Dude I Have Horrible Moonwater Brain Rot Right Now Like It's Not Even Funny

lovesick lily who's just as mad for James and practices steamy pick-up lines on all of her friends to try and be more... sexy?

(Warnings!! Suggestive but not descriptive, nothing but bad pickup lines)

To peter: 'are you the sun? cause you're making me red and wet all over,' which was an immediate no and an insanely loud cackle from Benjy who tried his best to be a good friend and remain serious.

To remus: 'are you a broom? cause I wanna ride you till my legs are shaking,' a maybe, since remus started to blush but that was mostly cause lily said it while helping him apply oil to his scars while in his lap and remus always got nervous in close proximity.

To marlene: 'are you treacle tart? cause... stop laughing!' a no since she couldn't actually finish it because marlene was picturing james 'dick drawing' potter having sex and couldnt stop laughing since she imagined him making the same grandpa noises as he did during practice.

And last, but not least; from sirius, since he didn't want to picture his everything-but-blood brother shagging his everything-but-the-ring sister-in-law because 'do you really think james cares if you're sexy or not? You could show up dressed as a crazy cat lady with the hair-curlers and nightgown and ugly slippers and he'd still think you're the hottest and prettiest thing- ow! woman! he's ever seen. Stop worrying!'

which made lily realise she was being silly, and that if james really broke up with her cause she wasn't sexy enough, he wasn't worth it any way. (She still used the pickup lines on him just to see his reactions and wasn't disappointed when his jaw literally dropped and his pupils dilated)

super duper random but I think the reason I'm not really head over heels for Sirius or super big on wolfstar like everyone else is because I kinda see him as aromatic. I don't think he's aroace, just aro. Or maybe at least on the arospec. His family was the first thing he knew, the first thing he loved, and he's traumatised from the shit he saw, had done to him, and was forced to do. I feel like that just really messed up his perception of love.

ABSOLUTELY NO HATE ON WOLFSTAR. They still hold my heart in their silly little clawed hands. But like. Idk.

I think another thing that kinda peeves me is the way that Sirius is portrayed as kind of.. emotionally dull. Like he's either too sexualised, or just really emotionally hurtful (I feel like abusive is too strong of a word) towards Remus and the people around him. He's about the only character we have a set personality on. He's used to the floodgate of emotions he feels, he's probably more emotionally aware than Lily even. He's childish, and quick to anger in the books, but after years of having your worst and lowest moments replayed over and over again while your teeth ache and rot, I think he's got a right to be. In school, he was better. Though still bad from the ongoing abuse from his parents.

I don't think he was unfixable, I think he just took a lot of time to heal from everything. He's able to form platonic relationships, of course, but he doesn't really have any desire for anything romantic. He used to think something was wrong with him and tried to force himself to do what everyone else was doing, dating and stuff, but he just never clicked with it. He can love, he isn't like incapable of it, but it's just not romantic. I think he's his own person who doesn't need a relationship to make his world round once more, I think he'd much rather have plenty of people around with whom he's formed bonds with that'll last long past his death. That's because he doesn't like doing one thing for too long, and because he feels like the idea of having to love someone is too specific for it to be for him.

I think even after Azkaban he feels this way, maybe even more so, but he's more appreciative of the people around him. Just a little ramble

the day people stop making moonwater/moonseeker about sirius is the day i'll finally know peace

this series is so GOOD AHHHH

I'm like praying a 'what letter?' Situation happens and they make up with reg bcuz he was just a kid too :(( ugh I love them

Gilded Constellations | (wolfstar x reader)

Series Masterlist | Previous episode

Pairing: Wolfstar x Reader Word Count: 7.3 K Warnings: Graphic descriptions of violence. (Reader discretion is advised). Prompt: It's the night of the prank This IS a wolfstar x reader fic, but it's incredibly slow burn. They won't start all dating each other until we're very deep into the story, but I promise the long wait will be worth it.

Chapter 28: If You Want BIood (You’ve Got It)

You were walking through the dark halls, wand raised with a lumus charm so you could see better. You already knew the path you had to follow, it was almost exactly the same one that you used to get to the fireworms but a little further and then 3 lefts and 2 rights. 

You wouldn’t say you’d pride yourself on your sense of direction, you had gotten lost in the castle more than once, but you had been in the passageways so often, and you had explored them and gotten lost in them just as many times. You had already taken three lefts and were about to take a right when Sirius appeared in front of you. 

“Oh hey–“ You started, but were cut off by the way he scooped you into his arms, hugging you tightly, he leaned his head on the crook of your neck. 

“Missed you,” he whispered into your hair. 

You frowned, what’s gotten into him? “I saw you in the morning.” 

“But you sat far away,” he whined. You frowned but finally hugged him back. It’s not that you didn’t like when Sirius was clingy, in fact, you loved it. But most of the time he got clingy it was because something was up. 

Could it be because of your wound? But he had known about it for a week, and he hadn’t been this clingy earlier. In fact, he’d been a lot more concerned and serious about it. Yeah worried, and definitely a little touchy when you fell asleep on his bed, but not clingy. You noticed he was still nozzled in your neck after a couple of minutes, and felt how he took a deep breath “Are you smelling me?” you asked in disbelief, a teasing smile slowly creeping up your mouth. 

He pulled away, a sly little smile on his lip. Am I really the one that’s a fox? You wondered as his smile widened to a grin, “Got a problem with it trésor?” 

You almost rolled your eyes, you had let it slip that you liked it when he spoke French to you and he was making a conscious effort to fluster you about it whenever he had the chance. “Non, mon coquin,” you replied with a little smirk. 

He gasped “Take that back!” 

“Is it not accurate?” you teased again.

“Oi! I swear if you–“ 

“Everything all right?” You heard Remus’ conciliating voice from behind. 

“She called me coquin!” Sirius complained with a pout. Looking an awful lot like a small child. 

He looks adorable, both you and Remus thought. 

“So?” Remus asked, he did not speak much French. 

You giggled and placed your hand on his shoulder, he leaned towards you “It means rascal, naughty or… mischief.”

Remus nodded and turned back to Sirius. “I’d say it’s accurate,” he said with a shrug. 

You covered your mouth with your hands and attempted to hold back a laugh. “Moony!” Sirius complained, “don’t back her up! I was trying to be cute-“ 

You shook your head, “–he was trying to fluster me.” 

Remus wasn’t sure what he was doing in the middle of such a silly discussion, but since both you and Sirius looked absolutely adorable, he wasn’t sure he cared too much “How come?” 

“I called her trésor.” Remus looked at him expectantly. “It means treasure,” Sirius clarified. 

Well, that one’s accurate as well, he thought before he spoke again “Well you’re both mo chailleachan àlainn.” He placed both arms over your and Sirius’ shoulders and prompted you to continue your way.

“Hold up! You’re back at it with the Gaelic?” 

“That was Gaelic?” Sirius asked, “No wonder I understood shit.” 

Remus shrugged and then with a cheeky little smile responded “You understood it perfectly then.” 

Sirius gasped again, turning to Remus just a little, “You wouldn’t dare!” 

“Wouldn’t I?” He asked again, pulling Sirius’ shoulder so he would turn back to the front. You just laughed. 

“Yeah chachan àlain,” you mocked. Remus laughed at your miserable attempt to speak Gaelic.

“If I’m a chaillchan àlainn so are you!” Sirius argued. “He said it to the both of us.” 

Remus sniggered “Indeed, you’re both my chailleachan àlainn,” the way the words rolled off his tongue made it sound as sexy as Sirius’ french. 

You elbowed him, and he played hurt. But his fun lasted until the three of you fell into a comfortable silence and his mind started to wonder. Reprimanding himself for calling you what he had, had either of them actually understood, he thought. Of course, Remus knew neither spoke Gaelic, but sometimes words were similar and both you and Sirius spoke like 5 different languages in between each other. He had been stupid. 

And more stupid than that, he was just casually hugging the two of you as you walked, not that either seemed to mind. Sirius had a bit of a frown but that was because he thought he’d been called a “shit”, you on the other hand, had a diverted look on your face as you leaned slightly into Remus’ shoulder, clearly pleased over the fact that he had sided with you. But he felt too content, too joyful, it felt –even if it was just for a second– like he could have the two of you, and that you’d be happy to have him as well. 

He felt like it was the Halloween Party all over again and you both had your hands all over him, no restrictions attached, the three of you high to the heavens with that euphoric potion. Yes, it was delightful, but at the same time, it was torment. Torment because he knew he couldn’t just give in to his delusional fantasies, torment because he knew there was a limit to how close he could be to the two of you before either noticed, torment because his mind kept telling him to get away. Still, his body refused, refused to let go, refused to stop feeling your warmth. And he had been the one to place himself in that situation this time around.  Perhaps, it was he who was the cailleachan in the end. 

