Every Single One Of These Things Has Happened. Every. Single. One.

Michael wanted me to deliver a message to all of you

The message is: I’m gay and depressed but I still have a best friend and you can do it if I can. 

Then he made a dinosaur noise. I’m not sure if that was part of the message or Jeremy pouring ice water down his shirt, so I included it.

a little baby polar bear summersaults into your askbox, holding a letter in his mouth. he hands the note to you: “I love you. you are a wonderful, loved person, and I hope you have a wonderful day.“

“Why, thank you my furry friend. I appreciate it.”

Okay. Gardening 101; or “Auntie Sys I have a yard that’s currently a yard and don’t know SHIT or FUCK about how to make it not be a boring-ass yard.”

Step 1; go to your local landfill and get all of the newspaper you can. Cardboard will also work. If your neighborhood puts them out for recycling, go around and grab them all like a little newspaper goblin.

Step 2; acquire mulch. If you WANT, you can go pay for it at a garden store, but we’re all cheap lazy bitches here so screw that. Most landfills will collect yard waste and branches and chip them into woodchips, which you can get for PENNIES or FREE. Go load up on that good shit.

I like straw too, which I can get for barter because I am related to half the people around here and a solid 65% of my extended family are farmers. I give Uncle Daryl three quarts of elderberry jelly or a couple pounds of morels in spring and he loads me up with straw bales.

Step 3; figure what parts of grass you want to be not-grass, and cover that shit in newspaper, good and thick. 5-10 layers. It helps to wet the newspaper to keep it from blowing away as you work.

Now, cover that newspaper with a good thick layer of mulch.

Congrats, you’re removing the grass. It’ll starve to death under the mulch and newspaper and rot into compost. You now have garden beds and have not dug one single bit of sod.

If you can’t wait for six months to plant, pull the mulch aside, cut a hole in the newspaper, and dig out a plug of sod the size of the planting hole. Throw some compost in there and plant. Tuck mulch back around plant. Water well.

There ya go. Garden beds. In a year, when you pull back the mulch the newspaper will be almost rotted away, and the soil underneath soft and loamy.

Jeremy complained to me that I shock him too much. I informed him that’s because he never listens to me. Completely unironically, he replied, “I know what I’m doing, so I shouldn’t have to listen to you.”

Back at 100! For real this time!

100 Folowers!

Thank you!

-SQUIP and Jeremy

I honestly didn’t expect this setup Rich and his SQUIP made so I can vent my feelings on the internet would get 13 followers. Thank you for listening to me.

Jeremy: SHOTS SHOT SHOT SHOTS

Me: YOU CAN JUST NOT WITH Mountain Dew HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO-

Michael: EVERYBODY!

Me: YOU STOP ENCOURAGING HIM!

Send “📂“ for a random yet completely useless headcanon I have

"God she's just so."