There Are Powerlines In My Bloodline

i’m not sure i’m capable of being loved right now / i feel safe in my quiet way of living and telling my secrets to thread & paper / i don’t know what i’d say if you asked me to know myself / more

Joining the war on day drinkers on the side of day drinkers

sometimes i feel like there's a heart beating inside me

Fuck drugs. Have you ever been addicted to reading angsty fanfics about Harry Potter's dead parents and their friends? That shit will kill you.

Most important lesson I learned in the past year is, don’t let anyone turn you cruel. No matter how badly you wanna give the world a taste of its own bitter medicine. It’s never worth losing yourself over.

The opposite of anxiety is not calmness, it is desire. Anxiety and desire are two, often conflicting, orientations to the unknown. Both are tilted toward the future. Desire implies a willingness, or a need, to engage this unknown, while anxiety suggests a fear of it. Desire takes one out of oneself, into the possibility of relationship, but it also takes one deeper into oneself. Anxiety turns one back on oneself, but only onto the self that is already known. There is nothing mysterious about the anxious state; it leaves one teetering in an untenable and all too familiar isolation. There is rarely desire without some associated anxiety: We seem to be wired to have apprehension about that which we cannot control, so in this way, the two are not really complete opposites. But desire gives one a reason to tolerate anxiety and a willingness to push through it.

Open to Desire

Mark Epstein

Call Me by Your Name (2017) dir. Luca Guadagnino