Either way, he didn’t step away, he knew it would be more suspicious if he did, so he kept his arms around yours and Sirius’ shoulders, careful not to touch the section he had scratched. 

“Took you long enough,” the three of you heard Prongs’ voice once you arrived at the meeting point. 

“They were having a domestic fight.” 

You gasped at that, “It was a small quarrel.” 

“No, it wasn’t! You called me a–“

“But you are a…“ 

“–Guys?” you heard Peter’s voice rise a little as he tried to gather everyone’s attention, interrupting the two of you “Can we discuss your quarrels later on? We don’t have all night.” 

“It wasn’t a quarrel,” Sirius muttered to himself. Remus had already stepped away from the two as he went to talk to James and you closed the gap between you and your boyfriend, extending your hand to chase his.

 “Hey mischief?” you said, trying to get his attention. He gave you a side look. You leaned your head on his shoulder. “You did hear what I said, right?” He turned his head to you, eyebrows raised like, telling you with his face that he most definitely had, “Yeah, but did you really listen?” 

“Yes, it was very clear when you called me coquin.” 

You shook your head and leaned into him, to be able to whisper in his ear “I called you mon coquin.” 

He turned to you with agape, a silent scoff rolling off his pretty lips. “Oh, so now you’re claiming ownership over me,” he teased, a smile plastered on his face. 

“Well, if the shoe fits…” you replied, mirroring his smile. 

He pulled you closer to him, brushing his lips against your earlobe before he spoke “Est-ce que ça fait de toi mon trésor?” 

Your mouth went dry and you shivered, bIood rushing through your cheeks so fast you weren’t sure you’d be able to play it cool afterwards. Regardless you tried, leaning in closer to his own ear and actually biting his earlobe before speaking again. “Je peux être tout ce que tu veux que je sois…” 

“Love puppies, time to focus, please,” James said when he noticed the way Sirius’ eyes had shone. He may or may not have been afraid of what the two of you would have done if he hadn’t stopped you.

You turned to James with a smile and nodded. Remus had averted his gaze, your back was to him, so you didn’t notice, but Sirius did, and he almost felt a pang in his chest when he realised Remus’ slightly bitter reaction. Well, he had felt the pang, but he pretended like he hadn’t. It made no sense for it to be there. You were his girlfriend and Remus was just Remus. Same Remus he’d always been, except that he wasn’t making him feel the same way he always had. His hand settled on your back as the two of you walked closer to Peter, who had the map in a hold. 

“So, I’ll get in first and eavesdrop on the password. That way we know what it is. Then the four of you will get in through the door with the cloak on.”

“We won’t fit,” Remus said, remembering how close he had stood to Sirius in the library the previous night. 

“Yeah, we thought about that yesterday while you were making the potions,” James spoke and then turned to you “You’re gonna have to turn into Vixen and let us carry you.” 

You looked at James for a second, blinking as you processed the information, and then shrugged. “Okay, just be careful when you pick me up.” 

James nodded in response, and Peter continued speaking. “Great, once we’re in, we’ll just sneak into their dorms and we’ll help you and Remus with the hex bags.” 

“We’re not going to get anyone that’s not on the list,” you said as you looked at them, it was something between a question and a statement. You just wanted them to confirm it. Everyone nodded, except for Sirius, who looked a bit vexed. You threw him a look. “I have friends in Slytherin, you have friends in Slytherin. We can’t punish them all just because of a few assholes are in the same house.” 

“They’ve been messing with you since you got here, Starshine.” 

“Yes!” you agreed. “A small little group of them have. Not every single one.” 

He looked to the side but eventually nodded , “Fine then. Just them.” 

“Such a good boy,” Peter teased, in the same tone you’d use for a dog and Sirius almost hexed him. Which just had you all laugh. 

“Everyone’s against me tonight,” he complained. 

“I’m not,” James said as he placed an arm over Sirius, you gave Remus a diverted little smile, and he returned it with a bit of a shrug. “You’re our best boy after all,” James said, using the same tone Peter had used earlier, and making the rest of you laugh. 

Sirius looked at James shocked, like he had been betrayed by his friend. He then removed James’ arm from his shoulders and lagged behind until he was beside you, you leaned towards him a little. “It’s all right Puppy, I’ll make it up to you later.” 

He gave you a coquettish little smirk, “You promise?” 

You almost rolled your eyes at his lightning-fast change of behaviour, he had never even been actually upset, but decided to humour him instead “Oui, mon amour.” 

“I understood that!” James said teasingly. 

You just chuckled, “As if it were a secret.”

Sirius’s smile widened. Yes, that was right, he was your love.

Once you reached the end of the passage, just a few metres away from the entrance to the Slytherin Common Room Peter shrunk into Wormtail and disappeared through the door. You looked at him go, still fascinated by how the animgus transformation was so seamless. Yes, you were one yourself, but it’s not like you’d ever seen yourself transform. It had never even occurred to you that the process would be so interesting. 

And you were also thinking of how different it was to Remus’ transformation. His was painful, at least you assumed that it was since it had seemed pretty bad when he transformed back in the shack. You still remembered the way he’d yelped and bawled as his skin ripped and gave away to the wolf. The memory caused a shiver to run down your spine. 

“You cold?” you heard Remus whisper after he leaned towards you. You all had to be a lot more quiet now that you were close to the Slytherin common room. But the three of you had sat down in the hallway. You were on one side, with Sirius and Remus on each of your side, and James was in front of the three of you, Sirius had been leaning towards the front to be able to talk to him. 

“Me?” you asked as you turned to Rem. “No, no. It was more of a… It was just… nervousness,” you lied in the end. 

“You’re nervous?” he asked with a bit of a frown, emphasising the “you” as if he didn’t believe it was possible.

“Well, I’ve never sneaked into someone else's dorms to cause havoc,” you argued, digging yourself deeper into your lie. “It’s only natural that I would-“ 

He shook his head, “That’s not it. I know you, Miss Let’s Add The 100-year-old Veom Instead.” 

Sometimes it was annoying how well Remus could read you. You sighed, “well, I’m not nervous, but I’m not cold either. Let’s leave it at that?” He tilted his head to the side as if analysing the situation before nodding, you pulled your feet towards your chest and rested your head over your knees. “You think he’ll take much longer?” 

“He has to wait for most of them to be asleep. We can’t risk the door opening up and having no one get in.”

“We should have just gotten Slytherin ties and walked inside like we were part of them…” you huffed. 

Remus chuckled “As if the entire school didn’t already know the faces and names of three of the Gryffindor Quidditch Players.” 

“Polyjuice potion?” 

“And you just have that one around?” 

“Well, we made a pretty good one with Slughorn at the beginning of the year...”

“Maybe we should have kept some of it in a vase before handing it over.”  

“I did,” you said casually. 

Remus looked eyebrows shot upwards as he looked at you, trying to decide if you were joking or not, “You did?!?” 

You nodded, “it’s safe and sound on my trunk, in case we ever need it.” 

Remus had opened his mouth to speak again when you saw Wormtail returning through the small hole in the wall. He quickly turned, he was still crouching when he turned back, his teeth slowly shrinking to their normal size, which was already a little big for his face. 

“It’s emerald enigma,” he whispered, loud enough for the four of you to listen.

You raised your eyebrow, “emerald enigma? really?!?”

“Slytherins aren’t ever particularly clever with their passwords,” James said. 

“Once upon a time it was clever schemes,” Sirius said as he turned to you.

You looked at him even more shocked and  Remus nodded beside the two of you. 

“Time to go then,” James said. Peter was a rat in seconds, and then it was your turn. Just seconds afterwards, you had already turned into your own animagus form and walked towards Sirius’ lap. It’s not that you were certain he’d be the one carrying you, but it made sense. 

“Hey Kit,” he said softly as he allowed you to climb over one of his legs and then wrapped his hand under your belly, picking you up as he stood, and then placing his other arm underneath so you felt more secure. You leaned your head on his chest and paid attention to the reaction of the boys. Remus was wrapping the cloak around James and Sirius, while James had leaned closer to you and was staring at you from the side. 

James had never seen a fox up close, well he had seen you back at the full moon but it wasn’t the same thing. He seemed genuinely interested, but when he extended his hand to touch you, Sirius pulled back protectively, accidentally crashing into Remus. “Oi!” James complained as he stared. 

“She’s still hurt,” Sirius said defensively. 

“But she likes to be rubbed behind the ear,” offered Remus. 

