Hard Pills To Swallow:

fasting, a summary

stomach: empty

bladder: full 

wallet: safe

✨I’m trying really hard to stop eating so I can fit into some small sized clothes I ordered online, someone please send me some meanspo! ✨

REASONS NOT TO EAT

1. so you’ll never be the fat american tourist

2. so your thighs will never chafe

3. so you can wear size 0 or 00 jeans

4. to never feel like you’re losing the looks competition ever again

5. so your face won’t be so round when you smile

6. so you won’t get that mini muffin top when you wear sports shorts

7. to prove to everyone that you really do have an ed and they should take it seriously

8. i hate the shape of my breasts and if i lose enough weight they’ll look better or just shrink away and not have enough weight to have the shape i hate

9. so my options aren’t letting my thighs squish out or letting every see my leg fat hang down every time i sit

reminder from me to you: unclench your jaw, soften your forehead & relax your shoulders

take care of yourself and stay safe in this scary time, lovelies xoxo

My reasons to be skinny (kind of a long read)

- thin thighs, thin thighs, thin thighs! I used to LOVE looking down at how skinny my thighs were. I felt so beautiful. Although I can admit my thighs aren’t HUGE, they’re too big for my liking, and I don’t think I’ll ever be happy with them until they’re skinny.

- calves and ankles. I haven’t seen many thinspo blogs talking about this, so maybe it’s abnormal; but calves are almost as important to me as thighs. I think it’s so cute when girls have small, dainty, thin calves and ankles and they look so good in tall boots (especially chunky goth boots).

- collarbones. Collarbones are so pretty. Girls, boys, and anyone alike always look beautiful with protruding collarbones. It makes you look structured, like art. I will have such defined collar bones when I’m skinny. I will look like art.

- Thin arms and small wrists. Similar to my beliefs about collarbones, I love how beautiful thin wrists and arms look. You can see the beautifully crafted bone structure beneath the skin, and it just reminds you of how pretty humans are.

- flat stomach. I’ve been unhappy with my stomach for quite a while. I want to be able to be happy with my reflection without sucking in the fat.

- envy of skinny goth girls. Most goth girls are very skinny, and I desperately want to be like that. I don’t know how to describe it very well, but I just love that look of looking pale and effortlessly skinny, just being yourself and being happy.

- piggy back rides, being carried, sitting on laps, etc. I want to be the friend that everyone picks up because they’re so light. I want to have fun and do things I wouldn’t normally do, and enjoy my teenage years.

- I want to stop focusing on eating so much. I want to just eat a tiny amount because it’s all my stomach will allow- and I won’t be eating trashy foods because I don’t crave them anymore.

- The girl I hate is very skinny. I’ll be skinnier and prettier than her. It’ll be so unbelievably satisfying to know I weigh less than her.

- People will worry about me. This seems odd, but it’s what I want. I want people to talk about how skinny I am. I want people to ask me if I’ve eaten. I want people to finally see what I’m struggling with, because they’ll see how skinny I’ve gotten.

- knowing I can lose all that weight and ignore my urges to eat, I’ll know I can do anything. It’ll keep me motivated in school and exercise.

“But I can’t have an eating disorder!!”

I say shocked as I dissociate and fantasize about my thighs no longer touching and my tummy grumbles from fasting the past 2 days

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Anyone else go rapidly back and forth between denying and recognizing their ed because I do a LOT it’s crazy

Comment yours I'm lawful ednos and chaotic anorexic lol

I've only ever had very few ana rules that work for me:

Always eat something for breakfast and dinner, it shouldnt be too big.

Water water water water water 💦

Dont eat anything that you can easily say "no" to. If you crave that cookie, only one bite and youre done.

I usually don't eat if I dont have to during the day, so no social eating for me. (I also stay away from eating anything with my family and make my own meals which is easy)

If you're still hungry after dinner, if all day's calories were low its okay to have a little something more.

Thats about it, I've lost over 45lbs in total doing this.

Why are so many of us with eds queer?? Like is it just me noticing this??? ilysm gay anas 🥺💝