters 6/2 Racist ex-mayor Frank Rizzo statue removed in Philadelphia 6/2 6 abusive officers charged for violence against residents and protesters - Atlanta, GA 6/2 Civil rights investigation of Minneapolis Police Dept launched 6/2 San Francisco resolution to prevent law enforcement from hiring officers with history of misconduct 6/2 Survey indicates that 64% of those polled are sympathetic to protesters, 47% disapprove of police handling of the protests, and 54% think the burning down of the Minneapolis police precinct was fully or partially justified 6/2 Trenton NJ announces policing reforms 6/2 Minneapolis City Council members consider disbanding the police 6/2 Confederate statue removed from Alexandria, VA 6/3 Officer fired for tweets promoting violence against protesters - Denver, CO 6/3 Walker Art Center and the Minneapolis Institute of Art cut ties with the MPD 6/3 Chauvin charges upgraded to second degree murder, remaining 3 officers also charged and taken into custody 6/3 Richmond VA Mayor Stoney announces RPD reform measures: establish “Marcus” alert for folks experiencing mental health crises, establish independent Citizen Review Board, an ordinance to remove Confederate monuments, and implement racial equity study 6/3 County commissioners deny proposal for $23 million expansion of Fulton County jail 6/3 Minneapolis Park and Recreation Board unanimously votes to sever ties with MPD 6/3 Seattle withdraws request to end federal oversight/consent decree of police department 6/3 Breonna Taylor’s case reopened 6/3 Louisville police department (Breonna Taylor’s murderers) will now be under review from an outside agency, which will include review on training, bias-free policing and accountability 6/3 Colorado lawmakers introduce a police reform bill that includes body cam laws, repealing the “fleeing felon” statute, and banning chokeholds 6/3 Los Angeles Mayor Eric Garcetti announces plans to reduce funding to police department by $150M and instead invest in minority communities 6/4 Virginia governor announces plans to remove Robert E. Lee statue from Richmond 6/4 Portland schools superintendent discontinues presence of armed police officers in schools 6/4 MBTA (Metro Boston) board orders that buses wont transport police to protests, or protesters to police 6/4 King County Labor Federation issues ultimatum to police unions: admit to and address racism in Seattle PD, or be removed 6/5 City of Minneapolis bans all chokeholds by police 6/5 Racist ex-mayor Hubbard statue removed - Dearborn, MI 6/5 NFL condemns racism and admits it should have listened to players’ protests 6/5 California Governor Gavin Newsom calls for statewide use-of-force standard made along with community leaders and ban on carotid holds 6/5 2 Buffalo officers suspended within a day of pushing 75 year old protester to the ground, and lying about it 6/5 2 NYPD officers suspended after videos of violence to protesters 6/5 The US Marines bans display of the Confederate flag 6/5 Dallas adopts a “duty to intervene” rule that requires officers to stop other cops who are engaging in excessive use of force 6/5 Dallas City Manager T.C. Broadnax releases an 11-point action plan for immediate police reforms 6/6 Statue of Confederate general Williams Carter Wickham torn down - Richmond, VA 6/6 2 Buffalo officers charged with second-degree assault for shoving elderly man 6/6 San Francisco Mayor London Breed announces effort to defund police and redirect funds to Black community 6/7 Frank Rizzo mural removed, to be replaced with new artwork - Philadelphia, PA 6/7 Minneapolis City Council members announce intent to disband the police department, invest in proven community-led public safety 6/7 Protesters in Bristol topple statue of slave trader Edward Colston, throw it in the river 6/7 NYC Mayor Bill de Blasio vows for the first time to cut funding for NYPD, redirect to social services 6/7 A Virginia police officer faces charges after using a stun gun on a black man 6/8 NY State Assembly passes the Eric Garner Anti-Chokehold Act 6/8 Democrats in Congress unveil a bill to rein in bias and excessive force in policing 6/8 Black lawmakers block a legislative session in Pennsylvania to demand action on police reform 6/8 France bans police use of chokeholds 6/8 Seattle council members join calls to defund police department 6/8 Boston reevaluates how it funds police department 6/8 Honolulu Police Commission nominees voice support for more transparency, reforms 6/8 Rights groups and Floyd’s family call for a UN inquiry into American policing and help with systemic police reform

No, it’s not enough, but this is only the beginning. Keep fighting!!!

(This list comes from Mara Ahmed’s blog post and was compiled by Fahd Ahmed; I added sources and new entries. Please reblog with further additions.)

a lot of people on this site are like, deeply existentially freaked out that they haven’t been in love by 19 or whatever, and are desperate for any explanation for this that might make it ok. i just want to say, you are completely ok, no explanation needed. this is MUCH more common than you think, especially if you’re not straight. you’re very very young. you’re 100% fine. if you want it, it will happen in its own time.

Why must my feelings be "rational"? Is it not enough to sit quietly in my hawaiian shirt, deranged?

my favorite thing to do right now is imagine the hargreeves children on saturdays from noon to half past noon

stuck in the constant limbo between “really excited about my own writing” and “pretty sure I can’t actually write”