Sirius nodded, the fact that Remus knew, or how he knew, didn’t even cross his mind. James looked directly at you “May I?” 

You didn’t hiss, or emit any other protest sound, so he leaned his hand again, staring at Sirius for permission. Your boyfriend nodded, a little apprehensive still and James pressed his hand onto your head. He was soft, like he was with cats, but then he scratched you the same way Padfoot liked being scratched and all of your hair stood on end. 

Involuntarily you turned your head towards him and opened your mouth to bite, your snout was already around his wrist when you realised what you were doing and pulled back, being helped by Sirius who also pulled you back. You looked at James and he had an apologetic look in his face, you too looked like you were sorry for trying to bite him. 

“Sorry,” the boy whispered, you nodded and that was that. James did not try to pet you again, at least not for a while, he’d seen how sharp your teeth were. 

Remus finished arranging the cloak around the three of them Sirius and you had ended up in the middle, James and Remus on each side, they were all standing pretty close to each other as the three walked outside of the hideout and towards the dungeons. You saw the potions classroom,  the boys passed by it as you stared around carefully, as a fox your senses were a lot better than theirs, except perhaps for Remus’ so you kept a close eye on the boy in case either you or him, heard something that would require you to warn them about something. 

Eventually, you reached the bare wall that would lead you to the Slytherin Dorms, you felt excitement piling up in the form of a knot in your stomach. You’d wanted to see their dorm for a while now. You had already seen the Ravenclaw and yours, obviously, and for some reason, the goal to sneak into all the different common rooms prowled into your head.

“Emerald Enigma,” James whispered towards the door and slowly the bricks from the wall started moving and opening into a relatively long passageway. The four of you stared ahead, paying close attention to the way the bricks moved and stepped forward as soon as they could comfortably fit through the door. The passageway opened into a rather long room, the ceiling was clearly very high above you, making the place feel almost nothing like the dungeons. In fact, you’d go as far as to say that it felt more like a palace since it was rather regal. The windows were looking straight to the black lake, with a few water creatures passing swiftly through them every now and then, it looked rather peaceful, which you wouldn’t have ever imagined the dungeons to be. 

The boys, who had to actually pay attention to where they were going, and who clearly had been there before, weren’t as awed as you were, in fact, they looked a lot more on edge, as they were checking all around the common room to make sure it was empty. Still, Remus and James continued to hold the cloak tightly, to make sure it wouldn’t fall, tumble or get caught into something. 

Once they were sure it was mostly empty, Remus removed the cloak from atop of you, and Sirius laid you gently on the ground. You turned back in a matter of seconds. “The boy’s dorms are to the left,” Sirius informed. “Barty’s number 15, he’s with Regulus.” 

“Evan, Snape and Mulciber are on the 24th,” you said. Sirius turned to you with a frown, as if asking how you knew, you shrugged, “I got it from Minho.” 

Sirius’ frown deepened “You asked him?” 

“Of course I didn’t straight up ask him, It’d be too suspicious, although I’m sure Minho wouldn’t rat us out.” On purpose, you thought, after all, he had been the reason you concluded Remus was probably bi, or maybe pan. 

“So how?” 

“A magician never reveals her secrets,” you said with a sly smile. It really hadn’t been a particularly smart conversation that you’d had. You just mentioned that Mary was telling you about the power of numbers and that she thought our room numbers had significance. It was partially true, at least she did talk to you about the power of numbers, after divination a couple of weeks ago. You then told Minho your room number and the boys and he started sharing all of the Slytherin ones you knew.

He hummed in response, “Fine then, we split.” 

“That’s the worst idea ever.” 

“No, it’d be faster,” James added. 

“You’ve never seen a horror movie, have you?” 

Remus smiled, he understood exactly what you were referring to, and then leaned a little closer to you. “Don’t worry, you’re already hanging out with the most dangerous monster in the castle,” he joked. 

You turned to him, almost a little surprised by his statement, “Who knows, maybe there are vampires hidden somewhere, or acromantulas, or basilisks, or magical armours that want to cut you in half.” 

“You need to tone it down with the fantasy books Vixen,” James said with a teasing smile, “you and Sirius go to Barty’s. We’ll go to Snivellus', Peter, look out. Deal?” 

You huffed, but nodded, “Keep the cloak,” you said before casting a disillusionment over yourself and Sirius. Remus, who had heard from Sirius how good your charm was, was still somewhat shocked by it. It really was almost as good as James' invisibility cloak, unless he paid really, really close attention. 

“Damn she’s–“ 

“Really fucking good, I know!” Sirius finished. You handed a small bag to Remus, who took it as it slowly became visible. 

“I’ve kept what I’ll need, use the rest,” you told him, and finally split ways. You and Sirius moved to Barty’s room.  

“Alohomora,” he whispered, along with a silencing charm so the door wouldn’t creak. Four boys were soundly sleeping on each of their beds. The first one you spotted was someone you instantly recognized and you gasped, covering your mouth when you realised you had been a bit too loud. 

Sirius threw you a look and walked closer, “It’s Nox,” you whispered, the muffliato you had used earlier helping you be as stealthy as possible, “from the reading club, didn’t know he was Barty’s roommate. He hangs out with Neil and Todd most of the time.” 

It’s not like Srius didn’t know you had friends other than your friend group, but it was sometimes weird that you knew people in the castle he barely even recognized. “Want me to add a ward around him?” 

You thought about it for a second, and nodded “We really should,” you said “I don’t want the prank to affect him…” 

“What about the rest?” 

You turned around, there was a silver-blond haired boy who you didn’t actually recognize, Sirius leaned closer to you and pointed at the boy, “Solacis Gaunt, he’s close to Reg and Barty,” he said as he pointed. 

“Gaunt as in…?” You turned to him, in disbelief.

“Yeah…” 

You bit your lip, even if this Solacis was friends with Barty and his group, he hadn’t been there that night, and you had no idea how he would have reacted, and regarding his last name, well you refused to believe that was any sign of people’s character. After all, you being who you were and Sirius being who he was, had never actually altered your actual selves… What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet, you remembered. “We’ll ward him too.” 

“And Regulus?” he asked, you could see the apprehension in his voice. You turned to the boy, last time you saw him he had tried to approach you in a friendly manner and you’d blown him off. Being asleep he looked so unguarded, so little preoccupied as his chest rose up and down, you almost felt bad for the way you had treated him. But then you remembered what he had done and the anger boiled back up to your chest. He had knowingly betrayed you and Sirius, all those lost years… 

You had two hex bags, you could easily slip one under his pillow as well, have him suffer the fright of his life, bring him down to desperate cries, overpowered, helpless. But Regulus had stayed on the sidelines, he had tried to stay out of your way since that time at the race when you basically told him to piss off. It was like he had been trying to make you less uncomfortable, even if it pained him, not that you knew. But you did notice that you saw him around a lot less, he avoided you, and even if he did stare at you and Sirius from the sidelines, he never even dared to accidentally cross paths. That you had noticed. 

And laying there, his head resting on his pillow, his hair pulled back revealing his delicate features, he looked every bit a Black, every bit like his brother. You took a deep breath, it was in his graceful nose, in his long dark lashes, in his thin, pinky lips. All of those features that drew you to Sirius, the things that made your boyfriend as beguiling as a Siren’s call. They really are brothers, you thought. And how? How would you be able to hurt him? What he did had been years ago, and he had been a kid too, pressured by his parents. It’s not that you wanted to be friends again, but you didn’t want to cause him sorrow either. “He’ll too be warded off.” 

Sirius frowned, “But after what…” 

You turned to him, your dark expression clearly telling him you knew exactly what he had done, even if he could barely see it due to your spell. “He was not there that night. He didn’t do this to me,” you said, pointing to your wound, “this isn’t about some old grudge we have against him, this about Monday. This about what happened that night and the people that allowed this bastard to do it,” you said, giving Crouch a short glance “And Sirius, he is your brother.” 

He swallowed, “He’s a Black.” Every bit a Black, you recalled your earlier thought. You also wondered how such a messed up gene pool could make such beautiful children. 

“You are one too,” you whispered as you walked closer, “and I still, I lo- like you very much. Every bit of you,” you added in the end and pressed a few kisses to his face for good measure, perhaps he would have missed the slip of your tongue. Not that you didn’t mean it, but you wouldn’t expect Sirius to comprehend it, you’d barely been dating for a few months. “You’re still my Puppy, no matter what last name you have.” 

Sirius gave you one long look and smiled when you kissed his nose, placing both hands around your face to bring your lips to his, he had heard the slip of your tongue, and it only made him want to kiss you even more. When you finally separated for air, he was the first one to speak. “I’m gonna have to kiss you again if you keep it up with the sappy stuff,” he joked. 

You raised your eyebrows at that and then placed your finger over his lips, “You have a terrible habit of kissing me in the middle of stealth missions.” 

“What do you mean I have the– You’re literally the one that starts it!” he added with an accusing finger.  

“Yeah but you always kiss back,” you shrugged. 

He gave you a diverted look as he bit his lip, and leaned in again, you leaned in as well, but he stopped right before your lips crashed against each other and smirked, “yeah, I’m not the only one who’s eager to kiss back.” You pushed his chest playfully as you narrowed your eyes at him, and then you heard Nox stir on his bed. The two of you leaned down and gave each other a look. 

Both realising how stupid you had been by flirting –and making out– in the middle of the room where you were supposed to place the hex bags. You gave each other a look and almost chuckled. If Remus had been here, we would have stopped us, you thought, he’s the most reasonable of this bunch. And perhaps Remus would have, but only because he wasn’t able to join you. 

When Nox finally stopped, you took a deep breath and both stood again. “Warding, I’ll place this.” 

Sirius nodded and the two of you started with your tasks. You walked to Barty’s bed and smirked when you realised how easy this would be. You took a deep breath and leaned over the boy. Asleep, he didn’t look as wicked as he did on a daily basis. There was no sneer on his face and he almost looked peaceful. Not for long, you thought as you bit your lip to stop yourself from chuckling. You took a deep breath and raised his pillow slightly, placing the hex bag in its place. Then you looked at the leftover bag and decided to place it under his pillow as well. You shrugged, the more the merrier. 

He instantly stirred on the bed, a small frown appearing on his face as his breath quickened. Let's see how you liked being scared, you thought and turned to Sirius. He was just finishing with his castings. He gave you a questioning look and you nodded, the two of you slid out of the bedroom as soon as possible. As you got out you spotted James and Remus just below the stairs, giving you questioning looks. 

“What the hell took you so long?” James asked, “I thought there was only Barty there.” 

“We had a bit of a pitfall, but we did it.” Sirius responded. 

Yeah, making out is definitely a pitfall, you thought. 

“We’re ready to go then?” Peter asked, he looked rather nervous.

Remus nodded, “We just have to make sure Jackdaw does his…” 

At that moment, from all the different walls, ghosts started sliding in, you smiled, Richie had actually convinced them. He approached your group with a smile, “You owe them some rotten meat,” he informed. 

“Rotten meat, that’s all it took? Should’ve told me sooner, I’ll take you all the rotten food you want,” you replied. He gave you a wink and flew towards the rest of the ghosts.  Sirius frowned at the flirty wink from Jackdaw but didn’t say a thing. 

“Job’s done kiddos,” James said, and Remus pulled the cloak out. All of you stifled inside and walked together until you were away from prying eyes. You all knew it wouldn’t be a good idea to turn into your animagus in front of the ghosts. The muggle saying “silent as the dеad” couldn’t be further from the truth. 

Once you were in the hall that led to the inside of the common room, and that both Moony and Prongs made sure there was no one watching, you and Peter turned at once. Sirius picked you up and held you in his arms, while Moony adjusted the cloak to make sure it was covering everyone up and finally, you left the common room. 

That’s where things went south. Just as the bricks opened themselves again someone was walking inside. The three boys took a step to the side as Slughorn walked in. The three leaned against the wall, Sirius carefully squeezed you, or Vixen, against his chest, so you occupied as little space as possible. You noticed Peter trying to distract Slughorn by walking near his feet, but he still seemed focused on walking in, the first thing he noticed was the ghosts making their own little mess, the main distraction. 

Thankfully the headless hunt was not about to be deterred by one teacher, and they continued with their task as Slughorn called for help. This wasn’t meant to be now, it should’ve been later. You turned to look at the boys, they all had apprehensive stares, you could practically smell their stress as they finally unglued their backs from the wall and started walking towards the hallway. Once in the dungeons, and away from the havoc you had caused, you thought you were safe. And perhaps you would’ve been, had Evan not been coming back from the infirmary so late. 

He pretty much bumped into the invisible wall that was your three friends, and all would have been fine, except for the fact that he straight-up stepped on James’ feet and he grunted in response.

“Potter?” Evan asked, instantly recognizing his voice. 

Fuck. 

Evan extended his hand to grab onto the front but the boys pulled back just in time. Regardless, Evan didn’t relent, “Potter I know it’s you. Either you come the fuck out or I’ll hex your stupid rat,” he said, pulling a screeching Peter out of his pocket. James swallowed and gave each Sirius and Remus a look; you tried to jump down from Sirius’s grasp, perhaps you could distract Evan by biting him while Peter escaped, but Sirius tightened his hold as you tried to squirm away. He knew what you were thinking, but he also knew Evan could just kick you out of the way, and he was not going to risk you being hurt by his hands again. 

Evan pointed his long and thin wand towards Wormtail and you felt everyone tense even more. “Come on Jamesie, you wouldn’t allow me to kill your stupid rat, would you?” he added. “How much damage do you think a confringo like the one your stupid little friend used on me earlier today would cause? Hmmm… Perhaps I could use him as target practice…” Evan tilted his head, “No?” he asked again, “well then,” he added and adjusted his wand in his hand. Peter shrieked again, “We’ll see if your stupid rat ends up better or worse than your friend after the Shrieking Shack.” 

To your surprise, it wasn’t James who jumped to protect Peter, but it was Sirius. He handed you over to James who barely managed to react and grab you before he left the cloak and planted his fist on Evan’s face. Peter fell from his hands and shrieked as his face crashed onto the floor just before running off. 

Evan staggered back, reeling from the sheer force of Sirius’ punch but he retaliated, shoving Sirius with eager ferocity as if he had been longing for a challenge. One where he actually won. Evan was much taller and broader than Sirius, and you squirmed in James’ arms yearning to intervene but he held you firmly, casting down an impatient glance before turning his attention back to the boys. 

Evan managed to land a solid on Sirius’ jaw, but the longer-haired boy didn’t even flinch, instead he used the momentum and the loss of balance from Evan to throw himself towards his opponent, effectively managing to throw the blonde on the ground. You winced as Evan turned the two of them around and started hitting Sirius’ defenceless face. 

In response to the escalating violence, James panicked –handing you over to Remus who cradled you with a lot more consideration– and he too left the cloak, leaving only you and the werewolf inside. However, Sirius had already managed to turn things around, he had started to punch Evan repeatedly in the face. James lunged forward to intervene, but he got accidentally elbowed by Sirius, who, swivelling in concern, was met with another punch from Evan. 

When you figured James wouldn’t be able to stop them, you started squirming again, a lot more intensely now but Remus’ hold didn’t budge. So instead you turned back, which surprised the boy only for a second as you ended up pretty much shoved against him. You were just about to leave the cloak too when you heard a voice.

“STOOOP!”  Slughorn roared. 

After looking at the man using his wand to pull Sirius and Evan apart, you were ready to jump out, but Remus’ strong arms tightened around you, not letting you out. You weren’t sure if it had been intentional or not, but somehow he hadn’t touched your wound while he did.

“Remus what–“ You started to complain, but he placed his hand over your mouth and started dragging you back and away from the upheaval. 

You tried to fight it, but it was useless. Remus was much more stronger than you, once you were far away enough he whispered, “It’s okay, they’re okay.” You frowned, he must have felt how tense you were, because he continued talking, voice a lot more soothing now, “if I had let you out there, you would have achieved nothing other than getting punished along with them.”

You knew he was right, and yet that didn’t reduce the urge you had to bite him for talking your agency away. You jerked your shoulders in response, still angry, feeling a sharp pain in your arm that should have calmed you down, but Evan being such an ass to Peter had made you angry enough. Hitting your boyfriend in the face? You were actually considering hexing him again, intentionally this time around. You took a deep breath, you felt Remus’ hand brushing up and down over your good arm, still attempting to relieve your anger… And as much as you hated to admit it, it was distractingly relaxing. 

You tried to shake him off one last time before completely relaxing into his arms. He leaned in closer to whisper again, “Remember I was telling you about not getting caught?” He asked. And waited for you to answer. His hand was still over your mouth, you raised your eyebrows at him. He gave you a look, not moving his hand away. And eventually, you just nodded. He was smart, he knew you well too, you could have screamed, you could still see Slughorn talking to Evan and the boys from where you stood. 

You could have also bit him, force him to remove his hand from your face, but you had no intention of hurting Remus. Perhaps you didn’t want to get punished along them either, the more you thought about it, the more sense it made to try and stay in the sidelines and make sure the prank was completed, even if Prongs and Pads had gotten caught. 

“Well, this is one of those moments in which staying behind, and in the quiet is best,” he said softly, vocalising your own thoughts. “James and Sirius are going to get detention regardless of whether you intervene or not. Trust me, I too wanted to punch Evan in the face after he said that about the Shrieking Shack but I knew it was best to hold back. I don’t think he would’ve hurt Peter.” 

You wondered if Remus had seen or heard about the way his hands had dug into your skin that day in the Forbidden Forest, about the bruises Sirius later covered up with his kisses. Even then, some of the marks still fading in your skin, you didn’t think Evan would actually hurt Peter either, in fact, you weren’t even sure he had hurt you on purpose. That’s not something you would’ve said of Barty, he was completely unhinged. 

Remus was still holding you flush against his body when he took a deep breath. He had felt how much more relaxed you were now, somehow his voice and his touch had gotten you to calm down. 

He shouldn’t have been surprised, it wasn’t the first time it happened, but you had been so much more rilled up this time than back when the boys threw you and Sirius from your brooms that he wasn’t even sure if you’d forgive him for stopping you. 

“I’m gonna take my hand away from your mouth, okay?” You nodded again, he did, and rested his forehead on your shoulder, sighing when he realised you really weren’t going to scream. “I’m sorry,” he added then, “shouldn’t have grabbed you like that.” 

“It’s okay,” you said quietly, “I don’t mind it if you hold me Remus…” you mumbled. “I mean… Thank you.” 

“What?!” he asked, baffled. 

“You were right, it would have been stupid to join the fight. I wouldn’t have been able to do anything, I need to be more calm instead. Like I was in the library with the howler, like you. It’s just that Evan punching Sirius fucking vexed me.” 

“I know…” he managed to say, me too, he thought. In fact, if you hadn’t been around, he might have actually been the person to throw punches after Sirius got the first one. Evan might have been taller and broader than your boyfriend, but he was no match against Remus, let alone if you factored in his werewolf strength. 

You leaned back against him, the back of your head resting against his shoulder as you too sighed, “Does it always feel so terrible when a prank goes wrong?” 

He hummed in response, “they’ll be all right, detention is just sitting in a classroom being bored or writing an essay most of the time… Don’t worry too much about them.” 

“Feels bad that we’ll get out of this scots free but they won’t, though.” 

“Survivors' guilt.” 

You hummed, closing your eyes, “Thanks for holding me back,” you said again, “I don’t know what I’d do without you Rem.” 

He stifled a laugh at that, you’d probably be more than fine without him. He, on the other hand… “Count on your good old werewolf friend to help you hold those murderous tendencies,” he joked. You actually laughed at that, and then covered your mouth with your hands, looking around. 

“It’s all right, you can laugh, I cast a silencing spell,” he said, motioning to his hand with a small nod, he had his wand in a hold. 

“Was that before or after you took your hand away from my mouth?” you asked. The guilty look on his face was hidden by your shoulder, but his lack of a straight answer gave him away regardless. “Dumbass, I wouldn’t have screamed, I’m not that reckless.” 

“You literally left your wand on the floor with a werewolf in front of you. You ARE that reckless.”

“Well it wasn’t just any werewolf,” you said in self-defence, even if you were only digging yourself in a deeper hole. There was a comfortable silence and you sighed one last time, “We should finish up, the grand finale,” you said, finally separating from him, the lack of warmth almost made you shiver, “gotta make our boys proud, don’t we?” 

He smiled, his eyes shimmering with mischief, “Let’s do it.”  

Glossaire:   Mo chailleachan àlainn: My beautiful fools Est-ce que ça fait de toi mon trésor?: Does that make you my treasure?  Je peux être tout ce que tu veux que je sois: I can be whatever you wish me to be. Oui, mon amour: Yes my love

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A/N: Hey guys, this episode definetly took a little longer to post than I expected. But it's finally out! Hope you enjoy this one as much as I enjoyed writing it. How are we feeling? More cute Rem moments, right? What's gonna happen to James and Sirius though? ᕙ( ᗒᗣᗕ )ᕗ Lilly xxx

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Opening the x reader tags after ur bi-monthly breakdown moodboard

frequent pet peeve is when bisexual characters r instantly dumbed down to 'straight' whenever they're not dating someone who's the same gender. like apparently sexuality is whoever's gender u kiss is suddenly the only gender u like.

rep is amazing for lesbian women and gay men and why can't someone like both? (That sounds like an argument someone would make to ship a lesbian with a man) but also the lack of representation and over-sexualization of bisexuality is astounding. it feels very biphobic whenever bi characters r represented, it's usually to call them sluts and say they get around.😑 like c'mon. why r u so scared to make ur characters bi??? and pan!! make ur characters pansexual!!!!!!! what r they gnna do? kiss the same gender AND opposite gender AND JUST GENDER????? THE WORLD IS OVER!

kidding tho I just wanna see other bi/pan characters in literature who aren't dumbed down to 'sex gods who do nothing but have sex and open legs' not that there's anything wrong w that. give em substance! make that ugly boy bisexual and have his awakening be a sexy substitute he had in high school! Make that girl an awkward dork who thought she only liked boys until her crush's sister kissed her and she realised she not only likes both but she's asexual!!!! make that flirty person pansexual and put 'em in a fantasyverse with sirens that morph into whatever you're attracted and have that siren morph into an androgynous beauty!!!

wrote this half asleep let me know if anything here is offensive; stream hozier's new EP

fuck everything all my characters r getting freckles

"he would not fucking say that" but you ever be looking at fanart and suddenly its "he would not fucking have abs"

OH MY GOD??? LIFE CHANGING

DONT TEASE ME WITH PLATONIC BARTY AND BIG BRITHER SIRIUS STOP IM ON MY KNEES PLEASEE 🪩

okay so this accidentally ended up being almost 5.5k words??? whoopsie daisy.

this concept was a collaboration with @unstablereader and also intertwined a few requests for best friend Barty, big brother Sirius, and poly!moonwater hurt comfort!!

poly!moonwater x fem!reader who was bitten over the winter hols

CW: Best Friend Barty (i.e., swearing, chaos, slight insanity), Big Brother Sirius (i.e., coddling, bad cop, certified dumbass), swearing swearing swearing, slight muggle blasphemy, description of wounds/blood/injury, discussion of Sacred 28 Pureblood Families, etc etc etc - hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending

Barty Crouch Junior was a plethora of dichotomies and contradictions. 

He was a good friend and a bad son. He was a smart boy who made horrible ideas. He was a rational person with unreasonable reactions. He was a menace and very reliable. He was a good lay and a bad boy. 

Barty liked that about himself though; he liked that no one ever knew what to expect when it came to Bartemus Crouch Junior. 

Though, he supposed to those who knew him, it would have been completely predictable for him to have stayed at Hogwarts over the winter holidays. Maybe he should have gone home – really surprised everyone then.

His nightly routine of trying to incendio Daily Prophet articles of his father with nonverbal and wandless magic was interrupted by an awkward thump on his dorm room door. 

“Come in?” Barty called awkwardly, unsure who might be at his door seeing as his friends were all home for the holidays and the staff here tended to avoid him like Dragon Pox.

The doorknob began to rattle but it sounded as if the person on the other side of the door was struggling to turn it.

“Salazar’s saggy balls. WHAT!?” He seethed as he ripped the door open, determined to teach whoever was stupid enough to bother him a lesson when he came face to face with you.

Except...except you were crying, and bloody, and so pale.

“Treasure!?” Barty squawked, awkwardly catching you as you began to slide down the door frame which you were leaning the entirety of your weight on. 

“Barty...I-” you started before a pained sob tore through your teeth. “I need help.”

“What happened?” Barty asked breathlessly, moving you from the door to his bed without your help after your left leg gave out on you.

“Barty...”

“What. Happened. Y/N?” He demanded.

“Barty, you cannot- cannot tell Reg and Remus. Pl- hnggh - please promise me you won’t tell them.”

“Tell them what, Treasure? What’s wrong!?” Barty pressed, beginning to panic when his bedding quickly became saturated with your blood. 

“Promise me!” You shrieked, your voice carrying the most clarity since you had arrived.

“Okay! I promise!” Barty agreed readily. You didn’t seem convinced, however.

You shakily held your pinky out to him and stared intensely at him. “Promise me that y-, that you will not tell Remus or, or Regulus.”

Barty looked between your eyes and your pinky before finally interlocking your pinky with his. “I promise I will not tell Remus or Regulus.”

More tears fell as you began pulling your long winter robes off. You were wearing a long sleeved shirt and long trousers, but Barty could tell most of the bleeding was coming from your leg. Your fingers were shaking too much as you unsuccessfully tried unbuttoning your trousers, so Barty silently asked for your permission before undoing the button and zip for you.

You pulled the pants to your knee to expose a large...werewolf bite on your left thigh.

“Treasure.” Barty breathed out horrified, looking back up at you with tears in his eyes. “What...what happened? No, I ... I can see what happened. How did this happen?”

“I...I just-”

And you passed out.

“No! No no no. Nononononono.” Barty chanted as he tried to rouse you awake.

“Okay Barty, come on, think. You didn’t achieve all twelve O.W.L’s for naught.” He berated himself, lying you down on his bed and pulling your trousers the rest of the way off.

He turned you onto your right side and tried elevating your leg to stop the blood flow after he realized a simple episkey was not going to close the wound.

He realized that the reason you’d been struggling to open the door was that your wrist appeared to be broken, and you’d been leaning onto the doorframe to keep your weight off of your injured leg. That he could fix with an episkey, so at least he wasn’t completely useless. 

His sweet, sweet Treasure. Bitten. By a werewolf!? Your parents...

Oh gods, your parents.

That’s why you were here.

You couldn’t go back home, not as a werewolf; your parents would kill you. The only thing worse to a Sacred 28 Family than a dead daughter would be a werewolf one.

Fuck. 

Fuck fuck fuck fuck.

Any why couldn’t he tell Lupin and Regulus!? Lupin was probably the only person who could actually help you right now. Barty hated that – hated that someone else could help you and he couldn’t – but he also loved that you had people who loved you and could help you.

Fucking fuck, he was supposed to be burning moving pictures of his father right now, not trying to bring his best friend back from the brink of death.

“That’s enough Treasure, you need to wake up.” He muttered, shaking you by your shoulders gently. When that still didn’t work, he cast a quick rennervate. 

You groaned in pain and tried rolling onto your back. 

“No, Y/N, you need to stay like this. I need you to tell me what happened.”

You moaned again and turned back towards him; eyes shut tight in pain. 

“I...I needed to leave I, I – ugh.”

“Okay, okay. So you left, that much I can understand. How’d you get bitten?”

“I didn’t, I didn’t know it was there until it was too late, Barty. I swear it. I was following the trail behind my-my house and it just appeared! I fell back- backwards onto my arm when it lunged and I apparated once I realized what was happening, but it was...it was too- too late.”

“Where were you trying to go?”

“The Potter’s.”

“And why can’t you go there now?”

You opened your eyes at that, and Barty felt his heart fall out of his ass at the amount of pain that spilled from your eyes that had nothing to do with any of your various physical injuries.

“Rem... Rem hates himself. He hates The Wolf, he ha- hates his lycanthropy; he thinks he is a m... monster and deserves nothing. Barty, he’ll hate me.” You broke into a sob at the end of your sentence and Barty was very close to joining you.

He didn’t think you were right at all, mind you; he thinks it’d be rather impossible for anyone to hate you, least of all Lupin who seemed completely lovesick for you and Regulus. He didn’t think it was worth your energy to argue with you about it though, seeing as he already pinky promised not to go to the lycanthrope or your other boyfriend about this.

He didn’t know what to do, though. He needed to close this wound and stop the bleeding, he needed to pilfer from the infirmary, he needed to pilfer the potions supply closet, and he needed to figure out how to help a werewolf. And he needed to do all of these things whilst somehow not leaving your side at all. 

“I’m tired, Barty.” You murmured quietly, startling him from his internal panic.

“You can’t sleep, Treasure. Not until we close this wound and stop the bleeding.”

He pulled out his third year DADA textbook to find the chapter on werewolves. 

“Dangerous creature this, loss of moral sense that, right then – powdered silver and dittany applied to a fresh bite wound.” Barty recited as he read off his textbook. He looked over to your wound, still oozing and bleeding, though the new angle and elevation did seem to be helping staunch the blood flow at least a little.

“Right... fresh enough I suppose.” Barty sighed, making you promise to stay awake long enough for him to raid the potions supply closet and the infirmary to get the necessary ingredients.

Barty had been feeling quite confident in his plans.

Except something was very, very wrong.

The dittany and powered silver bubbled slightly where it interacted with your blood and flesh but didn’t seem to be sticking to your wound at all; it seemed that it was just causing you to moan in agony as Barty uselessly tried spreading it over your leg.

“You’re sure it was a werewolf that bit you?” He asked again. Barty was certain that if you were feeling better, you would have kicked at him.

He wished you could have kicked at him.

“Yes, Barty.” You cried.

“Oh, Treasure, I’m sorry.” He lamented, putting down his bowl of useless silver paste and brushing sweaty hairs away from your forehead.

“Salazar, you’re burning up, Y/N.” He commented, cupping your heated and flushed face with his hand. 

“I’m cold.” You argued, awkwardly trying to pull at his bedsheets to cover your arms. Barty hated to add more layers on you when your fever was this high, but he couldn’t really bring himself to deny you, either. 

Unfortunately, it appeared that Barty needed help. 

Unfortunately, Barty made you a promise.

Fortunately, there were ways around that. 

Unfortunately, that meant having to resort to a fate worse than death.

“Oh! Hello there.” Mrs. Potter greeted Barty as she rounded the corner after being alerted by the house elf that there was a student at the floo. “Are you looking for Regulus?”

Barty adorned his most charming (and least maniacal) grin as he bowed politely to Mrs. Potter like the proper Pureblood he'd been beaten raised to be. 

“Euphemia Potter – looking as smashing as ever.” He said before returning to his full height. “Actually, I’m here for the lesser Black brother today.”

Mrs. Potter narrowed her eyes at his comment but pursed her mouth as if fighting back a smile.

“Am I to assume you’re referring to Sirius, Barty?”

Barty sighed in admiration. “Smart and pretty, Euphemia; how do you do it?”

“I’ll be right back, Mr. Crouch.” Mrs. Potter called over her shoulder as she left the floo reception room. Barty quickly pulled out the charmed compact mirror he had connected to a hand mirror which he had set up beside you before he left. You were asleep and shivering violently, but you were alive.

Help is coming, Treasure. 

“Oh.” Barty heard, causing him to close the mirror and look up to see a confused looking Sirius pausing mid-step into the room. “Sorry, I’ll go get Regulus for you.”

Barty scoffed derisively. “Oh, come off it Black – give the woman a little credit, yeah? I asked for you. Now let’s go.” He barked, turning towards the floo flame.

He turned back when he realized Sirius wasn’t following him.

“Hello??” He called sarcastically. “Did you not hear me? I said let’s go.”

Sirius looked Barty up and down and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“Why in the hells would I go anywhere with you?” Sirius asked bemusedly. 

“Black!” Barty seethed. “I do not have time for this, we have to go now.”

“I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what this is about.”

Barty sighed and looked down to the hells for patience or possibly extra strong demonic powers to get through this conversation with Sirius. 

“Where is Regulus right now?”

Sirius considered Barty skeptically but answered, nonetheless. 

“Upstairs with Remus.”

Barty looked at Sirius at that. “Is it safe to assume he is helping him recover from last night?”

Sirius’ face fell and he levelled Barty with a hard glare. “What the hell are you on about, Junior?”

“Black, please believe that there is absolutely nothing in this realm that I’d rather be doing than sitting here asking for your help but I’m here doing just that.”

“For what?”

Regulus was here, and Regulus was helping Lupin, which meant that Lupin was also here with his supernatural hearing. Barty made you a promise – he would not tell Regulus or Remus what has happened.

“I need your help, because I’ve found a lost Treasure that seems to be in some Trouble.” Barty explained slowly, praying to every god that Sirius would pick up on his not-so-subtle clues.

Sirius’ eyes stayed narrowed at Barty before they grew comically in understanding. 

“Where is-”

“Not here.” Barty interrupted. “Grab your things and come with me.”

“I have so many fucking questions.” Sirius muttered as he stepped through the floo, somehow ending up standing in the Slytherin common room. 

“Like?” Barty asked in a bored tone.

“How the hell did you manage to connect the floo network to the Slytherin common room?” He started, realizing that it probably wasn’t the most important question, but it seemed to take precedence in his mind.

Barty turned to sneer at Sirius, though his steps never faltered as he sped towards what Sirius could only assume was his dorm.

“Really, Black? I tell you that your future sister-in-law is in dire need of your help, and that’s what you’re- you know what? I’m not surprised. The floo network is easy to manipulate so long as you know how to dismantle ancient wards.” Barty explained dismissively.

 Easy. Dismantle ancient wards. Sure.

“What’s wrong with Y/N?” He asked much more seriously. Most (though not all) of the contempt drained from Barty’s face as he stopped in front of a door. 

“She...she was bitten.”

Sirius just stared dumbly at the absolute last person he imagined he'd be spending his morning with as he let that information process.

He wasn't given much time, however, as Barty quickly opened the door and disappeared into the room, clearly unbothered to see if Sirius was following him in or not.

“Treasure? Hey, hey; it’s okay. Look? I brought some help, okay? You’re alright.” He cooed at a curled-up form on his bed – your curled-up form.

“Oh, Trouble.” Sirius breathed out in disbelief, surveying your shaking and battered body before his gaze paused on your exposed thigh – clear as day was a large canine bite, still bleeding. 

“Oh, my girl.” Sirius cooed, feeling like he might be sick at the sight of one of his favourite people in the world in so much pain. It was very different from post moon care with Remus; Remus was seasoned, he was prepared, they were prepared.

You looked like you were dying.

“What’s wrong with her?” Sirius asked quickly, shaking himself and trying to force himself into action.

“Other than the very obvious werewolf bite?” Barty sneered. “She has a fever that won’t quit.”

“Take the blankets off.” Sirius ordered, earning him a whimper from your form.

“S’cold, Siri.” You whined.

“I know, Trouble, but you’re burning up.” He replied apologetically, pulling the blankets out of your currently much weaker grasp.

Barty looked like he was just as heartbroken as you were at the loss of the warmth, but clearly agreed with Sirius enough not to argue. 

“Mean.” You pouted; eyes still screwed shut in pain.

“I know, I’m the worst.” He whispered, casting a quick auguamenti and glacius on a rag and placing it on your head, earning him another protesting groan from you.

“Why’s her leg still bleeding?” Sirius asked, eyes still on your face as he used the cloth to wipe away the sweat from your features. He quickly prepared two more rags and placed them on the back of your neck and your chest. 

“I don’t know. I followed the instructions from our DADA textbook on werewolves – three tablespoons of powdered silver mixed with four tablespoons of dittany to create a paste. It did nothing but hurt her and aggravate me.” He admitted, sounding horribly dejected.

“Where’s the silver from?”

“Slughorn’s supply closet.”

Sirius groaned. “That’s why. The school buys the cheapest ingredients they can to keep costs low. That won’t be pure silver.”

“Well, where in the hells are we supposed to find pure silver then?” Barty groaned. 

Of all the times for Sirius to not be at Grimmauld Place anymore – that place was teeming with pure silver.

Pure...

Toujours pur. 

“Regulus.” Sirius whispered no louder than a breath. You didn’t seem to hear him, your lucid moment clearly over; but Barty did.

“I promised Y/N I wouldn’t tell Lupin or Regulus.” He explained plainly, causing Sirius to groan.

“Then what are we supposed to do?”

Barty turned his face to glare at Sirius. “I promised Y/N I wouldn’t tell Lupin or Regulus.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “I heard you, Junior. So, what are we going to do then?”

Barty let out a long-suffering sigh. “I promised Y/N I wouldn’t tell Lupin or Regulus.”

Sirius’ brows furrowed and he cautiously lifted his hand to press the back of it to Barty’s head, checking for fever of his own. Barty aggressively swatted him away.

“Are you quite alright, Junior? Is this a stroke?”

“I need you to listen to me very carefully, Black. Okay? Are you listening to my words?”

Sirius nodded at him as Barty grabbed Sirius by the shoulders and stared imposingly into his eyes. “I – Bartemus Crouch Junior – promised that sweet, lovely Treasure you call Trouble over there, that I – Bartemus Crouch Junior – would not tell Remus Lupin or Regulus Black. I promised her.” 

Now, Sirius feels it’s important to note that it was currently maybe seven o’clock in the morning, and he’d only just stepped out of the shower after washing away a night of romping in the woods around Potter Manor with Moony as Padfoot last night to be told there was someone at the floo for him; in other words, he was fucking exhausted. And to add to that, he had one of his least favourite people tell him that one of the worst possible things happened to one of his favourite people. So, sue him for what he said next.

“I don’t understand.” 

“Fucking son of a mother fucking cunt, I swear to that fucking muggle-religion-wizard-guy-that-caused-the-whole-brew-ha-ha-in-that-big-ass-muggle-tome I will shave that fucking head of yours and wear your hair as a wig; I cannot tell Lupin and Regulus.” Barty spat, though somehow managed to keep his voice low enough to not gain your attention.

“Yes, yes, yes. You promised her.” Sirius lamented. “You p- wait... you promised her. You promised her.”

“Thank Merlin and Morgana.” Barty groaned as fell to his knees in exhaustion, clearly more than thankful that Sirius had finally gotten it. 

“I’ll be back.” Sirius announced and started towards the fireplace in the Slytherin common room in order to retrieve his brother. 

Regulus looked up from the pages of his novel to survey Remus’ form again. His boyfriend laid on his back with his head propped up on two pillows and his eyes closed as the soft morning light filtered its way through the sheer curtains and painted his features in its warm glow.

Regulus knew Remus was likely exhausted and sore and perhaps feeling awfully sorry for himself right now, but Regulus wasn’t sure he ever looked more beautiful. 

“You should take a picture; it’ll last longer.” Remus commented dryly, never bothering to open his eyes as a smile danced on his lips.

“Ha ha.” Regulus deadpanned, returning his gaze to his book with a blush taking over his face.

“You worry too much, love. I’m okay.” 

“I know you’re okay.” Regulus argued.

“Yet you still worry?”

“Yet I still worry.” 

Regulus heard Remus’ head turn against his pillow, and he looked back up to see Remus regarding him.

“Have you heard from her by chance?” Remus whispered as if fearing the answer he knew was coming.

Regulus knew it was you who Remus referred to; they’d been waiting quite impatiently for your owl for the past few days.

You had promised to write as often as you could - every day if possible – over the winter holidays. The last correspondence they had with you was four days ago as you told them of some family gathering at your home.

He hated to be the bearer of bad news, but he could tell he was caught at the disappointed sigh from Remus.

“No, mon loup. I’m sorry.” Regulus admitted.

Remus let out another sigh and leaned his head back down on the pillows, squishing his eyes shut as if the pain of not knowing how you were was more painful than the current aching in his bones.

“Hey, Reg?” Regulus heard his brother call from the door. 

“He’s awake.” Regulus called back simply.

“How’re you feeling, Moons?” Sirius asked, walking towards the end of the bed with his hands in his pocket.

“Been worse.” Remus answered.

“I...” Sirius started, cutting himself off with a sigh.

“Spit it out, Sirius. We’ve not got all day.” Regulus drawled and put his book down. He couldn’t stop his heart rate from picking up when he noticed Sirius’ discontent, however; sudden flashbacks of Sirius standing in Regulus’ doorway begging him to pack his things and leave with him bombarding his mind.

“What is it, Pads?” Remus asked, seeming to pick up on his friend’s anxiety as well.

“I need your help.” He admitted. “It’s...it’s Y/N.”

Remus sat up all too quickly and winced at the cracking of his back.

“What is it? Where is she? Is she okay?” He asked, trying to free himself from the bedding that Regulus had tucked him into hours earlier.

“No, well, yes...she-”

“Where is she?” Regulus whispered in horror.

“With Junior. At Hogwarts.”

Regulus relaxed slightly to at least know you were safe at Hogwarts and with Barty, though that raised more questions than answers for him.

“How do you know that?” Regulus asked, all the while Remus continued struggling to dress himself despite his various aches and pains. 

“Junior told me.” Sirius admitted, finally taking pity on his friend and helping him dress whilst his boyfriend sat their uselessly. 

“Why did he tell you? When did he tell you?”

“This morning!” Sirius barked, clearly growing agitated, “listen, I just-”

“What happened to her, Sirius?” Remus begged, finally taking a moment to catch his breath and stare at his friend imploringly. “What happened to her that Junior told you and not us?”

Sirius swallowed thickly before he answered.

“She was bitten, Rem.”

All colour drained from Remus’ face and Regulus sat stock still.

“Was it me?!” Remus asked through a choked sob. This seemed to snap Regulus out of his uselessness and he reached for Remus’ shoulder to squeeze it affectionately.

“No, no. Moony, no one was there last night. I swear it.”

“What...why do you need my help? What do you need?” Regulus asked quietly, standing to pull on his own jacket and retrieving his and Remus’ wands from the dresser. 

“We can’t get the wound to close, and she’s got a wicked fever that we can’t bring down. She’s barely lucid, she's lost an insane amount of blood, and the silver at the school didn’t work to close it and-”

“No, it wouldn’t.” Remus agreed breathlessly.

“Why not?”

“Too costly to give pure powdered silver to a bunch of students who make throw away potions – they only use what works in the brew but not in practice.” Remus explained, groaning as he stood and quickly transfigured his suitcase into a cane on account of his hip after the transformation. 

“So, you need pure silver? Like... the ring!” Regulus whispered, hastily ripping the Black Family signet ring from his thumb and passing it to Sirius.

“We need to go now. She can’t afford to lose any more blood, and it should have been closed immediately.” Remus pressed, making his way to the door albeit a little shakily. 

Regulus was sick with worry; for you, your life, your future, your family, for Remus and how upsetting this must be for him as well, but something still wasn’t making any sense.

“Why did Barty tell you?” Regulus asked as they stepped through the floo into the Slytherin common room, making a mental note to ensure that it was closed before the rest of the students returned from winter holidays.

Sirius grimaced slightly and turned to look at his friend who he was supporting as they followed Regulus to the dorm room.

“She...she made him promise not to tell you guys.” Sirius admitted.

Remus’ steps faltered and Regulus turned, ready to help Sirius in catching him, only to notice that he wasn’t falling but rather had stopped walking all together.

“Why wouldn’t she want us to know?” Remus asked mournfully.

“I never did hear why.” Sirius admitted, encouraging Regulus forward with a nod of his head.

The three of them entered the room to find Barty sitting on a low stool beside you with his pinky interlinked with yours. Your eyes were still shut tightly and your breathing was shallow, but Regulus could hear Barty talking lowly to you and your occasional responses. 

“I like that song about the fighter, the writer, and the ruler.” Barty murmured quietly to you.

Your brows twitched as you gritted out “it’s Soldier, Poet, King.”

“Ah, right you are, Treasure.” Barty responded, looking over his shoulder at the new additions to the room. “You always know everything.”

“How is she?” Sirius asked as he dropped the signet ring inside the mortar and pestle and traded seats with Barty who began to grind it into powder, and Regulus and Remus moved to stand near the end of the bed to take in your form.

“Hanging in there, Black.” Barty responded to Sirius, though he looked at Regulus as he said it.

Sirius must have noticed Regulus’ death glare being pointed at Barty and opted to intervene. 

“Hey, Trouble?” Sirius asked you gently, brushing some of your damp hair away from your forehead. You hummed in acknowledgement without opening your eyes.

“Why didn’t you want Remus and Regulus to know, sweets?”

You whimpered as your face morphed into agony, eyes finally opening to look at Sirius through fat tears.

“Remus will hate me.”

Remus actually whimpered at that, clearly itching to move towards you, but not wanting to interrupt you.

“Why would he hate you, sweets?”

“He hates werewolves.”

Remus’ head dropped in shame as Regulus rubbed soothing circle into his back. 

“But he loves you, Trouble.” Sirius pressed, watching Remus all the while.

“Not anymore.” You sighed in resignation, closing your eyes once more.

“Always, dove.” Remus insisted. You squeezed your eyes tightly as if you were trying to convince yourself that he wasn’t there. 

“Do you hear me? I will always love you. There is nothing that could ever happen that would make me hate you, okay?” He carried on, slowly making his way to the other side of the bed in order to curl up behind you and pull your back into his front. 

You whimpered, though Regulus was sure it was less from physical pain and more in distress.

“What about Reggie?” You cried as Sirius continued rubbing his thumb across your forehead. 

“It’s almost ready.” Barty interrupted as he began measuring out the silver and dittany. 

“Reggie thinks the world of you, dove.” Remus murmured into your hair, looking over at Regulus imploringly. 

“You’ve got a lot of people who care about you, Trouble.” Sirius added. “We’re not going to let you do this alone.”

“It’s done, Treasure. We’re gonna fix you up.” Barty said as he made his way over, keeping his eyes trained on Regulus. 

“Dovey, this is going to hurt an awful lot, okay? But you’re so brave, you’re so brave and then you’ll feel all better, okay?” Remus spoke into your hair, keeping you pressed tightly to his form as you began to struggle against his hold. 

“Regulus, you need to be brave for her.” Sirius ordered, looking as severe as Regulus ever remembers his older brother being. 

What could Regulus have ever done to make you think it was at all possible for him to feel anything but love for you?

How could Regulus ensure that you never thought such things again?

“I’m right here, amour. Okay? You’ve got four of us here who love you, we’re not going anywhere.” He pressed, moving to take over Sirius’ place on Barty’s short stool as Sirius positioned himself close to your feet.

“I don’t want to hurt.” You cried, breathing becoming slightly erratic as Remus added more pressure in keeping your arms pinned to your sides.

“I know, amour. It’ll be over soon, okay?” Regulus tried, brushing hair away and pressing his lips to your overly hot forehead.

“You’re so brave, Y/N. We’ve got you, okay? Such a brave girl, come on babylove, you’re okay.” Remus chanted, looking over at Sirius as he pinned your ankles to the bed and Barty transfigured a stirrer in an applicator.

“Please. I don’t want to.” You begged.

“You’re so brave.” Remus repeated, pressing his mouth to the top of your head as his own tears fell into your hair.

“Do it.” Regulus insisted, not wanting to prolong this anymore.

Regulus nearly dropped his wand in his haste to throw up a silencing charm around the dorm room as your screams bounced off the stone walls in time with Barty’s first swipe of the ointment. 

Regulus couldn’t hear the words spilling from Remus’ lips, but he knew that he was whispering sweet encouragements to you as he cried in sympathy. Sirius looked to be using all his strength to keep your legs pinned down as you struggled, and his eyebrows furrowed on your behalf as well.

“You’re okay, amour. You’re okay.” Regulus insisted for both of your benefits, watching as Barty applied the last of the paste to your leg.

“Now what!?” Barty shouted over your agonized cries.  

“Breathe dove, breathe. The pain will fade, just breathe.” Remus coached, rocking the both of you gently back and forth as you sobbed.

“You’ve done so well, amour, so well. Ma courageuse fille; you’re so brave.” Regulus praised, taking both of your hands into his and pulling them from Remus’ grasp to press kisses to your knuckles. “Tu as si bien fait, tu es la personne la plus forte que je connaisse.”

It took some time and many more encouragements before your sobs decreased into pitiful hiccups and whimpers as you looked towards Regulus. 

“You don’t hate me?” You asked pitifully.

Regulus used his thumb to wipe away the tears that were still falling as Remus caressed your arms.

“It never even crossed my mind, cheri. I could never; non.” Regulus insisted. 

“I’m so sorry, dove.” Remus whispered into your head. “I’m so sorry this has happened to you.”

“Remus.” Sirius warned. 

“Not because it makes her any less lovely, Sirius. But because she doesn’t deserve it.” Remus explained. 

“I’m scared.” You admitted timidly.

“I know, dove.”

“Lucky for you, Trouble, you’ve got some seasoned professionals here.” Sirius added, nudging Remus’ foot. 

“Can I start the animagus process now, Rem?” Regulus groaned, looking at Remus pointedly. 

“I guess it wouldn’t be fair to make you sit out on full moons now.” Remus relented – he’d always hated the idea of putting the two of you in any undue danger, but he couldn’t deny Regulus of the two of you, nor you of Regulus; not when you would need him most.

“Wait, wait, wait.” Barty interrupted, moving his skeptical glance between the four of you. “You’re telling me that animagi can romp around with the likes of werewolves?”

Remus nuzzled his face impossibly further into your head as Sirius chuckled. 

“Werewolves don’t care about animals. In fact, it makes them quite happy to have a ‘pack’.” Sirius explained.

Barty laughed conspiratorially. “Well, sign me the fuck up. Regulus, I’ll buy the first mandrake leaf; my treat!” He called as he grabbed his jacket and wand and headed for the door, likely heading to Hogsmeade for supplies in his excitement. 

“Moony is not going to like him.” Sirius proclaimed flippantly, finally falling into a chair in exhaustion after Barty was gone.

“It’s not just about him, anymore.” Remus responded, pressing a kiss to your head. Regulus could tell your fever was reducing, though your cheeks were still flushed.

You had a lot to discuss; what happened, why it happened, and where to go from here. But for now, Regulus was just happy you were alive, currently safe, surrounded by people who loved you, and agreeable to him running you a bath. 

I see people talk abt how they're gonna watch the new stranger things season because 'i'm just one person so it doesn't matter if I watch it' and im appalled and shocked until I realise they have a Billy Hargrove pfp and love Noah Shnapp (idk how to spell his name) so they were never gonna stand for shit anyways